Finding a Wife

[His_helpmeet]

OP, TBH, I don’t think it’s likely that you’re ready for a wife at this point. I have known very, very few marriages that were contracted at that age and that ended well.

You’re still VERY young - I didn’t meet my husband until I was 25, and we were married just over a year and a half later, when I was 26.

At this point, I think you need to focus on becoming the kind of MAN that you want to be as a husband. It is true that some people are able to handle the pressures of getting an education AND being married, but that takes maturity and sacrifice on the part of BOTH spouses. It’s not easy and you have to be prepared to delay gratification for the LONG haul - usually a minimum of 2 years or more. PLEASE, PLEASE, for the sake of yourself, your future wife, and your future family, take some time for self-discovery before you start rushing into anything. I know that at 18 I wasn’t ready for marriage - it wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I realized it was something I could do.

 

[phil19034]

I think this thread is getting out of hand…

But I will part with this (take it as you will).

Someone once told me the following:

"Your 20s are a time to experience life, your 30s are a time to live life, and your 40s are the time to enjoy life."

I think everyone path in life is different.

For some, "experiencing life " is traveling the world or meeting new people. For others, it’s starting a family.

“Living life” can be finally getting serious about a career or just starting a family. For others, it might be helping their oldest children with Algerbra and making sure they stay on the Path of Christ.

“Enjoying life” can be watching your children starting to grow and having the life you dreamed of… But it can also be watching your children get married and getting ready for Grandchildren by your 50s.

In our society today, it’s typical for people to have children later in life. I had my first at 34. I shudder to think that I will be 52 when she graduates high school. On the otherhand, my sister had her first at 19 and is having her 2nd at 25. She will be 37 when her first graduates high school and 43 when the 2nd graduates. My sister has the opportunity to see many grandchildren grow and perhaps many great-grandchildren.

My Grandmother had her first child at 18 and is still alive at 84. She has 8 great-grandchildren and a 9th on the way.

While, I do not envy my sister or Grandmother I sometimes wish my wife and I did not wait so long to have children. There are some advantages to have children younger in life, which today’s society seems to forget about.

To each their own and God Bless everyone.

 

[lily22]

If it’s God’s will for you to marry young, then so be it.

“If one looks at US statistics over the past 100 years for example, one sees that men had an average age at marriage of 25.9 years in 1900. Women in 1900 had an average age at marriage of 22 years.”

 

[billcu1]

Those quotes from Paul are inspiring. He is one of the most inspiring of the saints to me. I learned nothing myself in my teens and 20s and I am now 43. I doubt that I will ever get married. Yes it is a big commitment and I know a woman a couple of years older than me that has been married for 23 years. She’s so great to talk too. You don’t see that much anymore unfortunately. She’ll tell you it takes work and it’s not a bed of roses.

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

Dear Sir:

You aren’t alone. I’m an 18 year old female going through a similar struggle. I feel God is calling me to marriage, but I know that I’m not ready. The lack of preparation doesn’t reduce the desire for the end result though.

If you feel God is calling you to being a husband and a father, that’s great! But, you can’t dismiss the importance of today because you are looking forward to tomorrow. And it is stinkin’ tough, I know. It is hard to look at members of the opposite gender and not think “potential spouse.”

Don’t forget to find your groomsmen before you find your bride. If you have a strong will power, praise God! But you can’t do things alone. Similar to how the Church in her wisdom has made Mass a community prayer, the spiritual development of young adulthood needs to be in a community setting. You can’t do it alone. I can’t do it alone. Mankind isn’t meant to be alone. Find a support system. I am attending a secular college and I thank God for my Catholic Campus Center - even if it is for the ability to just go and hang out with Catholics.

In addition, the best gift to give your future spouse is the development of yourself while you are single. Become the person you would want to marry. If you have things that you are looking for in a future spouse, make sure you can identify with those characteristics in your own life. Do you want a wife who is patient? Work on patience. Do you want a wife who is gentle and understanding? Work on listening in your own life.

There is no reason to discount your feelings. Your feelings are good - God created them The only thing you have to do is channel those feelings. Don’t dismiss the blessing of being single. It’s not a curse - it’s a chance to figure out what God is doing in your life. And that is much easier to discern when you don’t have to worry about the relationship between you and a girlfriend.

Develop your own self - you can’t ask someone to fall in love with you when you don’t even know yourself. Join some groups. Try out writing in the newspaper. Read books. Start a blog. (that’s what I did!) but more importantly , fall in love with the Church in all her wisdom. But don’t just spend time developing yourself as a future husband. There are many more aspects of the Catholic life than just the “romantic” side. Study the sacraments. Take a class on the Catechism or Church theology.

Basically, trust God. It is HARD. But it is worth it - I always am comforted by the Bible story of Isaac and Rebekah. The Bible said that Isaac was “working in the field” when Rebekah came to him. He was doing what his current vocation was and was not preoccupied with the future. And yes, Abraham’s servant was looking for a wife for Isaac, but you too can experience this if you trust developed friendships to keep an eye out for you.

Hope this helps. I’ll keep you in my prayers if you do the same for me. Us future-married folk have to stick together

God bless,

Chloe M.