Finding other Catholic virgins

[psymajor]

According to the Bible and Catholic teaching, people are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. God valued sexual purity so much that he dedicated the 6th commandment to this teaching. However, when it comes to the topic of virginity, Catholic Christendom is in a sad state. The majority of **“Catholics” **(big bold quotes are there for a reason) have sex with multiple partners before marriage. Practicing Catholics who actually wait until marriage are a minority.

That being said, let me say a bit about myself. I am 22 years old, soon to be 23. I graduated from college last year and I’m basically just starting to build my future life. I have had some opportunities to loose my virginity before, but I did not act on them. When I was in college, a lot of girls there seemed to be sleeping around, having casual sex, and have liberal views on abortion. I’m not really down with that idea. To me, if I’m going to be with a girl and invest a lot of time in a relationship, I want her to be on my level. I don’t want to be male specimen #4, #14, or #24 for that matter. It is harder for a man to pass up sex than it is for a woman because of biology. Men simply have higher sex drives. If I was able to do it, then it should be even easier for a female to do it. In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity. I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

This being said, where could I go to find girls (18 and over obviously) who share my values and haven’t had sex yet. In my local catholic church, most of the people who go there for mass are pretty old. The only thing that comes to mind where I might possibly get what I want would be one of these larger, pro-life rallies, like the one that takes place in DC every year. Are there any other places that I’m possibly missing?

 

[1ke]

According to the Bible and Catholic teaching, people are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. God valued sexual purity so much that he dedicated the 6th commandment to this teaching.

Yes, this is true.

Practicing Catholics who actually wait until marriage are a minority.

Define practicing.

It is harder for a man to pass up sex than it is for a woman because of biology. Men simply have higher sex drives. If I was able to do it, then it should be even easier for a female to do it.

Your limited knowledge of the opposite sex is showing.

In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity.

Then don’t.

We all have our must haves and our deal breakers. That is everything from smoking, pets, and mother-in-laws, to sexual intimacy, finances, and religion.

Deal breakers are different for every person. Know thyself.

I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

Now perhaps your maturity level is showing a little. Is this really how a Christian person acts towards others?

This being said, where could I go to find girls (18 and over obviously) who share my values and haven’t had sex yet. In my local catholic church, most of the people who go there for mass are pretty old.

Church, church-sponsored groups and charities, mission trips, Catholic clubs, Catholic dating websites, family/friend referrals, your priest.

The only thing that comes to mind where I might possibly get what I want

Why don’t you focus on what you can give, rather than what you can get? You seem to be rather “me” focused. Marriage and family are rather “other” focused. Perhaps spend some time contemplating how you can serve rather than be served.

would be one of these larger, pro-life rallies, like the one that takes place in DC every year. Are there any other places that I’m possibly missing?

I would suggest that you get involved with things that are really meaningful to you. Going to a DC pro life rally to pick up chicks is not really a very good idea. You are likely to be disappointed.

 

[Lorelei12]

It is harder for a man to pass up sex than it is for a woman because of biology. Men simply have higher sex drives. If I was able to do it, then it should be even easier for a female to do it. In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity. I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

I think your attitude is going to turn off a lot of nice Catholic women, virgin or not. It is not any more noble or praiseworthy for a man to abstain than for a woman, and your idea that it’s somehow easier for women is just…well, wrong.

If you “want what you want and won’t have it any other way”, that’s fine. That’s your business, and there is nothing wrong with a preference to date only virgins. Your approach, however, is not going to get you any dates. I’d advise seeking chaste Catholic women, and if you find out she isn’t a virgin and it’s a deal breaker, well then okay. And of course, it’s imperative to remain chaste yourself, which encompasses a whole lot more than just abstaining from sex itself.

 

[Kamaduck]

I don’t understand or like this insistence on virginity (not sure why you think it’s easier for girls to keep it, either), but as 1ke said everybody does have different deal breakers. So I guess it’s good that you know one of your requirements. Virginity or lack of it is a really personal thing, though, so I’m not sure how you intend to know whether a girl has had sex without devoting time to getting to know her first.

In any case, going to rallies to find a girlfriend is a bad idea. I would suggest looking for a club of Catholic young people, and/or asking your friends if they know of anybody. If those don’t work, you could try a Catholic dating site.

 

[thewanderer]

I agree with the others here tha you might need to rethink your attitude a little. I am a practicing catholic woman, a virgin, faithful to the magisterium, and I can tell you right now that I would be muchmore likely to marry someone with a checkered past sexually than someone who has displayed your priorities of getting what you want. Don’t get me wrong, its fantastic that you know what your dealbreakers are. If not being a virgin is a dealbreaker for you, fine, its great that you are aware of that fact. But if you really want to have a good marriage the most important thing for you to do is start working on yourself, trust me, no matter how many great characteristics you have, there will always be something more you can do. Start focusing on how you can mold yourself into a better husband, into someone who is capable of focusing on the needs and wants of your wife rather than your own desires.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I don’t understand or like this insistence on virginity (not sure why you think it’s easier for girls to keep it, either), but as 1ke said everybody does have different deal breakers. So I guess it’s good that you know one of your requirements. Virginity or lack of it is a really personal thing, though, so I’m not sure how you intend to know whether a girl has had sex without devoting time to getting to know her first.

In any case, going to rallies to find a girlfriend is a bad idea. I would suggest looking for a club of Catholic young people, and/or asking your friends if they know of anybody. If those don’t work, you could try a Catholic dating site.

There is always the hazard of falling for a girl who is not a virgin. Therefore, he could wear a sign hung from his neck saying “I’m a virgin and require it of you too. Don’t bother talking to me if you’re not.” Even in a club of Catholic young people there might be a few non-virgins, so the sign would be necessary there too.

There is, however, always the possibility he might be lied to by the girl. Possibly, as in Muslim countries, he could have a doctor check the girl out as a prerequesite for asking her out. But even then, it’s possible to be fooled.

Oh the trials!

 

[smallcat]

1ke has posted some great advice up there ^^

We’ve all got our ‘deal breakers’, and if this is yours, so be it. I would caution you, though, from automatically dismissing someone because of a past sin. You can be certain that whomever you wind up with will be a sinner. Presumably she will have learned from these sins and perhaps deepened her faith as a result of having contemplated them. Her current beliefs and practice regarding sexual purity should be more of a concern to you than her past.

Your post comes off as arrogant (“I want her to be on my level”, “I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way”). Comments you’ve made on other posts indicate that you would consider living with a girlfriend instead of marrying and are suspicious of the nature of marriage as a whole so I’m not sure where your emphatic statements about the potential virginity of a future partner is coming from.

 

[Kamaduck]

Even in a club of Catholic young people there might be a few non-virgins, so the sign would be necessary there too.

OP is going to be dismissing a lot of great people automatically. Of the young Catholics I know, most of the ones that are really serious about their faith have repented of serious sins. In a lot of cases, those with renewed faiths treasure their faith more than those who are more “innocent”.

 

[edwest2]

Pray to God for guidance. A wife is a gift from the Lord. And I suggest:

avemariasingles.com/

Peace,
Ed

 

[Fairwinds]

…The majority of **“Catholics” **(big bold quotes are there for a reason) have sex with multiple partners before marriage. Practicing Catholics who actually wait until marriage are a minority…

you owe it to every woman you’re interested in to state this up front, immediately. for their own protection, they need to know what kind of boy you are.

 

[edwest2]

According to the Bible and Catholic teaching, people are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. God valued sexual purity so much that he dedicated the 6th commandment to this teaching. However, when it comes to the topic of virginity, Catholic Christendom is in a sad state. The majority of **“Catholics” **(big bold quotes are there for a reason) have sex with multiple partners before marriage. Practicing Catholics who actually wait until marriage are a minority.

That being said, let me say a bit about myself. I am 22 years old, soon to be 23. I graduated from college last year and I’m basically just starting to build my future life. I have had some opportunities to loose my virginity before, but I did not act on them. When I was in college, a lot of girls there seemed to be sleeping around, having casual sex, and have liberal views on abortion. I’m not really down with that idea. To me, if I’m going to be with a girl and invest a lot of time in a relationship, I want her to be on my level. I don’t want to be male specimen #4, #14, or #24 for that matter. It is harder for a man to pass up sex than it is for a woman because of biology. Men simply have higher sex drives. If I was able to do it, then it should be even easier for a female to do it. In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity. I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

This being said, where could I go to find girls (18 and over obviously) who share my values and haven’t had sex yet. In my local catholic church, most of the people who go there for mass are pretty old. The only thing that comes to mind where I might possibly get what I want would be one of these larger, pro-life rallies, like the one that takes place in DC every year. Are there any other places that I’m possibly missing?

You could contact other Catholic Churches in your area to see if they have events for singles or see if there are any Catholic College ministries in your area.

Believe it or not, the kind of girl you’re looking for is out there. You just have to seek diligently.

Peace,
Ed

 

[Rete]

Get used to being a virgin. People make mistakes. It doesn’t render them unsuitable for marriage.

 

[Fairwinds]

You could contact other Catholic Churches in your area to see if they have events for singles or see if there are any Catholic College ministries in your area.

Believe it or not, the kind of girl you’re looking for is out there. You just have to seek diligently.

Peace,
Ed

In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity. I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

he’s got a horrendous view of women. honestly, I’d fear for any woman involved with him. this isn’t about virginity, there are a lot of deeper problems here.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

Perhaps it is just how you are wording things, as it is hard to determine tone online, but I do think you might want to rethink your attitude.

It is a serious sin to have sex outside of marriage, but it is not the only sin, nor is it an unforgiveable sin. Not being a virgin doesn’t automatically make someone a bad person forever and unmarriageable— everyone makes mistakes of all kinds.

And remember: Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

he’s got a horrendous view of women. honestly, I’d fear for any woman involved with him. this isn’t about virginity, there are a lot of deeper problems here.

This reminds me a lot of a guy I dated in high school. He also viewed partners in terms of what he was entitled to. He was also abusive and my mom put a stop to that relationship in a hurry.

I also wonder how many women he’s actually talked to, because many women have sex drives as high if not higher than their partners. And speaking from experience it can be extremely difficult for a woman to not have sex, since realistically a lot more opportunities to do so fall into their laps. Men tend to have to try to get it, but it’s offered freely to women.

 

[Bakhita16]

Dude, I understand what you’re saying. If it helps you feel better, I’m 16 and plan on waiting till marriage and I know a bunch of other girls who have that same view.

I also understand your frustration. It’s probably not so much that you’re arrogant or don’t understand women but that you’re frustrated. BTW, I agree that MOST but not all men have a higher sex drive, its true.

I think what people are trying to say, though some might have responded too harshly, is that you have to put your faith in God. Yes, it would be wonderful to marry a virgin but that might not be the person God has in mind for you. There are ladies who have lost their virginity with many previous partners but are truly repentant and living chaste lives. There are also ladies who have NOT lost their virginity but have done everything else.

If the girl does not value her sexuality and discards the Church’s teaching, then by all means, don’t date her. I wouldn’t either if it were the other way around. However, if you meet a girl that isn’t a virgin but has changed her lifestyle, please don’t reject her outright. We’re not perfect.

Just keep praying and trusting.
Also, don’t forget to keep your mind open to WHATEVER vocation God might be calling you too.

 

[Fairwinds]

This reminds me a lot of a guy I dated in high school. He also viewed partners in terms of what he was entitled to. He was also abusive and my mom put a stop to that relationship in a hurry. …

this is the real problem here, not sex.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

There is always the hazard of falling for a girl who is not a virgin. Therefore, he could wear a sign hung from his neck saying “I’m a virgin and require it of you too. Don’t bother talking to me if you’re not.” Even in a club of Catholic young people there might be a few non-virgins, so the sign would be necessary there too.

There is, however, always the possibility he might be lied to by the girl. Possibly, as in Muslim countries, he could have a doctor check the girl out as a prerequesite for asking her out. But even then, it’s possible to be fooled.

Oh the trials!

I love this.

OP, sex outside of marriage isn’t the only sin. I’m sure you have sinned too. I think there is a BIG difference in marrying a non-virgin and marrying someone who is promiscuous. Although, promiscuous girls can grow up and learn from their mistakes too.

 

[robert_chacon]

Come on people! Give the kid a break! Hes trying to live a virtuous life and most of the responses are knocking his immaturity. He is young and idealistic, that’s great! Don’t lose that brother! But you do have to face reality and accept others where they are. In other words, perhaps you will find someone you really like and even though she has not been chaste, you can witness to her and she may be looking for a guy just like you, who has the strength and commitment to honor God, himself and his future wife.

So I say congratulations to you for wanting to follow Jesus and remain chaste! Good luck in remaining so and finding your future spouse, even though you are still young.

You can and will find young faithful women at your church youth group, young adult group, pro life group or other ministries at your parish or perhaps another local parish. Also, you know someone who isn’t Catholic but is a faithful Christian who would be open to evangelizing. Im not suggesting you look outside the Church, however, be open to whoever God puts before you, that they may not only be a person for whom God has put you in their path to know the fullness of HIs Church, but also she may be your wife. Who knows?

Im just saying , be open to the Holy Spirit, don’t be too judgmental, and as such a young man don’t worry too much about finding the girl who meets all your requirements for marriage right now, but rather look for friends who share your Catholic , Christian values. True friends make good spouses

God Bless!!

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity. I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

Hey, that’s your choice. But they way you present it is very arrogant and condescending. People do make mistakes, and it’s very possible that you may lose a great many opportunities to marry very sincere, practicing Catholics because they have made a mistake in the past. It’s best to give this some real thought now, rather than when you are 40.