First Communion Questions?

[confusedCath]

I have a daughter who will be receiving her first communion this spring. She has a baby blue dress and vail picked out. Her grandmother is having a fit that it is not white…
What is the “rule” now a days?

 

[Ace86]

The tradition has been to wear white for girls and a suit for boys.

 

[G_S]

Certainly, 'though, there are no color regulations – except, perhaps, in a particular parish – for first communicants. Unless she’s receiving alone, she might be embarassed to be the only girl in blue. Perhaps grandma could be reminded that blue is a traditional color representing purity.

 

[puzzleannie]

why not just ask those directing the sacramental program what are the guidelines? wearing white is tradition, not canon law, and what to wear varies by region as well. A neighboring Catholic school requires parents to rent a white tux and shoes for the boys, and buy a certain white dress and veil from a certain store for the girls. that is way over the top in my opinion. However this school also has a dress code for parents and guests (which I am tempted to try in my parish).

The rule here for 1st Communion and Confirmation is any dress of any color that is appropriate for Church (and we spend a lot of time discussing appropriate dress for Church). I actually have to instruct sponsors and godparents for RCIA on how to dress, you cannot believe what has showed up on these occasions worn by adults who should know better.

 

[Walking_Home]

puzzleannie:

I actually have to instruct sponsors and godparents for RCIA on how to dress, you cannot believe what has showed up on these occasions worn by adults who should know better.

Oh, I believe for I have seen it.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

puzzleannie:

I actually have to instruct sponsors and godparents for RCIA on how to dress, you cannot believe what has showed up on these occasions worn by adults who should know better.

Me too. Makes me shudder. And what they can do to an innocent First Communion dress on a small girl, with off-the-sleeve shoulders or no shoulders at all!!!

IMOO, if the little girl likes baby blue, and there is no rule in that parish against it, then let her have her baby blue dress. Our parish has no such rule, only that all dress be modest and suitable to the occasion, for the reasons puzzleannie described. And blue is traditionally the Blessed Virgin’s color…

 

[wannabee]

May I put in a Plea ?

It was genuinely seen - a wee girl with a beautiful headress like a small crown - not a tiara a crown and in the centre was a small statue of Our Lady presumably OL of Fatima] which when something was activated lit up and twirled !!!

The next year that particular Pastor put his foot down very firmly and all Children wore white albs donated by the Parish - and this has continued every year since.

We have even seen little girls being taken to Church by Horse and carriage

All this for First Communion ?

My plea - check with your Pastor as to what he would prefer and let your little girl be that - a little girl - and not someone from some sort of pageant

 

[netmilsmom]

confusedCath.:

I have a daughter who will be receiving her first communion this spring. She has a baby blue dress and vail picked out. Her grandmother is having a fit that it is not white…
What is the “rule” now a days?

Why does your daughter have the final say on her first communion dress? Is this about how she looks or the idea that she is receiving Jesus for the first time?
I personally feel that a blue dress and veil would look like a costume. Are other children wearing non-white? What do the girls wear in your parish?
I guess it’s whatever floats your boat. But the focus should be on the Sacrament and not the costume.

 

[puzzleannie]

since you bring it up we also strenously resist in our program the attitude that 1st communion is primarily about the party, which is strong in our culture here. I have had dozens of parents tell me, we did not make our 1st communion because our parents could not afford the party or the dress. We have parents who miss the Mass to stay home and tend the BBQ and prepare for the party, they send the child with the padrinos.

on the topic of dress, I would rather see a modest dress in any color than an expensive white 1st communion dress that is strapless or looks like the worst type of prom dress.

also, no tiaras. A traditional veil, flowers or a clip, or nothing at all, but no tiaras. this is not a beauty pageant.

also parents, please if your daughter is on the plump side please do not force her into a slinky tight dress, find a style that fits her and is flattering, and makes her look her age.

and can you please consider a trip to payless for an inexpensive pair of dress shoes, no flip-flops, no athletic shoes. sandpaper the souls or ask for stickies that reduce the slipperyness.
don’t put high heels on a girl who has never worn them, she should have comfortable shoes so she can process properly without clomping or wobbling.

 

[Giannawannabe]

wannabee:

It was genuinely seen - a wee girl with a beautiful headress like a small crown - not a tiara a crown and in the centre was a small statue of Our Lady presumably OL of Fatima] which when something was activated lit up and twirled !!!

We have even seen little girls being taken to Church by Horse and carriage

All this for First Communion ?

My plea - check with your Pastor as to what he would prefer and let your little girl be that - a little girl - and not someone from some sort of pageant

OH MY!!! A horse and carriage??? A twirling Lady of Fatima??? This is toooooooo much. I’m glad that your Pastor put his foot down. My goodness, this is not a beauty pageant. These children are receiving Jesus for the first time.
I prefer a white dress and veil myself. It is so beautiful to see all those little girls dressed in white and the boys wearing suits/white ties. I’m so glad that my church does things this way.

 

[Maureen_Fiore]

puzzleannie:

since you bring it up we also strenously resist in our program the attitude that 1st communion is primarily about the party, which is strong in our culture here. I have had dozens of parents tell me, we did not make our 1st communion because our parents could not afford the party or the dress. We have parents who miss the Mass to stay home and tend the BBQ and prepare for the party, they send the child with the padrinos.

on the topic of dress, I would rather see a modest dress in any color than an expensive white 1st communion dress that is strapless or looks like the worst type of prom dress.

also, no tiaras. A traditional veil, flowers or a clip, or nothing at all, but no tiaras. this is not a beauty pageant.

also parents, please if your daughter is on the plump side please do not force her into a slinky tight dress, find a style that fits her and is flattering, and makes her look her age.

and can you please consider a trip to payless for an inexpensive pair of dress shoes, no flip-flops, no athletic shoes. sandpaper the souls or ask for stickies that reduce the slipperyness.
don’t put high heels on a girl who has never worn them, she should have comfortable shoes so she can process properly without clomping or wobbling.

And one more thing.After the ceremony is over and the day is through remember to take your child to church so they can receive Jesus. Many parents have their children receive this sacrament and then stop going to mass. It is a wonderful sacrament and we need to receive Jesus every Sunday, not just the day your child initially recieves this sacrament.
Just remember,

 

[netmilsmom]

puzzleannie:

since you bring it up we also strenously resist in our program the attitude that 1st communion is primarily about the party, which is strong in our culture here. I have had dozens of parents tell me, we did not make our 1st communion because our parents could not afford the party or the dress. We have parents who miss the Mass to stay home and tend the BBQ and prepare for the party, they send the child with the padrinos.

AMEN!
It’s not about the party. It’s about the Sacrament.

on the topic of dress, I would rather see a modest dress in any color than an expensive white 1st communion dress that is strapless or looks like the worst type of prom dress.

I agree but also, do not put your child into a “costume”. Two girls from our parish were in outfits that looked like they were out of the 1930’s. They were darling but looked totally out of place in the sea of white.
Also, if there are straps or off the shoulder (bad choice in my opinion but lots of these dresses out there) get a cape for mass. The little white capes that they sell are inexpensive and beautiful. Modesty should be primary.

also, no tiaras. A traditional veil, flowers or a clip, or nothing at all, but no tiaras. this is not a beauty pageant.

We had pearl tiaras when I was in school. They are classy. Sparkles and diamonds are not for this.

also parents, please if your daughter is on the plump side please do not force her into a slinky tight dress, find a style that fits her and is flattering, and makes her look her age.

HA! My mom put my chunky bod into a babydoll dress. I looked pregnant at 7 years old. I SO agree with you here.

and can you please consider a trip to payless for an inexpensive pair of dress shoes, no flip-flops, no athletic shoes. sandpaper the souls or ask for stickies that reduce the slipperyness.
don’t put high heels on a girl who has never worn them, she should have comfortable shoes so she can process properly without clomping or wobbling.

Geez oh man, this should not even have to be stated but it is true. Even white ballet slippers look better than high heels on a seven year old!

 

[anna1978]

confusedCath.:

I have a daughter who will be receiving her first communion this spring. She has a baby blue dress and vail picked out. Her grandmother is having a fit that it is not white…
What is the “rule” now a days?

She’d have a heart-attack in most British Catholic churches then : most children do their First Communion in a very nice suit (for boys) or dress, but the type of clothes they can continue to wear to parties/celebrations and as Sunday Best. I.e., only the Irish girls seem to wear white dresses nowadays, and most wear a very pretty flowery dress from ‘Mothercare’ or similar ‘upper end of the market’ store. This year we had 2 First Communion Masses, with a total of 85 children, and I counted around 5 ‘bridal white traditional First Communion’ dresses, the vast majority wore spanking new, very pretty flowery dresses in pink or other soft colours. And they all looked absolutely lovely .

The dress you describe for your daughter sound absolutely lovely, but if you feel unsure why not check with your priest or other moms in your church what is ‘usual attire’ where you are?

Anna x

 

[mercygate]

Maureen Fiore:

And one more thing.After the ceremony is over and the day is through remember to take your child to church so they can receive Jesus. Many parents have their children receive this sacrament and then stop going to mass. It is a wonderful sacrament and we need to receive Jesus every Sunday, not just the day your child initially recieves this sacrament.
Just remember,

A good friend was visiting her sister a few years ago, and on Sunday morning, she asked her nephew what time he needed to get up to go to church on Sunday, and the boy – who had made his First Holy Communion five months earlier – replied: Oh, I don’t have to do that any more. I already made my Communion!

So: deal with the DEAL – the dress is the least of it!

 

[anna1978]

mercygate:

A good friend was visiting her sister a few years ago, and on Sunday morning, she asked her nephew what time he needed to get up to go to church on Sunday, and the boy – who had made his First Holy Communion five months earlier – replied: Oh, I don’t have to do that any more. I already made my Communion!

So: deal with the DEAL – the dress is the least of it!

To be honest, our church is positively brimming with young families, and we don’t seem to have that problem, even teenagers come with their families…but I remember that attitude in my old parish in Holland: every year we saw about 20 kids receiving First Communion, we’d never seen 'em before and we’d not see them again til Confirmation…sigh…

Anna x

 

[wannabee]

Giannawannabe:

OH MY!!! A horse and carriage??? A twirling Lady of Fatima??? This is toooooooo much. I’m glad that your Pastor put his foot down. My goodness, this is not a beauty pageant. These children are receiving Jesus for the first time.
I prefer a white dress and veil myself. It is so beautiful to see all those little girls dressed in white and the boys wearing suits/white ties. I’m so glad that my church does things this way.

Oh agreed ! This was a parish that was largely Italian and the pastor was horrified !!

He had asked the parents for simple dresses etc so that there would be no competition - and though it was largely Italian it was also in a not very affluent area either. Since the Competition was still on the go he decided to stamp his foot and the edict went out - no special outfits , though shalt come for Church in simple clothes and we will give you albs to wear - result - no outrageous outfits and no dress/headress competition.

They still spend far too much on the parties though Some families go into debt over it - "well if little Johnny next door has X spent on it , then we will spend X times two "

 

[axolotl]

wannabee:

Since the Competition was still on the go he decided to stamp his foot and the edict went out - no special outfits , though shalt come for Church in simple clothes and we will give you albs to wear - result - no outrageous outfits and no dress/headress competition.

Back in the early '80’s when I made my First Communion, we all had to wear albs, too. The parents were also aksed to keep the hair simple. There was still one girl whose hair was done up into a tall beehive like thing with daisies woven into it. There will always be some parent who just has to push that envelope

 

[JMJ_Theresa]

I made my first communion in 1977 for ccd at a liberal parish. I wore jeans and a t-shirt.

No wonder I didn’t know about the true presence until I was well into adulthood!!

Could she wear white to the ceremony and blue to the party?

I love to see the girls in their white dresses. They look so innocent and pure.

 

[DVina]

puzzleannie:

The rule here for 1st Communion and Confirmation is any dress of any color that is appropriate for Church (and we spend a lot of time discussing appropriate dress for Church). I actually have to instruct sponsors and godparents for RCIA on how to dress, you cannot believe what has showed up on these occasions worn by adults who should know better.

You MUST be a DRE! I was in my life Before Kids.

I also had to have instruction on dress for sacraments. It was always a BIG DEAL. I banned hoop skirts. There wasn’t enough room in the church for all the families, much less and eight year old with three foot wide skirts.

I bought a dress for my oldest, and all the girls have worn it. It is ivory, because I converted my wedding veil to be the First Communion veil. I thought it made a neat connection between our marriage and its fruits-

My son will get a new suit to be worn for Easter that he will wear for First Communion on Corpus Christi. All our kids have made first Communion on Corpus Christi. I haven’t thought about a white tie. I don’t like the ones with the chalices all over.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I have seen the strapless First Communion dresses and gowns with hoops skirts, veils that can’t be managed, boys decked out to look much like junior waiters in tuxes of all colors, and high heels on BABIES of 7 and 8.

No wonder they have adult prep for children’s reception of sacraments!!!

When I made my First Communion, we wore robes. The girls were white with white capes, and the boys were white with blue capes. Boys had to wear a white shirt and the white tie that was ordered through the school ($1.50 at the time). This was because the collar showed over the robe. Girls wore the veil ordered by the school (three choices, all of them simple), and had the choice of a SIMPLE white dress or just a slip (the robes were not totally translucent, but color did show through a little). I did get a simple white dress, which was worn by one of my sisters down the road. Later, 3 of my other siblings wore a sort of combo alb/ dolmation affair, white with gold stripes down either side. The last three wore a simple dress and veil (girl), and a white shirt, white tie and dark pants (boys).

I got my daughter’s very pretty white dress with eyelet trim around the bottom at the Sears outlet store for $5. I did pull out the light blue sash and put in a white sash. She didn’t want to wear a veil, so I got some of those fancy pony tail holders with the lace, ribbons and flowers. My son (I think) wore his Easter suit or his school uniform pants with a white shirt and tie, one of the two.

My daughter suggested earlier this month that I begin planning my elder granddaughter’s First Communion NOW, and I should start by ORDERING the dress and veil. She saw many lovely dresses and veils at several stores in the mall, some of them as low as $150. This granddaughter won’t make her First Communion until next year, and hasn’t even approached the idea of confession. Trust me, if I still have the girls next year, we will not be planning anything that elaborate.
(I am still repenting anything I might have done during my daughter’s early years to even suggest that this is what First Communion was.)

So, yes, people, keep it simple. It’s not a three-ring circus for everybody to look at your child!!!