First Communion - Special Needs Child

[sojo]

My son with Down syndrome is going to be 11 years old in a couple weeks, and we have still not had First Communion for him. We home school, and he is very sharp, so it is not a matter of not having reached an age of understanding. But he has battled a severe texture aversion that made accepting the host in his mouth unacceptable.

Our pastor has been very helpful. He offered to allow First Communion to take place at a daily Mass, which is only attended by a few people thus reducing the stress on my son and us and eliminating possiblity of a major scene and embarassment all around. He gave us a stash of unconsecrated hosts to practice with, and told us to just give him the day we wanted to proceed. Father promised to break the host into the tiniest of slivers for our son, and based on what we’ve accomplished food-wise, this would be no problem – except for the tension and pressure caused by the significance of the moment, which my son is entirely capable of understanding.

So here’s my question. My son’s fine motor abilities are sketchy. In our practice sessions, he drops the host 50% of the time and we are no longer seeing any improvement after 1 year of practice. Should I switch gears and teach my son to accept the host on his tongue and let Father know that is how he’ll need to proceed, or would it be OK for me to process with my son and put my hands under his and aid him in bringing the host up to his mouth (not touching the host or feeding it to him, but just stabilizing his hands).

Final decision will rest with Father, of course, but just curious as to other’s feelings about this.

sojo

 

[Catholig]

My son with Down syndrome is going to be 11 years old in a couple weeks, and we have still not had First Communion for him. We home school, and he is very sharp, so it is not a matter of not having reached an age of understanding. But he has battled a severe texture aversion that made accepting the host in his mouth unacceptable.

Our pastor has been very helpful. He offered to allow First Communion to take place at a daily Mass, which is only attended by a few people thus reducing the stress on my son and us and eliminating possiblity of a major scene and embarassment all around. He gave us a stash of unconsecrated hosts to practice with, and told us to just give him the day we wanted to proceed. Father promised to break the host into the tiniest of slivers for our son, and based on what we’ve accomplished food-wise, this would be no problem – except for the tension and pressure caused by the significance of the moment, which my son is entirely capable of understanding.

So here’s my question. My son’s fine motor abilities are sketchy. In our practice sessions, he drops the host 50% of the time and we are no longer seeing any improvement after 1 year of practice. Should I switch gears and teach my son to accept the host on his tongue and let Father know that is how he’ll need to proceed, or would it be OK for me to process with my son and put my hands under his and aid him in bringing the host up to his mouth (not touching the host or feeding it to him, but just stabilizing his hands).

Final decision will rest with Father, of course, but just curious as to other’s feelings about this.

sojo

If he rejects the host 50% of the time - well that means he accepts it 50% of the time right? If so just make sure there is an altar boy there with a paten and if your son is incapable of receiving that day then maybe you can consume the consecrated host (which was caught on the paten).

Catholig

 

[aimee]

My son with Down syndrome is going to be 11 years old in a couple weeks, and we have still not had First Communion for him. We home school, and he is very sharp, so it is not a matter of not having reached an age of understanding. But he has battled a severe texture aversion that made accepting the host in his mouth unacceptable.

Our pastor has been very helpful. He offered to allow First Communion to take place at a daily Mass, which is only attended by a few people thus reducing the stress on my son and us and eliminating possiblity of a major scene and embarassment all around. He gave us a stash of unconsecrated hosts to practice with, and told us to just give him the day we wanted to proceed. Father promised to break the host into the tiniest of slivers for our son, and based on what we’ve accomplished food-wise, this would be no problem – except for the tension and pressure caused by the significance of the moment, which my son is entirely capable of understanding.

So here’s my question. My son’s fine motor abilities are sketchy. In our practice sessions, he drops the host 50% of the time and we are no longer seeing any improvement after 1 year of practice. Should I switch gears and teach my son to accept the host on his tongue and let Father know that is how he’ll need to proceed, or would it be OK for me to process with my son and put my hands under his and aid him in bringing the host up to his mouth (not touching the host or feeding it to him, but just stabilizing his hands).

Final decision will rest with Father, of course, but just curious as to other’s feelings about this.

sojo

I would think so…I did something simular for my autistic son…
We both recieve on the tongue…

 

[Sr_Sally]

I would try to teach him to recieve on the tongue. If that goes better, then use that method.

I will be praying for his First Holy Communion and many subsequent ones!

 

[wannabee]

If he rejects the host 50% of the time - well that means he accepts it 50% of the time right? If so just make sure there is an altar boy there with a paten and if your son is incapable of receiving that day then maybe you can consume the consecrated host (which was caught on the paten).

Catholig

OK - so what is your experience in these cases ?

This is not a case that can be answered like that . Getting a child with special needs ready for the Sacraments is not that easy.

He could knock the Paten - oh and BTW - how many Churches actually use patens now ?

Just how old are you ?

 

[Catholig]

OK - so what is your experience in these cases ?

This is not a case that can be answered like that . Getting a child with special needs ready for the Sacraments is not that easy.

He could knock the Paten - oh and BTW - how many Churches actually use patens now ?

Just how old are you ?

I don’t have any experience with these situations - I just wanted to think positive and help somone out.

As for him knocking the paten - I don’t know whether that’d be too likely or happen on a usual basis.

And my (Novus Ordo) parish uses patens.

As for my age I’m 17.

Catholig

 

[Brenda_V]

He could knock the Paten - oh and BTW - how many Churches actually use patens now ?

Just how old are you ?

First, I am not the person you were responding to and I am old enough to remember the Patens being used at every Mass and Kneeling to receive etc. But, my Parish uses Patens so my age to this question itself is irrelevent.

Your point about your son possibly knocking over the paten is a valid one though so I say, move on to teaching him to receive on the tongue if you have more success with this method then let Father know and I am sure he will accommodate your son especially since either way is acceptable and licit. If you find that this isn’t any more reliable then do be prepared to catch the Host so Jesus doesn’t fall on the floor.

I will keep you all in my prayers as you proceed with your sons First Communion. Please, let us know when it is finally here- even if it takes another year to get reception on the tongue down!

Brenda V.

 

[BOBKAT]

Good evening,

I think that it would be okay if you can teach him to receive on the tongue. I am the mother of an 11 year old girl with Down Syndrome she received when she was just 7 years old I had no real problem except one Sunday we went to mass at a different parish we were on vacation, well they used a different bread. Annie was sitting with her grandmother so when she went up for commuion (btw she uses her hands ) she put the bread in her mouth and right in front of the whole church she took it out and gave it to her grandmother who consumed it right away and she went back to the pew and prayed, not a second thought. I absolutely adore these awsome children. I personnally thing our Lord loves this beautiful honest innocence. My point is this any way he is comfortable let he receive and the more he does the better he will become, but don’t fret.

God Bless,
Kathleen

 

[stmaxfan]

Our son has autism and we taught him to only receive by mouth. We felt that there was a decreased margin of error going from priest to mouth than in the case of priest to hand to mouth. It has worked very well for us and now he is a pro. BTW we all receive by mouth as an example and reminder to him as to what to do.

I have a suggestion on how to try to desensitize your son. First off, if the problem is a sensory one, you could work with an OT in reducing oral sensitivity. There is a program called the Beckman Oral program that may help. My thought is to give him a tiny piece at first, and practice every day for about a week, then increase the size slightly and practice daily until he is used to it and keep going this way until he works himself up to (perhaps) a full-size host. You’d need a lot of time, patience and unconsecrated hosts, but I bet he could do it.

Blessings to you and your family.

 

[Cobbfmly]

So here’s my question. My son’s fine motor abilities are sketchy. In our practice sessions, he drops the host 50% of the time and we are no longer seeing any improvement after 1 year of practice. Should I switch gears and teach my son to accept the host on his tongue and let Father know that is how he’ll need to proceed, or would it be OK for me to process with my son and put my hands under his and aid him in bringing the host up to his mouth (not touching the host or feeding it to him, but just stabilizing his hands).

i believe that it would be best to teach him to receive on the tongue as he can do this at any parish and he can do it when he is attending church by himself or with an independent living group.

I do love how flexible priest are about special needs children. My daughter has Nonverbal Learning Disability (similar to Asperger’s Syndrome). When she was 7 yrs old, she could not handle being in our parishes new community center (too big). Our church is too small to have first communion for all religious education students in, so first communion was held in the community center. My daughter was allowed to have her first communion at a regular Sunday mass. What was most wonderful about this was that unlike the other first communion children who had to go up and receive by themselves, my husband and I stood on each side of her. First she received communion and then we each received.

 

[puzzleannie]

My son with Down syndrome is going to be 11 years old in a couple weeks, and we have still not had First Communion for him. We home school, and he is very sharp, so it is not a matter of not having reached an age of understanding. But he has battled a severe texture aversion that made accepting the host in his mouth unacceptable.

Final decision will rest with Father, of course, but just curious as to other’s feelings about this.

sojo

you and the pastor are proceeding correctly. if you are homeschooling you have taught him to the extent he is capable of understanding who Jesus us, how we receive Jesus in communion, the difference between ordinary bread and wine and the Eucharist, and are certainly qualified to ascertain his desire to receive Jesus. The priest obviously agrees. As far as the logistics, which as in your son’s case, usually involve not their understanding, but actual physical action of reception, swallowing etc., gag reflex, aversion to unfamiliar food textues etc. In the context of daily Mass, with minimal fuss or anything that would add to his stress level, a small piece place on his tongue, sounds like the best way to go. You are the best judge, and practicing as you have been doing is the best way to prepare him. When you think he is ready alert the priest and proceed.

Bear in mind it is not necessary for him to receive frequently, or at all until such time as he asks to again. Don’t put pressure on him, let him be the one to decide when he is ready. He should also be confirmed at the age prescribed in your diocese, or earlier if his condition is such that his life expectancy is shortened.

we looked at slides my dad had taken at our family party last weekend, and those of my son’s first communion, with 8 others from his “special” school brought back memories. They enjoyred everything Catholic children usually expect from the experience, special clothes, special Mass in the neighboring parish, but each child had to be specially prepared by the good sisters according to their various developmental challenges. but all were successful, each had individual attention from parents and the sisters at the time of reception, and it was a beautiful, reverential Mass. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind of their devotion to Jesus, desire for him, and readiness, even for the most severely challenged children. One of the most memorable 1st communion occasions in my memory, and I have certainly seen my share.

 

[puzzleannie]

My son with Down syndrome is going to be 11 years old in a couple weeks, and we have still not had First Communion for him. We home school, and he is very sharp, so it is not a matter of not having reached an age of understanding. But he has battled a severe texture aversion that made accepting the host in his mouth unacceptable.

Final decision will rest with Father, of course, but just curious as to other’s feelings about this.

sojo

you and the pastor are proceeding correctly. if you are homeschooling you have taught him to the extent he is capable of understanding who Jesus us, how we receive Jesus in communion, the difference between ordinary bread and wine and the Eucharist, and are certainly qualified to ascertain his desire to receive Jesus. The priest obviously agrees. As far as the logistics, which as in your son’s case, usually involve not their understanding, but actual physical action of reception, swallowing etc., gag reflex, aversion to unfamiliar food textues etc. In the context of daily Mass, with minimal fuss or anything that would add to his stress level, a small piece place on his tongue, sounds like the best way to go. You are the best judge, and practicing as you have been doing is the best way to prepare him. When you think he is ready alert the priest and proceed.

Bear in mind it is not necessary for him to receive frequently, or at all until such time as he asks to again. Don’t put pressure on him, let him be the one to decide when he is ready. He should also be confirmed at the age prescribed in your diocese, or earlier if his condition is such that his life expectancy is shortened.

 

[wifenmommy]

I would think that it would be easier for all involved that he be taught to recieve in the tounge. As a family, we all recieve on the tounge and our parish uses Patens (YAY!! I love our Priest and Parish) . It sounds like you are very blessed to have a Priest that is so caring about your son. All in all, please try not to be too “stressed” about the situation. Jesus knows how much you and your son love Him and want to recieve him! I think in conjunction with Priest giving him a smaller piece on the tongue would work well! God Bless you and your son as yall prepare for his special day!!

 

[sojo]

OK - so what is your experience in these cases ?

This is not a case that can be answered like that . Getting a child with special needs ready for the Sacraments is not that easy.

He could knock the Paten - oh and BTW - how many Churches actually use patens now ?

Just how old are you ?

Yes, I don’t think our little itty-bitty church has a paten. We use folding chairs (no kneelers), and I’ve never seen an altar boy at daily Mass – usually just 3 or 4 of us there. We were a mission parish up until 2 years ago when Father pushed us through to the big Leagues.

I can be ready to consume the host if it gets knocked off, doesn’t make it onto the tongue or whatever – just would like the moment to be special for my little guy, and not one more trauma or failure, you know?

As for preparing him, he is SOOOO ready. He can answer most of the Catechism questions and seems to really get it a lot better than the typical kid going to public school and attending once a week religion class. Its just the fine motor and right now that’s a little iffy.

sojo

 

[sojo]

Our son has autism and we taught him to only receive by mouth. We felt that there was a decreased margin of error going from priest to mouth than in the case of priest to hand to mouth. It has worked very well for us and now he is a pro. BTW we all receive by mouth as an example and reminder to him as to what to do.

I have a suggestion on how to try to desensitize your son. First off, if the problem is a sensory one, you could work with an OT in reducing oral sensitivity. There is a program called the Beckman Oral program that may help. My thought is to give him a tiny piece at first, and practice every day for about a week, then increase the size slightly and practice daily until he is used to it and keep going this way until he works himself up to (perhaps) a full-size host. You’d need a lot of time, patience and unconsecrated hosts, but I bet he could do it.

Blessings to you and your family.

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement. We will begin to start practicing accepting by tongue immediately – it should eliminate a lot of problems.

We’ve been doing oral desensitivity (including Beckman) since Sam was a baby – we’ve worked with OTs, behaviorists, nutritionists – what have you. I am proud to say that we now have a whole slew of “regular” foods Sam can tolerate. Its just the additional nerves involved in knowing that the host will be Jesus that makes for the added stress that could result in more fumbling.

Thanks also to the Mom who recommended we back off after First Communion and let him decide when he next wants to receive – very wise!! Have you met my son already? LOL!

sojo

 

[wannabee]

You know - I think you are going about this in just the right way.

I know a little developmentally challenged child whose parents were told by her priest I’m not kidding ] that she would never sin .

Now she knew perfectly well when she did anything wrong.

Fortunately her father Served mass at the local monastery on weekday and she was often with him and had to sit in the Sanctuary as she could not be left on her own.

The Abbot noticed that she did not Receive so asked her father the reason and was horrified when he heard what had been said.

He talked with the little one and told her father that the next day she would make her First Communion - no fuss - just a very matter of fact - "Bridie come with me " from her father and that was how it was done.

I know you want to make it special for your little boy - but maybe the matter of fact way could be the answer .

Thank goodness these problems do not arise in the East.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

Good Luck to you and Congrats to your son!

 

[puzzleannie]

i
I do love how flexible priest are about special needs children. er. First she received communion and then we each received.

they darn well better be flexible, it is a matter of canon law. No Catholic can be denied the sacraments on the basis of any consideration that is not canonical.