M
Mommomamats
Guest
I am in the process of converting to the Catholic faith from non-denominational Christianity. I have been having many ups and downs on this walk, sometimes I feel so sure that the Catholic church has the truth, and other times I am so discouraged by some things I perceive as being untruths. When I am full of faith I feel I am being led by God to the church, and when I am uncertain I feel like I am being deceived by Satan into believing the church is the true faith.
One thing I have had issue with is the adoration of the Eucharist. While the true presence of Christ is what I would say initially led me to the Catholic church, I was surprised to find that people actually worship the presence outside of Mass. This seemed to me extremely strange and like idolatry. I couldn’t resolve the dilemma that even if the presence is truly there, had Christ intended for it to be worshiped? This was a huge block for me, I felt sick and so discouraged, if the truth isn’t with the Catholics, than where is it? I don’t see the fullnesses of it anywhere else out of the numerous denominations of church’s I’ve been to. If the Catholic faith is not the truth then I am lost, the Bible does not make complete sense without it.
Yesterday after my RCIA class I went to visit the Eucharist. I had gone the week before for the Benediction but I just stood by the door and watched, I felt a peace there and an awe that there was a woman prostrate on the ground singing to the Lord, but I was still skeptical.
This time I had time to sit in the Adoration Chapel for at least 10 minutes. I went into the chapel and feeling nervous and uncertain I did not genuflect (I am still new to the Catholic way of things and get very hung up on genuflecting, which knee do I take when and where do I do it? At the door, at my seat? If the presence is not here I don’t want to bow to bread) I prayed, Lord, I don’t want to offend you! If your presence is here I will worship you here.
I took a seat in the front and looked at the Eucharist, closed my eyes and put my head in hands to pray. I still felt very nervous, maybe because I didn’t want the other people in the room to look at me.
Eventually the nervousness subsided and I felt the Presence.
I have never felt such an other worldly presence in my whole life. I took a moment to reflect on it and discern what it was. The only description I could come up with at that moment was “The force that has created all things.” This feeling was SO strong, and if this is God I have never felt His presence in such a way despite all the times I thought I had felt Him with me.
I was paralyzed and didn’t know what to do, I tried to pray about things in my life that I know are not pleasing to His Will, but mostly I just sat there with my hands clasped in a state of complete AWE. I felt completely enveloped in this Presence.
Reflecting on it on my drive home the word Hug came to mind and I could see myself sitting in that room with Jesus’ arms around me, though this Presence was so powerful I couldn’t imagine it hugging me at the time.
I am still in a state of shock I think, after this experience. I find myself looking for Mary for the first time in my walk, for the first time I can see why someone might be so humbled by God that they feel unworthy to go straight to Him and instead they cling to the full humanity of Mary.
At this point I think I can say that my issues are resolved, there is no way I can turn from this Presence, and there is no way I can believe its all a lie. My hunger to take part in the Body and Blood of our Lord is of course stronger than ever. And I feel a strong urge to tell everyone and evangelize now, but I wonder if this Presence is as real to anyone else as it was to me last night. And I wonder if it will always be there for me.
One thing I have had issue with is the adoration of the Eucharist. While the true presence of Christ is what I would say initially led me to the Catholic church, I was surprised to find that people actually worship the presence outside of Mass. This seemed to me extremely strange and like idolatry. I couldn’t resolve the dilemma that even if the presence is truly there, had Christ intended for it to be worshiped? This was a huge block for me, I felt sick and so discouraged, if the truth isn’t with the Catholics, than where is it? I don’t see the fullnesses of it anywhere else out of the numerous denominations of church’s I’ve been to. If the Catholic faith is not the truth then I am lost, the Bible does not make complete sense without it.
Yesterday after my RCIA class I went to visit the Eucharist. I had gone the week before for the Benediction but I just stood by the door and watched, I felt a peace there and an awe that there was a woman prostrate on the ground singing to the Lord, but I was still skeptical.
This time I had time to sit in the Adoration Chapel for at least 10 minutes. I went into the chapel and feeling nervous and uncertain I did not genuflect (I am still new to the Catholic way of things and get very hung up on genuflecting, which knee do I take when and where do I do it? At the door, at my seat? If the presence is not here I don’t want to bow to bread) I prayed, Lord, I don’t want to offend you! If your presence is here I will worship you here.
I took a seat in the front and looked at the Eucharist, closed my eyes and put my head in hands to pray. I still felt very nervous, maybe because I didn’t want the other people in the room to look at me.
Eventually the nervousness subsided and I felt the Presence.
I have never felt such an other worldly presence in my whole life. I took a moment to reflect on it and discern what it was. The only description I could come up with at that moment was “The force that has created all things.” This feeling was SO strong, and if this is God I have never felt His presence in such a way despite all the times I thought I had felt Him with me.
I was paralyzed and didn’t know what to do, I tried to pray about things in my life that I know are not pleasing to His Will, but mostly I just sat there with my hands clasped in a state of complete AWE. I felt completely enveloped in this Presence.
Reflecting on it on my drive home the word Hug came to mind and I could see myself sitting in that room with Jesus’ arms around me, though this Presence was so powerful I couldn’t imagine it hugging me at the time.
I am still in a state of shock I think, after this experience. I find myself looking for Mary for the first time in my walk, for the first time I can see why someone might be so humbled by God that they feel unworthy to go straight to Him and instead they cling to the full humanity of Mary.
At this point I think I can say that my issues are resolved, there is no way I can turn from this Presence, and there is no way I can believe its all a lie. My hunger to take part in the Body and Blood of our Lord is of course stronger than ever. And I feel a strong urge to tell everyone and evangelize now, but I wonder if this Presence is as real to anyone else as it was to me last night. And I wonder if it will always be there for me.
this is so great to hear! 
I’ve also had many ups and downs. (I think all converts have, that’s normal =)) there are various reasons for the “downs”… sometimes it is the enemy trying to confuse us, it can also be God allowing us trials so that we learn to have faith without feelings. And so that we can learn to trust. Ever since I started this journey to Catholicism, God has been teaching me more and more about this!! I’ve actually learned so much and it’s been a pretty awesome journey, although filled with much doubt and confusion too. Don’t worry, God always gives us grace and strength to reach the end though =)
it just takes some time.
