First, please do not call it SSA, it’s an obnoxious euphemism. To answer your question, I feel I have to lie when a friend or family member blatantly asks, “are you homosexual?” Any response other than to lie and say “no” would logically indicate that I was. Friends and family members knowing would cause significant problems in my relationships with them, and as a homosexual living chastely in accord with Church teaching, they are all I have.
Such an admission could in fact jeopardize my job and certainly my ministry work. For my job, I work in a very liberal industry (the literary industry) and have many liberal friends. Once I admit that I am a homosexual who lives chastely, I become instantly slathered with labels such as “repressed” and “self-loathing.” My gay friends would view me as a traitor. Not that I mind the labels so much, but I do mind the loss of friendships with people I deeply care about, especially when friendships are the only meaningful relationships I am allowed. Beyond the friendships, I love my job. I enjoy what I do.
As for ministry, Catholic parents do not want their children to be supervised by a known homosexual, whether he is chaste or not. There is such a vicious stigma attached to homosexuality, that only the most intelligent and understanding of people would be able to see past it, and those people are few among conservative Catholic parents.
I beg to differ about the term “Same Sex Attraction”, if I correctly understand what you are saying. Terminology is crucial. What do people want to know when they ask you if you are a homosexual? If it would be helpful to use a different term, a “softer” term like SSA perhaps, why not use it? For many folks it has a much different connotation than “homosexual”; attraction means simply that, while homosexual many times implies sexual activity. Fine line, perhaps.
I see and appreciate your dilemma, whether to “come out” or to “live a lie”.
As far as family goes, it sounds like they have suspicions anyway. Is it something that you get asked a lot?
When asked, why not ask them, “Why do ***you ***ask?” and/or “If I was, would it make any difference to you?” or something to that effect.
As far as friends go, I think you need to reflect on the question of, "Are they really friends worth keeping who would "slathere(r) you with labels such as “repressed” and “self-loathing.” or “view (you) as a traitor”.
In other words, if you are as committed to your faith as you seem, your say that your gay friends would shun you because of it. Are these friends worth keeping?
It seems from what you’re saying that you care more about your friends, who would turn on you, than they care about you. Time to re-examine those friendships, methinks…or, consider the possibility that you are wrong about their response to your coming out.
In any case, as far as the job goes, I’m assuming that in letting the cat out of the bag with your friend and family that the youth ministry part of your work would be in jeopardy. That, brother, goes with the territory. Fairly or not, this is in part a matter of circumstance and of the times.
Whether or not it affects you negatively, parents have a right to know if their children are associating with a homosexual person, chaste or not. You have no right to deceive anyone if you are asked from anyone connected with your youth ministry. If you are not asked, which you
should not be, you still should be forthcoming with whomever is your superior.
Can you imagine the potential fallout for your superior? What did they know and when did they know it, etc. etc. Again, fairly or not, keeping this under wraps is a time bomb, and when it eventually goes off, you will not be the only one affected.
That being said, perhaps your talents are better or best used in another sort of ministry? Someone in your position would be perfect to minister to other homosexuals, chaste or not.
All in all, I appreciate the difficulty of your dilemma and will pray for you.
