For a real change

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In the past month, I’ve started looking at a lot more pornography, especially stuff people post on vine, and have strengthened a very problematic masturbation habit.

It’s gotten so bad that I did this both yesterday and today. This morning I prayed very sincerely that whatever I’m lacking, God fill me with (or something like that) so that I won’t fall into this temptation again. But then my resolve weakened very quickly (within hours) and I fell back into temptation.

I’m obviously missing something. I very firmly desire a real change in my heart and soul, that is stronger than the force of habit (which in my case is about 15 years strong, since early adolescence).

But I’m especially worried because this week, I have not felt the same emotional remorse and guilt that I have felt before. Maybe this is actually a good thing though, since I was told that my will (choice) is where the repentance really needs to be, not my emotions, so maybe this is my brand new chance to start over?

I don’t really know, because I only joined the Catholic Church about 3 years ago, but I got lost through the cracks of RCIA, and I was never really taught the basics, like how to pray, or how this relationship with God works, or what I’m supposed to do or think or feel or say or know. And every time I tried to learn it by books, a priest tells me to stop trying to know everything and just pray more or something to that effect.

So I’m really at a loss as to what I’m supposed to do. I pray the Hail Mary, Our Father, Saint Michael, Oh My Jesus, Act of Contrition several times a day, especially at night (the demons give me a terrified feeling throughout most of the night so I rely heavily on faith and hope to survive every night) and I try to pray from the heart, but I am really confused about it so I don’t really think I’m praying right in the first place.

Please pray for me that God gives me a real change, and overcomes all my weaknesses and pridefulness with love or something like that, so I can finally learn whatever it is that I’m supposed to do. Because I know that God is more powerful than habit, so obviously I’m doing something wrong.
 
null said:
In the past month, I’ve started looking at a lot more pornography, especially stuff people post on vine, and have strengthened a very problematic masturbation habit.

It’s gotten so bad that I did this both yesterday and today. This morning I prayed very sincerely that whatever I’m lacking, God fill me with (or something like that) so that I won’t fall into this temptation again. But then my resolve weakened very quickly (within hours) and I fell back into temptation.

I’m obviously missing something. I very firmly desire a real change in my heart and soul, that is stronger than the force of habit (which in my case is about 15 years strong, since early adolescence).

But I’m especially worried because this week, I have not felt the same emotional remorse and guilt that I have felt before. Maybe this is actually a good thing though, since I was told that my will (choice) is where the repentance really needs to be, not my emotions, so maybe this is my brand new chance to start over?

I don’t really know, because I only joined the Catholic Church about 3 years ago, but I got lost through the cracks of RCIA, and I was never really taught the basics, like how to pray, or how this relationship with God works, or what I’m supposed to do or think or feel or say or know. And every time I tried to learn it by books, a priest tells me to stop trying to know everything and just pray more or something to that effect.

So I’m really at a loss as to what I’m supposed to do. I pray the Hail Mary, Our Father, Saint Michael, Oh My Jesus, Act of Contrition several times a day, especially at night (the demons give me a terrified feeling throughout most of the night so I rely heavily on faith and hope to survive every night) and I try to pray from the heart, but I am really confused about it so I don’t really think I’m praying right in the first place.

Please pray for me that God gives me a real change, and overcomes all my weaknesses and pridefulness with love or something like that, so I can finally learn whatever it is that I’m supposed to do. Because I know that God is more powerful than habit, so obviously I’m doing something wrong.
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Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
Null, have been following your thread for a few weeks and you have the same issue as the first time you posted. Quite honestly those of us praying for you are glad to do that but the serious nature of your issues need prayer and help, i am going to start praying for you to be open to the Holy Spirit guiding you to counseling which is the best place for you right now. Please seek help before you are arrested again. Open your heart and listen for God to lead you forward as we pray for you to recover.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
 
mountee said:
Null, have been following your thread for a few weeks and you have the same issue as the first time you posted. Quite honestly those of us praying for you are glad to do that but the serious nature of your issues need prayer and help, i am going to start praying for you to be open to the Holy Spirit guiding you to counseling which is the best place for you right now. Please seek help before you are arrested again. Open your heart and listen for God to lead you forward as we pray for you to recover.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
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I am highly, highly offended by your insinuation that I’m not doing the best I can. So highly offended. At the risk of getting myself banned, I’d like to suggest a fiery place you can go.
 
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
 
Go to confession so that you may receive Eucharist worthily.
Try to go to a weekday Mass when you can.
Make every effort to attend Adoration in your parish or the closest parish that offers it.
If you can’t manage vines or any other website that troubles you block it. Set your setting very high, like for children.
Removing yourself from temptation is the first crucial step.
Busy yourself with good deeds. Work on the yard, go for long brisk walks, watch old movies with someone. Don’t let yourself be alone fro great periods. Surround yourself with good, happy, and holy people. Volunteer somewhere. Look to the needs of others and you will find yourself happier, more fulfilled, and constantly needed.
God bless you, I will pray for you.
pianist
 
Null, I also have been following your threads and offering prayers for you. I have a few thoughts that come to mind. First, I humbly suggest you take a new approach with your prayers. Perhaps you could pray for sorrow rather than for relief from this burden. Having the remorse for your deviance may be what you need to get past this.

I also humbly suggest that you seek counseling. It is not shameful to do so. It takes great strength to admit weakness and to accept help. Your family is relying on you to overcome these hurdles in your life toward holiness.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Null, I also have been following your threads and offering prayers for you. I have a few thoughts that come to mind. First, I humbly suggest you take a new approach with your prayers. Perhaps you could pray for sorrow rather than for relief from this burden. Having the remorse for your deviance may be what you need to get past this.

I also humbly suggest that you seek counseling. It is not shameful to do so. It takes great strength to admit weakness and to accept help. Your family is relying on you to overcome these hurdles in your life toward holiness.
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I’ve been going to counseling with the best person for sexual problems in the county, for the last 2 years straight. I’ve also sought out several alternatives to this person, some Catholic ones, some non-Catholic ones, and have verified that this person actually is the best in the business. This is why everyone’s continued suggestions to “seek counseling” are so unwelcome as to invite my disproportionate malice.
 
We all struggle with sin. I wrote something about recurring sin that might help you. God bless.

RECURRING SIN (from the writings of St Josemaria Escriva).
 
PietroPaolo said:
We all struggle with sin. I wrote something about recurring sin that might help you. God bless.

RECURRING SIN (from the writings of St Josemaria Escriva).
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To quote that page, “St. Josemaria Escriva, in his book The Way, has some encouraging words for those of us struggling with sin (which according to St. John is all of us - see 1 John 8).” – I am deeply offended by this quote. My wife, and the few Catholic women I know, are never, ever, ever in a state of mortal sin. Maybe once a year. They rarely go to confession. One of them had the gall to tell me that she should really go to Confession “one of these weekends” (a year ago) because she hasn’t gone “in over a year”. I’m not lying, she really said this. So it’s incredibly offensive for that page to say that everyone commits mortal sins. Apparently it’s mostly just men who commit mortal sins.
 
null said:
In the past month, I’ve started looking at a lot more pornography, especially stuff people post on vine, and have strengthened a very problematic masturbation habit.

It’s gotten so bad that I did this both yesterday and today. This morning I prayed very sincerely that whatever I’m lacking, God fill me with (or something like that) so that I won’t fall into this temptation again. But then my resolve weakened very quickly (within hours) and I fell back into temptation.

I’m obviously missing something. I very firmly desire a real change in my heart and soul, that is stronger than the force of habit (which in my case is about 15 years strong, since early adolescence).

But I’m especially worried because this week, I have not felt the same emotional remorse and guilt that I have felt before. Maybe this is actually a good thing though, since I was told that my will (choice) is where the repentance really needs to be, not my emotions, so maybe this is my brand new chance to start over?

I don’t really know, because I only joined the Catholic Church about 3 years ago, but I got lost through the cracks of RCIA, and I was never really taught the basics, like how to pray, or how this relationship with God works, or what I’m supposed to do or think or feel or say or know. And every time I tried to learn it by books, a priest tells me to stop trying to know everything and just pray more or something to that effect.

So I’m really at a loss as to what I’m supposed to do. I pray the Hail Mary, Our Father, Saint Michael, Oh My Jesus, Act of Contrition several times a day, especially at night (the demons give me a terrified feeling throughout most of the night so I rely heavily on faith and hope to survive every night) and I try to pray from the heart, but I am really confused about it so I don’t really think I’m praying right in the first place.

Please pray for me that God gives me a real change, and overcomes all my weaknesses and pridefulness with love or something like that, so I can finally learn whatever it is that I’m supposed to do. Because I know that God is more powerful than habit, so obviously I’m doing something wrong.
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As long as you know in your heart that you want to deal with this, God knows your heart and your purposeful desire. Just pray, daily. And here’s something I think may help:

catholic.com/video/overcoming-pornography-addiction

integrityrestored.com/

Many have this problem. You are not doing something wrong. Just ask God for strength, go to Confession (yes, even if it continues for a while) and keep going. Temptations may continue. Find other things to do with your time that you enjoy instead that are good.

Sometimes, porn use is brought out by a number of factors. Talk to a priest over the phone or in person. You may need to make an appointment. Some men find this difficult to talk about, but we shouldn’t. I encourage you.

God bless,
Ed
 
null said:
To quote that page, “St. Josemaria Escriva, in his book The Way, has some encouraging words for those of us struggling with sin (which according to St. John is all of us - see 1 John 8).” – I am deeply offended by this quote. My wife, and the few Catholic women I know, are never, ever, ever in a state of mortal sin. Maybe once a year. They rarely go to confession. One of them had the gall to tell me that she should really go to Confession “one of these weekends” (a year ago) because she hasn’t gone “in over a year”. I’m not lying, she really said this. So it’s incredibly offensive for that page to say that everyone commits mortal sins. Apparently it’s mostly just men who commit mortal sins.
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There are other mortal sins than masturbation. Pride, greed, missing Mass on a Holy Day. I’m sure your wife is a very holy person. I’m also sure 99.9999999% of people (excluding Mary and Jesus) commit mortal sins. BTW, the Church recommends yearly confession at the minimum. The saints recommend monthly confession at the minimum. St. John Paul 2 went weekly.
 
PietroPaolo said:
There are other mortal sins than masturbation. Pride, greed, missing Mass on a Holy Day. I’m sure your wife is a very holy person. I’m also sure 99.9999999% of people (excluding Mary and Jesus) commit mortal sins. BTW, the Church recommends yearly confession at the minimum. The saints recommend monthly confession at the minimum. St. John Paul 2 went weekly.
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Well apparently everyone around here only commits a mortal sin once every few years. I know this because I’m there in the confession line every single Saturday. It used to be more often per week until the priest told me to come once a week instead. So now I just sit in mortal sin from Monday until Saturday, and I’m in a state of grace from Saturday until Sunday, sometimes Monday if I’m lucky.
 
null said:
Well apparently everyone around here only commits a mortal sin once every few years. I know this because I’m there in the confession line every single Saturday. It used to be more often per week until the priest told me to come once a week instead. So now I just sit in mortal sin from Monday until Saturday, and I’m in a state of grace from Saturday until Sunday, sometimes Monday if I’m lucky.
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You might be assuming too much when you correlate confession attendance with the rate of mortal sin. Some people may commit them and not confess them, after all.

Check out Reclaim Sexual Health. It sounds like your problem is more in your approach to beating this thing than in having the will to do so. It is said sexual addiction (like porn) is as addictive as heroine. That site can give you the tools to break free. I’ll pray and Ave for you.
 
PietroPaolo said:
You might be assuming too much when you correlate confession attendance with the rate of mortal sin. Some people may commit them and not confess them, after all.
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Exactly this.

There is so much that is or can be mortally sinful, much more than masturbation and self exposure. I guarantee you that your wife and your friends are frequently in a state of Mortal sin. Guarantee it. Honestly, it sounds as though the Catholics you and your wife have surrounded yourselves with are not the greatest role models in living the Faith.
 
Your problem of habitual sin is one of the most frequent we are all challenged with.
Some go through their entire lives fighting off this sin and failing again and again until confession becomes a broken record. The short lived joy and the heartbreak of early failure is known to so many. Eventually you just have to admit to the Lord that you cannot fix it. Men want solutions and when there are none we feel it as real men.
You must not let it move on to more serious sins such as self exposure. There you are not only failing yourself but others especially your family. However, I would in your shoes surrender to Jesus asking Him forgive you all the time, not waiting for confession. It is important to recognise that the habitual nature of your sin may well mitigate the seriousness as you may no longer have full intent.
It is not fair to have to fight the same battle for so many years without reinforcements. You are His son. Demand them from Him whether it is a phalanx of angels or the strength of the Holy Spirit, it matters little. He knows your good intentions, your struggle sometimes weak sometimes strong and your pain at failing Him. Have we not at some point been disappointed at a son for a long term decision they have made so unwisely. Is he not still your son?
This weakness may never leave you, but neither will your loving Father. Make demands as the woman did to the unjust judge. Perseverance will work.
No one on these posts are judging you, nor do they think you are not trying.
How many smokers who cannot quit get sick to death of hearing from friends of patches; hypnosis, acupuncture? How many smokers can recognise the concern showing through these wasted suggestions. Don’t be too harsh on people and stop being so hard on yourself.
 
Hi Null,

I am sorry for the struggles that you are going through.

When I have been troubled, I have found that going to Adoration before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, has been most helpful to me. It has been calming to me, and has brought a peacefulness to me that I cannot find elsewhere.

If you don’t have a church or chapel nearby that has Adoration available, then maybe you can just sit quietly in church and pray before Jesus in the Tabernacle, either before weekend Mass, or when the church is open at other times.

I would do that when I couldn’t get to Adoration–just sit quietly and pray in church. I would just pray from prayer books that I have.

When I am feeling afraid and down, too, I will just keep my Rosary on me. I will sometimes just put it in my pocket to comfort me, or wear it around my neck.

As for others committing mortal sins, I am sure that they are, but that they aren’t going to confession for them.

Take heart, and know that by going to confession yourself and confessing your mortal sin/s, you are doing the right thing for your soul. :console:
 
oldgraymare2 said:
Hi Null,

I am sorry for the struggles that you are going through.

When I have been troubled, I have found that going to Adoration before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, has been most helpful to me. It has been calming to me, and has brought a peacefulness to me that I cannot find elsewhere.

If you don’t have a church or chapel nearby that has Adoration available, then maybe you can just sit quietly in church and pray before Jesus in the Tabernacle, either before weekend Mass, or when the church is open at other times.

I would do that when I couldn’t get to Adoration–just sit quietly and pray in church. I would just pray from prayer books that I have.

When I am feeling afraid and down, too, I will just keep my Rosary on me. I will sometimes just put it in my pocket to comfort me, or wear it around my neck.

As for others committing mortal sins, I am sure that they are, but that they aren’t going to confession for them.

Take heart, and know that by going to confession yourself and confessing your mortal sin/s, you are doing the right thing for your soul. :console:
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Any time I go to Adoration (we have a Perpetual Adoration Chapel), I don’t feel any love from Jesus. I only feel unwelcome. I know I am not only a sinner, but a habitual unrepentant sinner, and I know that Jesus does not like my kind, and is very angry at me. So I know that I have no friendship with Jesus. Even after confession, my relationship with Jesus is very much like, we shake hands and say hi and talk about the whether when I pass the chapel, but that’s as far as it goes, because he’s really not over all the times I’ve wronged him, so it’s a very awkward relationship.
 
null said:
Any time I go to Adoration (we have a Perpetual Adoration Chapel), I don’t feel any love from Jesus. I only feel unwelcome. I know I am not only a sinner, but a habitual unrepentant sinner, and I know that Jesus does not like my kind, and is very angry at me. So I know that I have no friendship with Jesus. Even after confession, my relationship with Jesus is very much like, we shake hands and say hi and talk about the whether when I pass the chapel, but that’s as far as it goes, because he’s really not over all the times I’ve wronged him, so it’s a very awkward relationship.
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If you truly confess your sins, then you are right with Jesus. He loves you even when you are sinning. That is why He died for us when we were still in our sins.
 
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