Have you ever sincerely loved and adored someone, but it did no good, because that person simply didn’t trust you, didn’t believe in you? Trust, belief, and love, are a two-way street.
"It takes TWO to tango " as they say.
You are still breathing? God did not end your life 5 minutes ago and send you strait-away to Hell?
Perhaps this is some evidence that God trusts you, believes in you, Loves you ?
Now I don’t know about this mortal sin buisiness, but I flat don’t believe that God doesn’t Love you.
the last person Christ brought into the fold before expiring on the cross was a convicted felon and theif.
Saint Peter denied Christ three times before the cock crowed, and was forgiven.
Even In Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ even Pontuis Pilate is dealt with charitably.
I just don’t think God would dislike you especially.
don’t give up !
I’ll pray for you Holly.