For my faltering faith

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Dear Esther Rose: I am praying for you! I hope that you will pray the rosary as the rosary is a powerful prayer! :knight2:
 
hugs everyone greatfully for their prayers

I’ve been going a lot to spiritual direction lately, and praying a lot, too.

I seem to alternate between a longing for what I abandoned in becoming Christ’s, and a total revulsion and fear of that same thing… I woke up the other night to a knocking sound, and all I could think was “Satan’s knocking” and I was SO scared… it feels like he’s just waiting for me to mess up so that he can torment me even more… so I keep praying to Jesus, begging Him to protect me and to not let me suffer more temptation and fear than I could handle.

My spiritual director says that I am waging spiritual warfare, and that it’s not supposed to be easy but that Jesus isn’t leaving me to face it alone. He also told me to take some holy water home, and sprinkle it around my room each night. I actually ended up sprinkling it right around my bed each night, right before I sleep.

At least now I am sleeping through most nights, and when I wake up scared now I just keep praying to St. Michael, my Gaurdien Angel, St. Therese the Little Flower, St. Joseph… my two patron saints, the defender of the Church - and then I pray to Jesus, over and over again. and I tell the devil that he can’t have me anymore, because I belong to Jesus now and will forevermore.

I will be spending All Saints Eve in the Church where Jesus is so notably present. I asked Fr. if I could, because what I now call All Saints Eve I used to call “Samhain” and I think that this is maybe why things have been getting harder.

I came to the realization that “Samhain” was one of the only two times I ever was happy as a pagan (as opposed to feeling somewhat crushed under a pressing desire for something I didn’t know what it was then and now I know it was always Christ and His Church), and so of course it is the time when I would miss it the most.

So I want to thank every one of you for your prayers… they are working, because even though I am still facing the same temptations to doubt and the same difficulties, I am now becoming stronger than them. Or at least, my trust in Jesus is stronger (most of the times).

though… a good friend of mine (actually a Catholic too, who probably just didn’t know better) just sent me some books on eastern paganism, and that made it all seem more difficult…

as soon as I opened them, I ran into the school and called Fr., I asked him to take them (the books) from me because I couldn’t have them… and he did, less then ten minutes later I had handed the books over to him (he said he would throw them out) and then, after the books were gone, that was when I really felt the temptation towards them.

I am constantly feeling… happy… to be Catholic, to belong to Jesus, it’s like - I don’t want to lose this belonging to God, to Christ, for anything - it’s just… I keep missing paganism and it feels weird not to practice.

I learned how to sing the Chaplet of Mercy, though, and so now I sing a Chaplet whenever a pagan chant comes into my head, and usually the Chaplet drives the chant right out of my brain. 🙂

Clinging to Christ,
Esther Rose

ps - all my friends are out at a halloween party tonight, so I think I’m going to abandon the computer and go study or something… something that will get my mind off of things for tonight 🙂
 
Esther Rose I pray this for you

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I command the evil spirits that heckle this child to be banished. I ask her guardian angel to protect her and ask that all the angels would help to hold her up. The enemy attacks us the strongest right after our mountain top experiences, please minister to her. I pray the Esther Rose can be Jesus as her focus, eyes on Jesus, and pick up this cross to battle against that which she has professed to detest now. She is God’s child, and given her heart to Jesus and the enemy will continue to attack and heckle her making her believe she made a mistake. But we in the church know, there is no other Savior, Prince of Peace, other than the Lord Jesus Christ. Provide her with a good spiritual director.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be world without end. Amen.

How blessed you are that Jesus has called you into closeness with Him through a spiritual director!! You probably didn’t know that…but you are. If He has brought you to that, it’s just the last ditch effort of the old to hang onto you…good thing is it can’t, no way, you are Jesus’ now. Not everyone finds a spiritual director or is called to that even, and when you are it is because He is calling you closer to Him. AMEN, AMEN!!!
 
Praying for you. Persevere in pray and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.
 
hugs everyone greatfully for their prayers

I’ve been going a lot to spiritual direction lately, and praying a lot, too.

I seem to alternate between a longing for what I abandoned in becoming Christ’s, and a total revulsion and fear of that same thing… I woke up the other night to a knocking sound, and all I could think was “Satan’s knocking” and I was SO scared… it feels like he’s just waiting for me to mess up so that he can torment me even more… so I keep praying to Jesus, begging Him to protect me and to not let me suffer more temptation and fear than I could handle.

My spiritual director says that I am waging spiritual warfare, and that it’s not supposed to be easy but that Jesus isn’t leaving me to face it alone. He also told me to take some holy water home, and sprinkle it around my room each night. I actually ended up sprinkling it right around my bed each night, right before I sleep.

At least now I am sleeping through most nights, and when I wake up scared now I just keep praying to St. Michael, my Gaurdien Angel, St. Therese the Little Flower, St. Joseph… my two patron saints, the defender of the Church - and then I pray to Jesus, over and over again. and I tell the devil that he can’t have me anymore, because I belong to Jesus now and will forevermore.

I will be spending All Saints Eve in the Church where Jesus is so notably present. I asked Fr. if I could, because what I now call All Saints Eve I used to call “Samhain” and I think that this is maybe why things have been getting harder.

I came to the realization that “Samhain” was one of the only two times I ever was happy as a pagan (as opposed to feeling somewhat crushed under a pressing desire for something I didn’t know what it was then and now I know it was always Christ and His Church), and so of course it is the time when I would miss it the most.

So I want to thank every one of you for your prayers… they are working, because even though I am still facing the same temptations to doubt and the same difficulties, I am now becoming stronger than them. Or at least, my trust in Jesus is stronger (most of the times).

though… a good friend of mine (actually a Catholic too, who probably just didn’t know better) just sent me some books on eastern paganism, and that made it all seem more difficult…

as soon as I opened them, I ran into the school and called Fr., I asked him to take them (the books) from me because I couldn’t have them… and he did, less then ten minutes later I had handed the books over to him (he said he would throw them out) and then, after the books were gone, that was when I really felt the temptation towards them.

I am constantly feeling… happy… to be Catholic, to belong to Jesus, it’s like - I don’t want to lose this belonging to God, to Christ, for anything - it’s just… I keep missing paganism and it feels weird not to practice.

I learned how to sing the Chaplet of Mercy, though, and so now I sing a Chaplet whenever a pagan chant comes into my head, and usually the Chaplet drives the chant right out of my brain. 🙂

Clinging to Christ,
Esther Rose

ps - all my friends are out at a halloween party tonight, so I think I’m going to abandon the computer and go study or something… something that will get my mind off of things for tonight 🙂
Bless you! :hug1: What a wonderful thing that you have found Jesus Christ!! You surely have my prayers!!:crossrc::crossrc:
(Your priest sounds:thumbsup: perfectly wonderful!! Just what you need, a wise & holy man).
 
Esther.
You have to openly admit which things that attract you to your former religion. And then maybe you can find out whether some of your longings might be met in a Christian assembly. You may have to find another congregation to attend in order to get a full taste of what Jesus wants to give you through the Holy Spirit. Maybe you find that your Church or faith is somewhat cold and sterile compared to your earlier life.
Did you ever think about having someone pray over you for the baptism in the Holy Spirit? (Actually often people who have once dealt with new age are more spiritually trained/open and ready to receive this gift than many others).
You see, the Bible tells us that when we make demons leave our house we have to fill that house with the Holy Spirit, otherwise it is empty and the demons will come back.
Another thing I would suggest is that you prayerfully read the Bible every day. People are litterally transformed by this living word when they read it, applying it to themselves and learn about God through it.
The Gospel is not just some teaching, some norms and rituals no, its the Power of God full of transformation and love and newness of life. Fear of apostasy is a sad motive to stay Christian. You must ask Jesus that you come to really know Him. Love is the only sound foundation of faith… and you cannot love someone that you dont know.
The Lord has and will indeed set you free to live
 
I encourage you to say a chaplet to God’s Mercy!
Especially at 3 p.m.(the Hour of Jesus’s Death)!
Special gift of Grace!
Trust in God’s Mercy. Jesus will help you!

CHAPLET TO GOD’S MERCY


Using normal rosary beads,begin with:

The Lord’s Prayer : Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed
be Thy name…… Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…….
the Apostles Creed :I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven …

On the five large beads :

Eternal Father, I offer You the Body and Blood,Soul and
Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son,Our Lord Jesus Christ,
in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

On the ten small beads :
V. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion,
R. Have mercy on us and on the whole world.

At the end of the Divine Mercy Chaplet say three times:

Holy God, Holy Mighty One Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy
Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Invocation: O Blood and Water that gushed forth from
the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of mercy for us,
I trust in You (3 times)

Sign of the Cross :in the name of the Father,
and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

God Bless You

George
 
Neophyte Rose, I have been awakened by my bed shaking. I have seen dark shapes moving in corners. Sounds. Immediately cross yourself when such manifestations occur, as evil flees from the sign of faith. The antidote is a spiritual warfare prayer. It has amazing power, when prayed with all faith and trust. You can find several at: catholicwarriors.com/pages/warfare_prayers.htm
The comfort and consolation that you obtain by them will increase your faith. Do not give up, and have no fear. Satan is only trying to shake your newfound faith. He is not only a liar and the father of lies, he is a coward. He cannot withstand the power of a sincere and faith-filled spiritual warfare prayer, one of which I just said on your behalf.

Christ’s peace be always with you.
 
Esther Rose, I have been thinking about you and praying very hard for you!!! St. Padre Pio please protect Esther Rose!
 
Will keep you in daily prayer with your patrons - St. Michael, your Guardian Angel, St. Therese and St. Joseph…
 
I went through a time when I was struggling, and in a similar situation. I will keep you in my prayers.🙂
 
Neophyte Rose, I have been awakened by my bed shaking. I have seen dark shapes moving in corners. Sounds. Immediately cross yourself when such manifestations occur, as evil flees from the sign of faith. The antidote is a spiritual warfare prayer. It has amazing power, when prayed with all faith and trust. You can find several at: catholicwarriors.com/pages/warfare_prayers.htm
The comfort and consolation that you obtain by them will increase your faith. Do not give up, and have no fear. Satan is only trying to shake your newfound faith. He is not only a liar and the father of lies, he is a coward. He cannot withstand the power of a sincere and faith-filled spiritual warfare prayer, one of which I just said on your behalf.

Christ’s peace be always with you.
Thank you for those Warfare prayers. I just prayed several of them. The breaking generational curses and renouncing lodges and secret societies were of use because I had a grandfather who was a 32nd degree Freemason.
 
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