For People who think Marriage is needed for Happiness

  • Thread starter Thread starter Marc_Anthony
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
agapewolf said:
You are comparing the best parts parts of single life with the worst challenges of married life.

NOT a comparison.

Also, you are defining happiness as “lack of issues and challenges”, which is not even close to what true Godly happiness means.
Click to expand...
OK, fine. I just wanted to say that marriage in itself is not a cure for anything. And I know people who think that their lives would be perfect if only they were married. I think that is naive. All states in life have their issues and challenges.
 
Marc_Anthony said:
It’s not about loving yourself but rather living a life of love (and friendship) married or not married.
Click to expand...
I’m not sure I understand you correctly. Isn’t the common misconception more on the lines of people marrying because they think the significant other is going to ‘fix them’? :confused:
 
This link is one I found for part of the discussion on a thread about charisms in the Catholic Church.

crossroadsinitiative.com/library_article/36/Charisms_of_the_Holy_Spirit_and_the_Sacrament_of_Confirmation.html

The link itself is some really good reading, giving a person a good idea on just what a charism is and how it relates to doing our stuff as a Christian. Now, that aside, the author mentions something about celibacy as follows:

"Celibacy too is a gift. Some choose the single life out of selfishness, but when the Spirit empowers someone to live a celebrate life for the sake of the gospel, this is a prophetic act flowing from a charismatic gift. The gift of celibacy is a silent proclamation that there is only one thing necessary (Lk 10:42). It also can free us to serve others and find our happiness, joy and freedom in the wider body of Christ. "

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I found this to be something close to life-changing.

Celibacy as a gift…does that not put it in a whole new light? Here some of us (read: me) are, fighting tooth and nail against the current state of our lives, when in fact, whether it be temporary or longer, it is a gift that God is giving to us. A silent proclamation! How perfect, for a shy guy like me.

I hope to either be married someday, or to become a priest…still discerning which is the way I’m to take. But in the meantime, I am choosing to embrace this gift that God is giving me, so that I can find my happiness, joy and freedom in servitude and example to the wider Body of Christ.

Good stuff.
 
mommamaree said:
This is not taking into account our fallen nature and our free will. God can have a plan for a person to be married, but He does not force a person to be married.

Example: boy meets girl. Girl is everything boy could hope for in a mate…except she is rather vain and shallow. Boy hopes girl will mature. Boy considers possible future marriage. Boy courts girl. Girl runs off with new guy she meets. Boy is heartbroken. Pattern repeats till girl runs out of new cute guys to run off with. Girl misses first boy, realizing he was perfect for her had she only seen it.

Another example: boy meets girl. Girl is smitten. Boy is mostly good to girl during courtship, but there are some warning signs. Girl ignores them because she is so “in love”. Boy and girl marry. Husband starts acting like a monster to his wife, confirming the warning signs she chose to ignore.

First example, who is to say that they were not meant to marry each other? Second example, who is to say that they should have married each other?

We have free will and fallen natures. Sometimes we choose to run away fromGod’s plans for us, which He means for our good. Then we make disasters out of our lives and the lives of those who are close to us. We must recognize that our actions can have lifelong or even eternal consequences.
Click to expand...
Sometimes, we mess up because of Original Sin. This is unfortunate. But then we need to trust God-if we do, despite something occurring like you’ve described, we can still live a life of love and happiness according to the Gospel.

Accepting that maybe you won’t find your significant other (not that you won’t, but MAYBE you won’t) then I think it’s best to focus on living a happy and fulfilling life as somebody single-and it CAN be done with the correct attitude.

Of course, what I think is just what I think. I speak for nobody else. But realizing that I can be single and happy is nice. 🙂
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
I’m not sure I understand you correctly. Isn’t the common misconception more on the lines of people marrying because they think the significant other is going to ‘fix them’? :confused:
Click to expand...
Now we’re both a bit confused. :confused:

You said you don’t see anything wrong with wanting somebody else to love-you’re right, of course.

What I was trying to say was that even though marriage is the calling for many people, not getting married can still mean loving others.

As for this comment,well, yeah, I guess. Then of course you shouldn’t get married-that’s never a good idea.
 
Marc_Anthony said:
Sometimes, we mess up because of Original Sin. This is unfortunate. But then we need to trust God-if we do, despite something occurring like you’ve described, we can still live a life of love and happiness according to the Gospel.

Accepting that maybe you won’t find your significant other (not that you won’t, but MAYBE you won’t) then I think it’s best to focus on living a happy and fulfilling life as somebody single-and it CAN be done with the correct attitude.

Of course, what I think is just what I think. I speak for nobody else. But realizing that I can be single and happy is nice. 🙂
Click to expand...
You are absolutely right that, despite something bad happening in our lives (not getting what we want, a tragedy, a disappointment, etc.) we can still live happy, abundant lives. We can experience sorrow and still CHOOSE joy. God is so good and loves us so much that He promises to bring tremendous good out of even the darkest times. And sometimes, the greater the sorrow, the greater the joy that follows.
Have you read Abandonment to Divine Providence? It is a wonderful book that allows us to begin to see God’s hand in it all, even hidden behind what appears to be evil.
I make the comments you replied to because I very nearly messed up my chances with my husband. If God hadn’t helped me stop and take notice of my high school sweetheart at just the right moment, I could have become the girl I described, who was vain and shallow and heartless and who lost out on her one chance at a happy marriage. But now, approaching my 15 year anniversary, I am thankful God didn’t let me go far before yanking my chain.
This Halloween will be 16 years since the night my husband told me that he loved me, despite the fact that we were no longer even dating. He just up and told me. Why, I will never know.
This All Saints Day will be our 15 year anniversary of elopement. I was still the “running off with a man” kind of girl, but I ran off with my husband! 😃
I know God could have brought some happiness to my life if I had messed up with my high school sweetheart, but I know that I would always have wondered what if, and regretted running away from a good young man who loved me.
That is why I responded so strongly. Because I could have been that girl…😦
 
DarkLight said:
Very much this. I have never felt the desire to be married. I find many people cannot understand this. Some even get offended or defensive (primarily young men).
Click to expand...
Well, when you encounter a young man who is seeking marriage, how do you treat him? Do you criticize him? (I’m asking rhetorically, so you don’t need to answer). If that is the case, I can see how that would be threatening and offensive, because it has happened to me. Maybe that is why we are losing many young men - they find that in order to get married, they have to seek wives outside the Catholic Church.
DarkLight said:
I have had people assume that it’s some twisted result of “feminism” causing me to hate men and rebel against God’s will for my life.
Click to expand...
Considering that the recent glorification of singleness in general society was due to feminism and the rise of the “independent career woman” who “did not need a man” (excedpt for weh, they do have a valid point.
DarkLight said:
Very few consider that perhaps not all are called to marry.
Click to expand...
In the Bible God did make it clear that it is not good for man to be alone, and the CCC 1603 states that the vocation to marriage is written into our very nature, coming from the hand of God. Society’s healthiness is determined by a healthy “conjugal life”, i.e., marriage/family life. If one is not called to marriage, it is because they are called to “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, which is further defined by the CCC as “priestly ministry and consecrated life”.
 
I completely agree with the idea that one does not need to be married to be happy. Some people want to get married in the worst way, and then one, or two, or five years after the wedding, they wake up to find that is precisely what they have done.
 
We are called for service to allow ourselves to strengthen self-giving and sacrificing self-taking. What good is our vocation ( Holy Orders, Marriage, Charitable Service) if they do not cost us anything? It is in our shedding of selfishness that we learn Gods glory.
Marriage draws us out of ourselves. * When we promise our future, we promise to bury (in love) our spouce. As I have only had my father die ( very painful ) I can’t imagine to pain of seeing my husband get sick & die. But this is what I have promised; and he promised for me. It is a vocation God made for me. Open your heart to hear the vocation God made for you.
 
Even for those seeking marriage…I see too many young people my age treating marriage as a necessity for them to start their lives, so to speak. Their whole lives are centered around finding “the one.” They may be called to marriage, but that does not require misery in the meantime. It does not make them incomplete, or mean they cannot start seeking to serve God in their current state.

This is I think the problem behind a lot of the negative reactions I receive from young men. They have gotten the idea that they somehow need to be married right now and that they can’t have full lives until they find the right woman and get married.

I think some of this is the modern church’s fault as well. I often find very little opportunity for single young adults to be involved. Once you hit mid-20’s the focus shifts to married couples. There are many ministries that young adults could be involved in, but there is often much of an attitude that if you are not in a religious vocation, you have nothing to offer as a single person.
 
I think some of this is the modern church’s fault as well. I often find very little opportunity for single young adults to be involved. Once you hit mid-20’s the focus shifts to married couples. There are many ministries that young adults could be involved in, but there is often much of an attitude that if you are not in a religious vocation, you have nothing to offer as a single person.

The Church really has a wide range of singles. Yes there are the young (18-25), low middle aged (25-35), upper middle (35-45), older (45-up) Since singles groups tend to focus on vocations they are short lived and ever rotating. These include never married, divorced, & widowed.

In our Area we have several gathering for all of these age groups like, “Theology on Tap” & Conferences. It’s the smaller groups thatmix these types that seem to be short lived ( point of mixers is to pair up).
 
Norseman82 said:
Practical notes, from the USCCB:

Why marriage matters:

foryourmarriage.org/marriage-resources/why-marriage-matters/

What are the social benefits of marriage:

foryourmarriage.org/what-are-the-social-benefits-of-marriage/

Looking for long-term dividends? Try marriage:

foryourmarriage.org/looking-for-long-term-dividends-try-marriage/

(I also posted this in the other thread about why marry and have kids)
Click to expand...
I am not devaluing marriage at all, and want to get married myself. I’m just okay with not being married.
 
A friend of mine actually linked to an article suggesting that some of this mentality might contribute to more premarital sex in young Christian women. The emphasis is often, not on serving and living for Christ now, but on waiting for marriage. Young women get to their 20’s or 30’s and realize that they are still single and waiting for a husband to “fulfill” them. (Judging from some of the young men I know, I doubt this is a purely female phenomenon.) If we need marriage for fulfillment, why not settle for a lesser relationship and hope it provides what you’re looking for?
 
Do you remember your last year at your old school–whether it was high school, college, or even middle school? The way you felt when you could look back on the last years of your life, satisfied with all the ways that you’d learned and grown, but were itching to move forward, to stretch yourself and face new challenges? Perhaps you felt a tinge of fear… the path ahead would not be an easy one, but deep down, you knew that it was time to move on. Maybe you even lost some of your enthusiasm for your circumstances in those last days. Some folks call it “senioritis”…well…I think perhaps some of us have a touch of single-itis…and feel as though we’re saturated with all the lessons we can learn in life alone and could only continue to grow with a significant life change. Maybe this means marriage, maybe not. In the meantime, just as seniors can become dispirited in those final weeks, long-term singles can lose their zeal for the single life.

I fully agree with the OP that it is possible to be a complete, full person living a beautiful life in singlehood. I respectfully disagree that a person who faces challenges in finding a spouse is “meant to be” single or that such challenges are a sign that he or she would be happy in that life long term. Some may grow into the type of person like the OP’s aunt, others may not. Circumstances in the world do not always mirror God’s will. That being said, it is important to trust that God can and will make something beautiful out of any and all circumstances.
 
To each their own. Some people are called to be married; others aren’t. And it can change over time. As a personal example, I couldn’t get remarried fast enough after my first marriage went south, simply because I wanted to have children. Now that I have children, I might not remarry if something, God forbid, happened to my spouse.
 
iwillrisenow said:
I fully agree with the OP that it is possible to be a complete, full person living a beautiful life in singlehood. I respectfully disagree that a person who faces challenges in finding a spouse is “meant to be” single or that such challenges are a sign that he or she would be happy in that life long term. Some may grow into the type of person like the OP’s aunt, others may not. Circumstances in the world do not always mirror God’s will. That being said, it is important to trust that God can and will make something beautiful out of any and all circumstances.
Click to expand...
Well, single life, unless it’s for religious reasons, isn’t really a calling. But sometimes things don’t work out for the best. You never find the person meant to be your spouse. I’m just saying, that can be okay. God can and will make something beautiful out of those circumstances as you nicely put it.
 
As a priest and canon lawyer once said before I got married, “No one should depend on marriage as their main source of happiness - that can only come from God and the maturity of the person to recognize how to make themselves happy without putting all the pressure on one person.”

I am married, 11 yrs now, but after learning how to fulfill my life with love for God, and I’m still on that journey. My husband and our marriage were gifts from God, and no matter how hard and challenging it can be, there is so much joy and love in marriage and having children as well. I was finished with college and grad school, had my career and solid group of friends, but knew I wanted to have children and raise a family someday but after prayer and discussing this with a priest. It is crucial to be emotionally mature and understand the consequences of what you’re getting into; and not just be focused on having a great wedding.

I have aunts who never married and are very happy with their lives. They are now in their 50s and 60s. Depends on the person. And attractiveness has NOTHING to do with how happy you are in your marriage - beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it’s so subjective. Your spouse may find you very attractive, and that’s all that should matter, right? Some people are simply blessed with good looks and some are not, but that should have no bearing on how one conducts oneself in marriage.
 
Marc_Anthony said:
Well, single life, unless it’s for religious reasons, isn’t really a calling. But sometimes things don’t work out for the best. You never find the person meant to be your spouse. I’m just saying, that can be okay. God can and will make something beautiful out of those circumstances as you nicely put it.
Click to expand...
Wrong, I will have to disagree with you on this point. Single people can have a unique calling to evangelize, I simply cannot see it’s either marriage or religious life - one can be God’s servant in different ways, ie volunteer in church, have more free time to dedicate to prayer, service in various ways in nonprofits, participate in ministry, go through ministry formation classes, teach classes, the possibilities are endless - and perhaps through this prayer and service, the right woman (or man) may come along or God may introduce you to a new plan you never thought of. How do you know it was God’s plan? As a wise friend who is a deacon said this week, “Because it wasn’t my original idea!” 😃
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top