For singles: Why are you single?

[chevalier]

I dont really think you should care about being single or not. In order to love someone I think you first gotta love yourself, and you gotta feel alrady complete, and nice just on your own without actualy dating someone.

I’m not so entirely sure of that. That’s not far from saying you only get a relationship if you don’t need it. I know that’s not what you say, but let’s be careful.

Being single is a beautiful time for yourself in order to have time for yoursel, and enjoy things.
You shouldnt feel the need to date someone, but instead enjoy this beautiful moment and try to realize that you, are already complere just the way you are, you dont actualy need someoen in order to feel better. If you can understand this then dating wont be such a big deal. dont rush in order to date someone jsut enjoy this moment becuase in a way every moment in life can be beautiful in a way but we dotn actualy realize this.

That is true, although let’s be careful not to become egocentric. There’s a million of things I can do when I’m single that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. I can also meet people, including women. If I feel something strong for her, I can of course make moves, but I’m free. In a relationship I wouldn’t have that ability - naturally, however, in a good relationship I would be building a future. In conclusion, a but or meagre relationship is not worth losing what you lose to get one.

 

[jimmy85]

I’m not so entirely sure of that. That’s not far from saying you only get a relationship if you don’t need it. I know that’s not what you say, but let’s be careful.

That is true, although let’s be careful not to become egocentric. There’s a million of things I can do when I’m single that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise. I can also meet people, including women. If I feel something strong for her, I can of course make moves, but I’m free. In a relationship I wouldn’t have that ability - naturally, however, in a good relationship I would be building a future. In conclusion, a but or meagre relationship is not worth losing what you lose to get one.

I didnt mean being egocentric, actualy I mean that perhaps when you are single you are more willingly to shrae your life with more people.

I just mentioned that since I have friends that are like crying for a woman, I know a girl that is crying for this guy n so on.

Also society tends to program people in order to think that not dating often is something negative sometimes, and that isnt true.

 

[jimmy85]

I don’t think the majority of the people in this thread necessarily think that they’re incomplete or less of a person for not having a husband or wife. It is entirely possible (and here I speak from experience) to be content with one’s life, satisfied in one’s own personhood, and living a perfectly useful life and still want to find a spouse. Many people are called to marriage as a vocation, so the desire to be in a relationship is very naturally going to be in their hearts. It does not mean that they somehow feel inadequate or incomplete. This is one of my pet peeves. Simply because I want a husband does not mean I am suffering from self-esteem issues. I recognize my worth and abilities as a fully functional, whole human being separate from my marital status, as I’m sure most of the people on this thread do.

I totaly agree with that.
I just thought that when people touch this subject many believe that being single is not as good as being dating though.

 

[Cairisti]

Why? I’m not sure. I used to want to be married years ago, but in the last 5 or so years, I’ve come to be quite content with being single and not sure I want to be married. I’m getting on up in age (will be 50 this year), and know that there are very few nice Catholic men my age who are still single. Not to mention I’m rather shy. Like Thutch04, I’ve been told I’m not pretty enough. I’ve had guys tell me I’m not physically or financially attractive. They prefer friends of mine. Eh, their loss. I’ve been keeping busy with updating my career, helping out at Church and volunteering and social activities, so don’t feel as much of the “loneliness” singlehood can bring.

 

[Salonika]

I’ve had guys tell me I’m not physically or financially attractive. They prefer friends of mine. Eh, their loss.

When I read earlier posts I was shocked that women could be told by a bloke they are not attractive enough to get married. But to read that you have also been told you are not financially attractive is another step along the shockline to me (and would also be if a woman said it to a bloke.)

Makes you wonder how some people see marriage - a chance to move up the financial ladder with stunning partner on their arm - so they can also move up the social ladder?

It’s only sensible that people discuss finances before marrying and maintain some financial independence afterwards but all I can say Cairisti, thank goddness you knew this before you were married to him.

 

[unworthy]

Why? I’m not sure. I used to want to be married years ago, but in the last 5 or so years, I’ve come to be quite content with being single and not sure I want to be married. I’m getting on up in age (will be 50 this year), and know that there are very few nice Catholic men my age who are still single. Not to mention I’m rather shy. Like Thutch04, I’ve been told I’m not pretty enough. I’ve had guys tell me I’m not physically or financially attractive. They prefer friends of mine. Eh, their loss. I’ve been keeping busy with updating my career, helping out at Church and volunteering and social activities, so don’t feel as much of the “loneliness” singlehood can bring.

Cairisti, you inspire me very much. Thank you for taking any sufferings you’ve had in stride. Your confidence amidst your struggle is beautiful. God bless you.

 

[John_AH]

I feel incomplete without her.
I feel unbalanced wthout her.
I feel a little lost without her.

I’m not going to lie and say oh I’m doing great alone. I get to do so many things because I don’t have any stings.

I practically crave those strings because those strings are oportunities to Love more, more opportunities to forgive, and more opportunities to really live.

To be alone is sinful. Note: I did not say single.

It is sinful because we can’t Love alone. In the act of love we have to give and/or receive. We can’t give or receive when we are alone. (Technically speaking we are not alone when praying and technically speaking we can be alone in a crowded room.) Jesus’ greatest commandment is to Love. So above all things we should be trying to Love as offten as possible. What other magnificant sactifying grace is there then the commitment to Love forever, no matter what? How can that not be the goal of all goals in this life? It is why we are here because through that kind of Love we know GOD!

Nothng would make me happier than to find my other half.

God’s servant,
John Anthony

 

[jennifer67]

I’d have to reflect more on why I am single, but I did spend too much time dating a very nice person when I was younger but due to some geographical separations and differences in religion, culture I had to let him go so he could move on and find a person ready to commit to him.

When younger I focused a lot on my education/ working to establish myself in my line of work.

Now I am 40 and actually feel ready/mature enough to commit to someone seriously but the dating world is difficult to navigate, at least for me.

I am seeking avenues for dating Catholics only this time, but even so the Catholic men I have met have wide ranges in beliefs, practices when it comes to relationships. It is not always easy to get a good read on them.

I have had good experiences but recently had my feelings hurt, so I am withdrawing to pray, review my approach to this and seek out Catholic fellowship.

I’d love to learn more about the proper and right way to approach dating at this age, especially when all the men are divorced/annulled.

Thanks.

 

[Just_wondering]

Because I’m not married yet. Maybe a sarcastic answer, but it’s the truth.

I have a boyfriend - not a fiance yet, but hopefully we’ll get engaged next year. I thought we could become engaged sooner, but things are taking a long time. He has an ex-wife and a custody battle. We are from different countries, and living in a third country, so there are visa issues to sort out when we do get married, and who knows how difficult it will be to bring his daughters to live with us assuming he gets custody. At this point, it feels like it’ll be another two years before we can get all this legal stuff sorted out, and maybe only then we’ll be able to get engaged. Plus, I can visit his country, but he can’t visit mine, so meeting each others’ families will be a challenge. It’s a good thing he’s worth it!

 

[joamy]

Congratulations–God bless you for considering this vocation–good luck to you.

Keep the prayers going up!!

 

[Belgarion]

There’s a lot more single people than I thought…

Its kinda sad

I don’t mean pathetic. lol, just somewhat depressing.

I guess its just me though. I’ve spent most of my life dreaming about my future bride, and being single at 19 depresses me!!

Its kinda upsetting to see so many older people who are single as well…Is there no hope!!!

 

[Denae]

Well Belgarion, we have loads of time to find someone if that’s what God wants of us. (I’m nineteen too)

 

[Belgarion]

Well Belgarion, we have loads of time to find someone if that’s what God wants of us. (I’m nineteen too)

LOL

Well, I suppose I’m just terribly impatient!!

Or rather impatiently patient. I can wait for someone, but I won’t do it quietly!!!


Still, my older sister got married at 20…no joke. She met her now-husband at 17…And I’ve never even been on a date at 19!!
I get kinda jealous…I see eHarmony commercials and I chuck my remote at the TV!

 

[Denae]

awwwwww Don’t worry, if it be in God’s plan, you will find your bride.

 

[Belgarion]

awwwwww Don’t worry, if it be in God’s plan, you will find your bride.

I sure hope so

There better be one of those “Ever After” moments, too.


sigh I love that movie

 

[Denae]

Well you shouldn’t try to make your life imitate a movie…that “ever after” moment, could be 100,000,000 times better in real life!!!

 

[Belgarion]

Well you shouldn’t try to make your life imitate a movie…that “ever after” moment, could be 100,000,000 times better in real life!!!

True.

Of course the events of that film are somewhat…er…WAY different than I’d be encountering.

I just meant that I want romance

Right now I’m not really doing anything like that, so it kinda awkward to want to be romantic, when I really can’t at the moment.

When I talk to the girl I am after, I frequently have to stop myself from saying too much.

 

[Denae]

True.

Of course the events of that film are somewhat…er…WAY different than I’d be encountering.

I just meant that I want romance

Right now I’m not really doing anything like that, so it kinda awkward to want to be romantic, when I really can’t at the moment.

When I talk to the girl I am after, I frequently have to stop myself from saying too much.

I can see what you mean.

 

[nef]

Well, for one I haven’t found a guy who I’ve really liked. I’ve had guys who’ve liked me but I haven’t liked them. For two the whole staying a virgin until I get married thing kinda puts some guys off, although that in many cases is a good thing. I’m not too worried, I’m only 20, but seeing a lot of people my age begin to get married and have kids kinda makes me wish it wouldn’t take so long lol

 

[rpp]

Well, for one I haven’t found a guy who I’ve really liked. I’ve had guys who’ve liked me but I haven’t liked them. For two the whole staying a virgin until I get married thing kinda puts some guys off, although that in many cases is a good thing. I’m not too worried, I’m only 20, but seeing a lot of people my age begin to get married and have kids kinda makes me wish it wouldn’t take so long lol

If a guy is put off because you won’t put out, then they are not worth your time.

At my age, it is more evenly split with the girl who wants to drag the guy into grave sin as well as the other way around.