Well, there are all sorts of ways this discussion can go. Cans of worms too. But all interesting. Always open to learning something about dating, it being such a challenge. Since I’m kind of taking it low key for a few days and supposedly clearing out my office after a whirlwind project I’m enjoying taking a little time to read the posts on this threads…bear with my verbose tendencies…i’m worn out and need a distraction/break…talking about the miseries of dating is the only thing at hand right now…
I wondered how that statement would be read. What I mean by “professional” is that whatever work they’re in they are relatively more settled at 40 than a student for example or young person going through job hopping, and have more means to take a woman out for a date. That’s true no matter what the nature of their work.
They also by 40 pretty much know who they are, where they are headed, and what they want. So less need for exploratory outings, like the bowling outing I referenced where the girl has to buy her own pizza because the guy doesn’t want her to get any “ideas” (or he’s too cheap) just joking (75%)
When I was a college student and in my early years, I was sensitive to the guy feeling pressure to spend money on me so I would arrange all sorts of activities that were free or low cost. I would contribute in ways, too, such as cooking meals and inviting a group over…of course that life presents lots of opportunities for group hang outs etc…there were times we all sat up all night talking and watched the sun rise…
But I must admit the guys I have taken seriously - I have been engaged twice and so really avoided and dated relatively less often when I was younger - as only a couple got my attention, were the ones who were willing to call me, arrange a date, take me out and pursue me openly and persistently over time. Otherwise, I was focused in on other things in life…
My first serious bf, whom I was later engaged to, suddenly decided while on the sidelines during a soccer match that he must date me after months apparently of trying to ignore me/forget me, took off with the car leaving his buddies who were on the field to find their own way home, went home and put on a suit and tie and arrived at my door a bit later in the evening (7:30?) I answered my door in my pajamas and robe having gotten comfortable to do some work at home and he asked me if I would please change as he would like to take me out to dinner.
Having known him to some degree for awhile through work I was not afraid but impressed with his boldness and agreed. We had a wonderful evening and stayed up late on my doorstep talking. The buddies never did find out what happened to him and to the car! It was our special memory.
During our “courtship” (he made it clear soon after he was hoping for marriage) we used to “hangout” and do low-cost things like strolling through fancy grocery stores and holding hands, my not being far into my career yet and conscious about spending money although he was more advanced in that way and ready to get married.
Anyway, hanging out is okay at some point down the line, but I need a guy to make a clear, direct, first move making his inentions clear or I don’t give him much thought at all. I wouldn’t waste a lot of time on any guy who wasn’t pursuing me.
Guys have tried to get my attention in more subtle ways but maybe I’m dumb and just don’t get it. One guy during graduate school started a conversation with me about a very “sweet” girl he met and on and on about how “sweet” she was and how much he liked her…Couldn’t figure out why he kept repeating himself. I told him a few times directly that was great and maybe he should get to know her better/pursue her…he finally got frustrated and stormed away and I didn’t have any clue until my male classmates laughed at me and told me he had been talking about being “in love” me for months??? Similar things have happened periodically over the years and I just don’t get why they use such odd tactics and can’t make clear to me their intentions and pursue them? Is it really that hard?
As for hanging out, I am busy as I said and I wouldn’t spend too much time on a guy who is approaching things that way.
Maybe it is a personality thing but I have a strong personality and I’m attracted to strong, decisive type men who balance out my assertive tendencies. Really, leading a timid guy around endlessly would be total misery for me and spending months encouraging him to speak up and get on with it just awful.
Anyway, got carried away and not sure I am responding relevantly to the thread as usual. Thanks for bearing with me
Feeling a bit lost in my dating at 40 world. Where’s that catalogue…or can anyone advise me on how to get one going? Maybe I could get a discount on a “starter pack.”
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