Forced Family Prayer Pros vs. Cons

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Lara said:
The prayers were too long, and the posture was painful. I believe it was abuse. Now what to do with that information? Probably tell your mother and try to forgive her.
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I suspect the issue isn’t the mother, but understanding that God isn’t out there to make children suffer in order to please Him.
 
This sounds like something to discuss with your wife. I do not know your wife’s Religious practice, if she is Catholic I can point you to resources.
 
Man, I feel soft for saying bedtime prayers with the kids while lying down and snuggling with them. They actually look forward to it, even the 10 year old boy. Our Father, Hail Mary, Apostles Creed, Glory Be, then go brush your teeth better this time, no really go brush better.
 
Your mother sounds to me as if she was expecting too much of a child your age. Praying the rosary twice on your knees is excessive. My mother remembers at about the age you were, 8 praying the rosary every day during Lent kneeling on their stair steps, there were 5 of them and how stupid she thought it was to recite the same prayers over and over and over again.

I hope you might forgive your mother. I am not sure why your ran away from home but I bet she was doing the best she could as all parents to do instill the Faith in you and went way overboard in my opinion. Perhaps there were other issues in your home .

I hope you can remember her good intentions, move on and stay in the Faith and God Bless.
 
Forcing a child to pray under the threat of physical punishment to me is counterproductive at best and I am sorry that was your situation.

I don’t think it’s child abuse to kneel for an hour but I do believe your mother had good intentions but as I noted before went overboard.
 
Many people pray for an hour everyday. I don’t see why pain in and of itself is a bad thing. Eventually, the skin on your knees will get thicker and adjust. I think having bad posture could do more damage, so I don’t see what’s wrong with this. Also, may God bless your parents for trying to instill devotion to the rosary while you were young! Having truly Catholic parents is a blessing!
 
All I can say is that it is not abusive for a parent to pass on their religious beliefs to their children even if their children aren’t believers. This includes kneeling for prayer, praying the rosary and wearing scapulars.

The problem is when the “how” of passing on that belief crosses the line. It sounds like your mother was trying to do something good for you, but failed to do it in a loving and appropriate way. I can understand why you feel traumatized and victimized by the experience.
 
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You know how else you could pray the rosary as a family with kids? On the couch in a pile of snuggles!

Parents sometimes have kind of a checklist of what they think a Catholic family should look like based on what we have heard, seen or read. You have a Catholic family, right in front of you! Look at them. Look at their natures and needs. Try out different devotions as a family so that the kids can experience the smorgasbord that is Catholic spirituality and fashion from it something that is familial as well as individual.

I identify a little bit with the mom from the story who wants the family to pray the rosary every day. When I felt that way I was trying to make my family do things they were too young to do out of some kind of misplaced anxiety that we weren’t Catholic enough. It was an extreme fear for their souls that drove it. When I decided I really needed to work on my own prayer life instead, peace, authenticity and happiness in the home followed.
 
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I wanted to know if what I experienced was normal for Catholics and I have my answer. For some of them it actually is. Some of them, like you, appear to have a complete lack of empathy. I’m going to unsubscribe now.
 
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SebastianMary said:
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Many people pray for an hour everyday… Also, may God bless your parents for trying to instill devotion to the rosary while you were young! Having truly Catholic parents is a blessing!
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mrsdizzyd said:
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The problem is when the “how” of passing on that belief crosses the line. It sounds like your mother was trying to do something good for you, but failed to do it in a loving and appropriate way. I can understand why you feel traumatized and victimized by the experience.
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I think these two posts together define the issue very well. To try to pass on one’s love of God to one’s children is a good and praiseworthy thing: but it is possible to do it in the wrong way, and that can produce the opposite result to what’s intended.

Starfish’s mother had good intent but went about it the wrong way.
 
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Zaccheus said:
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SebastianMary:
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Many people pray for an hour everyday… Also, may God bless your parents for trying to instill devotion to the rosary while you were young! Having truly Catholic parents is a blessing!
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mrsdizzyd said:
(snipped)
The problem is when the “how” of passing on that belief crosses the line. It sounds like your mother was trying to do something good for you, but failed to do it in a loving and appropriate way. I can understand why you feel traumatized and victimized by the experience.
Click to expand...
I think these two posts together define the issue very well. To try to pass on one’s love of God to one’s children is a good and praiseworthy thing: but it is possible to do it in the wrong way, and that can produce the opposite result to what’s intended.

Starfish’s mother had good intent but went about it the wrong way.
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And, if I might add, this is a path forward for @starfish11 .

If she can wrap her mind around the idea that her mother had good intentions (even if she has to assume this is true) she can work her way to a place of forgiveness for her own sake.

A lot of people have forgiveness backward. They think forgiveness is for the person who did wrong. No. Forgiveness is for the person who was done wrong. It allows you to let yourself off the hook and move forward with your life.
 
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If you had kids, wouldn’t you also try to instill in them the love of God, which He is infinitely worthy of and is nevessary for salvation? Parents have authority over their children, and the duty to raise them in the Faith. Your mother would have believed the rosary was beneficial for you, and by making you pray it, maybe you would have developed the love of this prayer on your own. I can’t imagine Catholic parents ever wanting their children to pray the rosary out of wanting their children to suffer.
 
SebastianMary said:
If you had kids, wouldn’t you also try to instill in them the love of God, which He is infinitely worthy of and is nevessary for salvation? Parents have authority over their children, and the duty to raise them in the Faith. Your mother would have believed the rosary was beneficial for you, and by making you pray it, maybe you would have developed the love of this prayer on your own. I can’t imagine Catholic parents ever wanting their children to pray the rosary out of wanting their children to suffer.
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I quote myself.
Zaccheus said:
Starfish11’s mother had good intent but went about it the wrong way.
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No one is arguing with the idea of teaching kids to pray the rosary.

However, expecting a child to kneel up straight on a hard floor without leaning for the duration of an entire Rosary and making them continue when they cry from discomfort is not the way to encourage a child to pray. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
 
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I think we should all realize that our parents are not perfect. No child that I know of is born with an instruction manual. They do their best but every parent makes mistakes and I think that sometimes we need to learn how to forgive.
 
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