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rcwitness
Guest
Sounds like a great girlfriend. Her sweetness doesn’t have anything to do with love.
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madlenka1998
Guest
I think that’s not fair… She is a nice girl. She just doesn’t know God. She is doing what she think it’s normal because everyone around her are doing it and that is why I would like my brother to explain her why it is ok to wait until marriage… 
My brother is her first boyfriend, they are really young, she is not a slut or anything, she really is a nice girl
My brother is her first boyfriend, they are really young, she is not a slut or anything, she really is a nice girl
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rcwitness
Guest
Doing what you think is normal, because everyone is doing it is not sweet.
I certainly wasn’t accusing her of being “sluty”, but you told us she “wants him to do things he was told not to do”.
Be careful of those sweet kinds.
I certainly wasn’t accusing her of being “sluty”, but you told us she “wants him to do things he was told not to do”.
Be careful of those sweet kinds.
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madlenka1998
Guest
Well, he as catholic was told not to have sex before marriage and she thinks it’s a bit “fanatic”… and I understand her, because she is 15, her parents are ok with it, they will just say her to use pills and protection and things like that… she is doing what she thinks it’s normal and ok. Maybe I’m too optimistic and naive but I always try to think the best of other people, so I still think she really likes him and her sweetness is real 
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rcwitness
Guest
I’m not judging her.
But by what you are saying, she and your brother are not interested in Jesus.
Have you asked her about her faith? Does she know the Gospel?
Educate your brother on the strain of a marriage to a non-Christian would be.
But by what you are saying, she and your brother are not interested in Jesus.
Have you asked her about her faith? Does she know the Gospel?
Educate your brother on the strain of a marriage to a non-Christian would be.
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madlenka1998
Guest
She belongs to some charismatic movement, but she is not catholic non christian. We talk about it with him, but you know, it always ends the same way, he will say that we are too strict and that he is a grown up and he wants to do his own decisions…
We talk about it with him, but you know, it always ends the same way, he will say that we are too strict and that he is a grown up and he wants to do his own decisions…
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rcwitness
Guest
Just tell your brother he should not be dating anyone, at his maturity level.
Then dont say anything more about it. Let that ring in his head.
Eventually, he will know you were right. But he has a long way to go.
Then dont say anything more about it. Let that ring in his head.
Eventually, he will know you were right. But he has a long way to go.
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rcwitness
Guest
Do u have a gf?
Edit: Oh, are you female?
Edit: Oh, are you female?
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Legend
Guest
Knowing this, I’d say that your family should invite the girl to your family activities…including mass! She has already been to charismatic services, from what you say…she may already be a Christian! She may just need to know what virtually all Christian denominations say about premarital sex-that its wrong! I’m a lot more optimistic about the situation,knowing more about the girl. She, at worst, is spiritually searching…at best, already a Christian!
God bless all of you!
God bless all of you!
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DarkLight
Guest
I think it might do well for some people remember that many of us are here on this forum precisely because we rejected what our parents taught. And you can’t have it both ways.
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poche
Guest
Your parents make the rules. When your brother is in a position to be on his own then he can make his own rules.
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Peeps
Guest
To the OP–talk to your parents and tell them how you feel, and see how THEY feel.
It’s possible that they feel the same way as you do. OR–it’s possible that they really don’t have any objection to your brother’s decisions. If that’s the case, it’s sad, but don’t argue with them. You can’t change their mind. Some parents believe that they have no right to tell their older children what to do. Sigh.
What my husband and I would have done is to contact the girl and ask her to join us for coffee at a local coffee shop (or whatever she likes–the idea is to meet outside our home, and not at her home). Once we were seated together, we would have told her how much we like her and how we are pleased that our son has found someone like her to date. THEN…we would tell her how important church is to us and how we miss the whole family going to church, and we would ask her to please talk to our son and help him to go to church and GO WITH HIM so that they can be “spiritual” together and be a couple together in spiritual things, not just this world.
I would make it sound really cool and spiritual for the two of them to be at church.
And…we would make sure to tell her that there are many different Mass times, and if they don’t want to go to a Sunday morning Mass (I don’t like going to Sunday morning Mass!), that they can go in the evening, or late morning, or whenever the parish offers Mass. I would also explain that there are “contemporary” Masses if they prefer a different kind of music, and I would do my research in advance and be prepared to tell her where in the city (if not at our parish) those Masses are held.
And I would thank her so much for helping our son to grow up to be a good man and tell her that is she ever needs anything from us to please come to us.
That’s what we would do–recruit his girlfriend to help us, but make it clear that we want HER to be his spiritual friend, and that we won’t force them to do this. It’s their choice.
If she is truly sweet, this might work. If she is a druggie or…well, you know–sigh.
One thing that will NOT work is to force him to abandon her and go to church with the family. This will only drive him away and into her arms., and it will create resentment in him that will last the rest of his life.
But to do nothing and hope that he and she start going to church gives them both the impression that it’s not really important. Hopefully the parents of this young man will try our approach–make friends with the girlfriend.
It’s possible that they feel the same way as you do. OR–it’s possible that they really don’t have any objection to your brother’s decisions. If that’s the case, it’s sad, but don’t argue with them. You can’t change their mind. Some parents believe that they have no right to tell their older children what to do. Sigh.
What my husband and I would have done is to contact the girl and ask her to join us for coffee at a local coffee shop (or whatever she likes–the idea is to meet outside our home, and not at her home). Once we were seated together, we would have told her how much we like her and how we are pleased that our son has found someone like her to date. THEN…we would tell her how important church is to us and how we miss the whole family going to church, and we would ask her to please talk to our son and help him to go to church and GO WITH HIM so that they can be “spiritual” together and be a couple together in spiritual things, not just this world.
I would make it sound really cool and spiritual for the two of them to be at church.
And…we would make sure to tell her that there are many different Mass times, and if they don’t want to go to a Sunday morning Mass (I don’t like going to Sunday morning Mass!), that they can go in the evening, or late morning, or whenever the parish offers Mass. I would also explain that there are “contemporary” Masses if they prefer a different kind of music, and I would do my research in advance and be prepared to tell her where in the city (if not at our parish) those Masses are held.
And I would thank her so much for helping our son to grow up to be a good man and tell her that is she ever needs anything from us to please come to us.
That’s what we would do–recruit his girlfriend to help us, but make it clear that we want HER to be his spiritual friend, and that we won’t force them to do this. It’s their choice.
If she is truly sweet, this might work. If she is a druggie or…well, you know–sigh.
One thing that will NOT work is to force him to abandon her and go to church with the family. This will only drive him away and into her arms., and it will create resentment in him that will last the rest of his life.
But to do nothing and hope that he and she start going to church gives them both the impression that it’s not really important. Hopefully the parents of this young man will try our approach–make friends with the girlfriend.
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midori
Guest
Catholicism isn’t just about going somewhere for an hour each week— it’s the way you see your place in the universe.
So someone who’s been drilled “you gotta go to church” is going to be a toss-up as to whether they mechanically go through the motions of mechanically warming a pew for an hour on Sunday, or not. Someone who’s been taught, “We’re going to go participate in Jesus’ sacrifice” is going to understand more of the responsibility connected with it, and will attend because they’re actively understanding their role in the common priesthood.
Someone who’s been taught, “We don’t do x, y, and z before marriage” is going to be a toss-up as to whether they have the willpower and discipline to refrain from x, y, and z. But someone who’s been taught, “X, y, and z before marriage aren’t just physical actions, but have an effect on your soul–” is going to be more likely to use that perspective to help stay strong, even in the midst of raging hormones, especially if they already have a nature that’s more inclined towards delayed gratification/the long game vs being impulsive.
So someone who’s been drilled “you gotta go to church” is going to be a toss-up as to whether they mechanically go through the motions of mechanically warming a pew for an hour on Sunday, or not. Someone who’s been taught, “We’re going to go participate in Jesus’ sacrifice” is going to understand more of the responsibility connected with it, and will attend because they’re actively understanding their role in the common priesthood.
Someone who’s been taught, “We don’t do x, y, and z before marriage” is going to be a toss-up as to whether they have the willpower and discipline to refrain from x, y, and z. But someone who’s been taught, “X, y, and z before marriage aren’t just physical actions, but have an effect on your soul–” is going to be more likely to use that perspective to help stay strong, even in the midst of raging hormones, especially if they already have a nature that’s more inclined towards delayed gratification/the long game vs being impulsive.
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rcwitness
Guest
I agree with the conversation with ANYONE “dating” my son or daughter.
You seem a little fixed on them going to Church together. I would emphasize that , seeing that my child goes to Mass, was part of a promise I made to Jesus at their Baptism and First Communion, and hopefully after Confirmation they will enjoy the peace of Mass without my rule. After CCD, they can freely avoid this worship.
If they want to go to Mass together, that’s great, but my child is going, or their will be consequences. I’d rather be sharing, with them both, why it’s so important to our soul to keep close to Jesus. Mass is a bonding of mind, body, and soul with the Savior, but also in fellowship with brothers and sisters who also believe that the Gospel of Jesus is true and full of grace.
You seem a little fixed on them going to Church together. I would emphasize that , seeing that my child goes to Mass, was part of a promise I made to Jesus at their Baptism and First Communion, and hopefully after Confirmation they will enjoy the peace of Mass without my rule. After CCD, they can freely avoid this worship.
If they want to go to Mass together, that’s great, but my child is going, or their will be consequences. I’d rather be sharing, with them both, why it’s so important to our soul to keep close to Jesus. Mass is a bonding of mind, body, and soul with the Savior, but also in fellowship with brothers and sisters who also believe that the Gospel of Jesus is true and full of grace.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Wish I could give this a thousand likes!!!
Yes, parents, teach your children the why’s the reasons, the beauty!
Yes, parents, teach your children the why’s the reasons, the beauty!
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madlenka1998
Guest
Thanks to everyone for sharing your opinions, it means a lot. We invited the girl to our house for dinner, she is too shy, and she refused to come. I think in case of my brother, he is hitting puberty and he is trying to act like a grown up and make his own decisions and be independent… My parents bought him Trent Horns book Why we are catholic and told him that he could always talk to them and share with them his doubts. But about going to church, they insist on him going because they want him to see how important it is for them and I think that is the best approach, even though you may not agree with me. And, every child is different. I showed him YouTube videos with apologetics, and websites where he can search the information on his own if he doesn’t want to talk about it with my parents. My dad is a theologian so is pretty good in apologetics. 
I remember when I was 15, I doubted my faith too. And It took me two years to "re-convert" to the church. (I am 20 btw). And my parents insisted on me going to the church during the two years and I think they did a good job… I am here!
We invited the girl to our house for dinner, she is too shy, and she refused to come. I think in case of my brother, he is hitting puberty and he is trying to act like a grown up and make his own decisions and be independent… My parents bought him Trent Horns book Why we are catholic and told him that he could always talk to them and share with them his doubts. But about going to church, they insist on him going because they want him to see how important it is for them and I think that is the best approach, even though you may not agree with me. And, every child is different. I showed him YouTube videos with apologetics, and websites where he can search the information on his own if he doesn’t want to talk about it with my parents. My dad is a theologian so is pretty good in apologetics. I remember when I was 15, I doubted my faith too. And It took me two years to "re-convert" to the church. (I am 20 btw). And my parents insisted on me going to the church during the two years and I think they did a good job… I am here!
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alice24
Guest
I can only second the advice of inviting her in your family - even now as she refused. There will be other casual opportunities for a get together.
I say this because I was such a teen without moral concerns (“it´s too strict and I´m annoyed by all this no sex before marriage stuff”) and the family of my boyfriend back then even went on vacation with me. I became friends with his mother and for me, it was not without deep impact to see the family structure there. I lived a very unchristian life, but this image in my mind was definately a push in the right direction when I found my faith and married a good man.
You won´t hold your brother when he wishes to have sex with this girl, nor you parents have this power. But you can give the example of an intact christian family. Being raised with this in his mind he will have a lifelong treasure, no matter if he sins in this way (and I hope he will not, of course) or not.
By the way, having such a nice sister is also a treasure, he can be happy to have you.
I say this because I was such a teen without moral concerns (“it´s too strict and I´m annoyed by all this no sex before marriage stuff”) and the family of my boyfriend back then even went on vacation with me. I became friends with his mother and for me, it was not without deep impact to see the family structure there. I lived a very unchristian life, but this image in my mind was definately a push in the right direction when I found my faith and married a good man.
You won´t hold your brother when he wishes to have sex with this girl, nor you parents have this power. But you can give the example of an intact christian family. Being raised with this in his mind he will have a lifelong treasure, no matter if he sins in this way (and I hope he will not, of course) or not.
By the way, having such a nice sister is also a treasure, he can be happy to have you.
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Jen1
Guest
I think that your parents and you have every right to force your brother to do the right thing to maintain being Catholic. If they are supporting him, he has to listen to them about church. They have an obligation as parents to drag him to church. When he is moved out and on his own he can make his own decisions but he needs you and his parents at this tough time in his life to keep him on the right track.
Even to this point, if I heard my brother, who is in his 20’s, stopped going to church, I would literally drive to his apartment and force him in the car and drag his butt to church. I care more about his eternal soul than how he feels towards me and I would hope he would do the same for me.
Even to this point, if I heard my brother, who is in his 20’s, stopped going to church, I would literally drive to his apartment and force him in the car and drag his butt to church. I care more about his eternal soul than how he feels towards me and I would hope he would do the same for me.
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DarkLight
Guest
They have the right, but I would say it can be a valid choice to not do so. The parent has to weigh what’s best for the child.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
When I was a young teen, so young I could not even drive, dating someone who refused to come have dinner with my parents would have gone over like a lead balloon.
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