Forcing parents to go to confession?

[Walking_Home]

They can’t require it. They can’t even require the kids to go. They could mention that it’s highly recommended, though, to set an example for the children.

---

The kids are required to go to confession prior to first Holy Communion.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Not the point…the point is no one can make you go to confession.

I KNOW it’s not the point. Why waste all this effort splitting hairs over something he should do anyway. Also, no one can FORCE him to do anything regardless of what they may say.

 

[Sir_Knight]

Why waste all this effort splitting hairs over something he should do anyway.

Why SHOULD I do it anyway? If, as I said above, I have a communion delivery the day before and I go to confession and I am not conscious of a serious sin the following day, why SHOULD I go to confession anyway?

Going to confession is a very personal matter. JPII went to confession three times a week. Are we to say that those who do not go as often as he did, should go as often? No.

Mother Theresa went to confession every day. Can we say that JPII should have gone more often than he did because he wasn’t going as often as Mother Theresa? Of course not. Because, as I said, confession is a very personal matter and a person goes as often as they feel is needed and no one else can make that judgement for them.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Why SHOULD I do it anyway? If, as I said above, I have a communion delivery the day before and I go to confession and I am not conscious of a serious sin the following day, why SHOULD I go to confession anyway?

Communion delivery is not an excuse. Just go to confession with your child and tell the priest that you have committed no mortal sins since your last confession and that you are there in support of your child’s first confession. It will be the highlight of his day.

 

[chicago]

Suppose I have a communion delivery on Friday and go to confession on Friday and my daughter’s first confession is on Saturday and I’m not conscious of any grave sin committed during those 24 hours?

Well, there’s nothing saying that you couldn’t simply make a devotional confession, anyway. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt, and you don’t need to have grave sin for that.

 

[chicago]

While, canonically, a priest can not legitimately formally require parents to confess as a prerequisite for their child recieving the sacraments, I think I can see the understandable reasoning in the pastor setting this as his personal expected norm. And, really, (while perhaps it isn’t the best thing to make people feel it is forced) I don’t know that I see anything so bad about it. I mean, if it gets parents to set an example and pulls a few lapsed Catholics back somewhat, then good! Now if someone wants to appeal his standard (which he may not even attempt to enforce) to the bishop on canon law, then fine. But if they don’t know any better and just go along, making a good confession, GOOD!

 

[Sir_Knight]

Well, there’s nothing saying that you couldn’t simply make a devotional confession, anyway. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt, and you don’t need to have grave sin for that.

So I walk in there and say what? That I’m not conscious of any grave sin because my last confession was just 24 hours earlier?

I mean, if it gets parents to set an example and pulls a few lapsed Catholics back somewhat, then good!

Who sets a better example? The parent who goes to confession on that one dat and then then child never sees them go again or the parent who shows that confession is a regular part of their life week in and week out?

 

[Sir_Knight]

Communion delivery is not an excuse.

I think it is. I think that it is of most importance to handle the body of Christ when one is free of as much sin as possible.

Just go to confession with your child and tell the priest that you have committed no mortal sins since your last confession and that you are there in support of your child’s first confession.

Isn’t the whole point of going to confession, to CONFESS? It isn’t meant to be a public show – “oh look, that family is going to confession together”.

Maybe on that day I will be conscious of some grave sin and I will gladly go but without that, I don’t see the point and see confession being turned into something that it was not intended to be.

 

[chicago]

So I walk in there and say what? That I’m not conscious of any grave sin because my last confession was just 24 hours earlier?

The sacrament is not merely for when one has grave sins. Theoretically, one could confess every day even some veniel sin or (YES!) that you can not remember any particular sins but are certainly sorry for all your faults whether of commission or omission, perhaps mentioning some particular sin that you have generally been struggling with in that way. It’s all perfectly acceptable and laudable.

Who sets a better example? The parent who goes to confession on that one dat and then then child never sees them go again or the parent who shows that confession is a regular part of their life week in and week out?

And what is better, a parent who never goes to confession at all or one who at least went that one time and possibly gets drawn closer to Christ, maybe strengthening their life as a Catholic consequently?

 

[Sir_Knight]

And what is better, a parent who never goes to confession at all or one who at least went that one time and possibly gets drawn closer to Christ, maybe strengthening their life as a Catholic consequently?

But the point is (and the pastor even talked about this in a sermon) that Jesus never FORCED anyone to do anything. Jesus ENCOURAGED but never FORCED. When the rich man came wanting to follow Jesus and Christ told him to sell all of his belongs and the man walked away, Jesus didn’t FORCE him to follow Him.

That’s my whole issue with this – I see it as being FORCED and that is a contradiction of our faith. Even Almighty God respect the free will that He gave us and doesn’t FORCE us to do things.

 

[chicago]

Well, the parents don’t HAVE to go to confession with their kids. But they might merely have to face his consequences. Which isn’t unlike rejecting God’s invitation, no? A little bribery, um I mean incentive, isn’t always a bad thing, though.

 

[puzzleannie]

this DRE might be on a power trip, it’s an occupational hazard, but she might also be passing on something that has come from the pastor. quite right you cannot force anyone to go to confession. However, and she may have explained it this way but it got lost in translation and came out as a demand:

it is extremely beneficial for the child to see the parents confessing, and for the first confession to be in the context of the family going to church together for confession, because hopefully that is the way it will continue to be done as the child grow up. Instead of what usually happens. the parents drop the kid off for first confession, he is scared, doesn’t know what to expect, does not ever see this normal action modelled by his parents, and if he does want to go to confession in the future he has to ask his parents to drive him to church.

If the child sees first his dad going into the little room, coming out, kneeling to pray, radiating peace and goodness, it makes it a lot easier and a lot more inviting to go himself.

It also makes a lot of sense for the families to celebrate a communal rite of reconciliation: liturgy of the word, confetior, psalms and hymns, followed by individual confessions. That is what this revised rite is designed for, and emphasis the reconciliation nature of the sacrament, that we are healing damage done to the community as well as being absolved as individuals.

no, you can’t be forced, but your child’s first confession will be a much better experience if you follow this DREs advice. for some reason this occassion still has a lot of anxiety attached to it, and if this helps, go for it. However, a warning, of confession is a source of great anxiety and stress for you, do not communicate this bad attitude toward your child.

 

[Detroit_Sue]

I’m sure it didn’t mean accompany the child into the confessional.

My husband taught parents of kids receiving Sacraments last year on the importance of there being consistency in the home. First Holy Communion isn’t about the dress & the party. So the pastor (not my husband’s assignment - another parish) required the parents of kids receiving FHC or making their Confirmation to attend a couple of one hour sessions to encourage the parents on setting an example for their kids. There are some parents of both Catholic school kids & CCD kids who don’t even attend Mass. Most of us here don’t fall into that category, so it seems odd. There were several parents last year who didn’t even know their Act of Contrition.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Communion delivery is not an excuse. Just go to confession with your child and tell the priest that you have committed no mortal sins since your last confession and that you are there in support of your child’s first confession. It will be the highlight of his day.

You can seek the Grace of the Sacrament even though you have no mortal sins to Confess.

 

[Dorothy]

This is no doubt a stupid question, although honestly asked. Are you supposed to attend confession WITH your child or just go the same day. I assume that you are not in the booth (or whatever) with your child, are you?

No, they are not to be in the booth with their child. They are being told to go to the Sacrament on the same day.

I do not agree with this being mandatory . I can understand the exhortation for the parents to go, but not the command.

There needs to be other means of catechesis to encourage regular use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

 

[KCT]

In general, it’s possible that most parents are not going on a regular basis. If your family does, I’d tell the DRE your situation and see what he/ she says.

My daughter has a Confirmation penance service next week. She just went to Confession over the weekend. I don’t know if she’ll tell the YM she just went or if she’ll just go again.

I have a similar question. Is it the responsibility of the pastor and YM to MAKE the candidates go to Confession or just offer the opportunity for them to do so. Are they required to confess before receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation? —KCT

 

[Walking_Home]

In general, it’s possible that most parents are not going on a regular basis. If your family does, I’d tell the DRE your situation and see what he/ she says.

My daughter has a Confirmation penance service next week. She just went to Confession over the weekend. I don’t know if she’ll tell the YM she just went or if she’ll just go again.

I have a similar question. Is it the responsibility of the pastor and YM to MAKE the candidates go to Confession or just offer the opportunity for them to do so. Are they required to confess before receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation? —KCT

---

Yes—to receive Confirmation–a person needs to be in a state of grace.

CCC. 1310 To recieve Confirmation one must be in a state of grace. One should receive the sacrament of Penance in order to be cleansed for the gift of the Holy Spirit…

 

[Explorer]

The problem here is two fold. For one thing, confession isn’t encouraged anymore, it’s dying out. I never hear from the pulpit much about it, even though it’s a very helpful tool for us spiritually to help us change our ways.

Secondly, alot people are using the church for cultural reasons, and they don’t really practise their religion. It’s sort of like Jewish people with their Bar Mizvahs. They do it as a family tradition. My parish has a requirement that if someone asks for 1st Communion, that the parent has to attend Mass with them for the year of preparation. You’ll see people show up, then BAM as soon as 1st communion is done with, they disappear. It used to be they didn’t require that even. I know one woman I was talking to said she went to confession with her son. Not WITH him, but at the same time. I don’t know if it was required, but I know this woman had not been practising for many years. Now she has dropped away again, but I think her daughter is coming to that age, so she’ll probably show up again soon.

So there you have it. Too bad that confession has died out because it’s a vital part of what the Church has to offer. It’s too bad the clergy isn’t addressing this head on instead of like this, because it doesn’t really address the real problem

 

[Loren_1of6]

In our parish, First Reconciliation is held as a communal penance service. Parents are encouraged to attend the service and then invited to get in line with their children. No one is taking notes on which parents actually enter the confessional.

I think that your DRE is simply trying to get parents involved in the religious formation of their children. Parents like you tend to be the exception rather than the rule.

 

[jmcrae]

So I walk in there and say what? That I’m not conscious of any grave sin because my last confession was just 24 hours earlier?

You can say, “Bless me Father for I am a sinner. My last Confession was yesterday. A sin from my past that I regret deeply is … For this and for all the sins of my life, I am truly sorry.”

Or you could say, “Bless me Father for I am a sinner. My last Confession was yesterday. A bad habit that I am continually struggling with is … For this and for all the sins of my life, I am truly sorry.”

Who sets a better example? The parent who goes to confession on that one day and then then child never sees them go again or the parent who shows that confession is a regular part of their life week in and week out?

Maybe the idea behind the exercise is to instill the idea that everyone goes to Confession - and to begin a habit of family attendance at Confession. But I agree that instead of being “required” it should be “strongly recommended,” because normally, if you have nothing to confess, you don’t need to go. And if the child, after sincerely examining her conscience, finds that she has no mortal sins to confess, is also not “required” to go, although it is certainly highly recommended that she confess her venial sins and/or her struggles, if she has no mortal sins to confess.