Forever Alone...For Real? (Or, How to Persevere When You Might End Up Single in Heaven Too)

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A lot of people ask about whether or not, should they make it to heaven, any special relationships (e.g.- spouse, parents, children) will continue in some form. And the answer I’ve seen most of the time is “yes”…spouses will continue to share a special relationship, though we cannot know or understand what this will be during our time on earth. Well…as someone who is single and may well end up single for the rest of her life…I have recently realized that, should I by the grace of God make it to heaven…I will still be single. Granted heaven is a place of perfect fulfillment and joy in Christ…so it wouldn’t bother me? But still…

A lot of my growth as a single person has been centered around making Him first and foremost in my life and not needing anything else for fulfillment. And, ultimately, taking some comfort in the fact that no matter how the rest of my life turns out, there is some peace in knowing that I may one day be free with God. But recently I realized the above and…it makes me a bit sad, to be honest. I know I shouldn’t be- I should just trust that heaven is a place of perfect joy- but there is something a bit sobering about potentially carrying a desire for a lifetime only to find myself right back in that same situation for all eternity. All. Eternity.

I have seen many comforting responses for married people and especially widows and widowers, encouraging them that they will once again be with the love of their life. And they can find peace in that and joyfully look forward to it. But it is a bit more difficult to look forward to an eternity without even having the “preview” of such joy that marriage provides on earth.

Bottom line: If you’re single in this life, and may end up single in the next…from where do you draw hope to persevere (real talk: especially when it’s most difficult and you are really struggling with “God is enough” as an earthly human)?
 
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Marriages end with death.

We are all single and devoted to God in Heaven.
In Matthew 22. Jesus is talking to Pharisees and Sadducees who are trying to trick him.
They are always trying to trap Jesus because they want to arrest and kill him.
His response

…29Jesus replied, “You are mistaken because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30In the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. Instead, they will be like the angels in heaven. 31But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what God said to you
 
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This.

In heaven, we will remember that we were married to Joe or Sally, however, we will love the man who was the first convert to Christianity in ancient Gaul just as much as we love Joe.
 
Single in this life and the next, about as depressing as it can get. I haven read responses, but I am sure someone will recite the scripture verse where people tried to trip up Jesus and he stated to some extent that Marriage doesnt exist in heaven and then ipsofacto people swear up and down that is the end of that discussion. When in reality Jesus was talking to a limited mindset of people who were trying to trip him up so that there was this ah ha gotcha moment that could be held against him, and he in turn just shut them down with an answer that they could accept because giving a multi layered response or any other response besides what He said, would have just led to more bickering and questioning of Jesus which He didn’t need to waste His time on, I suppose.

No one knows for certain what will happen, there is no logical or factual or rational reason why God wouldn’t want us to be happy and in a continuing loving relationship with a spouse or loved one or someone we never met in life and we meet i guess our soul mate in heaven.There is nothing to suggest that God wouldnt want us to continue having a life in Heaven either in Marriage. Or to continue a friendship with our animal companions. Theologians, church militants, and clergy and religious try so so hard to create this narrow view of Heaven when there is literally nothing God can’t do nor is their a limit on how big or eternal Heaven is …

In the end iwill, it is just needless worrying to focus on, and what ever you decide to believe in is your choice and that is the end of it, no one has the right to specifically tell you to believe in a certain way on such things. Especially when there is no harm or foul involved in thinking such things or hoping for.

Cheers iwill.
 
I am single myself and may never marry, though I think I have a good chance by the time I get to old age and all the men are passing away. Here is what I know about heaven that helps me avoid disappointment:
  • In heaven our love for God will be greater than our love for anyone else. Think about how on earth married couples have more love for each other than for friends. In heaven though, even the love between married couples will be small compared to the love between us and God.
  • In heaven we will love all people equally. On earth we don’t love strangers as much as relatives. In heaven, there will be no strangers. We will all be part of one big family. There won’t be people with families and then singles left all alone. Any person you see will be a brother or sister with perfect love for each other.
  • Third, people will not be giving birth in heaven. On earth, God invites married couples to participate in his creation, but in heaven all the souls that will ever exist are there. As a result, there is no sex in heaven, so married couples won’t have this exclusive activity that leaves other people out.
Overall, in heaven the only thing you will care about is God. Your relationship with him will be so satisfying, you would be perfectly happy even if you were the only one in heaven, all alone with God. This requires you to trust God’s promises of heaven, but if you can make this sacrifice, “win the race” as St. Paul wrote, your time of suffering will be at an end.

If you aren’t already, I encourage you to pray to God every time you feel lonely. Ask him to help you love him more than anything else. Then some day you might find yourself happy even when alone. I have been single for years and sometimes I do feel lonely, but it always passes when I focus on loving God through prayer and service. It takes prayer to get there though.
 
Do you have any Gospel from Jesus that discusses your proposal?

Jesus is Truth. Jesus speaks the Truth.

We don’t need to interpret anything Jesus says plainly.

The single life can be wonderful. We are never alone if we walk with Jesus .
 
This
Also, beware of romanticizing marriage as the cure all for loneliness. Essentially, marriage is two fallen persons trying (and not always at their full potential!) to make a go of it. Folks can feel really lonely in a marriage. Poke around the family life section of CAF if you don’t believe me 😐
We’re supposed to develop a whole variety of relationships in this life. Some people are better at it than others. Some people can be single and feel just fine with it. Others yearn for better and stronger relationships with the people they have.
Bottom line, no human being can fulfill all our needs, and we can never be 100% happy in this life.
You will not be alone for all eternity. There is God (who really is sufficient for all our needs, even if it doesn’t always feel that way in our limited understanding) and the Communion of Saints. There won’t be cliques in Heaven, with some people “in” and others “out”.
I’m not making light of your loneliness, not at all. I just hate to see you tormenting yourself over something like this!
:pray:t2:For you!!!
 
This. Because of sin, 50% of all marriages fail (at least in North America). Sadly half the marrried folks out there are lonely and miserable. Single people should never think “if only I get married then I’ll be happy”. Marriage is hard. Incredibly hard. And while it is holy and joyous, it also brings great trials.
 
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That no one is married or given in marriage in heaven was my understanding initially. That’s what my equality-oriented mind and heart would like to believe, that none of us will get bonus care and love and support while others are left out. But heaven is a hierarchy. All of the angels have their choirs and conduct their service based on their proximity to God. Likewise, some of us will have a greater capacity to receive more of the beatific vision…the saints, for instance. The great ministers and servants in parishes, homes, schools, hospitals, the streets. And, yes, I believe, married couples will also have a greater capacity having made the sacrifices that they have on earth for their vocation. As they well should.

I guess I’m just trying to grapple with the fact that some of us are given the opportunity to give more in this lifetime. Some are not. Those who are will have a greater capacity to receive God in heaven than those who reject it (fair enough) or are simply not given the opportunity in the first place (not exactly “fair”…but this is not about “fair”). Heaven is a hierarchy. A perfect one, not marred by sin and greed and envy like the ones of this world. But it is a hierarchy.

I admit that I do struggle with jealousy when I think about the opportunity that married couples get that I haven’t so much as had a chance to pursue. Then I feel OK because I know this life will end…but then I realize that I will be alone there too. And…well…I signed up to follow Him no matter what. Even when it’s difficult. And this is difficult.

To respond to the loneliness in marriage question…yes, that is very true. Just to be clear…when I say single life is lonely, I don’t mean to imply that marriage can never be. When I say single life is difficult, I don’t mean to imply that marriage is easy. When I say single life makes me feel very sad sometimes, I don’t mean to imply that marriage automatically equals sunshine and rainbows and happiness. I’m an adult. I’ve seen trials in marriage, including a very difficult period of illness in my own parents’ marriage (through which they persevered). But even a difficult marriage has the chance to be perfected in heaven. What a difficult single life may be perfected into…is less tangible to our human comprehension, is all.

Deep down, I know that God is enough and that, any of us who do make it to heaven and are single, we won’t even notice all the married couples doing their next-level heavenly marriage thing because we’ll be so overjoyed with God! But…here on earth…sometimes it’s very, very difficult to accept yourself as “less than”…even if, the answer is “yes…you are…but in heaven, that does not keep you from perfect fulfillment.”
 
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You won’t be alone in heaven,
You are not alone here. You have Jesus. Can you make some friends and get involved in your church community. Is it possible to do some volunteer work in your Church community?
You also have us, your online Catholic Community.

🙏🕊️

The teaching that marriage persists after death and in Heaven in very much in error.

If it did, once a spouse dies, the widow or widower would never be free to remarry on earth.

This is why there are stories in the Bible of kings etc killing the husband of the woman desired.

My Priest says everyone is equal in Heaven, all us ordinary humans. Cardinals, Priests, laity, etc.
I can only assume martyrs who died in blood for Jesus do get special standing 🙏🕊️
 
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Yes heaven is a hierarchy. But celibacy is a greater vocation than marriage. There may be potential unique eternal benefits for married couples, but there are even greater potential benefits for those called to celibacy.
 
Hierarchy, yes. But we will be operating in Heaven at our full potential. We will also have fullness of understanding. There won’t be even the slightest hint of pain, we will all be united in God, and hierarchy won’t matter to us in the way it matters here. We won’t brood or feel left out. Those are earthly understandings and constructs.
Here on Earth, if someone has more, than another will have less.
In Heaven, we will all be filled to capacity, and because our hearts and minds will be purified, we will rejoice in it, we will be pleased and not slighted if somebody has more glory than us, rather than be jealous.
It’s hard for us to comprehend. We only have this life as a reference point. But for me, I trust when Scripture says every tear will be wiped away. I don’t know how that will be. But I trust in this promise…
 
The one thing I can say with certainty about Heaven is that if and when we get there, we will not care about ANY of this stuff, and we will certainly not be thinking about whether married couples or singles got a greater reward or feeling the least bit lonely.

Let us return this topic to the realistic present. OP, you are thinking this way because you are lonely right now. Is there some activity you can go out and get involved in so you could make some good friendships? Not necessarily ending in marriage, but still strong positive forces in your life that would relieve loneliness?
 
We simply have no ability to comprehend what Heaven and the face of God will be like, and it seems pointless to try to base our understanding of it all…on what we know of life here on Earth.
 
This is something I have often wondered. Let’s say the original Fall never occurred and we married for life. Marriage would be forever right? But after the resurrection we’ll get our new bodies. Even if 100billion people have existed it would never be enough to fill our solar system or galaxy in the Age After Time. So will the human race continue to grow or will reproduction end? I’m literally speculating about what happens after time so feel free to guess!
 
iwillrisenowinfaith said:
Bottom line: If you’re single in this life, and may end up single in the next…from where do you draw hope to persevere (real talk: especially when it’s most difficult and you are really struggling with “God is enough” as an earthly human)?
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I have been reading St. Faustina’s Diary. I know she was a nun but she rejoiced in her relationship with Jesus here on earth. It’s hard to explain, but Jesus is enough. If you would read it, it might give you some insight into a person who loves Jesus totally.
 
Trust me when you get to Heaven, you won’t care if your married single, any of that. You will be in the fullness of God. You won’t even care if you did not stop the newspaper delivery!
 
Thank you for the suggestion, petra22. I appreciate that you mentioned that she was a nun, as single people are often told to follow in the footsteps of religious, except there is a very important distinction- religious fully and openly chose and accepted a lifetime of singleness, we (well, many of us) did not. A few religious that I’ve spoken to have even explained how God revealed to them that they definitely had the option to pursue marriage (e.g.- getting engaged)- many religious seem to have this kind of reassurance from God, while many singles often feel invisible, or like we’re terrible people and have no idea if or how we can be fixed. I know that people in all vocations grapple with these experiences to some degree, and I am sure that even St. Faustina was no exception, whether she writes about it or not. So I will pray on it and perhaps seek it out.

I do know intellectually that heaven will be different, but that doesn’t always help in the day to day of living without encouragement. For instance, the priests at my parish essentially re-enforce married people’s vocation every single Sunday (and yes, I understand that this is important and am intellectually glad that they do this). For instance, they’ll say in their sermon “this is what bearing fruit looks like…perhaps it is in loving devotion to your spouse or children.” And they can go “check!” in their mind or “OK…maybe I need to work on that” but at least they know they have some fruit in their lives. Meanwhile, some of us singles are like “yikes…well, I’m not exactly thriving alone…does this mean I’m not following Christ? What can I even do??” All singles are automatically assumed to have great income to give to the church, or plenty of time and energy to be involved in everything parish…but not all of us are called to these types of commitments.

Basically, I don’t think there is so much a problem of single people not knowing that God is enough. There is more of a problem in that we don’t have as many tangible ways of seeing that God is enough in our lives. Or even that we’re enough for God, even when we aren’t running ten ministries in the parish or writing massive checks every Sunday. Some of us have nothing to guide our journeys because the perception of what those journeys might look like is extremely limited within the Church, as least as is commonly spoken of. Perhaps what we might try doing is going smaller and smaller, and work on seeing God’s goodness in the tiniest of blessings.
 
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I’m praying for you. I do hope you check out her diary. It has been such a blessing to me. I want to do more but my DH who isn’t Catholic and doesn’t want to hear about God or Jesus doesn’t understand my longing… He doens’t want to hear anything about it…
 
TheLittleLady said:
In heaven, we will remember that we were married to Joe or Sally, however, we will love the man who was the first convert to Christianity in ancient Gaul just as much as we love Joe.
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I don’t agree. Heaven doesn’t wipe away our shared experiences or closeness with the people we know in this life. I think we will have a general love for everyone (as Christians we should have a general love for our fellow man anyway). Marriage will not be a thing in heaven. But friendship will be. Our best friends in heaven will still be dearer to us than some random convert to Chriatianity from a millenium ago. I think people who were married on Earth will share a special closeness, but I also think that our friendships on Earth will endure eternally. Perhaps as a single person the OP can think in those terms. It’s not like married people are the only people who have friendship.
 
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