Forgiving husband after affair

[eireannq]

The people who are saying to get tested for STD’s are right on. 30 years ago as a new virginal bride, my new husband gave me an STD in the first month of our marriage. I thought it was just a nasty yeast infection all those years, but when he walked out on me, I thought I would find out once and for all what that was all about. I called the clinic and asked them to go through my medical records from 1978. Sure enough, it was an STD. Don’t be as stupid as I was. Please get tested. You can make other life-altering decisions later. Hugs.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

He’s lying to cover up what really happened.

I hate to say it, but that was my first thought as well.

 

[TrixieMcGee]

First off he needs to be tested for stds. Also you need to be sure to get tested yourself. I would abstain for atleast 6 months to a year and make him get retested because HIV can take 6 months, a year, or even longer to show up on a test.

There are quite a few things he did wrong here. 1. He went to a stag party at a hotel, 2. He got drunk, 3. He did cocaine, 4. He cheated on you, 5. He kept it from you for a week. On top of all of this you sleeping with him now is a major health risk. If he hardly remembers the incident and didn’t know the woman, he probably didn’t use a condom. That means even greater chance of him contracting something.

If both of you want to work it out enough, you can, it will just take a lot of work. Both of you need to go to counseling and you need to set up rules and boundaries for him to help put your mind at ease at what he is doing. Here are some suggestions, you may want to make sure he doesn’t go out without you, you may want to have access to his email accounts and phone to make sure no inappropriate things are going on there, you may want him to no longer hang out or associate with the parties that encouraged these kind of activities.

Please, please, please protect yourself.

 

[benjammin]

First off he needs to be tested for stds. Also you need to be sure to get tested yourself. I would abstain for atleast 6 months to a year and make him get retested because HIV can take 6 months, a year, or even longer to show up on a test.

There are quite a few things he did wrong here. 1. He went to a stag party at a hotel, 2. He got drunk, 3. He did cocaine, 4. He cheated on you, 5. He kept it from you for a week. On top of all of this you sleeping with him now is a major health risk. If he hardly remembers the incident and didn’t know the woman, he probably didn’t use a condom. That means even greater chance of him contracting something.

If both of you want to work it out enough, you can, it will just take a lot of work. Both of you need to go to counseling and you need to set up rules and boundaries for him to help put your mind at ease at what he is doing. Here are some suggestions, you may want to make sure he doesn’t go out without you, you may want to have access to his email accounts and phone to make sure no inappropriate things are going on there, you may want him to no longer hang out or associate with the parties that encouraged these kind of activities.

Honestly, I’d just say leave the guy and pray for his soul. Also, did he have these problems before? Maybe you could get an annulment if this behavior is not new. It sounds like he’s probably done this stuff before. Also, why would you let him go to a stag night? I’m not shaming you for it, but stand up for yourself. I’d never let my future wife go to a bachelorette party unless I was sure nothing like what your husband did happened. I say forgive him, leave and move on

Please, please, please protect yourself.

 

[irmarobert]

Hi,
I just want to share, my ex always do affair at our married before. He always confess after do that, and that makes me “thinking” that I can’t forgive him.
And I became negative thinking of him, and make us divorced.
After our divorced, I “think” that I’m free from him. But, after I read bible more, I know that I must forgive him.
I don’t know how to forgive him, just everytime pray for him, and when my anger is up, I just offer that to GOD in my prayer.
Thank GOD I can forgive him now.

Do a prayer for ur hubby maybe will help you to forgive him too.

 

[ahollars]

As the resident soothsayer for drugs on this forum, I feel compelled to speak.

From US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health

Comorbid abuse of cocaine and alcohol is a common occurrence. Cocaethylene, the ethyl ester of benzoylecgonine, is an active metabolite formed as a result of simultaneous use of these substances. In humans, the concurrent ingestion of cocaine and alcohol, with resulting cocaethylene formation, has been associated with enhanced subjective euphoria, increased heart rate and increased plasma cocaine concentration. These findings suggest that cocaethylene may play a role in the morbidity and mortality associated with concurrent cocaine/alcohol abuse.

His judgement would have been severely impaired, which may have affected his capacity to listen to his conscience.

Obviously, he put himself in that position, but there is something to be said about the fact that he is aware that he has a problem and is willing to do whatever it takes to set things right. Get him to rehab. A lab test can confirm if this was an isolated incident or not. If he is telling the truth, then he will be able to walk away and never do it again.

Wring his neck, then take him to the doctor and hold his hand. You’ll be fine.