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subject97
Guest
I understand that we need to forgive those who do us wrong, but do we have to wait for them to apologize first, or should we just forgive them instantly even if they aren’t sorry?
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maltmom
Guest
You forgive them b/c it is the right thing to do spiritually and psychologically. Holding on to anger/grudge does you more harm than the other person. Just forgive and either move on with your relationship with the other person or just move on. If you are going to just move on then you don’t even have to tell them they are forgiven. They may or may not care one way or another.
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cheezey
Guest
to maltmomThe more you forgive, the more automatic it will be in the future. Your blood pressure will thank you, too. It’s not easy. My roommates get my forgiveness daily. (they are being very mean). I do not tell them, nor will they ever be sorry for all that they do. I sometimes think that even God is scratching His over these two; they are just that vindictive.
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mab23
Guest
just remember in the OUR FATHER prayer
you ask God to Forgive you AS you forgive those who trespass against you
not when
not if
but AS!!!
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Bezant
Guest
How serious is the offense? Is it still continuing? How often was it committed, and how long ago? Was the transgressor responsible (did he know he was wrong, or should he have known)? If he was, did he have a justifiable reason for doing it? Is he remorseful, and does he at least try to redeem himself? In spite of the offense, is the aggrieved person doing well?
You can forgive at any time, with or without an apology.
But forgiveness also involves different components, not just the aggrieved’s preparedness to forgive. The wrongdoer has a responsibility to make that preparedness easier by making up for his offense. While you should not necessarily wait for him to apologise, I also believe forgiveness must come at the right time, and in the proper circumstances. Even God’s mercy and forgiveness has conditions.
If I made a well-intentioned but insensitive remark to you, it might be better to lend me the benefit of the doubt and forgive me. Some things you let go because life is short; enjoy it, don’t become bitter over small things. And you yourself have probably been forgiven for something before you even knew it.
But if I raped your daughter, and relished in committing the crime, how could you forgive me instantly?
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Bezant
Guest
How serious is the offense? Does it continue? How often was it committed, and how long ago? Was the transgressor responsible (did he know he was wrong, or should he have known it was wrong, or would become a problem)? If he was, did he have a justifiable reason for trespassing? Did he go out of his way to harm, or did he deliberately avoid the right thing? Is he remorseful, and does he at least try to redeem himself? In spite of the offense, is the aggrieved person doing well?
You can forgive at any time, with or without an apology.
But forgiveness also involves different components, not just the aggrieved’s preparedness to forgive. When we sin against someone, we have to account for it. While you shouldn’t necessarily wait for people to apologise, I believe forgiveness must come at the right time, and in the proper circumstances. Even God’s mercy and forgiveness comes with conditions.
If I made a well-intentioned but insensitive remark to you, it might be better to lend me the benefit of the doubt and forgive me. Some things you let go because life is short; enjoy it, don’t become bitter over small things. And trust me, you’ve been forgiven at least a hundred times without realising it.
But if I raped your daughter, relished in committing the crime, expressed no regret and continued to rape other women, how could you forgive me instantly?
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indymb
Guest
I too have forgiveness on my mind, regularly applicable, due to some personal circumstances. Best answer I’ve read here is that forgiveness, like true love, is not always the feeling, it’s what you do for the other and work toward in the relationship. Forgiveness is letting go of the righteous requirement for compensation for the act or behavior involved. It is also seeing beyond the distressing disguise of our humanness, into Christ who resides within that person, as Mother Theresa might be paraphrased. It can be quite difficult, it’s true, but as in all tough challenges, God assists when we go to Him in prayer. Peace.
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JRKH
Guest
Good post.
The OP is asking what we should do and most of the answers deal with that aspect. Your post deals a bit more with what we might or might not be capable of doing at a given time. An important distinction.
We should forgive immediately. However there are, various aspects that we might not be able to easily get rid of, principally anger and/or the hurt of having been wronged in some way.
At such times we must make a conscious decision - sometimes the most we can do is to turn the matter over to God. To ask God to remove the anger from you and to deal justly with the other.
Peace
James
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subject97
Guest
Okay, thank all of you, I believe I get it now. (and this was more of theoretical question than one about something happening to me right now for those of you who were asking for more information about the transgressor.)
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cheezey
Guest
I understood it to be theoretical, but perhaps originating with specifics. It is wise to learn forgiveness; unfortuantely we often learn too late. Perhaps we were trying to spare you because, starting too late (but never too late ultimately), could turn you into a bitter person. Theoretically.
Blessings…
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Robert_Sock
Guest
For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.
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On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion. Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.
True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else. Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience. Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul. Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us; for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us -- for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.
The Golden Rule states, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you!" Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness. Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our hatred, and we are ready to receive His love.
Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!
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Bezant
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Thanks, James.Good post.
The OP is asking what we should do and most of the answers deal with that aspect. Your post deals a bit more with what we might or might not be capable of doing at a given time. An important distinction.
We should forgive immediately. However there are, various aspects that we might not be able to easily get rid of, principally anger and/or the hurt of having been wronged in some way.
At such times we must make a conscious decision - sometimes the most we can do is to turn the matter over to God. To ask God to remove the anger from you and to deal justly with the other.
Peace
James
What concerns me about the forgiveness question in general, is what I often see as an overemphasis on the aggrieved party’s obligation to forgive.
On one level, I’m talking about capability. But on another level, I mean to say that we should seek and earn forgiveness, too.
So I’m not necessarily sure we should forgive immediately. But I certainly believe we should always be willing to forgive.
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cheezey
Guest
good point. It is difficult to forgive; sometimes, it should be done immediately, almost automatically, and sometimes after some soul searching and even a human ‘cooling down’ period. And sometimes silently regarding the forgiven. That last one pertains to me; I need to protect myself.
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