Former Agnostics (and active Orthodox & active Catholics)...new-to-me 16yr old Son claims to be an Agnostic

[1Tim215Mommy]

Don’t force. Invite. Encourage. Share. Ask him to “please” accompany you… and talk, talk, talk… all the while, listening to one another.

Thank you!

 

[1Tim215Mommy]

Prayers for you all…

Thank you

 

[Isaiah45_9]

Thanks Jose! Prayers are great!!!

At this point, I don’t think he’ll be open to a priest. I’m completely tapped out right now meeting his basic needs (came to me with 1 pair of jeans, 3 tee shirts & 2 windbreakers) and we’ve been having a massive freeze from Canada, so I can’t yet afford counseling…but that is something I will look into provided he’s open to it. I found him a mentor already, but he’s not willing to meet him.

So far, he does speak to me when we’re alone. I’m also raising a 19 yr old, a 17 yr old exchange student and a 2 yr old so our one-on-one time isn’t too frequent, yet he is surprisingly open. We did talk about how long he’ll live with me and we’re figuring it’ll be about 8 yrs, so there is plenty of time.

Please continue the prayers for us. (I’m wondering, in the back of my mind, based on his prior LOVE of prayer books & holy cards and anything religious, if over some time his love for Faith will return with vigor, he’ll become Baptized and possibly even pursue the priesthood.)

My heart goes out to you. We had a tough situation when my 3 stepchildren (They are all teenagers now - 17, 16, 14 - and we have a 9 y/o from our marriage) came to live with us full time - the court case lasted for almost 3 years - I can bear witness to the power of prayer!

If he’s avoiding the meeting give him a little space. However, I would try to engage him in public places (when possible), like the park, the mall, outdoors, in a restaurant and the like. He might feel more comfortable talking in the anonymity of the crowd.

Patience, love and prayers will go a long way. Also, be aware that he will be paying attention to how you go about life, always assume he is either watching or listening - as he will probably be more willing to listen through others. That will go a long way as well.

 

[1Tim215Mommy]

You have a new son who has experienced the rejections (for what ever reason) of his parents. That can make for added reasons to not want contact with a God we call Father. Rejection by parents can be very hard for anyone.

What a blessing that he will live as your son with his half sister.

He is a blessing to us

Since he was raised by a father who rejected God, it will be natural that he has come to follow that path. It does not mean he will always follow his father’s ways.

Lots of kids these days, even in Catholic homes attending Catholic schools, call themselves agnostic and atheist.

Here is a link on ghosts by Jimmy Akin.

Thank you, I will read that link

It may even be through his belief in the after life with ghosts that you can share with him more on God. You would want to be comfortable discussing ghosts and demons, before going very deep with this topic. Do not find belief in ghosts to be upsetting.

He may be uncomfortable around icons if that was the idea expressed in his home by his dad.

My instinct with his Dad was demonic oppression and I’m wondering if the last 7 or 8 yrs he’s lived with his Dad caused him to become under the same demonic oppression? But I could be crazy.

Take time to listen to him. Ask him to tell you about his feelings and thoughts on religion.

If you have icons and they bother him, ask him to sit with you and discuss what he feels and why he feels that way. You might tell him, how you see and feel about the icons.

Often people move from being agnostic or atheist to become a believer, through a slow process. He probably heard the phrase “Grandma shoved the Catholic religion down their throats” from dad. Maybe dad didn’t want to hear anything on religion and even simple things about faith caused him to claim “she’s forcing it on us.” This reinforces the idea with his dear son.

Now is a good time to share with him the liturgical year… although I wouldn’t use those terms. You invite him to be part of Advent in your home. Ask him to join you for Mass as that what you do as a family on Sunday. Ask him to simply come along and allow him to sit during Mass.

He might enjoy lighting the Advent candles at home.

What’s an Advent candle? I know Advent for Catholics is during the Nativity Fast, but I didn’t know there are candles involved. Is it like a Jewish menora?

If any of your religious outward signs in your home disturb him, ask him to share with you why he is disturbed.

He says, "I don’t know, it just creeps me out."

Maybe he will help with setting up the Nativity pieces. Maybe he will be willing to listen to the Christmas story.

You don’t have any rush with teaching him about God. The Holy Spirit is Who changes hearts. He may be in college or later, when the right timing comes and he understands the Love and Peace of God.

God willing!!!

You live your life, inviting him into your family as your son and inviting him into the family’s life as Catholics.

Invite him to the youth group at your parish.

His sister didn’t like it and I think she’ll sway him to Not even try it. But pray for this, perhaps he will become open.

Invite him to any events your family does to help others.

Pray to be at Peace in this new journey.

Thank you!!!

 

[FabiusMaximus]

I have a new-to-me 16 yr old son (my daughters’ 1/2 brother moved in on Thanksgiving after his Dad & newest Step-Mom kicked him out & living to his natural Mom isn’t an option). As a child, he LOVED & cherished every prayer book, bible, holy card or anything religious he could get his hands on, which his Dad would throw away any chance he got.

Now that he’s 16, he claims to be an AGNOSTIC (who believes in ghosts - btw). He says when he was younger everyone tried to shove “religion” down his throat/forced on him. I asked him who did that? He answered his Grandma. I asked him what religion & he said, “Catholic”. Last night he said that being around Icons make him very uncomfortable (exact same thing his Dad used to say about Icons…hmmm).

My question is: How should I approach Faith with my newest, nearly adult, son? I want to find a way to draw him back to God. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

You know, this is a common situation. Close friends that I had growing up, with whom I read the Bible, have left the faith, for the same reason - that allegedly someone “shoved” the faith down their throats.

You just have to treat him as an adult, live the Christian life, and when he has questions (and he inevitably will), you be ready to answer them.

 

[RoseMary131]

****My instinct with his Dad was demonic oppression and I’m wondering if the last 7 or 8 yrs he’s lived with his Dad caused him to become under the same demonic oppression? But I could be crazy.

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******What’s an Advent candle? I know Advent for Catholics is during the Nativity Fast, but I didn’t know there are candles involved. Is it like a Jewish menora?

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******If any of your religious outward signs in your home disturb him, ask him to share with you why he is disturbed.

**He says, “I don’t know, it just creeps me out.”********Thank you!!!

Helping him to feel at Peace with you as his new family is your first way of showing him a Christian home. It is your life that will speak to him on Faith.

If you have concerns about his belief in ghost and your thought there could be demonic oppression related to his father and to him - you might want to look into information for yourself. You can make an appointment with a priest or the pastor at your church. The more you understand, the more at peace you will be able to see how you can help your new son.

Don’t let any thing of the spiritual world cause you to be fearful. Center yourself with the Peace of the Holy Spirit to be calm.

Its possible that his dad doesn’t like the idea of a God, the idea of right and wrong, the idea that he should love God and others etc. If the dad had an annoyance with God, which would be different than being agnostic or atheist - an anger within the dad might be a cause for what looks like demonic oppression.

Then again, you could be correct in thinking they both deal with this demonic oppression.

A 16 year old who has been raised by a father who threw away his religious gifts, whose dad said he was disturbed by icons - may not be able to express what disturbs him or why it creeps him out.

Its likely that he was “trained” to be “creeped out” by watching his dad’s reactions and hearing his dad’s words. The same as a child who is scared of dogs because mama is scared of dogs.

As time goes on and he is more comfortable, you might ask him if he would like to hear about the different parts of the icons. Like the child who learn to like dogs, he may learn to like icons.

An Advent wreath has 4 candles and can have a center Christmas Candle. There are 3 purple candles and 1 pink candle. The First Sunday of Advent 1 purple candle is lit. Each day the family can lit this one candle.

The Second Sunday of Advent, brings lighting of 2 purple candles. The Third week is 2 purple and 1 pink. The Fourth Sunday of Advent - all four candles are lit. If a center white candle is present, it is lit on Christmas as the Christmas candle.

Some families have a special prayer or reading with the lighting of the candles. Other families, simply light the candles at dinner. It is a way to mark the coming of Christmas.

Advent is our four weeks preparing for Christmas, preparing to remember the first Christmas when Christ came to be our Savior and preparing for the Second Coming of Christ.

Blessings on you and your family.