Former Catholics victims of Separation Anxiety?

[qui_est_ce]

I have noticed that while Protestant converts to the Catholic faith are grateful to their Protestant backgrounds in their faith journey, Catholics who leave the Church seem to be filled with hate for their former Church.

Is this a failure on the part of the Catholic Church’s catechesis or is it lies about the teachings of the Catholic Church to those who have been poorly catechized in their Catholic faith?

Please tell your story.

 

[rosebudsal]

I have noticed that while Protestant converts to the Catholic faith are grateful to their Protestant backgrounds in their faith journey, Catholics who leave the Church seem to be filled with hate for their former Church.

Is this a failure on the part of the Catholic Church’s catechesis or is it lies about the teachings of the Catholic Church to those who have been poorly catechized in their Catholic faith?

Please tell your story.

I’m neither a convert nor did I ever leave the church, but I have family who have. I think in the case of a family member it is a combination of all of the above. Recently when we were talking about this her divorce, she was certain that the priest told her she was excommunicated and couldn’t be part of the church anymore. (Maybe she spoke to a bad priest-- maybe she didn’t understand what he said-- or maybe as she says the priest told her what her mother told him to say her-- I don’t believe any of that, but she heard what she heard and left the church.) She belongs to a Fundamental Independent Baptist church now. She loves it-- but she has a lot of disdain and resentment to the Catholic church even after almost 30 years. She said to me she’d never step foot in a Catholic Church again (though she did attend her mother’s funeral) and she said it with such conviction that it didn’t surprise me.

In any event, my aunt was furious and my father thinks she’s just naive and foolish. (She brought her pastor over one night and tried to convert my immediately family. My dad didn’t take it very well and wasn’t overly polite to the pastor who came into his home telling him he was not “saved”.)

She’s a sweet, caring person and is happy and content, so I don’t say much.

 

[Mirdath]

Keep in mind that you’re not exactly an objective observer

Being Catholic yourself, you’re more likely to think well (or at least not badly) of converts to Catholicism whose attitude problems equal or surpass those of converts from Catholicism, and perhaps to take offense more easily at what a former Catholic might say. You’re not alone in this likely-involuntary double standard, though – plenty of Protestants find converts to Catholicism absolutely insufferable but look the other way when a convert from Catholicism shoots his or her mouth off at the Church.

I find they’re about equal. You have vocal ex-Catholics with an axe to grind, you have vocal ex-Protestants or ex-whatevers who have come to the Church with their own axes and their own wheels. And you have people going in both directions who are perfectly pleasant about the whole thing.

But then, I’m an apostate myself, although not a convert to anything

 

[nobeerinheaven]

Keep in mind that you’re not exactly an objective observer

Being Catholic yourself, you’re more likely to think well (or at least not badly) of converts to Catholicism whose attitude problems equal or surpass those of converts from Catholicism, and perhaps to take offense more easily at what a former Catholic might say. You’re not alone in this likely-involuntary double standard, though – plenty of Protestants find converts to Catholicism absolutely insufferable but look the other way when a convert from Catholicism shoots his or her mouth off at the Church.

I always thought that ex-Catholics were militant, years before I even considered converting. I don’t think this is a unique experience, nor the product of pro-Catholic bias. I was Baptist and thought that militancy was a sign the Catholic Church was flawed and, likewise, turned people off.

 

[ASimpleSinner]

Given the claims of the Catholic Church - that it was founded by Jesus, the role of the pope, the efficacy of the sacraments, to some I believe it ends up being a “zero-sum game”. In order for them to be (or at least feel) right about leaving it all behind, Rome has to be really wrong.

I have met some ex-Catholic Lutherans, Episcopalians, Methodists and the like who are less militant. Others - especially of the pro-women’s ordination bent - can be.

But I think its a function of switching believing in a “one-time-altar-call/once-saved, always-saved” that leads these folks to a point where they can’t just dismiss The Church as being “kinda wrong” - it is all or nothing.

Pray for 'em.

 

[po18guy]

Simple old sin causes much of it. The sin of pride, of arrogance, of disobedience. The weight of this sin, when carried for years without reconciliation, takes its toll. Those who just cannot humble themselves in obedience to doctrine tend to develop defiance, then anger, which manifests itself in the animosity that is sometimes revealed here. I can only pray for them, that the gracious Lord who loves them as ever, calls them home.

Christ’s peace be always with you.

 

[ASimpleSinner]

Simple old sin causes much of it. The sin of pride, of arrogance, of disobedience. The weight of this sin, when carried for years without reconciliation, takes its toll. Those who just cannot humble themselves in obedience to doctrine tend to develop defiance, then anger, which manifests itself in the animosity that is sometimes revealed here. I can only pray for them, that the gracious Lord who loves them as ever, calls them home.

Christ’s peace be always with you.

very well said

 

[Valke2]

I have noticed that while Protestant converts to the Catholic faith are grateful to their Protestant backgrounds in their faith journey, Catholics who leave the Church seem to be filled with hate for their former Church.

Is this a failure on the part of the Catholic Church’s catechesis or is it lies about the teachings of the Catholic Church to those who have been poorly catechized in their Catholic faith?

Please tell your story.

Perhaps it is because Protestant’s who convert to the Catholic faith do so mainly because they find it to be better than what they have; and Catholics who leave the Church do so mainly because they do not like what they see.

 

[tiemry]

Perhaps it is because Protestant’s who convert to the Catholic faith do so mainly because they find it to be better than what they have; and Catholics who leave the Church do so mainly because they do not like what they see.

BINGO!

 

[RHisComingHome]

I find this topic to be interesting because I have often wondered what makes ex-Catholics so angry toward the Church. As an ex-Protestant, I am appreciative of my non-denom/Methodist background because it started me on my journey towards Catholicism but at the same time, I feel sad for those who deny the fullness of the faith. The longer I’m Catholic, the more I realize how unfullfilled I was as a Protestant. The only thing that truly angers me about Protestantism is the denial of the Eucharist, the Rosary, and other things that make the Catholic faith SO rich. And then the Fundamentalists spout their hate and all I can tell myself (so that I don’t lash out) is that they will someday have to answer for their hateful words toward the true Church.

 

[Melchior]

I have noticed that while Protestant converts to the Catholic faith are grateful to their Protestant backgrounds in their faith journey, Catholics who leave the Church seem to be filled with hate for their former Church.

Is this a failure on the part of the Catholic Church’s catechesis or is it lies about the teachings of the Catholic Church to those who have been poorly catechized in their Catholic faith?

Please tell your story.

For many of us who left it is because we grew up during a time of horrible priests and even worse catechesis. I rememeber being a little boy desperate for answers about life after death etc. and neither my priest, not my CCD teachers seemed to know anything or be able to give a straight answer. Then when someone comes along and explains in simple terms that we are seperated by God by our sin but His free gift of ternal life through Christ’s passion to all who believe and give their life to the Lord it is very freeing. The reality is, to not be properly educated in the faith at church or at home, at least during the 70’s and 80’s when I was growing up it was very easy to not hear the gospel in a typical American Catholic church and instread here about a works based salvation. I know now that that isn’t what the church teaches, but you would be hard pressed to find someone who understood that when I was growing up. When you here about Christ yoke being like and the freedom we have in Him vs. waht appears to be a convoluted set of rituals with no substance tought it was very easy to be angy at the church. And to be honest the anger was justified. The church failed to educate our parents in raising Catholic children as well. The church has failed many in this way during a certain period. Thankfully that era is almost over. Just as the Reformation was not a good thing, an honest look at the times should make most of us realize that it was the churches failures that led to it - it did not happen in a vacuum, nor did the mass conversion to greener pastures in our time. But the church is still the church.

 

[qui_est_ce]

Keep in mind that you’re not exactly an objective observer

Being Catholic yourself, you’re more likely to think well (or at least not badly) of converts to Catholicism whose attitude problems equal or surpass those of converts from Catholicism, and perhaps to take offense more easily at what a former Catholic might say. You’re not alone in this likely-involuntary double standard, though – plenty of Protestants find converts to Catholicism absolutely insufferable but look the other way when a convert from Catholicism shoots his or her mouth off at the Church.

I listen to a lot of convert stories on EWTN, and have read several books, Scott Hahn, Kimberly Hahn, Roslyn Moss, Honey from the Rock, Surprised by the Truth. I find the stories inspiring, they help me get to know my own faith better, they help me to not take my faith for granted. Every one of them states up front that they are grateful for their Protesant and Jewish past (Roslyn Moss). Not one of them bashes their prior congregations. They only thing they regret is that their churches did not tell the truth about Catholic teachings, but they don’t blame anybody, because they sincerely did not know they were spreading mistruths. That is not to say there are not any out there, but NO WAY would I read their books, I would consider the source incredible.

I do find militant ex-Catholics to be hurtful, but it is more because they seem to be hurting and that is why they are so militant. It is not Christian. Are these militant attitudes being fostered?

BTW, Catholic teaches “once a Catholic always a Catholic.” So I had a friend in college who wanted to “undo” her Baptism!

 

[AgnosTheist]

Perhaps it is because Protestant’s who convert to the Catholic faith do so mainly because they find it to be better than what they have; and Catholics who leave the Church do so mainly because they do not like what they see.

I agree. By my observation most Protestants-to-Catholics was due to something missing in the old practice. While Catholics-to-Protestants/Muslims/Wiccans was due to something deeply wrong with Catholicism.

 

[qui_est_ce]

I agree. By my observation most Protestants-to-Catholics was due to something missing in the old practice. While Catholics-to-Protestants/Muslims/Wiccans was due to something deeply wrong with Catholicism.

Or a perceived wrong? Are Protestant converts buying into wrongs ex-Catholics are are leaving for?

 

[AgnosTheist]

Or a perceived wrong?

yeah i was referring to perception on both sides.

Are Protestant converts buying into wrongs ex-Catholics are are leaving for?

sometimes.

 

[CarrieH]

Perhaps it is because Protestant’s who convert to the Catholic faith do so mainly because they find it to be better than what they have; and Catholics who leave the Church do so mainly because they do not like what they see.

Most of the Catholics I know who have left the Church have done so because they don’t like “the rules,” especially when those rules interfere with the way they want to live their lives. In their rebellion, some can be very vocal and hateful toward the Church, but I know many who quietly left, too. The vast majority of those I know personally who have left the Church did so over marriage issues, usually involving divorce and remarriage, or they just drifted away after leaving home and never came back. The fact that someone doesn’t like the “rules” and would rather go to Happy Sunshine Fellowship down the street doesn’t make the rules any less valid, however; these are God’s rules, not man’s. But people tend to think that they can find a church which preaches what they want to hear, and that this will make it valid and OK. They do so at their own eternal risk.

I left the Church after a few years and briefly went back to the Methodists (where I came from), over the divorce and remarriage issue. But the longer I was there, the more empty it felt, so I made my confession and came back to my True home, the Catholic Church. I also broke up with my fiance, in part because he would not pursue an annulment since he isn’t Catholic. No earthly husband is worth losing my hope of heaven! :heaven:

 

[qui_est_ce]

I left the Church after a few years and briefly went back to the Methodists (where I came from), over the divorce and remarriage issue. But the longer I was there, the more empty it felt, so I made my confession and came back to my True home, the Catholic Church. I also broke up with my fiance, in part because he would not pursue an annulment since he isn’t Catholic. No earthly husband is worth losing my hope of heaven! :heaven:

Good for you. Marriage is hard enough when people are on the same page about religion. From personal experience I can tell you this disagreement of the role of faith in your lives would have festered and eventually poisoned your marriage.

 

[Mirdath]

I listen to a lot of convert stories on EWTN, and have read several books, Scott Hahn, Kimberly Hahn, Roslyn Moss, Honey from the Rock, Surprised by the Truth. I find the stories inspiring, they help me get to know my own faith better, they help me to not take my faith for granted. Every one of them states up front that they are grateful for their Protesant and Jewish past (Roslyn Moss). Not one of them bashes their prior congregations. They only thing they regret is that their churches did not tell the truth about Catholic teachings, but they don’t blame anybody, because they sincerely did not know they were spreading mistruths. That is not to say there are not any out there, but NO WAY would I read their books, I would consider the source incredible.

Yet I have heard Protestants describe such people – Hahn in particular – in much the same way you describe fallen-away Catholics.

BTW, Catholic teaches “once a Catholic always a Catholic.” So I had a friend in college who wanted to “undo” her Baptism!

Actually, it’s technically possible – you have to submit your intent of defection in writing to the bishop.

 

[inthecloud]

In his book “Why I’m not a Christian” atheist Bertrand Russell said that Catholics and Orthodox leaving the Church are leaving the Church Jesus founded so they need have a high emotional charge to do it. Protestants in the other hand are just changing denominations, imitating Luther.

 

[Ravyn_Guiliani]

I have noticed that while Protestant converts to the Catholic faith are grateful to their Protestant backgrounds in their faith journey, Catholics who leave the Church seem to be filled with hate for their former Church.

Is this a failure on the part of the Catholic Church’s catechesis or is it lies about the teachings of the Catholic Church to those who have been poorly catechized in their Catholic faith?

Please tell your story.

wherever you start and wherever you end up–I think that it is human nature to feel bitterly betrayed when you believe that you have been lied to. Some do not feel lied to by their former religion, they just feel they may not have gotten the whole story and these ones fair better in the disillusionment dept. These are the ones who are capable of seeing the whole picture of development of their spirituality and feel the former was the basis for the latter or current. And they have no trouble moving on. But the ones who feel lied to are deeply betrayed spiritually and hurting. It is natural to want to lash out at the perceived oppressor.

I am bitter and sometimes hateful toward Jehovah’s Witnesses, because they DO lie to people and appear to be benign when they are not (take for instance the death of a new mother recently who refused blood transfusion)and I was literally and actually damaged by this cult. But I also was a witch before I became a Catholic and I do not hold the same bitterness or accountabilitiy to my pagan experience. In fact it did become the basis for my current faith. It was a stepping stone not a stumbling block.