Former Militant atheist - Some Advice needed

[Dameedna]

“Thoughts” belonging to “characters” maybe - as if you are spontaneously rehearsing a play quietly. Over a period of time you may find through some sort of inspiration they fall in line with what is in Scriptures.

I don’t have “small quiet” conversations. I have arguments. They are annoying.

Ideally you will have substantial ongoing catechesis (over and above the “standard” few months of one hour a week) but it’s not always easy to arrange. Much of this should be in groups ideally. I was fortunate to be in a group where we had substantial catechesis as well as Bible study (this was many years after we had all been baptised or received into the Church).

The foundation is extremely well worth taking time over. If you are in a city with several bunches of people to help, and enough time, that might supplement what you could get in only one parish. But we can continue work on the foundation after receiving sacraments. (I was baptised as a baby.)

I think that between now and potentially being received, there are different phases and that for now you aren’t regarded as anywhere near needing to be committed or decided, you are in the finding out more and more for its own sake stage.

I might be getting ahead of the other thread participants, they will have more sensible ideas than me about when and where to enquire of clergy. Seek lots of guidance about any timeframes.

Growing up as a Catholic among miscellaneous protestants I found their faith roughly speaking affirming and was very used to the parallel existence of two versions (I wasn’t exposed to a lot of Catholic detail until recently). I hope you find your previous experience more or less harmonious rather than clashing.

I think I have to start going to church. I’ve been putting it off. I did not like the religion of my youth. I didn’t want my parents to love God so much they would sacrifice me like Isaac.

 

[po18guy]

When you are ready. When you are comfortable. Best not before. Call your nearest Catholic parish and ask them when they offer adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Catholics believe that this is Christ made present in His Body, Blood, Soul and divinity. You may certainly ask someone there to explain more about it.

Then, either take a big breath, or allow your inquiring mind to launch you in that direction. Go, and sit in the presence of Christ - the very same that we make all this fuss about. It will not look like Christ, but it’s Christ. Sit there and just contemplate Him.

• or -

Take some of the books that you are acquiring and read in His presence. Then ponder and gaze on Him. Tell Him your doubts. Ask Him to reveal to you that He is there. Then, simply be patient. God speaks much more clearly to us in silence. And, when that revelation takes place, you will be changed.

 

[Bill_Martin]

Thanks WT1. I’ll grab that first one also. I have “How the church built western civilization” but haven’t read it yet.

So another one to add to the list.

Any recommendations just on the concept of “god” without it being focused on any particular religion?

Mere Christianity by CS Lewis is probably your best bet. He spends the first few chapters just trying to prove the existence of some sort of higher power, but not necessarily the Christian conception of God. He then gets more specific from there. CS Lewis was also a former atheist.

 

[Dameedna]

Ummm. You’re asking this question on a Catholic forum?

Yes I am. It’s the best place to ask it.

As per above…
I suggest you read books on God and religion written by impartial historians who are trying to only find the facts…not by theologians or by people who believe in one specific religion and are trying to convince you to believe what they believe…or you will have the same experience as you describe, above.

There is not a human being alive that is “impartial”.

There’s a guy at Yale who is the head of religious studies and he has his lectures on the NT and history of Christianity online for free, he’s really, really good–prof Dale Martin. I think you can also download them on your i-pod.

oyc.yale.edu/religious-studies/rlst-152

Thank you for the recommendation.

Your disbelief in God led you to becoming a nihilist??

No. Taking my acceptance that God did not exist to it’s logical conclusion lead to Nihilism.

As in, life is meaningless?

Life is meaningless if there is no God. This is logically correct.

That doesn’t sound like such a logical conclusion to me. The atheists I know find life *even **more *meaningful after leaving the religions they were brought up to believe.
Perhaps this was your emotional journey, but it isn’t the “logical conclusion” of many, many atheists–most, I’d say–quite the opposite.

What is “logic” to you?

It isn’t an emotion.

If there is no God, then “life” as a concept holds no meaning. This is logically true. It does not “feel right”. But feelings are irrelevent in the face of truth.

It doesn’t convince me there is a God, it just means their conclusions are correct.

I assume your two years of thinking and feeling life is meaningless is what is leading you to now find meaning for your life via one of the Gods?

I have never felt life is meaningless for myself. But I don’t determine meaning if “meaning” is objective.

Reality exists regardless of how I feel about it. Either life has “objective” meaning or it does not. My feelings on the matter are irrelevent to truth.

Nihilism sounds very depressing.

It is similar but it is not depression. To a person who chooses nihilism…there is no point to depression. There is no point to feeling sad or apathetic. There is no point at all, to anything even the horror of depression or suicide. There is no point to feelings. There is no guide they hold, no meaning. To the Nihilist there is no point in even having the conversation about nihilism.

Go deeper.

Most atheists will not go through this agony. Instead they will destroy that which challenges their nihilism.

What specific things would you like to believe are true?

I want a truth that I cannot control. I want reality.

 

[Bill_Martin]

Please forgive the Cynic in me, but if I hear a small quiet voice, I would probably head to the doctor.

I think people are talking about something here I don’t really recognize. I’ve only once in my life felt like I heard something outside of myself. I will never forget it, but any small voice in me, just seems like…well…me??

How can one differentiate between your own thinking and God?

Here are a few ways I do it.

1.) Is it backed by Scripture, natural law, and Magisterial teaching? For example, a thought says “You should take that money while he’s not looking”, I can immediately discount that as not being from God, as it fails on every level.

2.) Is it something God would say? This is almost the same as #1, but not quite. “You’re a failure” is not something that God would say, based on everything I know about Him after consulting #1.

3.) Is it good? It makes no logical sense for a supremely powerful being to be bad. Good is infinitely greater than evil. All evils are perversions, corruptions, or destruction of good things–evil doesn’t even have the capability to exist entirely on its own. Rape could not exist without sex, but sex could exist without rape. Murder can’t exist without life, but life can exist without murder. There are many examples, but it shows that any supremely powerful being must be good.

4.) Is it demanding me to do something I already want to do? If yes, this does not necessarily mean it’s just my own thoughts, but I would think about it further. However, if it makes me uncomfortable and complies with #1, #2, and #3 then it very likely is not my own thoughts.

 

[Latinitas]

Ummm. You’re asking this question on a Catholic forum?

As per above…
I suggest you read books on God and religion written by impartial historians who are trying to only find the facts…not by theologians or by people who believe in one specific religion and are trying to convince you to believe what they believe…or you will have the same experience as you describe, above.

There’s a guy at Yale who is the head of religious studies and he has his lectures on the NT and history of Christianity online for free, he’s really, really good–prof Dale Martin. I think you can also download them on your i-pod.

oyc.yale.edu/religious-studies/rlst-152

Your disbelief in God led you to becoming a nihilist?? As in, life is meaningless?
That doesn’t sound like such a logical conclusion to me. The atheists I know find life *even **more *meaningful after leaving the religions they were brought up to believe.
Perhaps this was your emotional journey, but it isn’t the “logical conclusion” of many, many atheists–most, I’d say–quite the opposite.

I assume your two years of thinking and feeling life is meaningless is what is leading you to now find meaning for your life via one of the Gods?
Nihilism sounds very depressing.

What specific things would you like to believe are true?

.

But in order to be an atheist, you’re going to have to sacrifice teleology. Read most atheistic/skeptical fora, such as rationalwiki, and they deny any purpose in life. Meaninglessness is a consequence of denying teleology. Many Christians deny it as well, to their detriment, but I do not see how an atheist can logically hold teleology and remain and atheist.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[wk11]

Someone may have suggested this already, but “Answering Atheism” by Trent Horn is an excellent look at answering some of your questions, specifically what reason is there to believe God exists, and if He does, what would He be like. The book uses entirely philosophical and scientific arguments, so even an atheist can work with the premises and arguments he puts forward.

 

[Wesrock]

Edward Feser and David Bentley Hart are two modern theistic philosophers.

Feser’s Aquinas is a short overview of Thomism. The Last Superstition is a very polemical work against the “New Atheism” (think Dawkins), though I feel like it moves too quickly. Feser also has a textbook on the subject simply titled Scholastic Metaphysics. I have not begun Hart’s The Experience of God, but I am really looking forward to reading it and have heard it helps people better understand Feser on a deeper level (though I think Hart is a neoplatonist whereas Feser is a Thomist – there are multiple philosophical schools that lead to theism). Hart’s book may be an interesting starting point, just by the summary. It’s not about making the full arguments from start to finish, mind, but it is about clarifying what classical theists mean when they speak of God, which is something entirely different than what many atheists are thinking about or even what many evangelical Christians are also referring to when it comes to God.

W. Norris Clarke’s The One and the Many is also good. He does have a few examples that aren’t scientifically correct, unfortunately (hydrogen and oxygen are both “flammable”), but it doesn’t undermine the overall point about emergent properties.

Edit: Eek! Didn’t realize this was on page 4! Sorry if I was redundant.

 

[Randy_Carson]

Hi all,

I’m a former militant atheist, now just plain ole atheist. It has taken a long time but I’m seriously entertaining the idea I might be wrong.

I’ve come at this from a very different angle than I’ve seen other atheist converts to catholicism and I’m hoping there might be some out there that can help me research my rather confused questions further.

So two things.

1. Is there a God.

I don’t know, but I used to think this ridiculous and irrational. I don’t think so anymore. I see lots of books , articles , topics on this but usually in the context of a particular religion. I’d love some more info just on the topic of “What might be true”. I keep digging deeper and deeper and still cannot draw a conclusion. My questions are just never really answered.

1. What religion represents God.

This one is some-what easier. After reading about the various faiths, the only one I think could possibly be true, or have some truth is Christianity.But I have a very difficult time accepting any of the metaphysical parts of the Christian story.

I drew this conclusion that only christianity(and Judaism) could possibly be accurate mainly by studying Islam, by challenging my views on moral/cultural relativism and by sufferin through two years of Nihilism after I actually look my atheist arguments to their logical conclusion.

So I’m looking for resources that help me see the intellectual arguments as to why I should choose to believe there is a “theistic” God, and why I should accept the metaphysical aspects of Christianity(such as miracles, ressurection) etc.

I’m really stuck. I’ve read so much but it’s not really coming at me from an angle I can relate to. Too much “Just have faith” type information. That’s not enough for me.

Not sure if my posts make sense I have read some works by Lewis and others. I would love to believe certain things are true, but I won’t believe just because I want to.

Christianity has almost sort of snuck up on me, I didn’t expect to be taking it seriously at any point in my life.

Dameedna-

I’ve read your post a couple of times, and I see that you have two broad areas of concern/interest at this point.

Can you be more specific, though? If there is one burning question in your mind right now, what is it?

BTW - I’ve spent the last year almost exclusively on atheist forums, and I’ve immersed myself in the arguments offered by both sides in that skirmish. I’m also a convert to Catholicism from Protestantism - though it’s been awhile - and I’ve been active here for a long time, so I have some familiarity with the issues that divide Christians, also.

I get the sense from reading your posts that you’re looking for evidential or logical arguments as opposed to experiential or emotional arguments. Is that correct?

One other question: Who were your favorite atheist authors in the past, and which Christian authors have you begun reading?

Thanks and welcome!

 

[Dameedna]

Dameedna-

I’ve read your post a couple of times, and I see that you have two broad areas of concern/interest at this point.

Can you be more specific, though? If there is one burning question in your mind right now, what is it?

I know it’s probably not something that can be answered, but there were many things I thought couldn’t be answered but actually can be.

I used to think the idea of a God was just absurd. But taking a step back, the idea that the universe just appeared, created solar systems and galaxies, then created life, then that life became more and more complex, then that life could sit there contemplating it’s existence. Protons Neutrons and Electrons, figuring out how Protons Neutrons and electrons work.

It’s absurd to think it all just happened.

So next step is, Is there a theistic God? If so, what is the nature of this God? How or why would we “believe” that about God’s nature? How can we know that what people thought was God communicating with them, not just their own minds? Their own thoughts?

I know people say just have faith, but if we have such a strong capacity to reason surely there are better answers than just “believe”. I can’t believe something just because it feels good, or “seems” right. It has to be true.

BTW - I’ve spent the last year almost exclusively on atheist forums, and I’ve immersed myself in the arguments offered by both sides in that skirmish. I’m also a convert to Catholicism from Protestantism - though it’s been awhile - and I’ve been active here for a long time, so I have some familiarity with the issues that divide Christians, also.

I get the sense from reading your posts that you’re looking for evidential or logical arguments as opposed to experiential or emotional arguments. Is that correct?

Yes pretty much.

One other question: Who were your favorite atheist authors in the past, and which Christian authors have you begun reading?

Thanks and welcome!

I used to like Dawkins and Hitchens. Now I find Dawkins a bit of a clown. He doesn’t understand religion at all. Hitchens I found more interesting as a person.

But my favourite authors on religious ideas were Scott Peck, from the road less travelled Series, and Shelby Spong, who changed my mind about the nature of the bible. I thought it was a really made up book and Jesus was an invention of the Roman Empire, that he didn’t exist. Spong made me realize how ignorant I was.

At the moment, I have no particular christian authors I’m reading. I’ve read Lewis, but am looking for ideas, particularly coming from a more atheist perspective, or at least one who understands athiests.

Oh and I also like John Domonic Crossan.

Thanks

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

Sometimes people resist God in different ways.

For instance, I know of a woman, who when she was a little girl, was jealous of God. That sounds funny, I know, but she used to say “You love God more than you love me!” Of course, that was true, but it’s a different kind of love.

She also was jealous of the Infant of Prague statue her mother received as a gift. She used to call it a “baby God” and couldn’t stand it when she was required to go to church.

She hated it when there was anything religious on the radio. She would say, “Get that God-**** off the radio.”

I think the negativity some people show when it comes to God is a proof that He exists. Otherwise, why are they so rabid?

 

[steve_b]

Hi all,

I’m a former militant atheist, now just plain ole atheist. It has taken a long time but I’m seriously entertaining the idea I might be wrong.

good start
D:

I’ve come at this from a very different angle than I’ve seen other atheist converts to catholicism and I’m hoping there might be some out there that can help me research my rather confused questions further.

So two things.

1. Is there a God.

I don’t know, but I used to think this ridiculous and irrational. I don’t think so anymore.

Good
D:

1. What religion represents God.

This one is some-what easier. After reading about the various faiths, the only one I think could possibly be true, or have some truth is Christianity.But I have a very difficult time accepting any of the metaphysical parts of the Christian story.

Hopefully you’ll move from just accepting the unseen is there, to hope, confidence, and assurance in what is unseen
D:

I drew this conclusion that only christianity(and Judaism) could possibly be accurate mainly by studying Islam, by challenging my views on moral/cultural relativism and by sufferin through two years of Nihilism after I actually look my atheist arguments to their logical conclusion.

So* I’m looking for resources that help me see the intellectual arguments* as to why I should choose to believe there is a “theistic” God, and why I should accept the metaphysical aspects of Christianity(such as miracles, resurrection) etc.

I’m really stuck. I’ve read so much but it’s not really coming at me from an angle I can relate to. Too much “Just have faith” type information. That’s not enough for me.

**Re: the unseen: ** faith plays a huge part. It’s not alone, but on this side of eternity, it’s huge.

Thomas Aquinas ( a saint with a huge intellect ) said

" To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible."

Without faith, no amount of explanation will satisfy a person’s hunger for answers about God

Example:

Jesus giving the bread of life discourse

John 6:46-68

Think about this, the one speaking here to them, is not only son of God, but He’s God the son incarnate. He is the one who spoke in the beginning, and all that is in creation, came into being. Given that HUGE reality, did Jesus, having fed them (the 5000 the day before with just a few loaves and fish) now speaking face to face with them again, win His point with them? Nope! They left Him saying who could believe THAT!

Jesus said

"[65] But there are some of you that believe not. For Jesus knew from the beginning, who they were that did not believe,…"

Jesus already knew in advance these guys had no faith so they weren’t going to believe what He was teaching. And look what happened. Not even God could convince them. Why?

• They had no faith
• and Jesus wasn’t going to force them to believe.

So to Aquinas’ point, not even God can convince someone of some truth if they don’t have faith.

Scripture gives this definition of faith

**Faith:

Heb 11:1 **faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Where does faith come from?

Faith is a gift from God it’s a grace. It doesn’t come from us. God essentially stacked the deck in His favor from the very beginning. He planted in us in advance, in every human, the desire to want to know Him and find Him. It’s a supernatural gift from God. it’s just that we as individuals, either freely respond to it or we don’t. That’s how powerful free will is. And God won’t over ride that. It’s what makes us culpable in the end before God, for what we do.

So regardless of what happened in your life up to this point, if you’re serious, and you want it, ask God for a renewal of faith. He will give it to you.

And once one recognizes their gift (grace) of faith is there, as Peter says, don’t just sit on it. Put it to work. Build on it with these 7 attributes,

2 Pet 1:
5 For this very reason make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with** knowledge**, 6 and knowledge with** self-control**, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with** love**. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these things is blind and shortsighted and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be the more zealous to confirm your call and election, for if you do this you will never fall; 11 so there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Faith : From the CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) ccc.scborromeo.org.master.com/texis/master/search/?sufs=0&q=faith&xsubmit=Search&s=SS

That’s my :twocents:

 

[Dameedna]

Sometimes people resist God in different ways.

For instance, I know of a woman, who when she was a little girl, was jealous of God. That sounds funny, I know, but she used to say “You love God more than you love me!” Of course, that was true, but it’s a different kind of love.

She also was jealous of the Infant of Prague statue her mother received as a gift. She used to call it a “baby God” and couldn’t stand it when she was required to go to church.

She hated it when there was anything religious on the radio. She would say, “Get that God-**** off the radio.”

I used to hate the “god” word so much I would actually want to physically attack something if some-one mentioned that word. I really really hated religion.

I think the negativity some people show when it comes to God is a proof that He exists. Otherwise, why are they so rabid?

Not proof, but evidence perhaps. I know the Rabid Atheist mindset very well.

Why do you think the most rabid ones are always arguing with you and trying to show you you are incorrect? They want you(the believer) to prove them wrong. They desperately want you to prove them wrong.

They are furious with you that you cannot do this.

All the time, you remind them of what they do not have. The only answer for them is to destroy your faith, so they do not have to be constantly reminded. They hate you because you believe and have something they do not IE Hope. They envy you.

They are aware of none of this.

 

[Dameedna]

good start

**Re: the unseen: ** faith plays a huge part. It’s not alone, but on this side of eternity, it’s huge.

Thomas Aquinas ( a saint with a huge intellect ) said

" To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible."

Without faith, no amount of explanation will satisfy a person’s hunger for answers about God

Thanks for the reply.

I think for me, faith is still somewhat out of my reach. Everyone needs to have a perspective on life, the universe and our place in it. Atheists spend a lot of time constructing arguments to justify their position.

Right now, I’m sort of deconstructing my poorly thought out arguments, and replacing them with better Ideas.

I came from a position of believing completely that the bible was literally made up. Invented by leaders, who wanted to control a population. Jesus did not exist, and was a figment of the imagination of the Roman empire. I was completely convinced of this.

It took an “intellectual” approach for me to find out how grossly ignorant I was.Listening to historians both atheist and christian I started to realize I had no idea what I was talking about. I was simply believing what I wanted to. Since I always thought that’s what Christians did, this was a huge hit to my pride. Atheists are of course morally superior to the faithful because WE can handle the truth, believers cannot.

Of course I don’t think that anymore.

It took a long time just for me to accept the bible wasn’t just made up and that Jesus was a real figure in history.

So when I approach this from a more intellectual place, rather than emotional or faith based, I’m really trying to construct a new set of ideas, and rid myself of the old which I know are wrong.

It’s pretty hard to have “faith” when you’ve only just realized Jesus was a real person.

I guess “faith” is just too big right now. Not sure if that makes sense.

 

[ccmnxc]

Apologies, as it seems you are already inundated with many books and resources and such, but I have heard very good things about Michael Augros’s Who Designed the Designer?

As I understand, it is charitable, clear, and does a good job of convincingly laying out an argument or two for God’s existence.
To compare it to other possible ones:
It is more focused and rigorous than Trent Horn’s book, but is just as intelligible.
It is easier to understand than Feser’s Aquinas (though I do think very highly of this book).
It is more charitable than Feser’s The Last Superstition.

Just my thoughts right now, and obviously these things take time.

Link: amazon.com/Who-Designed-Designer-Rediscovered-Existence/dp/1586179691

 

[Jelrak_TB]

Yes I am. It’s the best place to ask it.

No. Taking my acceptance that God did not exist to it’s logical conclusion lead to Nihilism.

Life is meaningless if there is no God. This is logically correct.

If there is no God, then “life” as a concept holds no meaning. This is logically true. It does not “feel right”. But feelings are irrelevent in the face of truth.

It doesn’t convince me there is a God, it just means their conclusions are correct.

It is similar but it is not depression. To a person who chooses nihilism…there is no point to depression. There is no point to feeling sad or apathetic. There is no point at all, to anything even the horror of depression or suicide. There is no point to feelings. There is no guide they hold, no meaning. To the Nihilist there is no point in even having the conversation about nihilism.

Go deeper.

Most atheists will not go through this agony. Instead they will destroy that which challenges their nihilism.

I want a truth that I cannot control. I want reality.

Quite…I have been at the nihilistic stage for at least the past three years…there does not appear to be a satisfactory answer to be had at this moment.

I consider your assessment to be entirely accurate that a physical universe that may be conceived to have appeared out of nothing for no reason whatsoever is unquestioningly problematic…the only issue with which I may yet equally contend is that the presence of a creative energy that has always existed in an unchanged state is clearly no less a potentially unresolvable issue.

 

[clmowry]

For me, once I came to grips with the fact that there is a God, then next question became:

What is His nature.

In theory, we could have a creator, but he could be “a kid with an ant farm and a magnifying glass” (forget what movie I heard that on…)

My spiritual journey was very much one of “practical” application of differing possibilities.

I wasn’t so much interested in “proving” what is true as I was interested in investigating options and their practical implication.

So for example, if god is capricious, malevolent or simply has no interest in humanity and what we do then it really doesn’t matter if he exists or not or what I believe.

If, on the other hand, God is consistent, benevolent and cares what we do, then it very much matters what I believe and what I do.

If you are more or less settled on the fact that He must exist, then I would next focus on contemplating what He must be like.

Hoping that helps,

Chuck

 

[steve_b]

Thanks for the reply.

I think for me, faith is still somewhat out of my reach. Everyone needs to have a perspective on life, the universe and our place in it. Atheists spend a lot of time constructing arguments to justify their position.

Right now, I’m sort of deconstructing my poorly thought out arguments, and replacing them with better Ideas.

I came from a position of believing completely that the bible was literally made up. Invented by leaders, who wanted to control a population. Jesus did not exist, and was a figment of the imagination of the Roman empire. I was completely convinced of this.

It took an “intellectual” approach for me to find out how grossly ignorant I was.Listening to historians both atheist and christian I started to realize I had no idea what I was talking about. I was simply believing what I wanted to. Since I always thought that’s what Christians did, this was a huge hit to my pride. Atheists are of course morally superior to the faithful because WE can handle the truth, believers cannot.

Of course I don’t think that anymore.

It took a long time just for me to accept the bible wasn’t just made up and that Jesus was a real figure in history.

So when I approach this from a more intellectual place, rather than emotional or faith based, I’m really trying to construct a new set of ideas, and rid myself of the old which I know are wrong.

It’s pretty hard to have “faith” when you’ve only just realized Jesus was a real person.

I guess “faith” is just too big right now. Not sure if that makes sense.

Faith and reason are pals NOT adversaries

If we will it, not to believe, we won’t believe. And God won’t force us to believe against our will.

As you point out, when reason kicks in, such that it causes one to rethink their position, then the will can change one’s trajectory based on observations and reasoning

It’s like one can’t observe creation with it’s incredible marvels and design, and cognitively conclude, it just magically happened, and there is no creator behind that.

 

[Bill_Martin]

Quite…I have been at the nihilistic stage for at least the past three years…there does not appear to be a satisfactory answer to be had at this moment.

I consider your assessment to be entirely accurate that a physical universe that may be conceived to have appeared out of nothing for no reason whatsoever is unquestioningly problematic…the only issue with which I may yet equally contend is that the presence of a creative energy that has always existed in an unchanged state is clearly no less a potentially unresolvable issue.

I have thought about these questions a lot. I don’t have many answers, and you may find them unsatisfactory, but here’s where I am currently with them.

The natural world is full of “small” meanings. Creatures have purposes, physical attributes of creatures have purposes that serve the creatures, plants provide oxygen and food, which supports creatures, and minerals and soil support plants. Things made by humans have purposes too, even if it is just enjoyment, such as music or art. Celestial bodies such as the Sun seem to have meaning, as they keep the Earth in the right zone for this life to continue. If this universe contains so much meaning, I can’t conclude that the universe itself or existence itself has none.

Furthermore, human beings often speak about meaning as if it implicitly exists. They don’t mean a shallow utilitarianism either, but a deep meaning that is greater than a sort of mechanical functionality. We can only think or speak about things we can conceptualize, which is only possible if we have experienced it. If I ask someone to give me a physical description of alien life, he would have to construct an image of it using colors he has seen, physical attributes of animals or plants he has seen, etc. There is no other way. The resulting composite may not exist in reality, but its components do. Thus, when we speak about meaning, it must be because somehow we have experienced it.

 

[peace2u2]

I don’t have “small quiet” conversations. I have arguments. They are annoying.

Arguments are exhausting and annoying - probably an indication that the one behind the negativity is the Liar.
The Voice of Truth, God, does not leave you exhausted, annoyed or
angry but He gives you a peace (an inner peace) that this world cannot give. Perhaps you just need practice discerning God’s Voice and most people don’t actually hear His voice but there are people who have.
I am talking of that inner voice that prompts you like when you are to make a choice.
God gives each of us gifts to build up the body of Christ - you- and me and every baptized Christian. One of those gifts is discernment of spirits - it comes natural to those who recognize it and they are usually sensitive to noise, smells etc as they are given the natural ability to sense things that we can’t naturally see with our eyes, to recognize the supernatural life in us (God’s Spirit that was placed in our souls at baptism). Faith is also a gift that we received at baptism. If you don’t stir up the Holy Spirit in you it’s not going to do anything - you have to participate (your faith is trusting that you believe even if you can’t see) that meets Gods Grace. Our faith is like a tiny mustard seed and when we stir it up by praying, reading Sacred Scripture and going to Church to participate with the community of believers, our faith can bloom like the tiny mustard seed that when gets water, good soil and sun to help it grow into a large bush.