Fornication In Todays World

[Adoni65]

I am a 26 year old traditional Catholic man. I believe in everything The Church teaches. I am waiting until marriage, however, I am recently having a hard time believing that one should wait. I’m starting to believe that this teaching is archaic, because 99 percent of the women that I met have “life experiences” Catholic or not. I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait. What should I do? What should I believe? I’m very confused at the moment.

 

[goout]

I am a 26 year old traditional Catholic man. I believe in everything The Church teaches. I am waiting until marriage, however, I am recently having a hard time believing that one should wait. I’m starting to believe that this teaching is archaic, because 99 percent of the women that I met have “life experiences” Catholic or not. I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait. What should I do? What should I believe? I’m very confused at the moment.

Be a saint. What else is there?
Sex is not a quantity to be measured out. Sex is the fruit of rightly ordered relationship. You may marry someone who has had sex already, and gone to confession and had innocence restored. How does that detract from you?

Christ can make all things new. Christ restores lost innocence. You do not need to worry that others are “getting” when you are not.

God alone suffices.
Be a saint.

 

[Dolphin]

Its not about what you can get but rather what you can give

 

[Dolphin]

I’m in a relationship with my best friend . Wait for something special, never settle because you feel left out.

There is no cookie-cutter love story, God has a different story laid out for each of us.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait.

Even if you didn’t believe in God, this is a dumb reason to fornicate with people. Do you have some insecurity about a spouse possibly having more “experience” than you? I can tell you based on my own experience that if two people are secure in themselves and in love, this is not an issue.

Many people who have “life experiences” are at least doing it out of some misguided sense of being so in love with a person that they went all the way. That is not morally acceptable, but it’s at least understandable. Running around having what sounds like loveless sex just to say you’ve been around the block a few times is at best immature thinking. Why would you want to do that?

 

[Aquinas11]

I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait.

Gypped? Come on bro, sounds like complaining someone got more ice cream than you.

Just don’t marry someone who did not wait. If you fornicate, realize you may write yourself off many women you meet who are waiting and want a guy who is waiting. This is just lust, plain and simple. Be careful what you’re exposing yourself to. If 99% of women you’re meeting haven’t waited then change environment

 

[halogirl]

Try and not go down that route. If you do there is a way back. But don’t get into thinking oh well I’ll just go to confession if I slip and then do what the heck you want.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I’m going to sin because everyone else is doing it.

What should I do? What should I believe? I’m very confused at the moment.

You believe God and his Holy Church.

Experiencing sin is not the goal of this life, our goal is heaven, eyes on the prize!

in case I marry someone who did not wait.

You have the option of never dating a person who committed sin, it will likely be a longer search, but, you have free will.

On the other hand, you could rejoice in the forgiveness of God and in the same way not dwell on the past sins of your dates.

gypped

Side note, this term is an ethnic slur and you might want to re-think using it.

 

[Adoni65]

I’m a confident man, however, her having more experience would make me feel as though she does not take what The Church teaches to be true. That’s what worries me most.

I would not be doing it just to say I’ve been around the block, but more as a way to not feel as though I waited for nothing. What I mean by nothing is that I preserved myself for one person, and in return I did not get the same.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

From your response, I would tend to agree with the person who said you should just marry a virgin and also stay a virgin yourself until marriage.
I don’t think that even if you fornicated yourself, you’d be happy with not getting what you truly want, which is a virginal wife.
Furthermore, if you fornicated you would then have the problem of having committed mortal sin - and possibly being rejected by a virgin who you would very much like to have for a wife, or her feeling badly because you were with someone else before marriage.

Just skip this whole thing and look for a virgin to date and marry. You may need to look within traditional circles or through Ave Maria Singles, but i’m sure there are some out there.

 

[Aquinas11]

What I mean by nothing is that I preserved myself for one person, and in return I did not get the same.

Ok now I see. You see the quid pro quo here? I’m giving X so must get X? That is not what marriage is about. It is not about keeping score about whether you’re getting as much as you’re giving. It is about “willing the good of the other”, as Aquinas said.

 

[AdamP88]

I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait. What should I do? What should I believe? I’m very confused at the moment.

Well that’s a suggestion of the Devil if ever I heard one.

Here’s the thing. The faith is not all about chastity. You sound like you’re focusing too much on this one thing. Maybe you’re not mixing in the right circles if the only girls are those with “experience”. That said, if you meet the right woman and she has a bit of experience but has repented then you won’t feel gypped.
It’s not good to reduce a person down to their sins.

 

[TK421]

Imo with any of the sexual sins, you have to eventually come to terms with the fact that you’re not missing out on anything, but that it is the other way around and it is the vast majority of mankind which is missing out on something immensely better with either the freedom and peace of being single, or the authentic intimacy that happens in marriage. That is where love is, and without love everything is meaningless.

But you have to stop thinking as if mainstream culture has anything to offer on this subject. It doesnt. There was a time when the vast majority of people were illiterate and the literate people were a small minority but it was still much better to be literate than to be illiterate.

 

[Wesrock]

I’m a confident man, however, her having more experience would make me feel as though she does not take what The Church teaches to be true. That’s what worries me most.

I would not be doing it just to say I’ve been around the block, but more as a way to not feel as though I waited for nothing. What I mean by nothing is that I preserved myself for one person, and in return I did not get the same.

You’re not doing it for the other person, you’re doing it for yourself and God and because it’s the right thing to do. Plus, we are not “eye for an eye,” love is giving even when you don’t get.

 

[1ke]

I’m starting to believe that this teaching is archaic, because 99 percent of the women that I met

God’s law isn’t based on whether people adhere to it. This should be evident from Scripture and Church teaching. God’s law is objective. God’s law is eternal.

“Everyone is doing it” isn’t any excuse for your behavior.

99 percent of the women that I met have “life experiences” Catholic or not. I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait.

So that’s a psychological problem YOU need to deal with. A woman’s virginity isn’t a prize. It’s not something you are owed. It’s not something you are “gypped” out of.

What should I do?

Work on yourself. Work on accepting God’s plan for sexuality and remaining chaste. And stop worrying about what ‘other people’ do.

What should I believe?

That God knows best.

 

[Adoni65]

If she repented and made a true change, then you are right. I wouldn’t feel that way, however, I have yet to meet one who has sincerely changed .

 

[1ke]

I’m a confident man, however, her having more experience would make me feel as though she does not take what The Church teaches to be true. That’s what worries me most.

Perhaps at one time she did not, because she was not a Christian, not practicing, not understanding. That is the past.

Also, a woman could have been married and widowed or married/divorced/received a decree of nullity.

Who the person is when you meet them is what is important. Not mistakes they made in their past, or situations that are out of their control.

I would not be doing it just to say I’ve been around the block, but more as a way to not feel as though I waited for nothing. What I mean by nothing is that I preserved myself for one person, and in return I did not get the same.

Get some counseling, because this is just bizarre and it is NOT the sign of a “confident man”.

 

[AdamP88]

I would say then you need to try to find a circle where the type of woman you are interested in would be found. You’re not going to find a Catholic woman (in general) in the nightclub or randonly on the college campus. Maybe start by seeking out such circles.

 

[PJH_74]

Regardless if she has had sex previously, it’s how she reacts to your values and virginity does not predict future values. Besides I’m sure there are plenty of women who would love not to be sexualized (give up on notions of virginity too!) and build a relationship based on trust and values first.

Women don’t need to look too far when it comes to being personally sexualized every week, certainly not in my opinion. I was propositioned for paid sex just a month ago in the grocery store of all places. Sex is far from anything really important in my experience, have a kid and you’ll soon discover that one!

 

[Adoni65]

But isn’t that what marriage is about as well? Vows are an exchange. I promise her something and she promises me something. That sounds pretty quid pro quo to me. For the most part I believe in giving without expecting anything in return, however, this is the one area I have trouble with. Just doesn’t seem right to me.