I do like it, and don’t see why we shouldn’t assume the gentleman listed in the thread deserves it because he treats his wife in the same way. You know, since we are to be
charitable on this forum.
boiled down, this is the list that people are besides themselves laughing and guffawing at:
-have dinner read
-look good for him
- act excited to see him
-keep the house clean
-comfort him
-say hi to him
-listen to him
-don’t complain
-don’t be suspicious
-remember your vows
maybe if a complementary list of
-thank her for her cooking, and if she’s forgotten something don’t bring it up, since she’s had a long day
-look good for her, and remind her how good she looks for you
-always thank her, don’t be rude and insensitive
-be excited to see her, regardless of your day
-ask her how her day was, let her voice complaints
-don’t put work above your family. if you are going to be late, let her know ahead of time
-reassure her
-remember your vows
were created, people wouldn’t be getting their knickers in a twist over some pretty standard things. If the list had been edited for more modern language, the part regarding the 1950s (a bad word) left out, and a complementary list for men been created, I don’t see what the fuss would be about.
I remember my aunt, now married over 60 years, noted with some disdain a fellow baseball wife who would make her daily declaration that “I must go
prepare myself for Cal”, her husband. Cal’s wife seems to have been adhering to something very much like that original list, but Cal and his wife didn’t stay married. My aunt did not find this any surprise.
Let me clarify: The original list gives a false view of a sustaining marital love, for many reasons. I say this as a wife who stays at home with her PhD, plans her meals with care concerning what her husband likes, etc., etc… Again, I’m not saying that affectionate little routines don’t have an important place in marriage. I’m saying that the list misrepresents itself as the definitive version of the affectionate marital routine.
When one person breaks her neck to provide “musts” that the other person didn’t ask for and may not even want, it is a recipe for mutual resentment. Note that in the original list, the husband has been out of the house all day, but he is the one whose needs include relief of boredom. IOW, the original list presumes to know what all husbands need, rather than guiding wives to communicate with their husbands what their real needs and expectations are. The last thing my husband wants when he gets home is for me to be interesting. His brains are fried and he has been interested to death all day long!
By the original list, a wife’s evening should be planned so as to revolve around her husband’s comfort, she is supposed to see to every detail of that, but she is not supposed to complain if he doesn’t feel like availing himself of this lavish homecoming. It doesn’t say, “remember that sometimes he will be somewhere other than home for dinner”, but rather that she has no perogative to question any reason or any amount of time he makes himself absent from home. How is that setting her up for the expectation that he will not be “rude and insensitive”? The original list tells her that this kind of rudeness is her husband’s right!
Your list is not complementary. Your list takes the wife out of “her place”, as described by the original list. You encourage a husband to listen to his wife’s complaints and ask about her day, while the original list forbids her from voicing those things. What is the perfect wife supposed to do with
that internal conflict? Notice that her rules say, “Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.” Your list tells husbands not to be insensitive or rude, but the original list supposes that such a thing is impossible by the nature of the husband’s role in the home.
The truth is that a wife is sometimes called upon to be the Prophet Nathan to her husband’s King David. Even when someone is in a position of authority, no one is ever in a position where there is
no one with the duty to question their failings. Yet the original list goes over the line to take the wife from a position of submission to one of utter subordination.
Forget the original list. Rather, look to St. Paul’s description in Ephesians, in light of the Lord’s teaching to his Apostles about how Christian leadership looks different than the images of authority that the world teaches. Look at the letters to the Corinthians, to the Phillipians. Read the Gospels, read the Epistles. Those teach what Christian love and Christian marriage really look like. Make your affectionate routines according to those templates, and you will do very well. I think you’ll get lots of footrubs, too…if that is the kind of thing you like at the end of the day!
