Friend got a girl pregnant and now doesn't know what to do - please help

[Lovemyfaith]

Will you all quit judging my friend… based on everyone’s reactions here, I guess I must not be very good at describing the situation… I am trying to get help for him, but must have accidentally given the impression that he is a bad person

Is this the same friend who “partly worried that she might abort their child if he leaves her”? I am not sure what partly means. If abortion is even a 1 in 1,000,000 chance if he leaves, I would not leave. I can’t imagine any parent (and there is a baby so right now he is a parent) would leave their child with a person who might TERMINATE their life.
I have a friend whose mother died when she was little. There were 5 kids all under 12. There was a woman who had 4 kids not far whose husband left her. The two of them basically came together for the sake of the families. They have been married over 30 years at this point. I don’t know that their lives started out dreamy and romantic, but I can tell you they for sure fell in love witnessing each other’s dedication to the family. It was a long time ago, but it did work. Of course, it probably would sound crazy to your friend to commit the rest of his life to a responsibility rather than to his own desires, but this baby is a gift from God and deserves to be treated as such.

 

[TOP]

Sounds like your friend just started a family. Tell him congrats and send him on his way to her. I started my family at 19, had to quit school, work 10 hour shifts, put my wife through school as she stayed home and raised four children total. She was able to get 3 degree’s, I was able to buy a house and 30 acres in the mountains. Was it tough, no, it was necessary. I didn’t have the pleasure of considering how hard it was and neither does your friend. So, pat him on the back and tell him to take care of his new family. Tim

 

[chevalier]

"This is just my own personal ‘rant’ for a second, its not something my friend has said. But didn’t she (the mother) choose to have sex with him, while she wasn’t married to him? What about her facing the consequences of her decision? (It happens to women all the time, they choose to have sex with guys, then end up stuck alone with a child"
excuse me?? she’s the one who is PREGNANT remember. she’s obviously accepting the consequences. i think you are confused about something…just because the woman carries the baby doesn’t make it any more “hers” than his. they don’t have to live together to raise the child together. it’s just a bad situation, which is why no one should ever have sex with someone they wouldn’t be willing to have a baby with, because THAT’S what sex is for, so that’s what is going to happen. and i’m not saying that’s the sole reason for sex so don’t try to pull that one. i’m just saying… sex makes babies, if you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex.

end rant

You say the baby isn’t hers more than his. According to that statement, the woman shouldn’t be left alone with the child, even if she was the one who got pregnant.

 

[rayne89]

There’s that lovely phrase “you play, you pay”. Flopfoot seven years into our marriage we got a letter from the county that a former girlfriend (I use that term loosely) of my husband from when he was a teen was claiming her child (now half grown) was the product of their relationship. A couple thousand in legal fees and a few months of mental stress later we found out it was not true.

The lawyer we got was from a father’s rights group because if this child was his we wanted as much time with this child as possible. When it came out it wasn’t his, some family of ours were angry and thought we should sue the girl. Uh…yeah a girl on welfare…that would be fruitful. Besides my husband did have unprotected sex with her so it could have been true. We’re going to sue her because she didn’t know which of the guys she slept was the father? He knew what type of girl she was, it was his choice to play around and now he paid the price for it.

You’re friend made a huge error in judgement. Sometimes we simply have to ask for forgiveness and move on when we make mistakes but sometimes the consequences are much higher and last a life time. Unfortunately for him he falls into the latter category. The party’s over. This is his child, he needs to think about that. Whose feelings and wellbeing are most important those of a grown man or those of innocent child? Does he think about how painful it would for that child growing up knowing his/her father didn’t want to be bothered, didn’t want to have a relationship with child? No, he has to step up financially and as much as he possible can be involved in this child’s life. If there is any possiblity they could make a relationship work that should be his goal, if not than he needs to be as big a presence in this childs life as he can manage.

Sometimes we make the right choices in life and sometimes we have to make our choices right. Welcome to adulthood.

My prayers are with your friend, the mother and baby. God bless.

 

[Flopfoot]

Now I almost wish I hadn’t created this thread…

But to be fair, I guess I should say, I do really appreciate your advice. I will pass it on to him.

I guess I have gotten all the info I needed, so I’ll ask a mod to close this thread now.