Friend is always late and most important late to mass

[maryjk]

I agree with this and all the posts sympathizing with your friend. Everyday she fails to get her kids to Mass on time but she keeps on trying! What a role model for all of us trying to kick habitual sin. I hate hate hate being late for things, and am almost always on time but I sympathize with late-comers because I am usually 30 seconds from being one of them. Honestly, if this is the biggest fault you can find in her, she sounds like a good person. Some people plan for extra time, but just fall short in this particular area of managing life. If the door squeaks at Mass, it’s a good opportunity for charity on the part of the other Mass-goers. ** I understand where it’s easy to be irritated, but can you try looking at it with a bit of humor**?

The problem is, when you are always waiting for someone because they are always late, there isn’t any humor it that.

Your friend is showing you that your time isn’t important but hers is.

My sister is the same way. She is always late.

I remember calling her, 20 minutes before she was suppose to leave to meet up with me. I told her I was getting ready and she should be too. And she was. When she showed up an hour late, I asked what happened.

Well, she got ready, then saw that there was a load of laundry that she had time to throw into the washer. So she did, but of course there was already laundry in the washer and the dryer. So she had to move everything. Of course she folded the laundry that came out of the dryer. Well, one thing lead to the another, and she left her house an hour late.

She didn’t understand what the big deal was.

Well, in the hour that she got her laundry done, I was sitting in my car waiting for her to show up. NOT a good use of my time.

After that, I told her, I will not wait for you. I will not make excuses for you. My time is as valuable as yours and I will not waste my time waiting for you to show up.

It isn’t that hard to read a watch, set a timer or ask someone to remind you to leave. If an adult is still late to everything, (I am not talking about someone who is late because the new baby soiled its diaper), there is a problem and the problem is not yours. It is theirs.

 

[Sarabande]

Cath4Life - I just read this article and thought of your thread.

shine.yahoo.com/work-money/theres-reason-youre-always-145100506.html

Before writing her book, “Never Be Late Again,” management consultant Diana DeLonzor was always, always late. “It didn’t matter what time I got up. I could get up at six and still be late for work at nine,” she recalls. She was reprimanded at work, lost friendships and her timely husband was always mad at her. She couldn’t stand being late, yet she just couldn’t change.

“Most people really hate being late and have tried many times to fix it,” DeLonzor says. “Punctual people misunderstand. They think you’re doing it as a control thing, or that you’re selfish or inconsiderate. But it really is a much more complex problem than it seems.”

 

[Cath4life]

Great article! Thank you!!!

 

[Anglewannabe]

OP, do NOT kid yourself. If you came posting on here that our friend’s lateness bothers you even if it does not make you late, it is an issue that needs to be addresses.

Is it really the squeaky door? If you can honestly answer yes, then tell her 'next time you are late for mass, I will walk out of the pew, hand your kids back to you as I will not be taking them to school. And DO it.

However, I have to wonder, is it something deeper? Are you doing her this great favour and she does nothing in return for you? Is it her lateness for other events and you subconsciously think the only way to get back at her is through her kids?

I really think you need to figure out what is really bothering you because ‘just trying’ to be more charitable never stops a resentment from festering

Angie

 

[Morwenna]

What an interesting thread!

In addition to the cultural issues mentioned, I think there are genetic issues for some of us that really have to be fought and overcome if we are to successfully function in a society that values punctuality.

A study was done awhile back, with the subjects put into a windowless and “clockless” room, and given instructions to hit a button on the panel in front of them when a specified amount of time had passed (one minute, 5 minutes, 15 minutes, etc).

Afterward, the participants were asked whether they were typically “early people”, “right-on-time people” or “late people.” Sure enough, the early folks hit the button early, on-timers hit it pretty close to the mark, and the late folks were late. Apparently our brains just perceive the passage of time differently.

I’ve struggled with lateness myself, and I’ve learned the hard way that whatever amount of time I think a task will take (whether getting ready for work or an appointment, or running an errand) to allow about double whatever I really “think” is necessary. This has helped me immensely, and I’m no longer chronically struggling with “running late”, and that awful, panicky feeling in the pit of the stomach that goes with it.