Friend with terrible husband

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My friend has a horrible husband. He is unfaithful, emotionally abusive and control of all of their finances. She has three kids.

I keep encouraging her to leave him. But she says that God wants us to forgive. In her words, to leave him would be forsaking the “prodigal-son-forgiveness-example”.

How can I encourage her to leave him without making her think she disobeying God?
 
I agree with the advice given to encourage her to talk to her counselor or her pastor.

Also if she or the kids are in any danger or economic need, refer her to the appropriate agencies for help.

Finally, understand that there may be other dimensions to this than your friend is sharing with you, and she might have other reasons she doesn’t want to leave her husband besides just “obeying God”. Sometimes God is a good excuse.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Finally, understand that there may be other dimensions to this than your friend is sharing with you, and she might have other reasons she doesn’t want to leave her husband besides just “obeying God”. Sometimes God is a good excuse.
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AAAAALL of this. In my experience with the domestically abused woman, they often feel as if there is no choice than to stay with their abuser. Abusers are very good at battering down their victim’s connections, access to money, friends, and family. It’s very likely that she believes she doesn’t deserve better, and that there’s nowhere she can go and no one who can help her. So she stays. It’s by design.
 
My partners during my lifetime(2/3 being abusive) were
incapable of empathy
and were verbally, psychologically and in a few incidences
physically abusive. That’s what the Police are there for,
to be PEACE KEEPERS, to keep the abuser/victim from
continuing a bad(and in one case worsening situ) before
some SERIOUS injury or trauma results.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Sometimes God is a good excuse.
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That’s an interesting thought.

I’m wondering if she’s paying mor attention to the wife obey your husband, then the prodigal son.

But yes there might be more going on. She might be scared. Believe this is just the way things are. She might even think she deserves what she gets… it’s hard to understand the many reason why a woman stays with an abusive husband.

The advise given above is excellent… also what about her family, parents siblings… maybe they can help.

You are a blessing to her… you being able to be there for her is a gift from God. God bless.
 
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Remember that you don’t know everything that is going on in a marriage.
You can suggest her to contact a priest or a counselor, pray for her, help her with some tasks if she is asking you to, but other than that it is her life and her choice. You cannot make a decision about somebody else marriage.
 
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I really agree with what you guys are saying about her using forgiveness as an excuse to justify her staying with him.

What does the story of the prodigal son actually teach? Though she may be using forgiveness as a mask to hide the deeper problem, I know her heart and know that her beliefs on forgive are not helping her at all.

I have not confronted her about it, since it is not my marriage and therefore not my business. But she often comes to me with her struggles and I really want to be able to answer her in a way that will help her. Maybe by helping her to see her ideas on forgiveness are wrong it will show her how SHE is the one keeping herself with him. Not God.
 
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I certainly will. I’m also going to encourage her about maybe talking to a Catholic counselor to help her go deeper than a “girl-to-girl-vent”.
 
The prodigal son knew that he was wrong.

People would have to acknowledge their sins in order to properly repent.
 
Nonzi said:
But she often comes to me with her struggles and I really want to be able to answer her in a way that will help her.
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Speaking from my own experience, sometimes people who vent just want to vent. They don’t really want to be helped. You can tell her plainly and directly that God does not require a wife to stay in an abusive relationship and also that she should talk to a priest. I wouldn’t spend hours trying to persuade her because that’s unlikely to be productive. She will either hear and accept what you’re saying or else she doesn’t want to be “woke” over this and just wants to vent.
 
Nonzi said:
How can I encourage her to leave him without making her think she disobeying God?
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It is NOT your place to encouraging annyone to leave her husband, and certainely not with trying to making her believe that she would not diosobey God.
It is NOT your choice, NOT your life.

If she express concern about her safety or her children safety, you may give her links for organizations specialized in these cases or call for emergencies services.

You can also suggest her counseling or seeing a spychologist or her pastor.
It is also her choice if she prefers to forgive and not break her family and remain alone for the rest of her life.
 
The prodigal son also didn’t treat his father the way this woman’s husband treats her.

Forgiveness is simply letting go of your resentment toward somebody. It does not entail being a doormat.

Prayers that this woman gets the help she needs!
 
Divorce has become so pervasive that I think perhaps there’s a false dichotomy here. There are options other than either staying with the status quo, or blowing up the marriage. A really good counselor would show her ways that she can change & become stronger in the relationship to push back with love, and set up loving limits. She is not powerless in this marriage, even in light of his terrible behavior. When you’re abused like this, it truly distorts the victim’s view of reality, hence the very great need for a counselor to come along side and help her see a normal & healthy perspective. It might do her really great good, even if she goes alone, especially if the counselor is very good.
 
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