Friendly advice

[LVCIVS_DEI]

I see a lot of catholics, and frankly Christians in general use the phrase “You MUST” a lot in your nation and in some circles and i strongly feel called to advice against this, and provide a better way.
Its just some advice coming from the conscience, but i have to say this or i will have it running in my head for weeks.

Because when you say “you must” it sounds like a threat, and not like good advice.
And i am sure you are all trying to give advice rather than to boss people around?
Instead try saying You SHOULD. :]

That sounds like advice, and it instills a spirit of duty, rather that submission.

For example:
Instead of saying “You must go to church” say “You should go to church”
And explain why it is good for him/her.

And not like you are talking to a child who has stolen a cookie but rather like you would to a friend who really needs to get to a doctor but believes there is nothing wrong with him/her, in other words more gentle.
And if you already do this good for you.

Blessings for this new year and may it bring many joy and hope.

 

[HCTC]

Good advice… When giving advice, I sometimes say. "If I were you, I would do such-and-such… ". With an explanation of why…

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

Good advice… When giving advice, I sometimes say. "If I were you, I would do such-and-such… ". With an explanation of why…

Good one.
I guess.

I could use some advice though. #Awkward #Faithcrisis

 

[fastenatingguy]

I see a lot of catholics, and frankly Christians in general use the phrase “You MUST” a lot in your nation and in some circles and i strongly feel called to advice against this, and provide a better way.
Its just some advice coming from the conscience, but i have to say this or i will have it running in my head for weeks.

Because when you say “you must” it sounds like a threat, and not like good advice.
And i am sure you are all trying to give advice rather than to boss people around?
Instead try saying You SHOULD. :]

That sounds like advice, and it instills a spirit of duty, rather that submission.

For example:
Instead of saying “You must go to church” say “You should go to church”
And explain why it is good for him/her.

And not like you are talking to a child who has stolen a cookie but rather like you would to a friend who really needs to get to a doctor but believes there is nothing wrong with him/her, in other words more gentle.
And if you already do this good for you.

Blessings for this new year and may it bring many joy and hope.

I like your concept, although I use a slight variation: “Shouldn’t you be going to Church?” That seems to make people ponder about the question, and give more consideration for their answer.

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

I like your concept, although I use a slight variation: “Shouldn’t you be going to Church?” That seems to make people ponder about the question, and give more consideration for their answer.

Seems rather personal.
And that only works on sundays, and when somebody is able.
And i for example am not.

 

[fastenatingguy]

Seems rather personal.
And that only works on sundays, and when somebody is able.
And i for example am not.

Well I probably wouldn’t be talking to a complete stranger.

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

Well I probably wouldn’t be talking to a complete stranger.

I mean a personal attack.
You dont want to scare him/her away now do you.

 

[janiruchan]

You seem to have an issue over people commanding you.May be you could look into this. Good advice though.

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

You seem to have an issue over people commanding you.May be you could look into this. Good advice though.

That could be so yes.
I get desperate and depressed when i see ppl driving others away from the church by their harsh words of cold iron judgment.
It seems to lack all forms of empathy.

Are we brothers/sisters or is the road to heaven a survival of the fittest contest?

 

[janiruchan]

That could be so yes.
I get desperate and depressed when i see ppl driving others away from the church by their harsh words of cold iron judgment.
It seems to lack all forms of empathy.

Are we brothers/sisters or is the road to heaven a survival of the fittest contest?

I understand those people because I too have been times like them…I really do want to share Jesus to others (but I have some issues myself). People too themselves are very hard hearted. I found out though that it’s truly true the gospel shouldn’t be preach merely by words but by action. I found that people listen more if they are listened to, if they are understood more and love more and not proselytized.

but I believe though that even though those who proselytize seems harsh–they really wanted people to know Jesus…they just need some room for improvement and more practice of love. I believe you should pray for those people.

 

[fastenatingguy]

I mean a personal attack.
You dont want to scare him/her away now do you.

No, of course not.

Would it be a personal attack if you presented it in a loving, inviting way? For example:

Shouldn’t you be attending Sunday Mass? I’d be happy to pick you up…

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

I understand those people because I too have been times like them…I really do want to share Jesus to others (but I have some issues myself). People too themselves are very hard hearted. I found out though that it’s truly true the gospel shouldn’t be preach merely by words but by action. I found that people listen more if they are listened to, if they are understood more and love more and not proselytized.

but I believe though that even though those who proselytize seems harsh–they really wanted people to know Jesus…they just need some room for improvement and more practice of love. I believe you should pray for those people.

Those who proselytize should judge less…
It will only drive ppl away from Christ.

And in the faith you don’t practice on human beings.
If you want to speak for the church, fine, but DON’T do it on your own.
Seek help from a priest, or any other member of the cloth.

Don’t try things you are not trained for.
Being a missionary is a WORK, not a hobby.
It comes with great responsibilities and if you are not ready for them you should not try to act like a confessor.
It will most certainly do more harm than good.

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

No, of course not.

Would it be a personal attack if you presented it in a loving, inviting way? For example:

Shouldn’t you be attending Sunday Mass? I’d be happy to pick you up…

No.

No, that would be great!
Thats the thing that makes God happy.

Friendship not judgement.

Like saying: “You are a sinner? Well so am i so lets go and pray together!”
After all, if we where not sinners we would not need prayer as much now would we?

 

[janiruchan]

Those who proselytize should judge less…
It will only drive ppl away from Christ.

And in the faith you don’t practice on human beings.
If you want to speak for the church, fine, but DON’T do it on your own.
Seek help from a priest, or any other member of the cloth.

Don’t try things you are not trained for.
Being a missionary is a WORK, not a hobby.
It comes with great responsibilities and if you are not ready for them you should not try to act like a confessor.
It will most certainly do more harm than good.

Yes my friend you’re somehow right…I’ve been also a victim of proselytizing. When I was younger and had no interest in the faith, those who proselytized me really traumatized me. You’re right…They kind of drove me away…but the seed of faith was growing also in me because they provoked in me an interest in God.

When I became an atheist I used to argue with a fundamentalist evangelical friend. I really dont like it…but I was so inspired by her faith and deep love for Jesus (not her reasons).

But honestly I’m still thankful for these people who were seemingly upfront in with the gospel. I grew very hungry of God until I couldn’t take it anymore and submitted to Him.

I believe that those who proselytize may have not advance yet so much in the faith (espe the beginners) or perhaps lack a deeper understanding of people and himself.

I myself do not agree with proselytizing (although in my initial stages in the faith, I had done it, out of ignorance and lack of experience). But I sympathize and understand them as well. When I was a beginning catechist (a kindergarten in the faith), I wanted everybody to understand me instead of understanding them. But throughout my experiences, I learned slowly that preaching the gospel is really about showing Jesus to others—listening to people, reaching out to them and slowly introducing who He is through His words and life.

I believe that we should pray that these people may really come to know the heart of the Gospel and we ourselves ought to be patient towards them. It may sometimes seem that they are driving people away, but God can always use any experience to bring back to people to Him, like what happened to me.

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

Yes my friend you’re somehow right…I’ve been also a victim of proselytizing. When I was younger and had no interest in the faith, those who proselytized me really traumatized me. You’re right…They kind of drove me away…but the seed of faith was growing also in me because they provoked in me an interest in God.

When I became an atheist I used to argue with a fundamentalist evangelical friend. I really dont like it…but I was so inspired by her faith and deep love for Jesus (not her reasons).

But honestly I’m still thankful for these people who were seemingly upfront in with the gospel. I grew very hungry of God until I couldn’t take it anymore and submitted to Him.

I believe that those who proselytize may have not advance yet so much in the faith (espe the beginners) or perhaps lack a deeper understanding of people and himself.

I myself do not agree with proselytizing (although in my initial stages in the faith, I had done it, out of ignorance and lack of experience). But I sympathize and understand them as well. When I was a beginning catechist (a kindergarten in the faith), I wanted everybody to understand me instead of understanding them. But throughout my experiences, I learned slowly that preaching the gospel is really about showing Jesus to others—listening to people, reaching out to them and slowly introducing who He is through His words and life.

I believe that we should pray that these people may really come to know the heart of the Gospel and we ourselves ought to be patient towards them. It may sometimes seem that they are driving people away, but God can always use any experience to bring back to people to Him, like what happened to me.

Good points.

But those who proselytize DO damage the faith in that way.
Like We experienced ourselves, it does drive ppl away from Christ.
Are they not accountable and responsible for that?

''He who scatters the flock of the lord shall be scattered in turn"

Instead take a look at this example:
youtube.com/watch?v=XFkTGMr2ad8

 

[janiruchan]

Good points.

But those who proselytize DO damage the faith in that way.
Like We experienced ourselves, it does drive ppl away from Christ.
Are they not accountable and responsible for that?

''He who scatters the flock of the lord shall be scattered in turn"

Instead take a look at this example:
youtube.com/watch?v=XFkTGMr2ad8

I believe that they both help and do not help the church. They help in the sense they provoke an interest in the church and God. They do not help because they can cause division and chaos among christians/faith groups…This is the saddest of all (christians against christians) so I believe that we should try our best to help this dear brothers and sisters in prayer (as well as counsel)…I was and I can be like them at times…I am with pope francis that we should be open to dialogue. By insinuating also to those who proselytize that they shouldn’t or shouldn’t do this or that—we are ourselves proselytizing them…fundamentalist protestants are trained in a different way and I believe most of them are trained to corrrect catholic teaching and to prove we catholics are wrong (based on my experience with my friend). They may have some hatred and distance with the catholic church or may have been led to believe that we catholics are going to hell…perhaps that explains why they are frantic in proselytizing us…we should understand their point of view as well. I believe we can meet this all in a dialogue

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

I believe that they both help and do not help the church. They help in the sense they provoke an interest in the church and God. They do not help because they can cause division and chaos among christians/faith groups…This is the saddest of all (christians against christians) so I believe that we should try our best to help this dear brothers and sisters in prayer (as well as counsel)…I was and I can be like them at times…I am with pope francis that we should be open to dialogue. By insinuating also to those who proselytize that they shouldn’t or shouldn’t do this or that—we are ourselves proselytizing them…fundamentalist protestants are trained in a different way and I believe most of them are trained to corrrect catholic teaching and to prove we catholics are wrong (based on my experience with my friend). They may have some hatred and distance with the catholic church or may have been led to believe that we catholics are going to hell…perhaps that explains why they are frantic in proselytizing us…we should understand their point of view as well. I believe we can meet this all in a dialogue

I cant follow you, what do you mean?
Sorry but it seem a bit complicated.

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

I cant follow you, what do you mean?
Sorry but it seem a bit complicated.

My point is that we should not be like fundamentalist protestants.
Thats it.

And i think they only do harm.
In fact they frighten me.
Iam glad we dont have that type where i live.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I see a lot of catholics, and frankly Christians in general use the phrase “You MUST” a lot in your nation and in some circles and i strongly feel called to advice against this, and provide a better way.
Its just some advice coming from the conscience, but i have to say this or i will have it running in my head for weeks.

Because when you say “you must” it sounds like a threat, and not like good advice.
And i am sure you are all trying to give advice rather than to boss people around?
Instead try saying You SHOULD. :]

That sounds like advice, and it instills a spirit of duty, rather that submission.

For example:
Instead of saying “You must go to church” say “You should go to church”
And explain why it is good for him/her.

And not like you are talking to a child who has stolen a cookie but rather like you would to a friend who really needs to get to a doctor but believes there is nothing wrong with him/her, in other words more gentle.
And if you already do this good for you.

Blessings for this new year and may it bring many joy and hope.

I am assuming by “in your nation” you mean America. But you should be careful when throwing stones because some people might think that when it comes to what people are doing in the Netherlands, you MUST and you MUST NOT should be used a little more…

 

[LVCIVS_DEI]

I am assuming by “in your nation” you mean America. But you should be careful when throwing stones because some people might think that when it comes to what people are doing in the Netherlands, you MUST and you MUST NOT should be used a little more…

I am not throwing stones am giving friendly advice.
I am not angry at you, i am concerned, and when i get heated i do so out of despair, not anger or spite.

Saying you MUST and you MUST NOT only antagonizes people, and mind you i think my country is WAY to loose on some social things, but ordering them to change will not help.
And i can tell you that in my country this has only backfired, and i think that goes for most other nations as well.
Thats why i am saying it.

But fine:
Will you please be more mindfull and at stop proselytizing those around you.
And if i need to plead i will.

Keep ST Vincent Ferrer in mind:
youtube.com/watch?v=XFkTGMr2ad8