Friendly Protestants, Unfriendly Catholics

[BlestOne]

Took the words right out of my mouth!

Since I’ve moved and have had to seek a new Parish, I’ve had to extend myself with others when I attend their Churches. I stop people in the parking lot before or after the Mass, or attend the ubiquitious “coffee and donut” gatherings and ask questions. People will be exceedingly friendly when they know you are new.

That’s exactly it!!! It isn’t appropriate to socialize during mass. Before and after is fine… just not during our community worship time or the celebration of the Eucharist. I hope you are finding alot of wonderful friends at your new parish!

 

[August]

As a former Protestant and soon to be Catholic, Here’s my take. Attending a Catholic service for the first time is very intimidating. At most of the Protestant services I’ve attended, you stand during the songs, sit during the sermon and that’s it. Having no idea what a Catholic service looked like, I went by myself to a church and it was very confusing. Sit, stand kneel, say the creed, make the sign of the cross, genuflect, holy water. Hard for a newbie to keep track of. Not being a shy person, I just asked someone to tell me what to do and who to go talk to. However, at Protestant services I almost never had to ask. It isn’t that Catholics are unwelcoming, I just think that those raised in the faith don’t appreciate how complicated (and frankly, strange) mass seems to a newcomer.

 

[Joseph_Mary]

Somebody mentioned it above, but it’s worth repeating:

Seeing someone new at Mass doesn’t mean they’ll be back again, until the next time they visit Aunt Martha, sometime next decade. Why should they talk to me, and why should I act like some sort of used car salesman and start hucking-it-up with them like they’re going to be my next best buddy? If I see them at a Lenten Fish Fry, or some other parish function, THEN I’ll introduce myself. But after Mass, when they’re on their way out the door to take Aunt Martha to lunch? No way!

 

[Bishopite]

Protestants do a better job at being welcoming and friendly to newcomers in their churches than us Catholics, it seems. I don’t want to overgeneralise - I’ve been to both welcoming Catholic churches and unfriendly Protestant churches, but there seems to be a definite trend, which doesn’t seem to be confined solely to my own experience.

Having been to Protestant churches of various denominations, I’ve seen some that were no different from a typical Catholic church, and others that were overfriendly to the point of feeling cultish and false, but I have usually been left with a good impression, even though sometimes the church felt more like a social club than a place of worship. Nevertheless, many churches I’ve been to have been both reverent, sincerely welcoming and social.

So they often do try and make people feel as welcome as possible and get the message that they’re pleased to see you across quite well - better than we seem to.

Now, Protestant congregations, based on my experience, generally seem to be significantly smaller than Catholic ones, which probably plays a role in that it reduces anonymity, but how could we Catholics, especially those in larger congregations, do a better job?

For starters, we need to greet all of the sour faced Catholics on their way to Mass each Sunday with a hello and smile and if you see someone new or sit around a new person, say hello and if you see them again at Mass go and shake their hand and ntroduce yourself. I try to do this as often as possible, unfortunately I often fail to do this myself, yet sometimes I think of Mt 25:40…do these to the least of me [says Jesus] for even if a person is wealthy, powerful or popular, he/she can still be very lonely inside and who knows, we may be the tool God uses to bring them to or back to Jesus if we do so by the obedience of faith (Romans 1:5,16:26).

 

[blessedtoo]

I hope you are finding alot of wonderful friends at your new parish!

Finding friends - no problem. Finding a faithful Parish - different story.

 

[BlestOne]

Finding friends - no problem. Finding a faithful Parish - different story.

Ohhhhhh… So sorry! I was really lucky when I moved here! Great parish… Hey come on over!

 

[O.S.Luke]

Protestant or Catholic, there is no excuse for Christians not to be hospitable to newcomers or visitors. Jesus makes it clear: “Love as I have loved you…” “What you to do the least you do to me.” We are also supposed to be proactive in inviting people into the faith. Jesus didn’t say, “Wait for them to come to your parish, make disciples, baptize and teach, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” - He said, “Go out…”

Following a missal, Book of Common Prayer, or other worship in other liturgucal traditions is intimidating to a newcomer, and without assistance or catechesis, virtually impossible to figure out on your own. While it may be a nuisance or even galling to those of us trying to worship, our patience, understanding, and hospitiality speaks loads to the unchurched who finally (for whatever reason) darken our doors to be with us. The burden isn’t on them - it’s on is. It is a burden we should gladly bear.

The fact is that more and more of the Western world, particularly Americans, are unchurched. If we are going to make disciples, we will have to proactively and lovingly invite and welcome newcomers to our churches/parishes. First impressions make a difference, and while we rest on our sense of aesthetics and liturgucal correctness, we may be in fact sealing our own tombs. That in no way calls us to water down or compromise the tenets of the faith. But it does call us to be more aware of (as well as creative about) how we do catechesis, handle first-time attenders, and lovingly introduce and instruct them about the history, doctrine, and traditions of the Faith.

O+

 

[O.S.Luke]

Just a postscript: since we instituted an emphasis on hospitality, we have had several new faces in the church.

 

[happygal]

My experience to the Mass, was just like a church opening their door to whom ever feel like coming in, you come, you don’t like it you go. Nobody even care to put on a smile and talk to you. Everyone just reach in get a nice seat at the pew and after Mass, pple rush off…So who knows i am a new member or maybe a non believer waiting for someone to spread gospel to me. I said this, was not becoz i being to this particular church once, is more then that…everytime the same situation…so unwelcoming and cold…what a sad sign!!!

 

[jack_hawkins]

Just a postscript: since we instituted an emphasis on hospitality, we have had several new faces in the church.

If Catholics continue to have an attitude which seems to have been expressed here by some that making people wlecome just isn’t part of being a “lively stone”, they will continue to lag behind certain Protestant denominations. In some cases I think a pride (which is of man not God) in being “right” makes some Catholics feel that people need to come to them. I know I am generalising and speculating, but that is the impression I get. As Christians we should want everyone else to have the chance to have God in their life in a meaningful way! If that means, heaven forfend, we need to be a little uncomfortable chatting to someone we don’t know, that’s hardly the same as being thrown to the animals like Saints Felicity and Perpetua is it?

 

[LSK]

First of all, welcome! As an RCIA Candidate I bet you can bring a very fresh perspective to a lot of what us cradle Catholics do and don’t do, and help us to learn how to be better evangelists.

It is difficult to remember that the sin of pride can hit any of us at any time - it is especially difficult to remember that when one is a member of the True Church, with the Full Deposit of Faith.

But, as I have discovered, if it was easy to be a Catholic then everyone would be one.

I think we need to learn how to share Truth so that it is attractive in and of itself…that means putting aside our own fears about meeting new people and being joyously grateful to be Catholics in a world where our values are seldom celebrated.

 

[jack_hawkins]

TY
The auxiliary bishop was present at my first scrutiny on Sunday, and he preached about mission and evangelism, which is one of the few occasions I have heard such a sermon in a Catholic Church. I do appreciate the Catholic emphasis on works of mercy, which have to go hand in hand with evangelism - both are forms of witness I would suggest. I think the Catholic church believes more in personal witness to friends which is a good thing. I think each part of Christianity gets some bits right, and some bits wrong, overemphasizes one part, underemphasizes another.
I am planning to buy some tracts for the parish actually to leave on the pews if the priests are ok with that for people to give out. Hopefully that will be bear some fruit if it goes ahead.

 

[jmcrae]

I am planning to buy some tracts for the parish actually to leave on the pews if the priests are ok with that for people to give out. Hopefully that will be bear some fruit if it goes ahead.

Are you planning to use the Catholic Answers tracts from this web site?

Holy cards are another good means of evangelism, since “as we pray, so we believe” and everyone loves to receive holy cards.

 

[DB_AND_ALI]

Protestants do a better job at being welcoming and friendly to newcomers in their churches than us Catholics, it seems. I don’t want to overgeneralise - I’ve been to both welcoming Catholic churches and unfriendly Protestant churches, but there seems to be a definite trend, which doesn’t seem to be confined solely to my own experience.

Having been to Protestant churches of various denominations, I’ve seen some that were no different from a typical Catholic church, and others that were overfriendly to the point of feeling cultish and false, but I have usually been left with a good impression, even though sometimes the church felt more like a social club than a place of worship. Nevertheless, many churches I’ve been to have been both reverent, sincerely welcoming and social.

So they often do try and make people feel as welcome as possible and get the message that they’re pleased to see you across quite well - better than we seem to.

Now, Protestant congregations, based on my experience, generally seem to be significantly smaller than Catholic ones, which probably plays a role in that it reduces anonymity, but how could we Catholics, especially those in larger congregations, do a better job?

The churches approach to mass attendance must change…making mass attendance obligatory is , to my mind , an error…before you throw me out let me explain : when we miss mass we feel guilty and to me it is wrong to have guilty feelings over such an issue. What has worked in our church is having a priest who often reminds us that WE HAVE CHOSEN to come to church. I find it very empowering to hear this…in a way he is telling us we are ‘mature’ christians , making the right choice. It works wonders for the youth too ! Our priest always thanks everybody for attending the mass…you leave feeling that this person appreciates us as individuals ! I hate to say this but a great , vibrant choir helps as well…and if people won’t sing then the priest must encourage everybody to join in…protestants call it ‘praise and worship’ !..Peace and blessings !!!

 

[DB_AND_ALI]

My experience to the Mass, was just like a church opening their door to whom ever feel like coming in, you come, you don’t like it you go. Nobody even care to put on a smile and talk to you. Everyone just reach in get a nice seat at the pew and after Mass, pple rush off…So who knows i am a new member or maybe a non believer waiting for someone to spread gospel to me. I said this, was not becoz i being to this particular church once, is more then that…everytime the same situation…so unwelcoming and cold…what a sad sign!!!

SORRY , SORRY , SORRY…my friend why not come to africa , i can promise you people are more friendly over here , although we have severe problems with crime and poverty. Please pray for the church tonight…i will too ; peace and blessings to you all !!!

 

[Sarabande]

I think it really depends on the area you are in and the parish. The “friendlier” Catholic parishes tend to be the ones with smaller congregations and families that have been in the parish for generations. I attended this little Irish-Catholic parish in a rural part of my state whenever my family would go up there on the weekends or for summer vacation. Everyone knew each other - maybe about 20 families who had been there since coming to America in the 1840-50s. They had socials and would talk to each other after mass. BUT the mass was always solemn, holy and reverent, which I always liked. I also worked in a little German-Catholic parish in a metropolitan city, as the school music teacher and children’s choir director. It was also a wonderful, friendly parish with a lot of history and close-knit.

I currently am involved at a Cathedral in the same city. It’s a very small parish, so most of the people who attend the 6 masses every weekend are visitors and it’s usually fairly packed. It’s harder, though, to be “friendly”. The new pastor has done things after mass to welcome congregants. He has been great. They also give tours of the Cathedral after the high mass.

At my childhood parish, which my parents still belong to, but now mostly attends the Cathedral mass that I cantor for, it’s very community oriented. It’s also a huge congregation with tons of families. I guess for some people it’s fine, but I find the mass there too hoaky and irreverent, especially music-wise, for my taste. The last couple times I attended mass there, I had to leave as it seemed to forget about the mysterium of the mass. But that’s just me.

I am all for being a welcoming church as long as it doesn’t take away from the reverence and mysterium of the mass. For myself, I’m not there to socialize. It’s a nice perk for after mass, but not something that I need. I’m also not there to experience some big love fest of happy feelings and thoughts. I’m there to pray, to become inspired, to receive the body of Christ and to work towards a deeper spiritual relationship with God. I need serenity, reverent music like polyphoy or chant or a non-offensive hymn to help me to that point. I’m not saying that people who find the other things better is wrong. But for me, whether or not a congregation is “friendly” or welcoming" is not essential.

 

[jack_hawkins]

Are you planning to use the Catholic Answers tracts from this web site?

Holy cards are another good means of evangelism, since “as we pray, so we believe” and everyone loves to receive holy cards.

I’ll have a look at those tracts - thanx:thumbsup:
Holy Cards - what like Divine Mercy or Padre Pio sort of thing?

On the subject of friendliness, I took Janice (before we were married) to a Pentecostal church in Wales and nobody said a word to us! So it happens in all denominations.

Has anyone used the Catholic Answers Tracts BTW? What did you think of them?

 

[jmcrae]

I’ll have a look at those tracts - thanx:thumbsup:
Holy Cards - what like Divine Mercy or Padre Pio sort of thing?

There’s all sorts of really nice ones - check at your Catholic book store, and just ask for Holy Cards - there’s a huge selection, and they’re very inexpensive. (Avoid the superstitious ones, though, that promise “guaranteed results” - these are contrary to the Catholic faith, and I’m not even sure why they are even published, unless just the fact that they make money.)

 

[jack_hawkins]

There’s all sorts of really nice ones - check at your Catholic book store, and just ask for Holy Cards - there’s a huge selection, and they’re very inexpensive. (Avoid the superstitious ones, though, that promise “guaranteed results” - these are contrary to the Catholic faith, and I’m not even sure why they are even published, unless just the fact that they make money.)

Don’t worry, I hate that sort of stuff. It is certainly not Christian, what are the people believing in?
I know there are Holy Spirit ones for example - that’s more my cup of tea.

 

[jack_hawkins]

There’s all sorts of really nice ones - check at your Catholic book store, and just ask for Holy Cards - there’s a huge selection, and they’re very inexpensive. (Avoid the superstitious ones, though, that promise “guaranteed results” - these are contrary to the Catholic faith, and I’m not even sure why they are even published, unless just the fact that they make money.)

Don’t worry, I hate that sort of stuff. It is certainly not Christian, what are the people believing in?
I know there are Holy Spirit ones for example - that’s more my cup of tea.