Friendly Protestants, Unfriendly Catholics

[Sixtus]

Because we are arrogant.

Because we know we have the truth so dont have to work at it. You Protestants do not have the truth so have to be charitable to make up for the incongruence. Least that is what a lot of catholics would say

Actually, most catholics are conservative in that respect. But to be fair some churches are more inviting than others.

Take it to the social anthropological level and you find that communties with little change or variation are more restistant to change and new-comers than ones that have a greater diversity and are more subject to movement of peoples. I guess church communities more or less follow the same socio cultural principles

 

[Sixtus]

In some cases because we are arrogant.

Because we know we have the truth so dont have to work at it. You Protestants do not, so have to be charitable to make up for the incongruence. Least that is what a lot of catholics would say

Actually, most catholics are conservative in that respect. But to be fair some churches are more inviting than others.

Take it to the social anthropological level and you find that communties with little change or variation are more resistant to change and new-comers than ones that have a greater diversity and are more subject to movement of peoples. I guess church communities more or less follow the same socio anthropological and cultural principles

 

[DB_AND_ALI]

I think it really depends on the area you are in and the parish. The “friendlier” Catholic parishes tend to be the ones with smaller congregations and families that have been in the parish for generations. I attended this little Irish-Catholic parish in a rural part of my state whenever my family would go up there on the weekends or for summer vacation. Everyone knew each other - maybe about 20 families who had been there since coming to America in the 1840-50s. They had socials and would talk to each other after mass. BUT the mass was always solemn, holy and reverent, which I always liked. I also worked in a little German-Catholic parish in a metropolitan city, as the school music teacher and children’s choir director. It was also a wonderful, friendly parish with a lot of history and close-knit.

I currently am involved at a Cathedral in the same city. It’s a very small parish, so most of the people who attend the 6 masses every weekend are visitors and it’s usually fairly packed. It’s harder, though, to be “friendly”. The new pastor has done things after mass to welcome congregants. He has been great. They also give tours of the Cathedral after the high mass.

At my childhood parish, which my parents still belong to, but now mostly attends the Cathedral mass that I cantor for, it’s very community oriented. It’s also a huge congregation with tons of families. I guess for some people it’s fine, but I find the mass there too hoaky and irreverent, especially music-wise, for my taste. The last couple times I attended mass there, I had to leave as it seemed to forget about the mysterium of the mass. But that’s just me.

I am all for being a welcoming church as long as it doesn’t take away from the reverence and mysterium of the mass. For myself, I’m not there to socialize. It’s a nice perk for after mass, but not something that I need. I’m also not there to experience some big love fest of happy feelings and thoughts. I’m there to pray, to become inspired, to receive the body of Christ and to work towards a deeper spiritual relationship with God. I need serenity, reverent music like polyphoy or chant or a non-offensive hymn to help me to that point. I’m not saying that people who find the other things better is wrong. But for me, whether or not a congregation is “friendly” or welcoming" is not essential.

I am old enough to understand your point…44 ! However the youth in particular must be made to feel welcome or else they might leave…all it takes is a smile after all ?! Here in south africa with increasing levels of violent crime it is essential and heart warming for many to come into a ‘warm’ parish…almost a place to feel safe ! I think this is one of the reasons our youth attendance is growing , and we have also appointed a youth coordinator at all the churches in our region. Peace…!!!

 

[anamchara]

Protestants do a better job at being welcoming and friendly to newcomers in their churches than us Catholics, it seems.

As a convert to the Catholic faith I can say I agree with you 110% it’s interesting we were just talking about this same thing over in the spirituality forum. I’d link you there but I’m being lazy

It’s one of the things I’ve struggled with being Catholic.

 

[Sarabande]

I am old enough to understand your point…44 ! However the youth in particular must be made to feel welcome or else they might leave…all it takes is a smile after all ?! Here in south africa with increasing levels of violent crime it is essential and heart warming for many to come into a ‘warm’ parish…almost a place to feel safe ! I think this is one of the reasons our youth attendance is growing , and we have also appointed a youth coordinator at all the churches in our region. Peace…!!!

I’m actually fairly young - although not a teenager. I understand your position on this especially where you are located. After mass activities are essential for your church’s situation, just as it would be in otherdangerous inter-city neighborhoods in the US. I’m not against it at all as long as it doesn’t take precedence over the sanctity and reverence of the mass. God bless!!

 

[Curious]

You know, I’m all for people being sincerely friendly, and making genuine efforts to be nice, get to know people, and make friends. I believe that’s important. We need relationships, but I have to throw in the observation that while it may be true that Protestant churches are a little warmer in general, there is sometimes not a lot of depth in the warmth.

For awhile my husband and I attended a non-denom church, filled with very nice people who, i’m sure in a well-meaning way, always threw around “love ya” and, if we’d been gone forever, “missed ya.” Just so casually - yet never called, never came over, never said a word to us outside the church during our little greeting time, or whatever.

Hubby and I called it “Sunday love” and it made us sad, because we’ve always been interested in people, been interested in developing real relationships with friends, and not a bunch of empty Sunday love. It wasn’t the only church either. We’ve been to several like that. Warm and fuzzy on the surface, but not at all interested in going any further than a hearty handshake, big ol’ smile, and a very disinterested “how ya been this week?”

 

[anamchara]

With any church Protestant or Catholic it’s going to take time to really feel part of the church. You can’t just visit any church a few times. Sometimes it takes months or even a year before you really feel part of the group. I don’t think people mean to be standoffish or fake…I think they just often are not sure what to say to someone new. When we first joined the Presby church we didn’t know anyone and it did take some time before we too felt comfortable. Some churches can be more cliquey then others but it depends on the priest or pastor and various other things. Once we got involved and starting working along side others thats when the bonds developed and long lasting friendships came about. That is what makes the big difference.

I don’t like the comment that a lot make and I’ve seen on this forum is “church is not a social club” refering to Protestants or anyone feeling a bit lonely in thier parish. I think it’s insultings to Protestants for one thing and doesn’t allow for how incredibly important it is to build a community in your church. We are Gods family, why can’t we act like one?

The problem with Catholics is that you have the added “I’m here to get my kids thier sacraments and I’m racing to the car after Mass” or “I’m only here for Jesus, I’m not interested in talking to you” even for coffee afteward?? heaven for bid. Not everyone is like that though, I’ve met some really nice people…but developing friendships as I did in the Protestant church is much more slow going in the Catholic church.

Perhaps one day someone will write a book on the subject

 

[DB_AND_ALI]

I’m actually fairly young - although not a teenager. I understand your position on this especially where you are located. After mass activities are essential for your church’s situation, just as it would be in otherdangerous inter-city neighborhoods in the US. I’m not against it at all as long as it doesn’t take precedence over the sanctity and reverence of the mass. God bless!!

Asolutely…the mass must touch our hearts , and for me that only happens with focus and prayer from my side…not easy as we often spend time chasing after our 21 month old son… !!! Blessings…please pray for peace in Zimbabwe…our country is paradise compared to what they are enduring right now. Peace and joy to you in faith !!!

 

[DB_AND_ALI]

With any church Protestant or Catholic it’s going to take time to really feel part of the church. You can’t just visit any church a few times. Sometimes it takes months or even a year before you really feel part of the group. I don’t think people mean to be standoffish or fake…I think they just often are not sure what to say to someone new. When we first joined the Presby church we didn’t know anyone and it did take some time before we too felt comfortable. Some churches can be more cliquey then others but it depends on the priest or pastor and various other things. Once we got involved and starting working along side others thats when the bonds developed and long lasting friendships came about. That is what makes the big difference.

I don’t like the comment that a lot make and I’ve seen on this forum is “church is not a social club” refering to Protestants or anyone feeling a bit lonely in thier parish. I think it’s insultings to Protestants for one thing and doesn’t allow for how incredibly important it is to build a community in your church. We are Gods family, why can’t we act like one?

The problem with Catholics is that you have the added “I’m here to get my kids thier sacraments and I’m racing to the car after Mass” or “I’m only here for Jesus, I’m not interested in talking to you” even for coffee afteward?? heaven for bid. Not everyone is like that though, I’ve met some really nice people…but developing friendships as I did in the Protestant church is much more slow going in the Catholic church.

Perhaps one day someone will write a book on the subject

I can relate to what you are saying…we can learn a lot from protestant folk as they sometimes have services that last 4 , 5 hours ! We are fortunate that our parishioners enjoy a good cup of coffee/tea after mass in our hall , and there is usually no great ‘rush’ to get home ! Peace to all !!!