Friends wife is cheating on him

[schaeffer]

My initial reaction is, he probably already knows, or suspects and chooses not to know more.

If you feel you must say something I’d suggest mentioning that you’ve seen this man over at his place a lot. Since you don’t know any details beyond that for certain, then all you can and should share it what you know.

If you’ve been peeking in their window, then you might know more than you should.

I had a good friend who told me what she saw. My husband out to dinner with a woman from work, then it was up to me to decide if I considered it inappropriate , worrisome and something to address with my spouse. I had already had my own suspicions about his relationship with that woman.

Unless you know for certain exactly what is going on, only share what you yourself have seen, no third party information. If Friend 1 has more detailed info, then it’s up to him to share it.

People have all manner of understandings, etc in their marriages that others might not understand or approve of. Share information only.

 

[otjm]

God bless, I don’t think this is especially useful but perhaps you were trying to be funny?

There is a father who has children that are being abused, likely behind his back, and he has a right to know. If children being deliberately exposed to this kind of disgusting sinful behavior isn’t abuse, I don’t know what is.

The original poster is concerned about how to approach him since it is a delicate matter involving his friend’s wife. Trying to help is being a good Christian, not being a busybody but that is my opinion.

Funny and pointed.

I seriously doubt there is a state agency in the US that would intervene on behalf of the children re: abuse. It is not my opinion that what is occurring is morally correct. It is that far too often, it is the messenger who gets shot.

I have some serious doubts that the husband is not aware, to some degree, that his wife may be less than faithful. The first place that tends to show strongly is in the marital bed. As in, cut off.

I suspect that if we searched enough, somewhere in the world we could find some people so naïve that if they walked in on the couple “in pari delicto” they would not know what is going on.

It is entirely possible the husband is doing everything in his power to keep the family together - if he has even the slightest clue, he has an idea what divorce does to kids. Someone waling up to him and saying his wife is cheating on him forces him into an even more untenable position - it is now obvious that a) others know, and b) they are expecting him to do something, since that has to be their motivation for tattling.

It is also entirely possible, since polyamory is in bloom, that he has bought into that sleaze, at which point, what is the purpose of telling him what he already knows?

 

[otjm]

How is the continuance of this situation good for anybody in the family? Whose eternal well-being is being assured by you ignoring what you know? I understand that you are worried about losing a friend. Ultimately, dealing with this affair is the responsibility of the head of the family, and if he chooses to drop you as a friend, that is a freedom that you need to allow him.

Pax Christi.

How is it good for the family? It might surprise you to know that some spouses find a way to work through the issues surrounding adultery, and keep the family together.

What is it you expect him to do if you tell him?

 

[Joe_5859]

Thank you all for the prayers and advice. There are many more details of this situation that simply will not fit in a forum post. However, in an attempt to address some of the responses I will tell a little more.

The cheating wife has been confronted by friend 1’s wife, they are sisters. Cheating wife refused to stop the relationship, but she agreed not to do it in front of her children. However we think she may have just said this so that people are not snooping in her business.

I realize that friend 2 may know about this, but I don’t think this is the case. I think he suspects something is not right, and instead of investigating he just ignores all signs. This worries me about his mental well being, he may take this news very hard.

I beleive that friend 1 should be the person to tell friend 2, but I don’t think he has the courage to do so. We have talked about it, and he keeps going back to the anonomous note idea. If friend 2 is going to find out from a friend it will have to be from me.

I realize that this may not be any of my business, and I may not be able to put this into words but I will try. Friend 2 is in pain and does not yet realize it, the longer he goes without knowing what is going on the more painfull it will be when he does find out. For this reason I feel I need to tell him. I am not trying to mettle in his business for the sake of drama, I care for him and I want to help him.

Again thank you all for the comments and prayers.

The anonymous note is a truly terrible idea. That’s not going to end well for anyone.

Before you tell friend 2, you might give friend 1 one last opportunity to tell him in person by letting friend 1 know that you are telling friend 2 with or without him but that you really prefer it to be with him.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

I’m always going to tell the victim or push someone closer to tell. If I’m pushing, I’m pushing really hard as I have seen the damage done by adultery and I want no part of helping it along by failing to act. A harsh life lesson as a young man brought me to this view point. To those who think I’m a nattering nabob around this, I say to you, I hold marriage and family above all else, do you? Adultery, if it is stopped soon enough, can be forgiven; the spouses can reconcile, the family can be brought back. I have seen this. But if allowed to continue, the chances of reconciliation grow much dimmer over time. I have seen that too; the damage done to the family cannot be called back. I’ll act, the chips will fall where they may, but at least my conscience is clear. I feel the most for the children who are caught in this web…