Frustrated by husband’s views

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halogirl

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Any advice for those who have non Catholic spouses ? Mine is a baptised Christian but still very much figuring out his rship with God. He’s supported my conversion and prays with me. He comes to mass with me sometimes, and has been on his own a few times but he admits he doesn’t get a lot from it and prefers the more ‘rock n roll’ non denominational type services he’s seen. Today he even told me he’s not convinced about the Bible. He said to me today ‘I have to have my own rship with God, and not your idea of what it should be’. I then lost my temper a bit. He didn’t go up for a blessing either which he could have done. There is no way I can see him sit thru 8 months of classes and anyway he works nights so wouldn’t even be able to attend. He’s wonderful but I’m just getting worried I’m always gonna be that lady at mass without her husband
 
As one whose husband just would not convert (though sometimes he would sit through a Mass with me) and then when I got frustrated after a year of praying and asked God and St. Francis de Sales to please hurry up and make something happen, husband dropped dead that night…

Just pray for your husband and meet him where he is.
Have him come to church with you sometimes if he’ll do that. Don’t be annoyed if he doesn’t want to participate, or if he doesn’t want to go every week. Have lunch after church or do something else nice as a motivator.
Don’t push him to go up for blessings.
Don’t push him to do anything.
Just pray for him and be glad he’s a good husband in other ways.
If he’s going to convert it needs to be on his own clock and without pressure from you.

I sometimes think God took my husband because (among other things) if he’d stayed on earth, religion would have become more of a subject for argument between us. We had a good marriage and generally didn’t argue over things, including religion. Since he died before we could reach any point of arguing over religion, it remains in my memory as a good marriage where we didn’t argue.

P.S. There is nothing wrong with being “that lady at church without a husband”. For one thing, you’re in the company of a lot of great Catholic saints whose spouses didn’t share their faith. For another thing, married couples don’t have to do everything together. For a third thing, for every “lady at church without a husband” there is another lady at church with no husband at all who wishes she were in your shoes and had one at least at home.
 
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Wow, halogirl–That could have been written by me!

Yep, my husband is a Christian, or at least I think so. He is baptized and was brought up going to church sporadically, but not Catholic church. When we got married, he wanted to be married in a church, so I reconnected with my Lutheran church, we attended some sessions with Pastor, and then we were married and hubby was a Lutheran with me.

After a while, I found the Lutheran church unsatisfying, mainly because they practically never had communion. We dropped out and were non-church-goers for a long time. My mother’s family was full of Catholics, and I finally found my way home to the Catholic church.

No, I don’t see my husband sitting through eight months of classes. Also, he isn’t sure he can sign on with everything the Catholic church wants him to. A number of discussions on that. He is a great husband, a wonderful and generous person, really better than most people I’ve ever met. But I don’t see the Catholicism thing happening. One chance in a million. He does go with me on Christmas Eve and on the Easter vigil, because I want to go, but it’s a big church and gets really crowded, and I don’t like to be crammed in alone in a crowd. So he goes with me twice a year to church.
 
If I were in your shoes I’d try find out where he’s coming from, what his idea of God is, etc. Then that would help me approach him. For example maybe there is a Saint that could inspire him who went through similar struggle. If he’s deeply philosophical and not convinced about certain ideas about God or faith, he may love Aquinas. Etc.
Bottom line is to understand his thinking as good as he does, then ask ourselves “what approach would lead me to Church if I was him?”
 
@halogirl stay strong in your own faith and take life as it comes. It would be extremely difficult to not share a common faith, and I pray for a better situation for you.

I know people who are in “mixed” marriages and usually the Catholic part fades away. Stay strong.
 
Oh, Bear, I’m so sorry for your loss.

You are right. Religion, what one believes, how one relates to God–that is all an individual thing. It’s ok to be there without your spouse, halogirl. You are both working out how you are relating to God.
 
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Thanks, it’s been over a year so not so bad now, although I still miss him.

God just happened to send me an answer in a particularly dramatic way that time.
 
halogirl said:
He said to me today ‘I have to have my own rship with God, and not your idea of what it should be’.
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Well, he’s right about that part.
halogirl said:
He didn’t go up for a blessing either which he could have done.
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It’s not required, and in some parishes not even allowed.

You can’t push someone into the Church. You listed a lot of good things – supporting your conversion, coming to Mass sometimes. If you push for more before he’s ready, you could push him away from the Church.
Patience & prayer, hon. Patience & prayer.
 
No way I’m going to leave the Church 🙂 I am so hungry for God thanks to the RCC. I was a bit over zealous with my witnessing as a Protestant and this is a bit of character flaw which has carried over and I don’t want to push him away. He does find mass ‘boring’ though
 
You can tell him that we don’t go to Mass for entertainment, and if we find it boring on a particular day we offer that up to God to save souls.

“Be Bored for the Lord”
 
He believes in the Trinity and Prays and thanks God a lot, he is just very unconvinced about the Bible as ‘it was written by humans and has elements of other religions (Greeks, Egyptians)’ and I said well those were foreshadowing the arrival of Christ which he said yeah possibly. His exact quote was ‘I’ve read minutes from meetings that do not resemble what was said at the time, so how can the Bible be true?’ He did say he believed the essence of the truth of the Bible though whatever that means. Before we got married he said he doesn’t think God intervenes in our lives he just watches like you or I playing the SIMS. He also doesn’t believe in Satan or angels.
 
I tried to tell him about the Real Presence and he just says ‘but Jesus is everywhere ?’ So was not wowed by this
 
Your husband has a lot of belief issues. He is far away from accepting any logical explanation of the Real Presence.

Prayer and patience will be best here. If he’s the jokey sort, you can try humor as well.

Pray that God gives your husband the gift of faith. Husband picked you to marry and is tolerant of all your beliefs. That is a big step. Many men wouldn’t even do that much. So in a way Husband is already connected to the Church through being a good husband to you.

I will pray for your husband’s conversion, but it could take a really long time. Years. Decades. Maybe even not till he dies. So I wouldn’t get hung up on it if I were you. Focus on being the best Catholic you can be, and praying for your husband. Perhaps God wishes you to pray him into Heaven.
 
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He’s very jokey 🙂 he jokes and sings all the time, despite his OCD and anxiety and is very loving. He is always telling me ‘it’ll be ok we have got God and Jesus’ and he tells me not to worry about my parents that God has them. He glued up my Romero cross for me in my bathroom and I saw him give it a little kiss. Uses Holy water along with me ( he can do that l, right ? :/) there’s lots good there but I still worry. I’m a bit uptight at times
 
He sounds like he is way ahead of most of the people in your country when it comes to God. Be sure to always thank God for all your husband’s good qualities.
 
He really is. He has a much less complex relationship with God than me. He is thankful and loving to all. I’m the judgemental overthinking one caught up in her own head :confused: he is actually a much better example than me in a lot of ways. I guess in the words of Elvis ‘I don’t want him to miss out on heaven on a technicality ‘
 
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halogirl said:
I’ve read minutes from meetings that do not resemble what was said at the time, so how can the Bible be true?’
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halogirl said:
unconvinced about the Bible as ‘it was written by humans
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Ok I think I see where he’s coming from - he seems to believes people that wrote Bible were inherently flawed thus couldn’t have flawlessly recorded scripture. Fair point.

Bishop Barron made great point on this when he said (paraphrasing) : “Bible isn’t a book, it’s a library of books so when people ask if it’s true, well depends what section of library you’re in. Poetry section? History section? Drama section?”

I’d ask him what he means by word “true” w Bible if only some of it is intended as historical? Once he concedes it doesn’t all have to be literally true, then it’s just matter of those parts meant to be historical true. And for many of those we have multiple accounts (eg. 4 Gospels). Then can find out what specifically he doubts about historical text of Bible.A key factor is unlike humans in business meetings, we believe Bible written by divinely inspired humans, so to me that’s key distinction too.

Also his views are consistent w Church since we don’t believe Bible holds all truth, e.g. Mary Assumption. Although I think it’s hinted at in Revelation.
 
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Yeah he has this big thing that we are all flawed so God only expects of us that we do our best and be kind to others. He’s also said sorry to God in prayer for his sins. I just worry that him, and my whole family apart from my lapsed sister in law have never had the Eucharist. I got really upset with hubby and said I feel like I’m paddling my own canoe here. He was just patient as he always is. I don’t deserve him 😆
 
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