Frustrated with myself

[Coreopisis]

Look after yourself, if you cannot be kind to yourself, how can you be of any use to anyone else, especially you family?

So few love Jesus upon the Cross and even want to remove the Cross from society that your immense love of Him upon the Cross is inspiring and edifying to see. Jesus must love you greatly.

In the Living Prayer of my life

Well it’s easy to say all these nice things about me when I only share this piece and not all the bad things I have done in my life.

To be fair there is a psychological viewpoint as well that isn’t so favorable. According to my therapist I had for a while and my psychologist that I was required to have as a result of my hospital stay, I was always an emotional and overly empathetic child. If you combine that with an abusive childhood (I hate saying abusive because so many people have been through worse but I guess it was technically) you become me. As a child I would take beatings for my little brothers because I couldn’t stand to watch them be beat. The stress of watching it would make me physically ill with flu symptoms of which at times could be puking and everything. As a result of this you, as a kid, learn to always do the lesser of the two evils. You take the beating or you get sick. It’s an easy call really.

I think this is now engrained into me. My therapist kept saying similar things to me about being kind to myself, however what I don’t understand is how watching other people hurt is kind to me if it hurts me so?

If this was this normal situation where she is just hurting and I could help her I could deal wiht my own pain, well it’s not really pain because no one is hitting me. I wouldn’t have had to post because the answer would be easy and I would just help her. However something is different this time when I try to help her or talk to her I feel weird inside. Is this making any sense?

Oh boy I just re-read what I wrote and I sound like a sick-o. Luckily this is anonomous or you would probably all have me committed.

Wait I just thought of something. Maybe she bothers me because she is so self inflicting and I can’t stop her from hurting herself or her son. Oh and she wont admit that she is hurting even when she cries, so how can I help her?? I think I might be onto something.

When someone lies to themselves it is hard to help them…

 

[TOP]

You mentioned you feel weird inside when you are around her. Ask your therapist about stress and it’s triggers. Maybe she triggers this response because of your abuse in the past and when you used to get sick. Tim

 

[Coreopisis]

You mentioned you feel weird inside when you are around her. Ask your therapist about stress and it’s triggers. Maybe she triggers this response because of your abuse in the past and when you used to get sick. Tim

Good thought but I really don’t think so.

This feeling isn’t physical at all it’s like frustration or maybe anger like I said, but from what I hear anger doesn’t feel like this. If I was angry I would want to tell her off right? I wouldn’t be confused about it.

Please don’t worry about the ‘abuse’ because it really wasn’t that bad, it just sounds bad. There are lots of much worse situations out there. Besides I’ve been around worse off people than her and I’ve never had this problem.

 

[blessedstar]

Is it like a feeling of dread and annoyance mixed together?

I think for your own peace of mind you might like to put some distance from this woman for a period. There is nothing wrong with ‘being extremely busy’ when she calls you up.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[Coreopisis]

Is it like a feeling of dread and annoyance mixed together?

I think for your own peace of mind you might like to put some distance from this woman for a period. There is nothing wrong with ‘being extremely busy’ when she calls you up.

In the Living Prayer of my life

Annoyance yes, dread no…not really.

Let me think about this maybe annoyance, frustration, sadness, pity and guilt all rolled into one indescribable new emotion called Frustannoysadguilpit! Hmph.

I’ve been doing the busy thing and I think that added the guilt.

 

[LISA_Annette]

Annoyance yes, dread no…not really.

Let me think about this maybe annoyance, frustration, sadness, pity and guilt all rolled into one indescribable new emotion called Frustannoysadguilpit! Hmph.

I’ve been doing the busy thing and I think that added the guilt.

it is the conflict between wanting to do WHAT you THINK is the right thing to do(Good Christian) and doing something that makes you feel happy ( being rid of her).*** Oppression***. We all have our ideas of what being a Good Christian is—sometimes the idea just places too many unrealisitc or hurtful demands on us—sometimes those notions don’t teach us to have a balance between self-respect* and *respect of others. if we don’t care for ourselves and ONLY think of others feelings, then we and our family suffers. I already know you care about others to your own peril, so you need to learn to “love yourself AS you love your neighbor”.

 

[blessedstar]

I have given this some more thought.

It occurred to me that God does not want us to put ourselves into harms way. By that I mean, that God does not want us to go into dangerous situations unless we have absolutely no choice. Being around this person is causing you alot of harm.

You are not to be around people to the point where they are causing you harm and distress.

You decide, but in your position I would keep away from this person if she causes you this much distress.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[mpb74]

I admire your willingness to suffer for others. Jesus suffered for us because he was helping us. That is so beyond admirable. People are finding eternal salvation because of his suffering. I can understand your willingness to suffer for others to their benefit. This woman is receiving no benefit, except a venue to spew her hatred. You do not deserve to be the target of such abuse. You are suffering and no one benefits. Your son comes first. Does your pain over dealing with her sap positive attitudes and energy you can share with him?

I have suffered thru depression and am doing better now. It seems there will be no better days ahead. Hang in and work at it really hard, you may find better days. You suffer from a disease. Certain things make it worse. If you suffered from an allergy to strawberries you sure wouldn’t eat them. This woman exacerbates your symptoms. Take care of yourself.

You mentioned in an earlier post about hormone difficulties. You may suffer from a purely or partially medical issue. See your lady doctor (That’s what my Dad called them) or I think an endocinologist. Maybe they can help with your symptoms. As a man I feel uneasy about this paragraph as my wife turns beet red and generates smoke from her ears when I use the word hormone.
You deserve to explore all avenues of recovery. All of the above is purely my opinion.

If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you possibly help another person, especially your son, who depends on you alone for so much. You need to be fully present for him. He deserves no less? I hope you find the strength and guidance you need to carry thru your trouble. Keep the faith, but take action. Dan

 

[blessedstar]

I admire your willingness to suffer for others. Jesus suffered for us because he was helping us. That is so beyond admirable. People are finding eternal salvation because of his suffering. I can understand your willingness to suffer for others to their benefit. This woman is receiving no benefit, except a venue to spew her hatred. You do not deserve to be the target of such abuse. You are suffering and no one benefits. Your son comes first. Does your pain over dealing with her sap positive attitudes and energy you can share with him?

I have suffered thru depression and am doing better now. It seems there will be no better days ahead. Hang in and work at it really hard, you may find better days. You suffer from a disease. Certain things make it worse. If you suffered from an allergy to strawberries you sure wouldn’t eat them. This woman exacerbates your symptoms. Take care of yourself.

You mentioned in an earlier post about hormone difficulties. You may suffer from a purely or partially medical issue. See your lady doctor (That’s what my Dad called them) or I think an endocinologist. Maybe they can help with your symptoms. As a man I feel uneasy about this paragraph as my wife turns beet red and generates smoke from her ears when I use the word hormone.
You deserve to explore all avenues of recovery. All of the above is purely my opinion.

If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you possibly help another person, especially your son, who depends on you alone for so much. You need to be fully present for him. He deserves no less? I hope you find the strength and guidance you need to carry thru your trouble. Keep the faith, but take action. Dan

Dan this is so beautifully said.

Take care of yourself and your son Sarah. I can imagine the two of you going about your lives and the love and kindness between you and no-one should cause extra pressures on your home life like this, they wouldn’t do that if they loved you and know how demanding it is to raise children.

You be very kind to yourself and make time to be with your son and have some fun together.

Do something tomorrow just for yourself, run a nice bath and light some candles, or go out for a refreshing walk, or curl up with a cocoa and watch a girlie movie or invite a kind friend around and have a coffee and chat together .

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[St_Gabriel]

Hey there Core. Sorry I took so long to get back ( I was a bit distracted). Well, it looks like you don’t want to loose the friendship with this person and that’s very nobel but you will need to be on your guard especially with the negative influences on your son. When I said truthful, I didn’t mean that you have to be harsh with this person (like telling her you think she has a demonic influence), but I do think you need to be more assertive and direct with her. Tell her that it hurts you personally when she attacks the thing you love the most (your faith!) Avoidence is not going to solve anything especially if the person is overbearing. It sounds like she knows your weak spots but show her some of your strengths (your faith!). God give you the confidence my friend. See, you have an army of saints behind you!

 

[blessedstar]

Sometimes people can act like this out of jealousy.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Well it’s easy to say all these nice things about me when I only share this piece and not all the bad things I have done in my life.

To be fair there is a psychological viewpoint as well that isn’t so favorable. According to my therapist I had for a while and my psychologist that I was required to have as a result of my hospital stay, I was always an emotional and overly empathetic child. If you combine that with an abusive childhood (I hate saying abusive because so many people have been through worse but I guess it was technically) you become me. As a child I would take beatings for my little brothers because I couldn’t stand to watch them be beat. The stress of watching it would make me physically ill with flu symptoms of which at times could be puking and everything. As a result of this you, as a kid, learn to always do the lesser of the two evils. You take the beating or you get sick. It’s an easy call really.

I think this is now engrained into me. My therapist kept saying similar things to me about being kind to myself, however what I don’t understand is how watching other people hurt is kind to me if it hurts me so?

If this was this normal situation where she is just hurting and I could help her I could deal wiht my own pain, well it’s not really pain because no one is hitting me. I wouldn’t have had to post because the answer would be easy and I would just help her. However something is different this time when I try to help her or talk to her I feel weird inside. Is this making any sense?

Oh boy I just re-read what I wrote and I sound like a sick-o. Luckily this is anonomous or you would probably all have me committed.

Wait I just thought of something. Maybe she bothers me because she is so self inflicting and I can’t stop her from hurting herself or her son. Oh and she wont admit that she is hurting even when she cries, so how can I help her?? I think I might be onto something.

When someone lies to themselves it is hard to help them…

I can’t speak to how you feel when you are around her, but I think it may be safe to say that if you are having a gut-level reaction to being around her, maybe you should listen to that reaction. You may be trying to tell yourself something. Or maybe the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. Gut feelings are usually right on.

And you are right–you cannot help a person who does not want to be helped. It’s like an alcoholic or drug addict. They drink or engage in self-destructive behavior to ease whatever pain they can’t face, then they feel the guilt of their actions so acutely that they use alcohol or drugs or do whatever to escape from that guilt, which only adds to their pain, and it soon becomes a merry-go-round of pain, guilt and drugs or alcohol or whatever. It is a vicious cycle. But when you try to point this out to them, they react with denial. And you can talk to them until you are blue in the face, and try to help them all you can, but unless they have reached the point that they admit they are out of control (and some never do) and want help, everything else is futile. It sounds to me like this lady, although maybe not addicted to drugs or alcohol, exhibits the same type of behavior pattern.

And when you become emotionally involved with such a person, their pain becomes your pain, and you have 2 sick people. Her pain is not yours–it is hers. Don’t take it on. You have your own stuff. Give her over to God to take care of. Let her go and let God do His work. Sometimes we just get in His way.

I apologize if I sound preachy and harsh, but sometimes God lets you learn things the hard way in life.

 

[Coreopisis]

Does your pain over dealing with her sap positive attitudes and energy you can share with him?

I have suffered thru depression and am doing better now. It seems there will be no better days ahead. Hang in and work at it really hard, you may find better days. You suffer from a disease. Certain things make it worse.

You mentioned in an earlier post about hormone difficulties. You may suffer from a purely or partially medical issue. See your lady doctor (That’s what my Dad called them) or I think an endocinologist.

Thanks for the thoughts Dan,

As for her sapping positive attitudes, sometimes it does. I get hurt at how hateful she can be toward the church. She says that she respects whatever I choose and that I have a right to be whatever religion I want but then she says terrible thigns about it. What is so frustrating is that all her horrible ideas about Catholicism are misunderstandings. What hurt most was when my brother died last year and I hit my lowest of lows and she disappeared. She said she couldn’t handle the sorrow and so she had to stay away. I’ve had to lean on my faith greatly and my belief in God and the afterlife has sustained me. Yet she doesn’t believe in that, to her we are just a bunch of molecules that break down when we die. If I thought that is all my brother is right now, decomposing molecules, I couldn’t go on. It breaks my heart to think that Jesus had nails crush and rip through the most tender parts of his hands and feet and then hung from those nails with all his body weight only for someone to believe that we just decay. It makes me get that weird cry lump pain in my throat.

As for the hormones they don’t embarass me at all but I find the human biology fascinating. I am actually seeing a hormone specialist and it’s been commented that maybe the depression is just a result of the imbalance. There may be a time soon when we have solved that problem. I’ve also been tested for pituitary cancer and it’s come back ok. We’ll see.

Depression is hard but it is also a gift. Look at all you can give to the poor souls that no one else can. You have daily gifts you can give. I have to admit I kind of like that part of it. Also depressed people, or those who have been depressed at one time are far more compassionate and empathetic than other people are because they know what it is like to have emotional pain. Can you imagine the kind of depression Jesus must have suffered through when the very people he was trying to save wanted to kill him? I am pretty sure he wasn’t feeling good about that.