Frustrating childcare situation

  • Thread starter Thread starter Allegra
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Allegra

Guest
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for here, other than prayers, but I’m really frustrated. I have a 4yo and 2yo and I work full time as a teacher. Nearly two years ago, 4yo girl was nearly killed by her negligent babysitter who accidentally allowed her to swallow a lithium button battery and then tried to pretend like nothing happened so she wouldn’t get caught. Since then, we have had a nanny watch our kids in our own home and while each one has been great with our kids, none of them have been able to stay for very long. In the beginning of February, the nanny we’ve had since the beginning of the school year was offered an opportunity at a bank and gave us three weeks notice. We were able to find a replacement, who we’ve been really happy with over the past two weeks, but this week she informed us that her husband has to move to another state in order to accept a new position so she will be leaving at the end of the month.

At that point, I will only have six weeks left until the end of the school year. I’m very doubtful that I will find a good nanny who only wants to work for six weeks. At best, I’ll find someone desperate who will just turn around and quit on us again the minute something long-term presents itself.

With that in mind, I went to visit the local daycare center where my niece went and took a tour. I came to the realization that I simply can’t take my babies to such a place. It was ugly and tan. The toys looked like the junk you find in a box in the corner of the dentist’s waiting room. Not a book to be seen. Not a smile to be seen either. But that wasn’t even the main issue. I found out that despite my son’s diagnosis of having a food aversion, they won’t allow me to send apples for him to eat in case he can’t swallow what they’re serving. He will just have to go hungry. Apparently, the other kids will get fruit envy and it will cause problems.

In addition, if one of those envious kids tries to steal his apple or hits him in the face, they will face no consequences because this facility doesn’t “do time outs”. That’s right. No consequences for picking on another child, but get this, when the director arbitrarily declares nap time, they have no problem restraining the same 2yo in a cot, against their will for at least an hour. It doesn’t matter if it’s not time for the child’s nap and the child’s body isn’t ready for sleep. The teacher says you must lay in your cot for at least an hour, even though you have done absolutely nothing wrong. And I’m told this is considered standard for the industry. They pay their employees $10 an hour, but they want to charge me $150 a week more than the ladies who come to my home and watch only my two kids and maybe one of their own. Why anyone would agree to work in such a place is beyond me. They must have some amazing health insurance!
 
cont.

I know it’s only six weeks and only one center. I do have another appointment for a different facility that has openings. It’s pretty inconveniently located, but their rates are much more fair and based on the pictures, it looks like a much more colorful and pleasant environment. I guess I can find out their policy on apples and toddler incarceration without a trial when I meet with them. But I’m feeling very worried and discouraged over the whole thing. It’s so hard for me to leave my kids for the day. It’s been especially hard since the button-battery incident. What are the chances that I can find a really great nanny that already has a summer gig lined up and just needs a six week gig to tide her over? Please, Jesus, send her my way!
 
Prayers offered that God will send you what you need for your children to be safe, and for you to feel comfortable with their care.
 
I couldn’t do daycare or nannies either. Many failed attempts. Then school for my seven year old was huge source of stress due to incompetent adults. I think I know how you feel. And I’m not saying this would work for you but maybe it will give you hope, because God provides: my husband and I took a hard look at our priorities, prayed and took a leap of faith. I worked hard for a big promotion. He quit his job and homeschools our three young children and the miracle is he and the kids enjoy it! Literally all problems solved.

Keep your trust in the Lord and do what you need to do for your kids. It will all work out.
 
Would you or your husband qualify for family leave due to childcare? If you can’t find someone or a center you trust, you or husband may need to consider stepping away from your career for a time
 
You might be able to find a college student who can fill the gap.

Not allowing timeouts is not uncommon in my area. It’s often for safety reasons. Toddlers are allowed a 1:6 caregiver ratio and so timeout can be a dangerous game of not enough supervision. Regimented nap time is also not uncommon.

Your disgust at what other women must do for employment is probably something you should pray about. People often have to work and those who have not been blessed with the ability to receive higher education are often happy to recieve above minimum wage.
 
If you wish to attract a professional nanny, you will need to offer compensation that will attract a professional. That is going to include a benis package.

I’m guessing you have been finding people who do in-home babysitting which does tend to have a high turnover and is not often considered a permanent career. People do that when they are between “real jobs”.

There are good agencies that will place professional nannies in private homes, I’d suggest you try an agency.
 
It seems like daycares’ rules are all just a little bit different, and I hope you find one that fits your needs better. It seems like your biggest issue will be to find one that will accommodate your son’s food aversion. I think you will probably have to shop around a bit. You also might try having your son’s doctor write a note specifying that he needs to eat a special diet, and they might take you more seriously.

This is something that makes me nervous because my son has a feeding disorder and several severe food allergies, and I would never be able to leave him anywhere if they did not allow me to provide his food. Have you tried looking for an in-home daycare provider who can take on your kids for a short time? You might find someone willing to be more flexible than a daycare center who wouldn’t be as rigid about naps and could feed your son what he needs. Also, if your son goes to any kind of therapy, you might ask for recommendations- I have gotten several good recommendations for dentists, and other providers from my son’s therapist.

Good luck!
 
My heart goes out to you. I remember the days of looking for childcare for my son when he was little.

I actually broke into tears at one home daycare because I was getting so desperate – and this woman was so proud of her converted one-car garage that she used as a daycare. I couldn’t imagine leaving my baby in any of the places I’d seen (he wasn’t even two and school was starting in just a few days; I’m also a teacher).

Make a commitment to search and search and search. Call, visit, ask around. Some people would be willing to take on a six-week job simply because it IS a short time commitment. Visit homes and institutions and trust your gut.

My son’s first daycare was a home that was in the opposite direction of my work, making my commute triple the length and time it would have been otherwise. But what wouldn’t I have done to make sure my infant son was well cared for! When I moved up to a large metropolitan area, I had the same mindset but was blessed to find a marvelous home daycare that was both licensed and miraculous in the woman’s care of children – and it was very near my work.

I’m a single mom, so leaving my work for a few years was never an option. If you are married, you and your husband may need to make some difficult decisions to make. We had two teachers in our building who did a job share for some five to ten years while their children were younger.

God bless you and your family. He will help you find the right path for your children. Trust in Him and be open to wherever He leads.
 
Finding good childcare is extremely difficult and emotionally trying experience. I hope you find something good. Ask around where you teach to see where the other teachers send their children, that’s how we finally found someone for our children. It was a close call though because we were at the last week where my wife was going to have to quit her job if we couldn’t find something. But we did at the last minute and its worked out well.
 
She did say " our kids" and “our home” so I assumed. Prayers are definitely needed. God can accomplish what seems impossible to us.
 
I’m sure we’ll be able to find someone for next school year. It’s just the bad timing of our current nanny having to leave so close to the end of the school year. Fortunately, I did find a pretty good prospect today! I have to do a background check and call her references, but she’s fine with being off for the summer as she has another family that she cares for when they are off school for the summer. She wasn’t looking for anything full-time right now, but she’s interested since it’s short-term. Yea!
 
I’m married and live in Missouri. I think childcare is always going to be “ludicrous” in any situation where the family income isn’t very large. If you are asking someone to spend their entire day caring for your children, you have to pay the person a living wage. If you barely make a living wage yourself, that’s pretty problematic.
 
I think you misunderstood what I meant. These women are making take-home pay of less than $400 a week and are taking care of an average of 6 kids alone. There are tons of families out there that would be thrilled to pay them at least that much to watch their kids in the safety of their own home, where they’d only have a couple kids and could possibly bring their own for free. That’s why I don’t understand why anyone would sign up to work in a daycare center when they could get a job as a nanny instead.
 
I don’t know what a benis package is. Did you mean a benefits package? I don’t think that would have made much of a difference in this situation. Our nanny’s husband was offered a big promotion within his company that required him to move to another city. Anyway, she is insured through her husband, so she’d rather have the cash.
 
I’ve done all that, but it seems all the in-home daycare places in the area are full for the rest of the school year. At least, none of the places I’ve looked into have had two openings. I’m really hoping this nanny’s references check because right now, she’s my best bet!
 
Allegra said:
I think you misunderstood what I meant. These women are making take-home pay of less than $400 a week and are taking care of an average of 6 kids alone. There are tons of families out there that would be thrilled to pay them at least that much to watch their kids in the safety of their own home, where they’d only have a couple kids and could possibly bring their own for free. That’s why I don’t understand why anyone would sign up to work in a daycare center when they could get a job as a nanny instead.
Click to expand...
You are looking at the job through privileged eyes and seeing something undesirable. They are glad for a stable job. Daycare centers will hire women who have little education and experience. Nannying is risky. You are in someone else’s home, subject to their whims, and have little recourse if things go wrong. These women are underpaid, no doubt, but it’s likely its a MUCH better job than waitressing or retail and the barriers to entry are the same (no education, little references and care for their own children)
 
I don’t know that employees in a corporate daycare center really have much more recourse if something goes wrong, but I can see the perception that they do. Based on what I’ve heard from former daycare employees, that often isn’t based in reality.
 
Allegra said:
I don’t know that employees in a corporate daycare center really have much more recourse if something goes wrong, but I can see the perception that they do. Based on what I’ve heard from former daycare employees, that often isn’t based in reality.
Click to expand...
Nannies are often abused and can be fired with no severance at the drop of the hat. Most states are at-will employment but legally must keep a record and give start/stop dates. And again, getting hired in the first place is possible. I don’t think many parents–yourself included–are going to hire a 20yo with 2 kids, no experience, no license and a GED. Daycare is going to be a steady job with benefits and pay well above that of a waitress or retail as well as steady and guaranteed hours. Not only that but you’ve got to have a certain level of drive and foresight to be your own boss. Things are tough for low income people at all levels…daycare industry is not very different than all other industries that abuse it’s workers. Again you’re coming from a place of privilege and education.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top