Full-Time Motherhood? How Selfish

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puzzleannie:
some things never change, the whole women’s lib thing, before it got hijacked by the ERA/radaborts/lesbian rights gals was about choice, choice of job opportunities with equal pay for equal work, choice about college options and programs, choice about professions, choice about stay-at-home or work. Now that choice has become a fightin’ word a choice that is not PC is going to generate shrill rhetoric from gals who will never be happy until everyone else is as miserable as they are.

I have been called a parasite on society when I have been home raising babies, and a child abuser when I went to work and put kids in day care. You can’t win either way, so my advice is just to ignore the ignorant and do what is best for you and your family–and try to resist the temptation to convince others they should make the same choices you did.
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Agreed. Particularly about the “misery loves company” thought paradigm of some of these gals.

Y’all just do what you and hubby think is best, after prayerful consideration. And don’t pay much attention to chickies like the article author.
 
I’m proud to say I’ve brainwashed my oldest daughter. She’s 19, in college, engaged, and hopes to start a family soon after she’s married. —KCT
 
**You know what really has my feathers ruffled about this? People like her think that only stupid people have children and take care of them! Isn’t that basicly what’s she’s saying?? Yeah, listen to this lady guys and you’ll make sure you get an ignorant woman to stay with your children!:rolleyes: **

**I saw a woman on tv (in her late 40’s - I think) who wrote a book about this with the same attitude as this young girl - made me wanna a throw a shoe through my tv!:mad: **
The smartest thing anyone can ever do is love and care for their family, men and women alike. It’s also got to be the least financially/socially rewarding and most socially stabilizing thing a person can do. It is not possible to give so much to others and remain a selfish person.
 
My eldest daughter just had her first child. In the last couple of months of pregnancy she kept going on about how she couldn’t wait until it was all over and she could put the baby in daycare and go back to work.

Before he was 2 weeks old she is plotting how she can be a full-time mother. :rotfl:
Now I can laugh out loud instead of holding it in. This was Ms “I don’t really feel maternal at all” She and two friends all had this attitude, now one is also pregnant and the third is drooling over my grandson and planning three or four of her own.

You are so right Jennifer123, the hysteria is because they’ve just come to realise that religious pro-lifers are more prolific than those who have an abortive mentality. :eek:

We have recognised that for years, but one of the consequences of sin is dulling of the intellect.
 
I sent my comments to the editor, but I doubt they will be published.

Julie Shiller, in her article “Full-time Motherhood? How Selfish”, claims that it “dishonors” feminists of the 1960’s and 70’s when mothers choose to stay home with their children rather than stay in the paid working world. She claims this is a selfish choice, to allow oneself to be provided for solely by her husband. My question is, what does Julie think the feminists fought for in the 60’s and 70’s? Did they fight for equality in choice, or the right to only conform to one standard? Modern-day feminists, if they truly believe what they purport to believe, which is equality and choice for all women, should recognize that many mothers today see the value in raising their own children, and make the choice to do so freely. Saying that I am selfish or dishonor my sex because I choose to be my children’s primary caregiver goes directly against what feminists claim to believe in.

Ms. Shiller attempts to hide this obvious contradiction by saying that since many women do not have the financial freedom to stop working, it is not indeed an equal choice issue. This is absurd! Is she actually saying that since some poor women are unable to stop working, all women should be denied the choice? It is true that not all women have this freedom, but it is NOT true that only the wealthy make this choice. Many, many families who have one parent staying at home sacrifice heavily to do so. And the last thing these women are is selfish. They sacrifice their careers, extra income, social time, nicer cars and homes in many cases, and more. They sacrifice for their children. Being a stay-at-home mom is truly the selfless choice.

Does Ms. Shiller think the only contribution I make to society is through a paid job? Does she think the only contribution I make to my family is bringing home a paycheck? I dare think not. Women are more than paychecks. We are not made less-worthy individuals because our husbands provide the money to run the household. I can volunteer in community organizations, serve on boards, help at my child’s school. All of these things contribute to society, use my education, and allow me freedom of choice.

Has it occurred to Mr. Shiller that precisely because these women are educated, they are choosing to stay home with their children? There are mountains of evidence showing the positive effects on children’s development when one parent is a full-time parent. These intelligent women know the value of the family, the mother, and “traditional” roles.

The feminists supposedly fought for the right of women to make choices. I suppose what they never expected was that the choices they wanted to make weren’t the choices all women want to make.
 
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Pentecost2005:
Perhaps we should cut the author of the article a little slack (and I emphasize the word “little”). She’s only 20, and she’s majoring in SOCIOLOGY, for crying out loud. 😦
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Sociology is a wonderful field- it’s turned out many social workers and other professionals who are essential to our society.

I think we need to cut this young woman some slack too. Now, we definitely do not have to agree with her- I certianly don’t!- and we should let her know that we disagree. However, I think we need to consider how young she is… I am only 4 years older but these past few years have made a world of difference on my perspective on many things. I shudder to think about being judged on what kind of articles I would have written at that age! ha ha! To all of you stay at home moms and dads hats off to you. and to all of the families out there who wish they could stay home with the kids, blessings to you as well!
 
I’m falling in the much smaller “cut her no slack” camp. I too am only 5 years older than her, but I suppose because my current views have been my views for quite some time, I don’t feel like going easy on her. She is old enough to see the idiocy in her line of thinking. I hope she’ll see the error of her ways as she grows older and more mature, and as she beings to have children, but plenty of women cling to their feminist ways long after having children, falling for the whole bit. I fear someone this brainwashed may be in more trouble than time can fix…
 
I am blessed with a job that allows my wife to stay home with our four boys full time. She also homeschools them. Before we were married, she was a social worker and directed a branch of Catholic Charities (MS degree). After 11 years as a social worker dealing with emotionally disturbed kids, abused children, and counselling girls who were giving up children for adoption, she feels like she works much harder being a stay at home mom than she ever did as a social worker - physically, mentally and emotionally.

Whoever thinks that being a stay at home parent is easy or selfish is a complete moron and has no idea what it takes to raise a family.
 
I sent in my opinion to the child who wrote the piece. Let’s not let the opportunity go by to remind these little girls who think they are grown up women that fighting to defend a woman’s right to choose means you fight for all choices, and not just the choice you happen to agree with - otherwise, take a stand and try to properly defend it. But do not pretend you are speaking for ‘women’.
 
It seems to me that she feels women of privelege who have the choice of staying home should not be allowed to make such a choice because there are women who are not priveleged enough to make this choice. She also emphasizes that white women are staying home while minorities are not able to. Seems to me that her piece shows her to be racist, sexist, and class-ist. How else will women be respected for staying home if the people who are able to do so do not do it?
 
A desperate attempt at rationalization. Rings rather hollow, doesn’t it?

Isn’t it amazing that feminists so correctly identified the problems bestting women of the 50’s and earlier:
The work they did was unappreciated.
They were not financially compensated for what they did.
They were not free to choose how to direct their life’s energy.

Then they came up with a ‘solution’ that:
Reaffirms that raising kids and maintaining a home is not valuable.
Doing so has no economic value.
Women must not be allowed to choose full-time motherhood.

Classic bloody liberals. Identify a problem, then implement changes that make it worse.

My wife worked at a KinderCare while in college. She shudders at the memories. Let’s just leave it at this: If your kids start sounding like this author, encourage them to take a college job at a daycare center. What they learn will most certainly make a difference when kids come along…
 
When she is 90 and laying in a nursing home bed, I hope her career and degree come to visit her and rub lotion on her wrinkly feet, since with that attitude she probably won’t have kids to do that job (or at least not ones who will want to put aside THEIR careers to spend time with her!)

But the good news is that what she wrote is true–more women ARE waking up to realize that a paycheck and a job title are nowhere near as fulfilling as giving all you have to your family. Yeah, it might be nice now to have some extra cash, a big house, etc., but think about where they will be a few decades down the road! Where will they be after retirement? Alone with thoughts of regret about how they didn’t spend time with their kids or even regretting not having more kids. I don’t think SAHMs lay on their deathbeds regretting giving up a career.
 
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CatholicSam:
When she is 90 and laying in a nursing home bed, I hope her career and degree come to visit her and rub lotion on her wrinkly feet, since with that attitude she probably won’t have kids to do that job (or at least not ones who will want to put aside THEIR careers to spend time with her!)

But the good news is that what she wrote is true–more women ARE waking up to realize that a paycheck and a job title are nowhere near as fulfilling as giving all you have to your family. Yeah, it might be nice now to have some extra cash, a big house, etc., but think about where they will be a few decades down the road! Where will they be after retirement? Alone with thoughts of regret about how they didn’t spend time with their kids or even regretting not having more kids. I don’t think SAHMs lay on their deathbeds regretting giving up a career.
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:thumbsup:Very good point:thumbsup:
 
90? Forget 90. These career first women are already in anguish when they turn 38 and find that fertility is not as guaranteed as they had imagined…
 
I actually find it funny that she cited “The Yellow Wallpaper” in her OpEd. The point of the story was that the woman was driven crazy by being labelled as and treated as though she were crazy by a husband and doctor who didn’t understand what she was going through and who belittled her feelings because she was just a woman. Isn’t this writer doing the same thing to SAHMs? Belittling them because she doesn’t understand? Kind of ironic.
 
you know, when i first saw the title to the article, i actually expected the title to be a joke. i could not believe that anyone would actually think a full time mother is selfish. :confused: dont cut her any slack b/c shes young. im 17 and there was another poster who was 19. trust me, shes off her rocker. i will be praying for her, however, as anyone who honestly believes that must have been victim to some severe brainwashing.

my mother quit her teaching job when she had me and my sister, and went back as a part - time (2 days a week) preschool teacher when i was in the third grade. the most we ever had to wait for her when we got home was 15 min. i am so grateful, and have told her so, that i was not a ‘latch key kid’.

ive already told my mom that i can’t wait to start a family when i get married, and that she should be excited b/c she will be getting a lot of grandchildren. im also trying to find a suitable field to major in next year when i start college so if there are financial difficulties, i can work in the afternoons when the kids are at school. i want to be sure that i am the one raising my kids.
 
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Pentecost2005:
Perhaps we should cut the author of the article a little slack (and I emphasize the word “little”). She’s only 20, and she’s majoring in SOCIOLOGY, for crying out loud. 😦
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AMEN…give her a few years and she’ll start making some sense.
 
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luvthelight:
dont cut her any slack b/c shes young. im 17 and there was another poster who was 19. trust me, shes off her rocker.
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I’m with you. I was never that confused. And some people just don’t change…she is brainwashed enough it’s going to take more than the birth of a child to make her realize the importance of the traditional family. Some just never get it.
 
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