Full-Time Motherhood? How Selfish

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jennifer_J
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
40.png
CatholicSam:
When she is 90 and laying in a nursing home bed, I hope her career and degree come to visit her and rub lotion on her wrinkly feet, since with that attitude she probably won’t have kids to do that job (or at least not ones who will want to put aside THEIR careers to spend time with her!)
Click to expand...
I had to laugh when I read this. Your words are very true. I have spent the past 7 months helping out an aunt that never had children. My sisters and brother and I take turns to feed her, brush her hair, put lotion on her, cut her nails, rub lotion on her feet. We recently hired a full time caregiver so she could spend some more time at home. We still take at least one day per week each to visit, buy groceries, pay bills, ect. So if we were all full time employess, who would do this? Actually we think our aunt would be dead, with nothing to live for.

My kids have continued to pay attention to their great aunt, sending her post cards and visiting when they come into town. They are so very concerned for her, and they all tell me that they are so glad I am helping her. You see, they love her and they know I am doing the right thing.

There is not a job in the world that I have ever held that compares to taking care of family. That goes for when my kids were little and helpless, when my kids were in Junior High, and vulnerable, and definitely when my kids were in High School and planning their future schooling, and when my parents were dying and when my inlaws were dying, when my husband had a premature stroke, and you all get the picture.

As far a work, I taught full time for 10 years when my kids reached High School age. I am now part time- teaching two or three days a week. This is the best arrangement. My family comes first- no matter what their age. I am convinced this is the best situation for us as a family. I plan on retiring early- just in time for my kids to settle down, marry, and have their own children, God willing.
 
Wondering Waif:
I don’t think that you are worth less because you don’t have a job, I just don’t see why women who fail to get decent education and a good job are patting themselves on the back behind it.
And honestly, ANYONE can do those things you mention for your children, it done everyday!
Click to expand...
No one can love and care for their child better then they can. Just because women like myself stay home and care for our children instead of leaving that job to others, we are selfish and patting ourselves on the back? What’s more selfish then thinking about your needs and your career ( I AM NOT REFERING TO WOMEN WHO HAVE NO CHOICE DUE TO WIDOWHOOD OR DIVORCE OR HARD TIMES)You metioned earlier to get a job when the kids are around 7, will you please show me what job gives you off everyday your kids are home from school for holiday or they are sick? Otherwise you have to “dump” them on others, yes, dump, because most working mothers I know look for whoever will take their school age children if they have the nerve to get sick and interupt their day. I have watched more kids of working parents without even a thank you and then treated worse then dog pooh when they don’t “need” me, because they feel I am less then human because I don’t work.
 
Oh I suppose I could run right out and get a “real job” when my youngest is 7… but since I obey the Church’s teaching on birth control… who knows when that will be? I’ve already been home for 14 years and I’m currently expecting #5… and who knows if God is going to bless me with yet more children? But I suppose when all is said and done and my youngest is 7… I could run right out and get that “real job” so I won’t have wasted my entire life and all my talents caring for these beautiful children He’s given me.
 
carol marie:
Oh I suppose I could run right out and get a “real job” when my youngest is 7… but since I obey the Church’s teaching on birth control… who knows when that will be? I’ve already been home for 14 years and I’m currently expecting #5… and who knows if God is going to bless me with yet more children? But I suppose when all is said and done and my youngest is 7… I could run right out and get that “real job” so I won’t have wasted my entire life and all my talents caring for these beautiful children He’s given me.
Click to expand...
Yes, because such a waste it would be to be just a mom…
 
Mommy of 3 and Carol Marie, You are doing a real job, The most important Job in the world. What’s with the magic age of 7? Since when is a 7 year old able to totally care for himself? Actually even more then the 7 year old, it’s the teenagers who need a constant eye on them:yup: When both parents work and teens are left to fend for themselves, all sorts of problems are there.
 
Notice:

Thank you to all those who have participated in this discussion. This thread is now closed.

Additionally, thank you all for submitting the reports about the bad posts in this thread. I have reviewed the posts and have acted as necessary to resolve the problem.

The moderators very much appreciate these reports from participants because they make our job easier and contribute to a pleasant and charitable atmosphere in the Catholic Answers Forums.

If you have any further questions or concerns about the reported post, please contact me privately.

May God especially bless all mothers, and grant them the grace that their demanding lives require.

Mane Nobiscum Domine,
Ferdinand Mary
 
Wondering Waif:
I think that once children are in school women should do more with their lives, there are all kinds of labor saving devices that American women enjoy, they have automatic washing machines, dryers, vacuum cleaners, if they assign chores to their kids, which most mothers do, they even get a break there.
Click to expand...
I can see how some people think that while all the kids are at school, the SAHM is just stuck dusting and straightening up the house all day. The purpose of having her stay at home while the husband and children are away at work and school is to create a loving, nurturing atmosphere in the home. She straightens the house, gets food prepared, and is available to take care of any sick children etc. When the children come home from school, they are greeted by their mother instead of by an empty, unsupervised house or by a daycare worker. Between the empty house (no matter how luxurious) and the daycare worker, neither can compare with a child’s own mother and her God-given nurturing ability. On the other hand, a working mother returns, on average, to the home several hours after the children have been released from school. She is then required to catch up with the household chores (because not all the housework can be assigned to small children–unless you want pink underwear 😛 ) after a full day of spending her energy at her job. On top of this, she needs to squeeze in some quality time with each and every one of her children, not to mention “couple time” with her husband. As you can see, this situation is not nearly as conducive to being able to spend the time and energy required for a happy family. The SAHM has:
  1. all the hours during the day when the family is away to do housework,
  2. several more hours at home with the children (on average),
  3. the time when the children are at home to spend parenting and not cleaning/cooking,
  4. the reassurance that her children are supervised at home,
  5. more energy to put into her family–children AND husband, and therefore a higher chance of having a happy marriage,
  6. no increased stress about trying to find someone to care for a sick child who cannot go to school or trying to get time off work from an employer who may or may not be understanding to her role as mother,
  7. etc., etc., etc!
A few minutes of analysis on my part has yielded many good reasons for a mother of school-aged children to stay at home.
 
Why does it seem some want to say that you can only grow and fully use your talents only if you are at work? The main thing I think I get from work is the virtue of putting up with stuff I’d rather not have to put up with. Other than that the nicest thing about work is the people, but really I can get that almost anywhere, except it usually doesn’t come with the paycheck.

If your a SAHM and you have more time cause the kids are older and off to school, you could always doing something like start a at home business (after all look at Proverbs 31, this seems to back that up) You can volenteer, how about the St. Vincent DePaul Society or parish funeral committe or with the school or libary, there are lots of stuff. Babysit for the neighbor, family, or friends. Go visit the elderly. How about visiting that lonely woman whose kids are too busy to visit her.
 
40.png
jman507:
Why does it seem some want to say that you can only grow and fully use your talents only if you are at work? The main thing I think I get from work is the virtue of putting up with stuff I’d rather not have to put up with. Other than that the nicest thing about work is the people, but really I can get that almost anywhere, except it usually doesn’t come with the paycheck.

If your a SAHM and you have more time cause the kids are older and off to school, you could always doing something like start a at home business (after all look at Proverbs 31, this seems to back that up) You can volenteer, how about the St. Vincent DePaul Society or parish funeral committe or with the school or libary, there are lots of stuff. Babysit for the neighbor, family, or friends. Go visit the elderly. How about visiting that lonely woman whose kids are too busy to visit her.
Click to expand...
Nodding my head in agreement…

Wow contributing to the GNP, what a noble cause…

Since being a SAHM with a post graduate degree I realize I don’t answer to the feminists or the economy. I don’t owe them anything. I answer to who I made a promise to that is God and my family.

What am I going to with all that money? Buy shoes?
 
Jennifer J said:
courant.com/news/opinion/op_ed/hc-freshshiller1105.artnov05,0,6618306.story

<<Across the nation, privileged young women are seeking to be competitive candidates to gain admittance to prestigious universities. Impressive SAT scores, awards, grades and extracurricular activities are of the utmost importance for college-bound high school students and their families.>>
Click to expand...

The issue isnt about whether a woman should have a full time job or stay at home raising a family.

The issue is about women HAVING THE CHOICE to do either
 
My Mom was a SAHM until I got into high school, then she took a part time job at our town’s little grocery store, she worked the mornings and I worked the evenings as clerks. She could go home and be with my younger brother. That job was a nice break for her once we were that old, but I have to say, she enjoyed her work as a SAHM much more than any job she’s ever had. I will never be able to thank her or repay her for all those years at home taking care of me and my little brother. We always knew how important family was to her and to ourselves. We always knew Mom would be there and that we could talk to her if something was bugging us. My mom wasn’t highly educated, to hear her tell it she barely managed to graduate high school, but I will always believe that my Mom is the smartest woman in the world. Not because of some degree, or even being able to help me with my physics homework, but because she knew then and knows now how to instill good values, morals, and love in her children. We’re 27 and 25 now, and Mom is working full time, but we know she’s only a phone call away.
One of the things my mom taught me long ago, was that there are so many things that are more important than money and other peoples opinions of you. Family, home, and love are so invaluable that no amount of money can ever really buy those things for you. Those are things that have to be made and given freely from the heart. I’ve been a SAHW since I got married. My husband is in the military and its been hard to find a job in my career field. Tim says he thinks my role at home is more important, as I take care of our home, and him, and I take many burdens off of him (well, I did, until morning sickness kicked in). Now I’m preparing to be a SAHM. I can’t think of a better job, but maybe that is because I had such a good example in my life.
well, I better get going we have tons of family coming in this weekend for my husband’s promotion party and its time to get started on the prep work.

Have a good day everyone!
Jamie
 
40.png
Urf:
The issue is about women HAVING THE CHOICE to do either
Click to expand...
Absolutely 👍 . I get the feeling the only acceptable choices are the ones these “radical feminist” types feel are worthy.
 
I have come to the conclusion that mom being the primary carever isn’t necessarily God’s will for all families. I was the only parent for the last ten years or so, my husband was working practically seven days a week. He was forced to cut down his hours due to stress (much of that stress what a result of constantly being apart from his family), and I was stressed because of the responsibilites associated with managing a large family. I prayed about it and realized it was God’s will for me to work part time, thankfully I found a job which is very flexible (I basically choose my hours).

Something to consider, did Jesus only spend time with his mother? I believe He spent a great deal of his time with his father… Common sense tells us it is better for infants to be close to their mothers,but what about older children and teens? I imagine they would like to spend some time with Dad now and then Ideally if both parents can work it out so one can say, work part time, the other full time, so that both are available when the kids are home. I am saying this as an alternative to both parents working full time, but if a family can manage on one income where the one can work without working excessive hours, that is another story.Even if a parent must use a babysitter for short periods of time, I don’t see the problem with that either. Just my thoughts.
 
40.png
Steph700:
Well some people do mature over time and change their mind. I’m kind of getting tired of the attitudes on here like “oh well when i was her age i already had it all together.” :rolleyes: not all of us were so perfect, so maybe cut the rest of us some slack. As I said in a previous post, I shudder to think of being judged by my beliefs as a teen.
Click to expand...
I’m getting tired of it too. When I was 20, I was an idiot. In fact, If I could take an entire year of my life and get a “do-over”, it would be the year between my 19th and 20th birthdays. I think I’ve grown up and changed a lot in the past 7 years, and I would hate to know that 7 years ago, people assumed that the idiocy would stick forever. I’m betting that years from now (or possibly as soon as she leaves college and enters the real world), this author will be ashamed at having such a public record of her bigotry. At least my stupidity is only confined to humiliating memories.

I’m glad that so many of you were perfectly matured and well-formed by your mid-teens, and knew exactly what to do with your adult lives. Not all of us are so fortunate. My maternal instincts didn’t kick in until I married at age 25. Before that I may not have fully agreed with the author, but I know that I didn’t fully understand the advantages of SAH motherhood, either.
 
Being at home and seeing a smiling child’s face when they come in from play or school is a blessing.
 
This article is ridiculous- these “privileged” mothers have arranged for their children to be cared for by intelligent, college educated, cultured (one would hope, given their ‘wealthy status’) and dedicated women who will tirelessly slave away with their kids’ best interest at heart. The only gripe seems to be, that it is the mother herself doing the work instead of using a nanny service and paying for such quality care! Who wouldn’t want a highly educated literate person teaching their child? Isn’t that why they license teachers?
Wasn’t the whole point of feminism for women to be free to choose WHAT they did with their lives?
I was a SAHM for 7 years but recently have had to go back to work. My husband and I work split shifts, so the children are not in day care. We chose slightly lower paying jobs and choose to work ‘off hours’ in order for our children to be raised by people who love them and have a vested interest in how they turn out. Yet, I feel that working is selfish! Being home was so much harder. Constant calls to sacrifice and die to oneself (… hmm… when Christ spoke of the ‘last shall be first’ I KNOW he was talking about Moms!

mommyjo2
 
I think the good news in the artical is that 60% of Yale students plan on staying home with their children!!! This is the generation of the latch key child. Baby boomer children who had everything material, just no real parents.
Young Miss Harvard unfortunatly will be one of those Mothers who sends her 4 week old infant to a day care center, rather than waist her superior intellect on raising a BABY. How sad.

Proud (educated/Navy vet) sahm of five. 👍
 
All I know of when I was little is being a latch key kid and not only that, but my parents were so busy working that they weren’t involved in anything at school. It made me very sad that most of my friends had their parents come to school for things like lunch monitor, field trips, school plays, etc… and I never had that. I actually participated in less things because I didn’t have the support of my busy parents. So being a SAHM now I intend to be there for my children every step of the way. Being a parent doesn’t just mean giving birth and then paying someone else to take care of your child. It is your DUTY to be there for them to the best of your ability. My duty is not to the GNP, or to society, but first to my husband and children. God says so!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top