Funeral beef (s)

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cestusdei

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Here are some funeral beefs:
  1. Family members speaking at the end of the funeral Mass (do it at the wake service). They are often emotional and sometimes inappropriate.
  2. Having uncle Fred tell the story of how he and the deceased went to that cat house while on leave in the Navy…
  3. Insisting on inappropriate music.
  4. Bring 40 different items up with the gifts, some of which are inappropriate.
  5. Asking for open communion for the non-Catholics and ex-Catholics.
  6. Asking for a eulogy that canonizes someone who hasn’t darkened the door of the Church in 30 years.
  7. Fighting over the inheritance while the body is still warm.
  8. Trying to exclude family members over old feuds.
  9. Drinking at the graveside service and then pouring booze on the grave.
  10. Putting inappropriate things in the casket ie. condoms, drugs, bottles of alcohol, pornographic magazines etc.
Yes, I have seen all these things.
 
I was a funeral cantor for many years, and I’ve seen quite a lot. One of the most interesting was when male family members started coming up to do readings and read the prayers of the faithful, and they all seemed to have pink socks on. When the last guy came up after Communion to do the little eulogy-thing (don’t really like this, either, since it shouldn’t be done at Mass), he explained that the deceased never wore socks and all the men in the family had gone without socks that day to honor him.

When it’s Grandma who died, they all get up and talk about the food she cooked and fed to the family, everything short of giving the recipes. And what a perfect mother she was - which always made me feel totally inadequate as a mother!

We were pretty strict about messing with the music - we only honored special requests when they were appropriate. Sometimes the visiting priests were really wacky. And sometimes they were so wonderful we wanted to hold them hostage and not let them leave. It ran the gamut.

Betsy
 
This isn’t a beef. (I’m the organist). I love it when the family gives our priest information about the deceased so that he can incorporate it into the homily. Of course, it’s all good stuff and I like to see what people remember when someone dies. It also gives me a little inspiration to become a better person.

I played for a funeral once that had 7 priests attend and I found out how holy this woman was. People said that if she didn’t get into heaven then there wasn’t much chance for the rest of us. Prayed a lot. Worked a lot for family and church.

It’s also a chance to perhaps bring one of the family members back into the church.

I like to keep a running list of those who died so that perhaps I can find a time to pray and offer up something for the day so that the soul gets some relief in purgatory. Maybe no one else is praying for them, you know?
 
has anyone here ever heard purgatory mentioned at a funeral? I haven’t though I’ve only been to three funerals. One was my grandma’s and I was only 6 and have no recollection of what was said. The second was one of my classmates’ moms - no mention of purgatory. The third was a classmate’s brother who had been born severly retarded and handicapped and died at 8, so purgatory probably wasn’t relevant anyways for such an innocent soul.
 
After the Litney of the Saints, one of the brother of the deceased, a Fundamentalist, stood up and said, “By brother is dead. There is nothing more anyone can do for him. Pray for yourselves.”
 
If anyone cries at my funeral, I’m going to get up out of the coffin and give him/her something to cry about! 😛

DaveBj
 
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Minerva:
has anyone here ever heard purgatory mentioned at a funeral? I haven’t though I’ve only been to three funerals. One was my grandma’s and I was only 6 and have no recollection of what was said. The second was one of my classmates’ moms - no mention of purgatory. The third was a classmate’s brother who had been born severly retarded and handicapped and died at 8, so purgatory probably wasn’t relevant anyways for such an innocent soul.
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Yes, my Pastor mentioned it once at a funeral. He told the family not to assume the deceased is in heaven but to pray for him always. (This person was not bad; just like anyone else.) When the wife died the family told my pastor not to repeat it. They were very shaken up by his comments last time.

Oh, and I told my pastor to say the same thing at my funeral if I should be called home before him.
 
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dhgray:
After the Litney of the Saints, one of the brother of the deceased, a Fundamentalist, stood up and said, “By brother is dead. There is nothing more anyone can do for him. Pray for yourselves.”
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sigh

And you really don’t want to say too much because of the emotions flying at the funeral. The last thing you want to do is to start a family feud.
 
Our bishop (Myers of Newark, NJ) has cracked down on out of control funeral masses. He said the focus of the mass is Christ, not the deceased.
 
Dave, I like your style.

When I am gone, have a standard Mass and get on about living. I have my own hope and will be fine.

I am the parish musician and have left word at the office I do not do weddings or funerals. If any one asks my after Mass, I will talk to them, and if my priest every asks my to do a funeral, I will do it (if I am off from work). I do not charge for funerals. I do not mind being a minister, but you make your bed in this world to lie in the next.

I liken it to the man who has saved nothing and goes to buy a house. He asks," I have no money down, so what will it take to get into this house?" Buy a lottery ticket and get lucky.
 
is this an Irish thing? an Ohio thing? my in-laws always take pictures of the dead person lying in the coffin. not a beef, just curious. My biggest funeral beef is we can never find anybody to lead the rosary at the funeral home, I thought that was what Altar & Rosary society was there for, but in this parish it is like pulling teeth to get someone willing to do this ministry.
 
Actually, I always picture my former students singing a rousing chorus of “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead…” at my funeral!😃

Kris
 
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cestusdei:
Here are some funeral beefs:
  1. Family members speaking at the end of the funeral Mass (do it at the wake service). They are often emotional and sometimes inappropriate.
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Reminds me of my sister in laws funeral at an Episcopalian church her two children (only one was prepared for this) her sister and brother. Well my husband looked at them (after hearing some of the things that I would not have want said about me) simply said I don’t do karaoke.
My mothers funeral was tastefully done in the church. My father asked all 10 of us to write something about my mother. Then it was summarized and read. It was very nice.
But I have seen this in Catholic churches where the priest will ask the people to get up and I must agree it is a bit tacky!
 
I had one get up at his grandmothers funeral and speak for 25 minutes. Every word was about himself. He was showing off and preening about his sucess in life. I almost got up and told him to sit down and shut up.
 
The funeral is about Christ, not really about the person.
This fact seems to be lost on the vast majority of people.

It is very important because it is our blessed Hope for the salvation of the person and the Resurrection of the Body to eternal life on the last day.
That is where our Hope lies, and that is where we need to be focused in the funeral.
People are suffereing a big loss at the funeral, and it is only through the Hope that we received through Baptism that we can trust in the mercy of God at that time of our grieving.
 
Hey Cestus,

by the way, what are the criteria used when someone comes to your parish to bury their dearly departed aunt sally when auntie has been in a home for 5 years, hasn’t been active in the parish, and the family is only occaisionally present during Easter and Christmas.

i have seen different parishes near me do different things. My parish will bury anyone Catholic, other parishes won’t if you are not a parishoner.
 
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cestusdei:
  1. Putting inappropriate things in the casket ie. condoms, drugs, bottles of alcohol, pornographic magazines etc.
Yes, I have seen all these things.
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Tacky, yes, but other than a fire, can you think of any better place for condoms, drugs and pornographic magazines than sealed in a casket 6 ft under?

John
 
Cestusdei,

I’ve read your posts today and agree with them. However, since you are a priest, could you possibly post something that you don’t have a “beef” with? Could you post some things that you are happy with and that people are doing right?

Just a suggestion.

Scout :tiphat:
 
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Scout:
Cestusdei,

I’ve read your posts today and agree with them. However, since you are a priest, could you possibly post something that you don’t have a “beef” with? Could you post some things that you are happy with and that people are doing right?

Just a suggestion.

Scout :tiphat:
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While I’d be happy to hear about the happy things that priest deals with too, I have to say that I’m fine with hearing from a priest who actually cares about things that a priest should care about… too many priests these days have forgotten what they are called to do. It’s nice to hear from a priest who is ready to stand up for his vocation!

I guess I do have to say though that now that we do have a thread like this from an orthodox priest, perhaps Cestusdei could start another on the good things, good happenings, good spiritual experiences he has discovered in his vocation. 🙂

Meanwhile – keep this thread going on too!

My personal funeral peeve tends to be with people who feel that they must tell raunchy jokes that are supposedly the deceased’s “favorites” immediately before or after the service… yuck. Going from that kind of language behavior to a solemn service is just bad news. Kind of like a priest I once worked with who would talk very poorly in the sacristy immediately before and after Mass 😦

+veritas+
 
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