Gaining Humility

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Limoncello4021

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How do you gain humility? Every time I get humiliated, as I did recently, I just get angry and sad and want to defend myself. Yes, I have prayed the litany of humility, I meditate on the Passion, I know of and love the humility of Christ. But I just can’t “do” it myself in the way we see in the saints who welcomed humiliations. It must be a special grace not yet given to me. Thoughts?
 
Ditto. Ask God over and over to make me humble, cause by myself pride is very easy. It is very easy for our ego to flair up especially when we think we are being unjustly treated or what was said was unwarranted. I do not think speaking calmly and matter-of-factly in our defense excludes humility, but after doing so, to then thank the person for caring enough to extend a criticism/correction is humility.

Like all things, co-operating with God’s grace, and practicing our response when God does send these opportunities in which to learn and practice the virtues, enables us to grown in them.

Edited to add:-
I have the Book “In The Steps of Humility” by Saint Bernard from The Saint Austin Press. This one here → The Steps of Humility

Posted on March 20, 2013 by Msgr. Charles Pope The Twelve Steps up the Mountain of Pride According to St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Posted on March 21, 2013 by Msgr. Charles Pope 12 More Steps: Out of Pride and into Humility, from St. Bernard.
 
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The 12 Steps to Holiness amd Salvation has a chapter devoted to humility and it has helped me.
 
Humility doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t, at least momentarily, feel the emotion of anger or upset at the person. It means you set that aside and choose to offer the humiliation to God and react in a charitable way.
 
Limoncello4021 said:
Every time I get humiliated, as I did recently, I just get angry and sad and want to defend myself.
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Hey @Limoncello4021 , the thing with humility (according to St.Thomas Aquinas) is that you don’t want to be more than you really are. Say you make 1000$/month, but feel humiliated in saying so, if you do or say something over that you are sinning against humility.

BUT, your real value might be more than that. You might be unemployed knowing that your worth is 1000$/month…Thus there’d be a mis-adjustment between your worth and what you are really getting.

What would humility be in that case? That you know your worth (value) but that you also humbly assume the reality of the situation you find yourself in. Because you can sin against humility by overstating your worth, or by false humility which is downplaying your worth.

Now, “humiliation” is basically someone taking your worth from you (frequently it’s someone trying to take away your dignity). Thus, there is no justice in that. So it’s not exactly (necessarily) about being humble, but perhaps even more about being meek.

Humility in that case would imply that you know your worth (whatever aspect of your worth is being attacked) but that you also know that you’re not supposed to “act out” seeking “justice by thy own hands” or to let the others “take away your true worth”.

When the saints spoke of humility they lowered themselves to offering the sense of humility to Christ. By seeking justice and truth in Him, and not some temporal/social aspect. So in hagiography that is frequently the sense of humility that is referenced.

God bless.

P.S. @Limoncello4021 please be bothered to leave a like. I deem this post worthy of it 🤣
 
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Mother Theresa’s 15 ways:
  1. Speak as little as possible about yourself.
  2. Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others.
  3. Avoid curiosity (she is referring to wanting to know things that should not concern you.)
  4. Do not interfere in the affairs of others.
  5. Accept small irritations with good humor.
  6. Do not dwell on the faults of others.
  7. Accept censures even if unmerited.
  8. Give in to the will of others.
  9. Accept insults and injuries.
  10. Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded.
  11. Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone.
  12. Do not seek to be admired and loved.
  13. Do not protect yourself behind your own dignity.
  14. Give in, in discussions, even when you are right.
  15. Choose always the more difficult task.
 
Doing the Spiritual exercises many years ago advanced me in this area immeasurably. I think the examen or examining my conscience constantly, breaks pride down and helps you walk in others shoes and have more understanding of them more naturally. It is freeing to be able to receive information about yourself without defensiveness getting the better you.
 
And I will go so far as to say that In person is the best place.

Adoration.

Just do it.

Also, reading and reflecting on the writings of Thomas á Kempis - perhaps at bedtime when an examination of conscience is the best sleeping pill…
 
Lessons from God take time. Sure, we think we can pray and get instant results, such as with humility. But most likely God will allow you to be humiliated more so that you can see yourself more clearly in the long run. Saints did not become Saints over night, they suffered with their weakness and self flaws as well. The fact that you are seeking humility, and the grace from God to be humble, that’s an awesome act of humility in itself.
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
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adgloriam:
Which mother Theresa are we speaking of and where is this list in the literature?
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Google Mother Theresa Humility List
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Ok just did (not sure if I’ve ever seen this list, it’s probably a part of the rule of the Missionaries of Charity.)

In any case, I have my doubts if this list applies well to laity. I think it’s for consecrated religious. And some of those forms of humility might be unbecoming for the average person (you are supposed to take a stance and make yourself heard in some situations.)
  • Accept censures even if unmerited.
  • Give in to the will of others.
  • Accept insults and injuries.
  • Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded.
I mean, even the Missionaries of Charity won’t give in to just anyone’s will. And the rest seems rather dangerous for a persons mental integrity.
 
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It’s like anything else, you have to use common sense. I have had a lot of trouble with the Litany of Humility because it asks Jesus to deliver you “from the desire of being loved.” When I had living relatives who loved me, that seemed like a weird prayer. Of course I wanted my mother and husband to love me. It would be rather insane not to. I could understand asking to be freed from the desire of being loved by the masses, like in an adulation sense of the word, or even the desire of being loved by people we are trying to help, as often they are not grateful. But it’s normal for humans, at least those not living in religious orders or religious life, to desire some type of love. There are certainly many saints who had people on earth who loved them and they loved the person back and still became saints.

Now that everybody who really loved me is dead, I can pray the prayer, but I say, “From the desire of being loved by anyone but you, Jesus, deliver me, Jesus” because I still want God’s love and I don’t think that’s a bad thing to want.

This humility stuff is like the offering up of suffering stuff. A lot of it consists of offering up things we can’t from a practical standpoint do anything about.
 
Most definitely start by asking God for humility, as you yourself say, you can’t do it yourself… none of us can do anything ourselves, we must rely on the grace of God… that is the key to humility. This very thought which you have identified, so this is the beginnings of this grace being given to you. Remember, these things, graces, are usually (though not always) given incrementally, that is they build up slowly over time like a person building a house all by himself a slow and gentle process not one day you dont have it and one day you do. You must also practice the virtue of humility and to do this you will be tested. So these times you feel angry or sad and want to defend yourself? resist the urge to do so and say nothing, keep quiet and then your humility will grow because you have been tested and proved true. This testing is how you become strong and grow in grace and virtue. You can also grow in grace (hugely) by going to confession regularly (confession of devotion) and confessing a lack of humility and sins related to this and you will be given sanctifying grace specifically for the practice of humility. Also realise that, you will never wake up and say, hey guess what I am perfectly humble, because when you are, you won’t know it cos if you did you would not be (that is immensely simplified but it explains the gist of it) . If or lets say when, a saint is perfect, it is likely God will allow them to still commit faults so that a person remains humble. I hope that helps. God bless
 
I’ll try to respond in the next few days, I’m currently reading on this.

Thank you for sharing how you experience this first hand. Value is found in the encounter with real persons (and Christ). My own life’s path has taken me to question some of the “extreme formulations” that are sometimes given to catholic morality. I don’t take such things for granted anymore.
 
One person may find something helpful that someone else in a completely different situation might find really unhelpful. There are people on this forum who swear by the Litany of Humility.

I myself have had more of a problem in my life with feeling like I am garbage. It took me a long time to be able to say the Litany of Humility without feeling like I was just putting myself back into the mindset of feeling like garbage, which is not a helpful way to progress in spiritual life, at least not for me. (I have had issues in the past with Thomas a Kempis and other similar writers who stress the whole “you are garbage” train of thought. ) Even now I say the Litany of Humility sparingly. It’s not because I don’t want to be humble, I just have to be careful with my thinking. I presume if I had a spiritual director, he would help me with things like this, but my spiritual life, like just about everything else in my life, is a DIY project…if you want a helping hand you will find one at the end of your arm, because resources are scarce, people don’t have time, etc.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I have had a lot of trouble with the Litany of Humility because it asks Jesus to deliver you “from the desire of being loved.” When I had living relatives who loved me, that seemed like a weird prayer.
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Yes, I get where you’re coming from because it’s natural for you to want to be loved by your family, and it’s a just and reasonable expectation for them to love you back.

In my life I apply this concept to areas where I have to make unpopular decisions where I wont be liked, for instance, telling my teenager she can’t go to the co-ed slumber party (“all the OTHER parents are letting them go! You’re so old fashioned!”).
Or if I’m tempted to play up to a more popular co-worker just to make the shift go smoother.
Or if it looks like somebody else’s husband is more attentive than mine (one of my friends used to go on and on about how lovey dovey her husband is, then the truth turned out to be a bit different than what she was constantly boasting).

This interpretation keeps me making good decisions and away from jealousy and destructive self-seeking.

But this is just my own little interpretation of it 🙂
 
adgloriam said:
And the rest seems rather dangerous for a persons mental integrity.
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My feeling is that you have to be at a certain level of emotional stability for some of this. That you have to come from a place of being very secure in your relation to God and in yourself.

Kind of like “turn the other cheek”.
Are you turning the other cheek because you’re afraid that defending yourself will escalate the the situation? In other words, cloaking your cowardice in false “charity”?

Or are you confident you can kick the other person’s butt however you have freely chosen the path of peace?
 
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