Gay/Bisexual Conversation w/12 yr old

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Cagrl

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Okay. So I am stunned and need your feed back! My Dd is 12, as some of you may know. So she came home from school yesterday and told me that a little girl in one of her classes approached her in front of everyone in her clas and said…do you want to go out with me? Dd said did not catch on to this and said go out with you to where? And this little girl said…no, do you want to go out with me? Then dd said that she realized what this little girl was asking her. She said she felt her face get red and felt so uncomfortable and she responded…no, I don’t go out with girls. And that at that moment the kids in the classroom started laughing at this little girl. DD said that at break she went up to this little girl and said I am sorry if I made you feel bad but I don’t date girls. I don’t like girls like that. Girls are my friends only. Dd explained again how uncomfortable she felt and told me this little girl is always starring at her. And she doesn’t know what to do. I told her to never be disrespectful to anyone. That even if you’re gay or bisexual you deserve respect because you are a humanbeing. I told her if this girl makes her uncomfortable just to try to avoid being around her but not to ever be rude. I also explained to her that even if other kids are making fun of this little girl for being openly gay that she should never participate in making fun at her because no one deserves that treatment gay or not. I am just so shaken by this whole experience and what our kids are being exposed to! I was so shocked. I just hope that I am guiding my daughter in the right path. Life can be so challenging with all these things that our kids are being thrown at every day! I mean is this crazy or what? I ask myself did I say or do the right thing to my dd? I mean what do you say to a 12 year old when they are approached by something like this? I don’t want to mistreat people that are gay and I don’t hate them but then at the same time I don’t like the diea that this stuff this is being shoved down their throats nowadays!! Then of course the topic of gay marriages came up in our conversation (since it was recently legalized in Ca) and I explained to dd that God made marriage to be between a man a woman but that we are no one to judge and that the only one to judge is God. It’s like I want to explain to her our beliefs but at the same time without sounding like I’m discriminating. It’s just so hard. This really makes me confused and sad. I almost feel like dd’s innocence is being taken away with all these things that are out there nowadays! Help! How else can I explain to dd these things? Help!

Thanks in advance for your advice and (name removed by moderator)ut.

Blessings
 
:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes:

I am so shocked that a 12 year old knows that she is gay. I think that you advised your daughter correctly and I am glad that your daughter did not join the other kids in making fun of the girl.
 
Cagirl I think what you told your DD was great. What a world…I feel bad for the other little girl. Man.
 
You and your daughter handled this really well imo.
Factual and direct, whilst acknowledging the other girl’s feelings. The next step is for your dd to privately ask her to stop staring as it makes her uncomfortable.

Karen
 
You did a great job 🙂

What is the world coming to? This whole scenario just seems crazy!

I just can’t believe that a twelve year old girl would openly ask another girl out in front of an entire class!

I feel sorry for your daughter. It must have been very intimidating for her. I think your daughter did a great job in letting her down gently but I think she should sternly tell the other girl to stop staring at her.

I don’t have children, but if I did, I would make sure that they know what the Church teaches about homosexuality and homosexual relationships. Your daughter needs to know that it is sinful to engage in homosexuality.

I think you did a great job in telling your daughter not to laugh or make fun of this girl. However, you should also teach her that the truth regarding relationships of this nature. Perhaps you should read the Catechism to her? She’s definitely old enough to understand. It is important that you provide your daughter with a properly formed moral code regarding these issues, and the Catechism and the Bible are the best places to start.

Don’t worry about discriminating against homosexuals. Disagreeing with their lifestyle does not mean you are endorsing discrimination. The truth is more important than other people’s feelings.

That’s just my two pennies worth.
 
Okay, here’s the former teacher and mandatory abuse reporter in me coming out…you should take this to someone at the school, probably the principal. This little girl could be being abused at home or somewhere. Also, if other students are harassing her, someone needs to help her!!! Something is wrong here and while I’m sure you don’t want to get involved, this child needs someone to help her!!
 
Jennifer_J said:
Okay, here’s the former teacher and mandatory abuse reporter in me coming out…you should take this to someone at the school, probably the principal. This little girl could be being abused at home or somewhere. Also, if other students are harassing her, someone needs to help her!!! Something is wrong here and while I’m sure you don’t want to get involved, this child needs someone to help her!!
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Actually after my conversation with dd, I started thinking and I too thought that this girl was awfully young to know if she is gay or not.

I also was thinking that I should read the Cathecism to my dd just as someone mentioned here. By the way, does anyone know what section it is in the Cathecism?

It also came to me that I should call the principal. So this morning I went ahead and called and spoke with the principal about the situation. She said that she would look into it and thanked me for bringing this to her attention.

Thanks so much everyone for helping me out. I have been really stunned at how this could be happening.
 
I will respectfully say that I think Jennifer J is making a big leap. Twelve is not too young to become aware of one’s budding sexuality. I knew by 12 that I liked boys!

I think you and your daughter both handled the situation well. I am especially impressed that your daughter sought the girl out and made sure to tell her that she didn’t mean to hurt her. I think you have an outstanding, compassionate child there. And I thought your advice was right on!
 
duskyjewel said:
I will respectfully say that I think Jennifer J is making a big leap. Twelve is not too young to become aware of one’s budding sexuality. I knew by 12 that I liked boys!

I think you and your daughter both handled the situation well. I am especially impressed that your daughter sought the girl out and made sure to tell her that she didn’t mean to hurt her. I think you have an outstanding, compassionate child there. And I thought your advice was right on!
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Thank you so much, dusky. I really appreciate it. I was doubting whether I handled it correctly or not. As a parent, you’re not given instructions and you just try to do your best. I was so concerned and worried when she came to me with this.

And now that you mention it, you’re right…at 12 I knew I liked boys. But I guess what I’m thinking is…wouldn’t a little girl be confused by feeling that she likes girls? Or would she know just right off the bat? I guess so, huh?
 
I also was thinking that I should read the Cathecism to my dd just as someone mentioned here. By the way, does anyone know what section it is in the Cathecism?
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SECTION 2: The Ten Commandments
Chapter 2 Article 6 The Sixth Commandment

Page 499 in my copy of the Catechism.

Here is a link to the section online:

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

Also, have you thought of purchasing a Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for your daughter? This is available at most good Catholic bookstores.

It will be easier for your daughter to understand because it is written in a “question and answer” format. It is perfect for children in my view.

Here is the whole book for free online:

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html#The%20Ten%20Commandments

You may want to read the section dealing with the sixth commandment. It deals with issues of sexuality and marriage etc.
 
Dempsey1919 said:
SECTION 2: The Ten Commandments
Chapter 2 Article 6 The Sixth Commandment

Page 499 in my copy of the Catechism.

Here is a link to the section online:

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

Also, have you thought of purchasing a Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for your daughter? This is available at most good Catholic bookstores.

It will be easier for your daughter to understand because it is written in a “question and answer” format. It is perfect for children in my view.

Here is the whole book for free online:

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html#The%20Ten%20Commandments

You may want to read the section dealing with the sixth commandment. It deals with issues of sexuality and marriage etc.
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Wow, thank you Dempsey! I have heard of the compendium but did not know it was in a question answer format. I have actually been looking for a Cathecism for my dd but have not been able to find one that she would be able to understand as the one that I have has language that she doesn’t quite get yet. I will look into the compendium. Thanks again! 👍
 
Cagrl, I think you are doing the right thing in everything you have mentioned. It is very true that your daughter needs to treat this girl with respect even if other kids are laughing at her. The story is indeed shocking… I think your daughter is learning a lot and again… did the right thing.
 
duskyjewel said:
I will respectfully say that I think Jennifer J is making a big leap. Twelve is not too young to become aware of one’s budding sexuality. I knew by 12 that I liked boys!

I think you and your daughter both handled the situation well. I am especially impressed that your daughter sought the girl out and made sure to tell her that she didn’t mean to hurt her. I think you have an outstanding, compassionate child there. And I thought your advice was right on!
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I was a teacher and as a current catechist, I’m a mandantory reporter. This girl is displaying behavior that is a warning that something could be wrong–we just watched a video about it infact for our training. It’s NOT a big leap. It is within the realm of possibility that something is going on that shouldn’t and as members of a community, we owe it to our youngest members to protect them. Also, if she is being harrassed by other students–SOMEONE needs to do something. It is quite appropriate to bring this to the principal’s attention. Also, if she’s having troubles with her identity, then someone should get her the help she needs. Ignoring it and allow others to hurt this poor girl is just not right.
 
Jennifer_J said:
I was a teacher and as a current catechist, I’m a mandantory reporter. This girl is displaying behavior that is a warning that something could be wrong–we just watched a video about it infact for our training. It’s NOT a big leap. It is within the realm of possibility that something is going on that shouldn’t and as members of a community, we owe it to our youngest members to protect them. Also, if she is being harrassed by other students–SOMEONE needs to do something. It is quite appropriate to bring this to the principal’s attention. Also, if she’s having troubles with her identity, then someone should get her the help she needs. Ignoring it and allow others to hurt this poor girl is just not right.
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I agree w/ Jennifer. At that age, kids are desparate to fit in. Even if she was experiencing feelings of SSA, the fact that she “asked out” another girl, in front of the whole class, is very out of the ordinary! Something is going on, if she thought she could approach another girl publicly this way, and not be made fun of (or worse) for it. I think at the very least a call home to her parents is in order.

In Christ,

Ellen
 
I agree the girl should not be harrassed or bullied. That should be addressed.

Jennifer J, I am a lector at my parish and have been required to watch all the videos. I too am a mandatory reporter.

Just because a young person expresses that they are gay does not necessarily mean they are abused. She may be confused, upset, rebelling, or truly gay. None of those things need to be reported to CPS.

I don’t pretend to understand all the causes why a person might be gay. But I sincerely hope that if my child ever asks another person of the same sex out on a date, someone at the school or church will not call CPS on me! :eek: I deserve to be labelled as abusive because I turned out a gay kid? That is a leap too far.
 
duskyjewel said:
I agree the girl should not be harrassed or bullied. That should be addressed.

Jennifer J, I am a lector at my parish and have been required to watch all the videos. I too am a mandatory reporter.

Just because a young person expresses that they are gay does not necessarily mean they are abused. She may be confused, upset, rebelling, or truly gay. None of those things need to be reported to CPS.

I don’t pretend to understand all the causes why a person might be gay. But I sincerely hope that if my child ever asks another person of the same sex out on a date, someone at the school or church will not call CPS on me! :eek: I deserve to be labelled as abusive because I turned out a gay kid? That is a leap too far.
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I didn’t say to report her to CPS, I said to inform the principal so they could assess the situation. The OP doesn’t have enough info to report to CPS, but she should (and did) report it to the school and that’s what my point was, this behavior is unusual and should be looked into. A conference with the child and parents and perhaps the school counselor. Ignoring it, avoiding the girl, and letting others harrass her is not acceptable. Sorry if I was unclear…
 
Jennifer_J said:
Okay, here’s the former teacher and mandatory abuse reporter in me coming out…you should take this to someone at the school, probably the principal. This **little girl could be being abused at home **or somewhere. Also, if other students are harassing her, someone needs to help her!!! Something is wrong here and while I’m sure you don’t want to get involved, this child needs someone to help her!!
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If someone tells the principal, “I think this girl is being abused at home,” is not the principal REQUIRED to call child services?
 
duskyjewel said:
If someone tells the principal, “I think this girl is being abused at home,” is not the principal REQUIRED to call child services?
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No, the principal can only report the incidents they see. If the principal calls the student in and asks a few questions and the student says “my mom’s friend abused me” then the principal has to report it. The principal cannot report hearsay.

That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t report something to the principal that doesn’t seem right. They often know these children pretty well, their background, the parents and the situation. You couldn’t pay me enough to be a principal–talk about stressful!!
 
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