Please forgive the title, didn’t know how else to word this one. I have a Catholic friend, she converted about a year ago, although her formation, catechisis wasn’t too good, and she has a few problems with purity subscribed to Cosmopolitan etc, but thats for another time.
She goes to Gay clubs and bars allot with her gay friends, (now I am in no way homophobic) but I said well if you are Catholic it wouldn’t be wise for you to be endorsing the gay culture and such things that are tied with that by going to these gay bars.
She defended her decision saying she didn’t endorse the lifestyle but liked the people who where there, the fact that they are nice friendly etc.
Would anyone have any suggestions about how I could tackle this problem, does anyone think I am over reaction about the whole thing?
I think when tackling this problem on moral grounds, if that’s what your attempting, you need to weed out the non-essentials. It doesn’t matter if your friend is Catholic or not, had a good catechesis or not, is gay or not, or is male or female. What matters is that she is going and what her intentions are. Her intentions seem to be strictly for pleasure not for didactive reasons (like educating people out of a gay lifestyle, which admittedly, would be of doubtful value there).
So the question can be reduced to: can a person enter a gay bar for pleasure without committing sin? Nothing more (which could easily be very clearly sinful), nothing less. We must always remember that homosexuality, the act and the culture, are clearly condemned by the Bible and the Church.
What are the results of her entry? The gay bar patrons and its culture and values are at least indirectly reaffirmed by her presence. The bar receives money through purchases of food and drinks that are for her consumption. She tacitly affirms these people’s lifestyle by meeting them here or failing to meet with them elsewhere. She puts herself at risk to having her own values being eroded by exposing herself (at least potentially) to teachings (the aforementioned videos, as just one example) that are against God’s true intentions for sexuality. There is probably more, but this appears sufficient enough to condemn as objectively sinful to go to a gay bar for pleasure.
In this case, it is even worse since she is a Catholic. Now, she has a chance to cause scandal. A family member or friend who respects her moral opinion may be confused about the gay subculture as a direct result of seeing her there or hearing that she frequents those places. They may think a sinful act or lifestyle is not sinful since a Catholic Christian (namely, her) apparently condones it. Note, she doesn’t even have to be aware of the other person’s thoughts for the scandal to occur. She should pray that no one falls into sin as a result of her actions - leading someone else into sin is one of the gravest sins around; if I remember correctly, it is better to be cast into the sea with a millstone around your neck.
If she wants to meet with one of her gay friends, then that shouldn’t be a problem, Jesus met with sinners too. But she needs to make sure it is not in a place that condones that behavior - perhaps an outdoor cafe or something. Perhaps they will see Jesus in her womanly kindness, words, and actions and reexamine their lifestyle.
The moral analysis concluded, let’s look at psychological angle. I don’t know her, so there’s not much I can do here. Be a friend to her, reaffirm her faith, chastise her firmly but charitably if necessary, point her out to a helpful priest or religious, etc. If she wants to meet nice people, introduce her to more of your friends, or recommend that she should look for other more wholesome groups or start her own (I started a rosary club and my future wife attended it). I hope this helps. In Christ, Ben
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