Gay marriage //complicity in sin // honoring parents

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andersr915

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So, my mother wishes for us to go on a vacation because her homosexual friend invited her to a wedding. She is the only one actually going to the wedding, but I feel I’m being complicit in sin by going with them. Ive let her know my thoughts and church teaching, but she seems to not care. So I’m somewhat walking a thin line of obeying my parents (I’m 19 and live under their roof) and not being complicit in sin. Any advice?
 
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andersr915 said:
but I feel I’m being complicit in sin by going with them.
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Why ever would you think that. That is really farfetched. It doesn’t even qualify a remote participation even in the loosest of senses. And certainly not supported by Church teachings.
 
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Because while I know Im not going to the actual wedding, I feel like me going with them is essentially saying “ok mom, don’t worry about your soul, celebrate sin”. I love her, but she seems to not care that this is wrong
 
andersr915 said:
Because while I know Im not going to the actual wedding, I feel like me going with them is essentially saying “ok mom, don’t worry about your soul, celebrate sin”.
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No it isn’t. You explicitly told her otherwise.
andersr915 said:
I love her, but she seems to not care that this is wrong
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That’s her decision to make, and her responsibility, not yours. You are not a party to that decision or her actions in any way anymore. After you offered your opinion, your job was complete. Your obligations ended there.

There is NOTHING in Catholic teaching that prevents you from going on the vacation and having a good time, and making sure that everyone else does, too. Including your mother. It is not your job to “punish” her by pouting or sulking. The vacation is a gift to you. Enjoy it in the spirit that it is being given: with parental love. To do so would be ungrateful.
 
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You’re not going to the wedding.

Going on vacation with your mom is not being complicit in any sin. If your mom chooses to get drunk, have an affair, or go to a gay wedding while she is on vacation with her family, that’s her own moral choice. You are not somehow involved in it just because you are on a family vacation with her.

Relax and enjoy your vacation.
 
The OP has already said that his mother is the only one in the family attending the ceremony.

This isn’t a question about whether the OP should attend the ceremony.

There is NO SIN in going on family vacation, regardless of what his mother does while there.
 
But, what would be the alternative to going?

When I was 19 and living “under my mother’s roof,” I wouldn’t have had any alternative but to go. I wouldn’t have been allowed to stay in the house myself for a long length of time.
 
The primary reason is for the ceremony, but my mother is the only one attending the ceremony. Essentially, the rest of the family is going for Myrtle Beach
 
andersr915 said:
The primary reason is for the ceremony, but my mother is the only one attending the ceremony. Essentially, the rest of the family is going for Myrtle Beach
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Not a problem for you. You are not complicit in a sin.
 
To spend time with family. Only the mother is attending the ceremony; the rest of the family is going on a beach vacation. The OP isn’t going to the ceremony, so there is no sin.
 
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I think there’s a few points tangled in here:
  1. At what point do you get to have your own say in going on family vacations and things?
  2. I have a family member who is often inviting/ commanding me to go on trips with her. I can virtually never go due to work / family etc. At what point is family travel an obligation vs an actual vacation?
  3. Are they going to ambush you once you’re there and say “don’t be silly, you’ve known Aunt Sally all your life. Her feelings will be hurt if you don’t go!”
  4. Is your mom a faithful Catholic otherwise?
 
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27lw said:
Are they going to ambush you once you’re there and say “don’t be silly, you’ve known Aunt Sally all your life. Her feelings will be hurt if you don’t go!”
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He said only his mom is going to the wedding and the rest of the family are just going to the beach.
 
  1. Up to the point where it makes someone upset, not that that is the goal. Basically, we have disagreements on doing certain things and my mom really values family time, but I would argue if the family time pertains remotely to sin, we shouldnt do it.
  2. Good question
  3. I would certainly hope not, and there is reason to beleive that an ambush wouldn’t happen since the person getting married isn’t even a family member, but one of my mom’s coworkers who, from what she says, only invited people from the office.
  4. Hard question to answer. For one thing, of course the rule is we cant judge others on their condition and/or relationship with God, but rather we should be mindful of certain actions. To avoid crossing the line into gossip, ill just say that ever since I’ve started taking my faith seriously and doing basic things (praying a daily rosary, spending some time reading scripture, etc.), she has taken it as me going overboard. And yeah, I suffer from scruples, this is not new, but she doesn’t seem to want anything to do with deepening faith which greatly sorrows me.
 
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I think this whole thread points at the difficulty of being “in the world but not of the world”.

Everyone is quick to say “well, Jesus ate with sinners” but the reality is that none of us is Jesus.
Is it more helpful to use mere mortal saints as a guide? Saints from a morally corrupt ancient Roman empire, for example?
Did St. Lucy eat with dinners? St. Nicholas? The Early Church Fathers? Etc? Obviously we have to make these choices for ourselves but sometimes I think “Jesus ate with sinners” is a little too glib.
 
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There would be absolutely no sin in going on this vacation.

However, why can you not stay home by yourself? To my mind, a 19-year-old person is an adult. Can’t buy alcohol in most states — which is messed up, you can be called upon to die for your country, you can get married, you can sign contracts, but you can’t buy a six-pack at the convenience store.

Myrtle Beach would be hard to pass up. I took my son there on vacation last year (North Myrtle, to be more precise, it’s much quieter, not as crowded, downtown, such as it is, is like stepping back in time 50 years) and he loved it.

Be at peace and enjoy your trip, but if you choose to stay home, that’s fine too.
 
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