Gay Rights

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Holly3278

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Hey everyone. For a while now I had believed that gay rights such as gay marriage were right. However, I am now trying hard to believe what the Catholic Church teaches on issues such as gay marriage. The problem is that my boyfriend is bisexual and he fully supports gay rights. How can I maintain my beliefs about this issue while maintaining a non-judgmental attitude?

That said, I am sorry if this is in the wrong forum. I wasn’t sure where to put it.
 
Perhaps you should be more judgemental about who you date. Your boyfriend has a confused sexuality and beliefs clearly at odds with Catholic teachings. You should ask yourself that if dating should lead to marriage, which for Catholics it always does, how could you find yourself married to an unsuitable man such as this?
 
You don’t have to be judgemental. The truth is the truth is the truth. Don’t apologize.

That being said, what sort of future do you anticipate having with a bisexual? Why pursue a relationship with someone so completely at odds with your beliefs? (No need to answer these questions- just think about them).

You should be extremely careful. Approximately 80% of all AIDS patients are men who have sex with men.
 
Elizium23 said:
Perhaps you should be more judgemental about who you date. Your boyfriend has a confused sexuality and beliefs clearly at odds with Catholic teachings. You should ask yourself that if dating should lead to marriage, which for Catholics it always does, how could you find yourself married to an unsuitable man such as this?
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Dating doesn’t ALWAYS lead to marriage. If that were the case, then everyone would have only dated one person. That’s not the case, at all.
I do believe that while dating you should be discerning if this is the right person for you. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with a bisexual as a boyfriend or spouse. Maybe this relationship is supposed to help him find the truth. Who knows?
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Dating doesn’t ALWAYS lead to marriage. If that were the case, then everyone would have only dated one person. That’s not the case, at all.
I do believe that while dating you should be discerning if this is the right person for you. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with a bisexual as a boyfriend or spouse. Maybe this relationship is supposed to help him find the truth. Who knows?
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No, dating doesn’t always lead to marriage…but isn’t that the end game of dating? Marriage?

I can’t imagine what kind of future dating a bisexual holds…probably not marriage.
 
Ok, I am really offended by the hurtful comments about my boyfriend. He loves me very much and we have definite plans to get married. Plus, I am pregnant with his child. There is no way I am going to leave him because of his sexuality. Besides that, I am bisexual myself.
 
Is he concerned about his judgmental attitudes toward Catholics who have a different opinion?

Wouldn’t it be refreshing to be dating another Catholic that you can encourage and share with each other while learning of the faith together?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches about the cardinal virtues. Once you get to be a certain age where you come out from the umbrella of your parents blessing, now is the time to make the faith your own. Have a look at these virtues and think how, when you begin to put them into practice, they will be a light unto your feet through your whole life…

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm

God bless and guide you today.

Edit: We were typing at the same time. You are already pregnant and planning to get married. That’s another topic all in itself. God bless you and your baby.
 
I didn’t intend to be hurtful, I merely wanted to bring some realism your way. The fact that you are pregnant as the result of premarital sex is even more problematic for your relationship. Is your boyfriend an ACTIVE bisexual or are you monogamous already? Are you undergoing any kind of Catholic marriage preparation, are you officially engaged to be married, are you living together? You are afraid of being judgemental but your own judgement is clearly compromised by this life you have been leading. I would suggest to break off the physical relationship with this man and take some time to reflect on what marriage and family mean to you and your coming child.
 
Holly3278 said:
Ok, I am really offended by the hurtful comments about my boyfriend. He loves me very much and we have definite plans to get married. Plus, I am pregnant with his child. There is no way I am going to leave him because of his sexuality. Besides that, I am bisexual myself.
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Who said anything hurtful?

By the way, the fact that you are pregnant with his child significantly changes everything. That would have been helpful info to post in OP. “Father of my child” is much different than “my boyfriend.”
 
Elizium23 said:
I didn’t intend to be hurtful, I merely wanted to bring some realism your way. The fact that you are pregnant as the result of premarital sex is even more problematic for your relationship. Is your boyfriend an ACTIVE bisexual or are you monogamous already? Are you undergoing any kind of Catholic marriage preparation, are you officially engaged to be married, are you living together? You are afraid of being judgemental but your own judgement is clearly compromised by this life you have been leading. I would suggest to break off the physical relationship with this man and take some time to reflect on what marriage and family mean to you and your coming child.
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Yep.
 
Him and I are strictly monogamous and while we aren’t currently living together because of heating problems at his house, I am going back to live with him as soon as its over. That said, I am finished with this thread.
 
I feel like people are being really judgmental towards my boyfriend and I. I really don’t appreciate that. If I can receive advice about what I asked about without people making judgmental comments then I will continue participating in this thread.
 
Holly3278 said:
I feel like people are being really judgmental towards my boyfriend and I. I really don’t appreciate that. If I can receive advice about what I asked about without people making judgmental comments then I will continue participating in this thread.
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While Catholicism might demand that you hold certain views about gay marriage, does it actually require you to be ideological lockstep with your partner? If not, and if we accept that the foundation of your relationship is strong, then your problem is no problem at all.
 
Regina7 said:
You should be extremely careful. Approximately 80% of all AIDS patients are men who have sex with men.
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According to the CDC that rate was actually 57% in 2011. Still high but significantly lower than 80%.

Approximately 18% of gay/bisexual men are living with AID/HIV.

Those figures are high enough there is no need to inflate them further.
 
Holly3278 said:
I feel like people are being really judgmental towards my boyfriend and I. I really don’t appreciate that. If I can receive advice about what I asked about without people making judgmental comments then I will continue participating in this thread.
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Who is being judgmental? I didn’t see any name calling or anything like that.

Back to your original question. Since you two are raising a child together, this issue is important. You haven’t mentioned whether he is Catholic and pro-gay rights or whether he’s not Catholic (and if not, what are his feelings towards the Church?). Your approach really depends on whether homosexuality is the only issue he has with the Church or one of many.
 
CatholicSheila said:
According to the CDC that rate was actually 57% in 2011. Still high but significantly lower than 80%.

Approximately 18% of gay/bisexual men are living with AID/HIV.

Those figures are high enough there is no need to inflate them further.
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The CDC stated that 78% of all cases diagnosed in 2011 were from gay men. The TOTAL number was 57%. I apologize for not being clear and for my 2% error. I was not trying to over-inflate.
 
He is Catholic but I don’t know what all issues he has with Church teaching. Honestly, I think his disagreements are largely due to ignorance about Church teaching. I think if he knew more about why what the Churches what it does that he would accept the Church’s teachings. However, he doesn’t like having religion pushed on him so I don’t talk about it with him except on rare occasions and when he asks about it. He has been considering going back to Mass lately but when I told him he shouldn’t receive Communion without going to Confession he said he didn’t want to go to Confession.

That said, the things that I found most judgmental were the comments by some who seemed to say I shouldn’t be with him simply because he has same sex attraction.
 
You know, I wonder how many people have stopped to consider the fact that since I am dating this man and since we are getting married and because we are strictly monogamous that this will keep him from acting out his same sex attractions? Those of you who think we shouldn’t be together should consider that.
 
Holly3278 said:
You know, I wonder how many people have stopped to consider the fact that since I am dating this man and since we are getting married and because we are strictly monogamous that this will keep him from acting out his same sex attractions? Those of you who think we shouldn’t be together should consider that.
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There are some on this board that think same-sex attraction is just about sex and that if someone refers to themselves as either gay or bi-sexual it means they’re having sex with a member of their own gender. In the very least it means they’re open to the idea and plan to do so in future. Some go so far as to suggest that gays/ bisxuals (especially men) don’t care for monogamy or love simply because of their orientation so can’t be trusted.

That attitude can clearly be seen in the first few replies you received.

Whether or not a bisexual is appropriate for boyfriend / marriage material really depends more on his attitude towards sex and monogamy than who he is attracted to. Everyone is going to be attracted to someone other than their spouse at some point, regardless of their sexuality.

Personally I’d automatically ignore any replies that suggest that he isn’t appropriate material simply because he is bisexual.
 
CatholicSheila said:
There are some on this board that think same-sex attraction is just about sex and that if someone refers to themselves as either gay or bi-sexual it means they’re having sex with a member of their own gender. In the very least it means they’re open to the idea and plan to do so in future. Some go so far as to suggest that gays/ bisxuals (especially men) don’t care for monogamy or love simply because of their orientation so can’t be trusted.

That attitude can clearly be seen in the first few replies you received.

Whether or not a bisexual is appropriate for boyfriend / marriage material really depends more on his attitude towards sex and monogamy than who he is attracted to. Everyone is going to be attracted to someone other than their spouse at some point, regardless of their sexuality.

Personally I’d automatically ignore any replies that suggest that he isn’t appropriate material simply because he is bisexual.
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Thanks. I can assure everyone he is committed to strict monogamy as he has told me so.
 
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