What should I do? I feel like I’m hurting my sibling who is gay. He has made mention of same sex marriage not being allowed in the RC church and although he is trying to get a laugh I can tell that he is upset about the church’s teaching on this issue. I have no desire to protest gay marriage or gay adoption anywhere in public or on Facebook by “liking” any obvious cause. I still love my brother and would love any of his gay friends or boyfriends. On Easter I made sure to ask him about a friend of his’ upcoming same-sex wedding and told him to have a good time. I think he was upset greatly last year when Chick FA the restaurant ended up having a record day in sales and lines (my other hetero brother posted photos of the himself in line on FB, and I chose not to support CFA that day, although we do continue to eat there and I love shopping and eating at other Christian places, I’m not anti-Islam or anti-anything else). I think the CEO had made mention of same sex marriage not being “right” and my gay brother takes that to mean that the CEO is homophobic. Now I’m certainly not homophobic but I do believe in traditional marriage.
How do I support trad marriage without offending my brother? Can I say congrats or looks like a fun party on photos from a same-sex wedding on FB? How can I explain the reasons behind the Church’s position if he puts me on the spot?
Please excuse the run-on sentences: it’s a bad habit.
I have a tricky time with this as well. I evangelize a lot to my gay friends, but that means a much different thing with each one. Some I can talk to for hours about Church teaching and the meaning behind it and natural law and have pleasant conversation. Others know and respect my views but wish to not discuss it because neither of us would convince the other; these I just live a Catholic life around, while being a good friend to them. None so far have been upset about my conversion to the Church, but again, it requires a different approach for each individual.
You know your brother best, so you know how to approach him best. If he’s confrontational, it’s better to just leave the issue alone, provided he knows your position on marriage. If he doesn’t, then explain natural law to him in a peaceful manner, explain that the Church loves
all people, gay or straight, and in no way denies their attractions, and explain that the Church has nothing to do with the “gays caused 9/11!!!” crazy crowd.
You cannot take part in the service (bridesmaid/maid of honor/etc.) in a gay wedding, and it is very ill-advised to even
attend a gay wedding. However, if he’s discussing his time at a gay wedding with you, it’s not a sin to discuss his weekend. You won’t be able to provide any aid to him, spiritual or material, if you avoid learning about his life.
For example, I have a very, very good friend who just got into a relationship with another woman. She and I, like many of my lesbian friends, had a talk a long time ago about my conversion to the Church *. So she knows my position, even though she doesn’t understand it even a little bit. We’ve agreed to disagree on the issue. I talk to her about how she’s doing, how her girlfriend’s doing, etc. I stay involved with her life, because I want to be there for her in the future whenever she needs me, whether that’s materially or spiritually. If she powers through life to the end denying Catholicism, I can’t do anything about that, unfortunately. But I can show her that the Church would never suggest for someone to treat a sinner as a lesser human for their sins, as we are all sinners. Hopefully you can do that for your brother.
Unfortunately, many religious people give religion a bad name, with homophobic remarks and language all over broadcast networks, violence and bullying against gay people at high levels (though this can also be due to secular homophobia, not just religious homophobia), etc. You have to realize that he’s had to put up with hearing religious person after religious person after religious person call him a “f****t” and suggest he’s all sorts of horrible things, “justifying” it by the Bible. He might have had to endure a lot of really awful abuse in high school and/or college over his sexuality. Keep in mind about that when you discuss the issue with him. If you can show him the “other side” (aka the actual and only side) of Christianity, as in the charity and love found within Catholicism, he will be much less antagonistic towards you than he is others.
I might add that the boycott of Chick Fil A was not done over the owner’s views on same-sex marriage. It was done because the owner of Chick Fil A had been found to donate money to the Family Research Council (a hate group that has suggested gay people idolize pedophiles), Exodus International (a group that performed ‘conversion therapies’ consisting of electrocution, among other things, which it has since apologized and closed shop for), and other such groups from his
non-profit “charity” that used Chick Fil A profits as the donation material. Cathy has since apologized, and Chick Fil A no longer supports any of those groups, at least not with charity funds.
With the exception of Mozilla’s scandal, most of these large-scale boycotts have stronger underlying issues behind them besides same-sex marriage (although Mozilla’s CEO was forced out by the tech industry, not by the LGBT community).*
