Gay Student at School

  • Thread starter Thread starter valoriuslobo
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
V

valoriuslobo

Guest
I taught a seventh grade religious ed class last year. We had a situation where a boy was being teased by being called “gay.” He liked musicals, Madonna, and was sensitive so maybe he did actually have Same sex attractions or not–it’s none of my business. I put a stop to the bullying immediately and my RE director had me explain the church’s teachings on homosexuality.

That being said, I know work at the school he is an 8th grader at. He came to me the other week and said he was being cyber-bullied by being called “gay” and “f****t.” I reported this to the dean right away because there are kids killing themselves over sexuality related cyber-bullying.

Now I am wracked with guilt over telling him about the church’s teachings on same sex acts. I feel as a catechist, I taught the truth but obviously this teasing is hurting him & what if my telling him the Church’s teachings factors into a suicide attempt?

Can anyone help me put my mind at ease.
 
Musical tastes and personal sensitivity say nothing about sexual attraction. Middle school kids toss around the word “gay” for all sorts of idiotic reasons having nothing to do with reality. It’s like calling someone a “nerd” or “dork.” It has no basis in reality; but it’s bad if a kid does take it to heart, because that can be damaging.

It was not wrong to explain the Church’s teaching on homosexuality. That’s just factual information. The only problemr is that in context perhaps other kids thought you were actually acknowledging this student’s sexual orientation. And of course, nobody has any idea of that, probably least of all the kid, at this age.
 
Well, as a high schooler so I kind of know how the kid feels, because I was Middle schooler closer then anyone here was, so I was in his position closer than anyone here was. So I’ll help you out 🙂 Here’s what you have to do


  1. *]Talk about to him about what you said. Tell him what you’re telling us, that even though same-sex acts are wrong, the kid doesn’t have to kill himself because God loves him. God loves everyone, but there’s some actions he should avoid doing.
    *]Talk with the students! Have a discussion about homosexuality one day. And tell them even though Church teaches it’s wrong, that gives them no right to hate anyone.
    *]Mention that there are many stuff that heterosexuals do that the Church doesn’t approve of. i.e. Sex before marriage, pornography, prostitution, rape, adultery, masturbation, birth control etc.

    God bless :byzsoc:

    David
 
valoriuslobo said:
Now I am wracked with guilt over telling him about the church’s teachings on same sex acts. I feel as a catechist, I taught the truth but obviously this teasing is hurting him & what if my telling him the Church’s teachings factors into a suicide attempt?

Can anyone help me put my mind at ease.
Click to expand...
If your telling him the Church’s teaching was pushing him toward suicide, I really don’t think he would have felt comfortable coming to you with his current problem. He obviously feels he can trust you.
 
valoriuslobo said:
I taught a seventh grade religious ed class last year. We had a situation where a boy was being teased by being called “gay.” He liked musicals, Madonna, and was sensitive so maybe he did actually have Same sex attractions or not–it’s none of my business. I put a stop to the bullying immediately and my RE director had me explain the church’s teachings on homosexuality.

That being said, I know work at the school he is an 8th grader at. He came to me the other week and said he was being cyber-bullied by being called “gay” and “f****t.” I reported this to the dean right away because there are kids killing themselves over sexuality related cyber-bullying.

Now I am wracked with guilt over telling him about the church’s teachings on same sex acts. I feel as a catechist, I taught the truth but obviously this teasing is hurting him & what if my telling him the Church’s teachings factors into a suicide attempt?

Can anyone help me put my mind at ease.
Click to expand...
You should always tell him the truth and be there in a professional compacity for him to feel open to talk to you about his bullying and his feeings. He needs to understand the Church’s teachings in order to try and figure out how he wants to live his life. If he has SSA, he needs someone that he can turn to for guidance that isnt going to say, “Just do what feels good! Nothing matters but the moment.” That is what popular culture and his peers at school are most likely telling him. He needs an adult who is strong in the faith that he can turn to when things get bad. If that person is you then consider it a blessing but don’t sacrifice your beliefs to do so.

On my campus, a student started talking about suicide over similar issues. It really upset me and I am doing my best to reach out to the student.

I pray that both of us can be examples of the faith and reliable adults for the students going through tough times like these.
 
Thank you for your help, everyone. I talked to my assistant principal between classes and she said she’ll address the situation. Hopefully I can control the class, they are a hand full at that age!
 
valoriuslobo said:
I taught a seventh grade religious ed class last year. We had a situation where a boy was being teased by being called “gay.” He liked musicals, Madonna, and was sensitive so maybe he did actually have Same sex attractions or not–it’s none of my business. I put a stop to the bullying immediately and my RE director had me explain the church’s teachings on homosexuality.

That being said, I know work at the school he is an 8th grader at. He came to me the other week and said he was being cyber-bullied by being called “gay” and “f****t.” I reported this to the dean right away because there are kids killing themselves over sexuality related cyber-bullying.

Now I am wracked with guilt over telling him about the church’s teachings on same sex acts. I feel as a catechist, I taught the truth but obviously this teasing is hurting him & what if my telling him the Church’s teachings factors into a suicide attempt?

Can anyone help me put my mind at ease.
Click to expand...
You should talk to him about how much God loves everyone, also tell him how you’ll be there if he wants to talk about his feelings.
 
Dakota_Roberts said:
You should talk to him about how much God loves everyone, also tell him how you’ll be there if he wants to talk about his feelings.
Click to expand...
You might also tell him that just because the other students have labeled him, does not in any way mean that he has to accept that label. he might not have any SSA feelings at all, but the labeling, ostracizing and bullying could make him believe he’s gay.

you did nothing wrong telling him the truth. just keep telling the truth–to each and every one of those students.

since you’re a catechist, maybe you could work in “let the first without sin throw the first stone”.
 
Why not arrange (with the childs and parents consent) for said child to speak with a Priest? I imagine it might be intimidating at first but to have someone as an authority figure on God, someone who lives and speaks for God, to be able to reach out to him and tell him that he is loved and that his life is precious to God and to all of us around him, might do wonders to his self esteem. With something as potentially dangerous as this, never share that burden alone. Also, pray pray pray! Hopefully the bullying subsides, whether he has ssa or not. Prayerfully he doesn’t and will just be able to move on with his life. If he does, do what you can (without crossing any boundaries) to try and help the child see the err of such beliefs and help him understand that to go down that road is very wrong and it would anger God very much. Or that it would sadden God very much (since anger might scare the child). The problem with ssa when it develops early on in kids is that parents think its just a “phase” or “healthy/natural” and let it grow unchecked. When the first seeds of satan are planted in someones mind, as a faithful community we should arm ourselves with love, with charity and with knowledge and stomp it out for the childs sake as well as his salvation. God Bless!
 
You do not even KNOW if he is gay or suffers from SSA.

All you know is that he likes musicals, likes Madonna, and is sensitive.

My boys have performed in musicals for YEARS, love to sing show tunes, and can even dance some (required if you are in musicals!) They have very wide varied musical genres they listen to. Right now, my 20 year old in very into Enya. I have 2 very sensitive boys. My 18 year old son teared up when I left him at college.

None of them are gay! They are all very much heterosexual.

So let’s not be jumping to any stereotypical conclusions here.

The kids who should be hauled before the principal are those doing the bullying. Bullying is NEVER ok.
 
BigFellaMick said:
Why not arrange (with the childs and parents consent) for said child to speak with a Priest? I imagine it might be intimidating at first but to have someone as an authority figure on God, someone who lives and speaks for God, to be able to reach out to him and tell him that he is loved and that his life is precious to God and to all of us around him, might do wonders to his self esteem. With something as potentially dangerous as this, never share that burden alone. Also, pray pray pray! Hopefully the bullying subsides, whether he has ssa or not. Prayerfully he doesn’t and will just be able to move on with his life. If he does, do what you can (without crossing any boundaries) to try and help the child see the err of such beliefs and help him understand that to go down that road is very wrong and it would anger God very much. Or that it would sadden God very much (since anger might scare the child). The problem with ssa when it develops early on in kids is that parents think its just a “phase” or “healthy/natural” and let it grow unchecked. When the first seeds of satan are planted in someones mind, as a faithful community we should arm ourselves with love, with charity and with knowledge and stomp it out for the childs sake as well as his salvation. God Bless!
Click to expand...
“Seeds of satan”? Stay classy
 
hey I stand by what I said. Seeds of satan are something we all face on a constant basis. I would certainly pray that if something were to effect me (and I’m not even talking about ssa right now, but if I struggled with any sin on a constant basis) then I would hope I’d have a strong network of Catholics who would help me see the error of my ways and help me overcome said difficulty.

And to be fair, I understand that it isn’t known if the child has ssa, I was only speaking in the worst case scenario. If he’s not and its just bullying in general he has to face than it will be much easier to overcome then if he does have ssa as that can lead to such a hard childhood. Not to mention how damaged his mind could be by all the bullying/abuse he’d get for it. Either way, naturally, the bullying has to stop. Let’s just hope the problem itself stops there and doesn’t develop into something more serious later on.
 
DaddyGirl said:
There is one other important fact you are leaving out and I don’t know if we are supposed to assume this or not…:

Was/is this at a Catholic school? And is the boy Catholic?

Because if he follows another religion, it would not make sense for you to tell him the Catholic teaching on homosexuality if the religion he follows has a different viewpoint on it.
Click to expand...
I assumed that because the religious education director (RE director) suggested that she teach about the Church’s stance, that this was a Catholic school.
 
I’m a teacher and I’ve been in similar situations over the past few years. Things I have taught have been used by students to bully other students (e.g. divorce and remarriage, IVF etc.)

When kids are being bullied or harassed the content of the harassment is secondary to the fact that children have the right to be treated with respect. Whether its their perceived sexuality or their football team or the way they speak, no child merits being harassed.

Its great that you contacted the dean. The responsible authorities within the school should be notified. If the school is worth its salt it will have a positive relationships policy that will outline the steps to take in response to this.

I would check with the student to see if the bullying has stopped. If it hasn’t, consult the dean again, but it may be time to contact the boy’s parents. At my school we have restorative meetings between the children involved (and their parents). Teachers have a duty of care for their students during school hours. What occurs outside of school is the onus of their parents, but the school may need to serve as a mediator.

At the very least, hopefully your school can teach the child some resilience strategies.

Let us know how it goes. 🙂
 
kmuestwin said:
I assumed that because the religious education director (RE director) suggested that she teach about the Church’s stance, that this was a Catholic school.
Click to expand...
No, I taught at the Catholic school last year, Public School this year at which he is in 8th grade. He is Catholic. The class discussion occurred at the catholic school, the cyber-bullying report at the public.
 
SirJack said:
I’m a teacher and I’ve been in similar situations over the past few years. Things I have taught have been used by students to bully other students (e.g. divorce and remarriage, IVF etc.)

When kids are being bullied or harassed the content of the harassment is secondary to the fact that children have the right to be treated with respect. Whether its their perceived sexuality or their football team or the way they speak, no child merits being harassed.

Its great that you contacted the dean. The responsible authorities within the school should be notified. If the school is worth its salt it will have a positive relationships policy that will outline the steps to take in response to this.

I would check with the student to see if the bullying has stopped. If it hasn’t, consult the dean again, but it may be time to contact the boy’s parents. At my school we have restorative meetings between the children involved (and their parents). Teachers have a duty of care for their students during school hours. What occurs outside of school is the onus of their parents, but the school may need to serve as a mediator.

At the very least, hopefully your school can teach the child some resilience strategies.

Let us know how it goes. 🙂
Click to expand...
Thank you for your insight as a fellow educator. I spoke with the dean again and she said she’ll speak with him. I also checked with the security liaison, but she was not in the know. I may consider checking in with the student, but will have to do this one on one lest the other students get on his case for “tattle telling.”

These middle school ages are so tough. And kids get more vicious and sexualized at younger and younger ages.
 
followingtheway said:
Well, as a high schooler so I kind of know how the kid feels, because I was Middle schooler closer then anyone here was, so I was in his position closer than anyone here was. So I’ll help you out 🙂 Here’s what you have to do


  1. *]Talk about to him about what you said. Tell him what you’re telling us, that even though same-sex acts are wrong, the kid doesn’t have to kill himself because God loves him. God loves everyone, but there’s some actions he should avoid doing.
    *]Talk with the students! Have a discussion about homosexuality one day. And tell them even though Church teaches it’s wrong, that gives them no right to hate anyone.
    *]Mention that there are many stuff that heterosexuals do that the Church doesn’t approve of. i.e. Sex before marriage, pornography, prostitution, rape, adultery, masturbation, birth control etc.

    God bless :byzsoc:

    David
Click to expand...

  1. 👍
    Teach him to be a true Catholic lad. SSA is not a lifestyle nor is it an alternative sexuality. It is a Cross.
 
LoyalViews said:
👍
Teach him to be a true Catholic lad. SSA is not a lifestyle nor is it an alternative sexuality. It is a Cross.
Click to expand...
Saying such a thing to a child who is the victim of bullying will not help them. It doesn’t address the fact that others are victimising him on the basis of appearance. Whether or not those other kids are correct in calling the victim gay is irrelevant to his problem.

Consider: child being bullied asks for help, teacher tells him to bear his cross and stay chaste. Even though it was said in love, it doesn’t solve the problem!
 
SirJack said:
Saying such a thing to a child who is the victim of bullying will not help them. It doesn’t address the fact that others are victimising him on the basis of appearance. Whether or not those other kids are correct in calling the victim gay is irrelevant to his problem.

Consider: child being bullied asks for help, teacher tells him to bear his cross and stay chaste. Even though it was said in love, it doesn’t solve the problem!
Click to expand...
You’re right. My comment was useless:o
It may even turn the child away from the Church, I never thought of that.
 
Your comment may not have been effective but it was certainly prompted by love. 🙂
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top