Gay to Straight?

[CarlaOLS]

the rest of the article:

How to break the bond
If this is so, how do we break the bond, the link? It is difficult but it can happen – for any of us. First, we need to acknowledge the link. Many people already do. Many first timers come into my office – even some of the most promiscuous – and they will say, “You know, it wasn’t the sex I was after; it was someone to love me.”

Second, we need to pray about it daily. This daily prayer will not only keep alive in us the reality of the link, but where we cannot break the link in our own power, it may release God to provide the solvent that will start to dissolve it.

Third we need to prayerfully and intentionally determine what the real needs are and then seek to find legitimate ways of meeting them. They are going to be somewhat different for each of us. We should not focus on a need because it is stereotypically present in a homosexual person.

To identify a need and then to try to find legitimate ways to meet it, is a major life undertaking. If, for example, you are lonely, it is usually not because of circumstances of your surroundings or environment; it probably is because of things in your nature or in your whole pattern of relating to people. To say, “Go out and make some friends,” is worse than cheap advice; it trivializes your problems and needs. Learning how to relate to people in life-giving, non-sexual ways can be a major effort in your life. Nevertheless, it may be an important key to your healing.

Likewise, if your problem is a deep sense of worthlessness, I can tell you that you are of inestimable value because Jesus died for you until I am blue in the face, but until you encounter that reality in your own walk with the Lord, my words are almost no use. To find our worth in who we are in the Lord, rather than in our sexual desirability, may only come about through some years of quiet special times with the One who gives us value, but it may be essential for our healing.

When needs are extreme, often it is only the Lord who can meet them initially. He may, therefore, be your first means of healing. Then as the intensity of the needs diminishes, He will place you where other Christian men and women can start to meet them.

A sense of purpose
A way that may speed the process of breaking the link between our needs and sex, is to seek to find a purpose in life. So many of the needs that drive us sexually – loneliness, boredom, a sense of worthlessness – can be met as we discover a sense of purpose in our lives. A sense of purpose implies living for others or for some higher cause; it means living focused outside of ourselves. Many of the people in our ministry advance their healing greatly while they are serving as group leaders or teachers. Discovering a purpose for our life and facing the inevitable challenges that arise out of trying to fulfill that purpose will increase our awareness of our true dependency on Jesus. A dependency on sex will offer nothing.

As we break the link, time enhances the process. Old patterns of responding are broken. Immediate sexual responses to stimuli become less frequent. Our way of using sex to meet non-sexual needs definitely had addictive qualities. Abstinence breaks addictions. Sometimes our addictions were physiological. After my initial healing, one thing I was conscious of missing was the excitement of cruising, of being on the prowl, the thrill of taking risks in what I was doing. To a certain extent, I was hooked on my own adrenaline. I don’t think anything but the passage of time was needed to take care of this.

At some point in your healing you may be able to think about homosexual sex apart from the real need that was driving you, and you will see that it is not what you really wanted. As with me, it may seem stupid or disgusting.

Don’t worry if an awareness of a need brings to mind a potential sexual “solution.” You are not going to forget that this once brought temporary relief, but as time goes on, you will come to know at the deepest levels of your being, that the sexualization of your needs was a dead-end street.

God wants to heal you. Most of the time He won’t be doing it with the sudden, dramatic miracle; it is going to take a while. But, the process will be speeded up as you are able to unlink your needs and sex. As this happens, He will start meeting those needs, and He will start showing you how other relationships can meet them. Sex never will meet them

 

[ladybri77]

the rest of the article:

How to break the bond
If this is so, how do we break the bond, the link? It is difficult but it can happen – for any of us. First, we need to acknowledge the link. Many people already do. Many first timers come into my office – even some of the most promiscuous – and they will say, “You know, it wasn’t the sex I was after; it was someone to love me.”

Second, we need to pray about it daily. This daily prayer will not only keep alive in us the reality of the link, but where we cannot break the link in our own power, it may release God to provide the solvent that will start to dissolve it.

Third we need to prayerfully and intentionally determine what the real needs are and then seek to find legitimate ways of meeting them. They are going to be somewhat different for each of us. We should not focus on a need because it is stereotypically present in a homosexual person.

To identify a need and then to try to find legitimate ways to meet it, is a major life undertaking. If, for example, you are lonely, it is usually not because of circumstances of your surroundings or environment; it probably is because of things in your nature or in your whole pattern of relating to people. To say, “Go out and make some friends,” is worse than cheap advice; it trivializes your problems and needs. Learning how to relate to people in life-giving, non-sexual ways can be a major effort in your life. Nevertheless, it may be an important key to your healing.

Likewise, if your problem is a deep sense of worthlessness, I can tell you that you are of inestimable value because Jesus died for you until I am blue in the face, but until you encounter that reality in your own walk with the Lord, my words are almost no use. To find our worth in who we are in the Lord, rather than in our sexual desirability, may only come about through some years of quiet special times with the One who gives us value, but it may be essential for our healing.

When needs are extreme, often it is only the Lord who can meet them initially. He may, therefore, be your first means of healing. Then as the intensity of the needs diminishes, He will place you where other Christian men and women can start to meet them.

A sense of purpose
A way that may speed the process of breaking the link between our needs and sex, is to seek to find a purpose in life. So many of the needs that drive us sexually – loneliness, boredom, a sense of worthlessness – can be met as we discover a sense of purpose in our lives. A sense of purpose implies living for others or for some higher cause; it means living focused outside of ourselves. Many of the people in our ministry advance their healing greatly while they are serving as group leaders or teachers. Discovering a purpose for our life and facing the inevitable challenges that arise out of trying to fulfill that purpose will increase our awareness of our true dependency on Jesus. A dependency on sex will offer nothing.

As we break the link, time enhances the process. Old patterns of responding are broken. Immediate sexual responses to stimuli become less frequent. Our way of using sex to meet non-sexual needs definitely had addictive qualities. Abstinence breaks addictions. Sometimes our addictions were physiological. After my initial healing, one thing I was conscious of missing was the excitement of cruising, of being on the prowl, the thrill of taking risks in what I was doing. To a certain extent, I was hooked on my own adrenaline. I don’t think anything but the passage of time was needed to take care of this.

At some point in your healing you may be able to think about homosexual sex apart from the real need that was driving you, and you will see that it is not what you really wanted. As with me, it may seem stupid or disgusting.

Thanks for the article, Carla, it’s very good. I heard Alan speak at a Courage conference once, excellent. The sexual part alone is not my addiction, it’s the whole homoemotional experience, but I realize for a lot of men, this is true. What he said has so much truth and is definitely the key to overcoming. Thanks again.
In Jesus

 

[mkingdomlvr]

It would be a fair question to ask Him why He allowed this to happen. I don’t believe God creates anyone to be that way, He just allows things to happen like other anomalies that happen in the world for reasons unknown. There is a reason He made them male and female. If homosexuality was okay, it would be mentioned in the bible as one of his “creations”. Instead, it bluntly says the act is a sin time and time again. Have you read the verses? Romans 1, Leviticus, Galations, and of course, Genesis for proof of how He really made us.

Are you active in the lifestyle?

Yes, I’ve read all 7 references to homosexuality that exist in the Bible.

I’ve also read the references to other sins, and the sins that were highlighted by the Gospel writers as being condemned in a particular way by Jesus. I’ve also read the references to how we are to treat our brothers and sisters and nothing in there says-except the gay ones, it’s ok to treat them like inferior beings.

Genesis is not a scientific document about how human beings came to be. Catholics do not interpret literally. Genesis is the way ancient people described the origin of humanity-given the knowledge available to them at the time.

What lifestyle? Going to work, paying my taxes, working out, cleaning my house, watching TV, reading books and hanging out with my friends? That’s my lifestyle. What lifestyle are you living?

 

[ladybri77]

Yes, I’ve read all 7 references to homosexuality that exist in the Bible.

I’ve also read the references to other sins, and the sins that were highlighted by the Gospel writers as being condemned in a particular way by Jesus. I’ve also read the references to how we are to treat our brothers and sisters and nothing in there says-except the gay ones, it’s ok to treat them like inferior beings.

Genesis is not a scientific document about how human beings came to be. Catholics do not interpret literally. Genesis is the way ancient people described the origin of humanity-given the knowledge available to them at the time.

What lifestyle? Going to work, paying my taxes, working out, cleaning my house, watching TV, reading books and hanging out with my friends? That’s my lifestyle. What lifestyle are you living?

No one should treat anyone like an inferior being. I’m sorry if some people have made you feel that way. Human beings aren’t perfect, but there is One who is. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive those people, so it will free you, so as not to let unforgiveness hold you back in your life. When we don’t forgive people, it effects us, not them.

I think you know what lifestyle I’m referring to, but if you don’t want to tell me if you’re active in the gay lifestyle, that’s okay, I wouldn’t judge you either way.

Peace

 

[ladybri77]

Here’s a little piece on forgiveness I just read:

If God Almighty forgives us of our great sins, then how
much more should we be quick to forgive others their offenses. We must
always remember the simple truths that come from God’s Word. The Lord
Jesus declares in Matthew 6:14-15 “For if ye forgive men their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men
their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

 

[mkingdomlvr]

No one should treat anyone like an inferior being. I’m sorry if some people have made you feel that way. Human beings aren’t perfect, but there is One who is. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive those people, so it will free you, so as not to let unforgiveness hold you back in your life. When we don’t forgive people, it effects us, not them.

I think you know what lifestyle I’m referring to, but if you don’t want to tell me if you’re active in the gay lifestyle, that’s okay, I wouldn’t judge you either way.

Peace

The word “lifestyle” is a term used by those who wish to perpetuate the myth that gay people are by their nature dangerous and I’m sure you know that too. It feeds on images of drag queens and other fringe symbols to keep the straight people afraid of catching “gay cooties” or something.

If you’re asking whether I have a significant other or not, that’s a different question.

 

[ladybri77]

The word “lifestyle” is a term used by those who wish to perpetuate the myth that gay people are by their nature dangerous and I’m sure you know that too. It feeds on images of drag queens and other fringe symbols to keep the straight people afraid of catching “gay cooties” or something.

If you’re asking whether I have a significant other or not, that’s a different question.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware of that.

 

[Musician]

Carla, thank you for the article. It applies to my situation so well.
I am so happy that God has set me free from the homosexual lifestyle and gave me a beautiful marriage and healthy children. I thoroughly enjoy each and every day God has given me.

 

[Gertabelle]

Being gay or straight is not a choice, so you can’t “turn straight”.

Nonsense. You are totally right in loving your cousin with all your heart. But regardless of what you’ve learned in the media, there is no scientific evidence that being gay or straight is anything but a choice. You say people can’t “turn straight”? Well let me introduce myself, darlin. My name is Gertie, and I used to be a lesbian (including several girlfriends and one eight-year relationship). And seven and a half years ago, I “turned straight.”

And I’m not the only person who once knew that I was born gay, knew that being a lesbian was not a choice – and who then changed. Having a gay cousin doesn’t make you an expert on what’s possible.

Love your cousin with all your heart and soul. But allow him to grow and change in any way he will, and that includes “turning straight” if that’s the direction he goes.

Gertie

 

[CarlaOLS]

Beautifully put Gert!

I would say, Mking, being in the “lifestyle” would mean having sexual realtions with the same sex. Surveys of active gay males show overwhelmingly that they are promiscuous, and even those that report long term (and there are a significantly small percentage of long term gay relationships - 2-5 years) admit to having numerous partners throughout their relationship.

The Gay Report by Karla Jay and Allen Young, who are both gay activists.

Promiscuity

The Gay Report was unique in that for the first time society was permitted a glimpse into the gay subculture, to see if the rumors, stories and hearsay that had persisted for so long were true. In many cases, it appears, they were.

Accusations of promiscuity had long been levelled at the gay community. As Jay and Young’s research indicates, these fears were justified. According to the study, 35% of respondents admitted to having had 100 or more different sexual partners throughout their lives (p.249); 18% admitted to having had between seven and 60 such partners in the previous month alone (p. 248), and 18% to having had three or more in the previous week (p. 248). 38% said the longest relationship they had ever had did not last longer than a year (p. 340). For lesbians the average relationship lasted 38 months (p. 302).

In answer to the question “how often do you go home to have sex with someone you have just met?” a total of 50% answered under the “always,” “very frequently” or “somewhat frequently category” (p. 251). Jay and Young sum up, “Clearly, then, the one-night stand is within the experience of an overwhelming majority of gay men” (p. 252).

Furthermore, 77% of respondents had taken part in “threesomes” at least once, while 59% had taken part in orgies or group sex (p. 587). 38% had partaken of sadomasochistic practices at least once and 23% had practiced urination in association with sex (p. 555). 24% admitted to having been paid for sex (p. 260).

Nor are gay leaders shy to publicize their feelings in this regard. In the classic gay work Gay Manifesto, author Carl Wittman said that sadomasochism, “when consensual can be described as a highly artistic endeavor, a ballet the constraints of which are the thresholds of pain and pleasure” (cited on p. 554). Celebrated gay poet Allen Ginsberg commented favorably on orgies that, “It’s an important human experience to relate to yourself and others as a hunk of meat sometimes” (pgs. 589-590), and referred to the orgy as “one holy divine yoga of losing ego” (590).

Curiously, Jay and Young appear to have little notion that the above constitutes “promiscuity.” According to them, “Where does one draw the line and say that certain people have been promiscuous, and others have not? What value judgment is implied by the term ‘promiscuous’? These questions are impossible to answer because they depend on subjective attitudes” (p. 249).

They cite gay respondents as saying that, “Promiscuity is a heterosexual concept used to attack us… If you speak in terms of ‘sexual freedom’ and sharing of sensual experience, it can be a fine thing. I guess it all depends upon motives” (p. 249). Another asserts that, “I have trouble with the word ‘promiscuity’ because I really do not know what it means. What is the line between infrequent or frequent sex and promiscuity? If I have sex three times a day and am very selective in the choice of mates, am I promiscuous or highly selective and super-horny?” (p. 249)

 

[ladybri77]

Just wondered what you all thought about this video. The woman asked should we give this relationship up because of our love for God? She decided that being true to God meant being true to themselves. Interesting.

Praying for them.

action.afa.net/Detail.aspx?id=2147485759

 

[Florida_mom]

Negative feelings such as the ones you’ve described, when expressed towards an entire class or group of people is generally called prejudice. When applied towards a certain race, it’s racism. A certain gender, it’s sexism. Homosexuality, it’s generally called homophobia.

What you feel is what people on these boards, your parents, and your religion have led you to feel. It’s no different from growing up in a white supremacist home, or a mysigonist home. It’s not based on rationality or personal experience, but upon what your family has told you, and what you were taught to believe. Your rational mind is merely justifying your irrational feelings.

From a position of reason, what actually changed? What about the Catholic arguments about homosexuals and homosexuality convinced you?

So your motivation for becoming straight is (1) a fear of a supposedly loving God sending someone to hell for following their conscience to a romantic relationship with another man or woman, (2) a fear of loneliness, and (3) because you have some prejudiced views about gay people.

I think you’ll agree that those are not exactly conductive towards a change of sexual orientation.

Why are you so determined to convince the OP that it is okay to be gay.

The other poster thinks a 35% success rate of conversion is indeed a failure when it is not.

Being gay is not some life threatening disease, but I am convinced that the mainstream media is further enticing some to experiment when they otherwise would not have.

It is very human to be curious.

It should be noted that in the past–I will use leukemia as an example–that the success rate of treatments was very low. But over time as the treatments were improved, the success rate increased.

Now back to the 35%–if 35% were successfully able to change their orientation–who is anyone to call that a failure?

The argument that you and the other poster pose sounds eerily similar to the feminist movement. They worked too hard for women to have choices and options galore and get all out of sorts when women like me freely choose to be mothers and stay home. SAHM’s are often seen as failures b/c women don’t have to “just” be that anymore.

Why does the homosexual culture get upset–when a homosexual either doesn’t want to be one anymore or sampled and decided it wasn’t for them?

You are fighting for recognition–but I fail to see how a person’s personal decision affects you so much that you have to be in their face to convince them otherwise and say they are being poisoned in thought by family, culture, and religion.

What happened to the concept of “what goes on in his bedroom is his business”?

It would seem to be that further proof that gay is not genetic would be to demonstrate that one cannot change–but you won’t know unless you try.

Pull religion out of it and it seems that the homosexual agenda is afraid of science. They love it when it validates what they believe they have known all along but condemn it if it is proven otherwise.

Why are you so worried if this young man opts to explore the possiblity that if he finds himself homosexual that it can be cured?

If you are so set in your identity, what he does is of little consequence to you.

 

[mkingdomlvr]

The only reason I’m concerned is because I have seen the results of people trying to be something they’re not-including in my own life.

If a person is truly oriented towards their own gender, there’s no way to “fix” that without causing psychological damage-just as it would be if a person oriented towards the opposite gender would be damaged if someone tried to “turn them gay”.

 

[ladybri77]

The only reason I’m concerned is because I have seen the results of people trying to be something they’re not-including in my own life.

If a person is truly oriented towards their own gender, there’s no way to “fix” that without causing psychological damage-just as it would be if a person oriented towards the opposite gender would be damaged if someone tried to “turn them gay”.

Well, hopefully no one will try to “turn them gay”, but they may choose to be celibate if they have feelings that way, and when they give their hearts and lives to God, He just may help them lessen their feelings towards the same sex and receive healing for what is the root cause of their feelings in the first place. It has been done successfully!

Praise God!

 

[Gertabelle]

The only reason I’m concerned is because I have seen the results of people trying to be something they’re not-including in my own life.

If a person is truly oriented towards their own gender, there’s no way to “fix” that without causing psychological damage-just as it would be if a person oriented towards the opposite gender would be damaged if someone tried to “turn them gay”.

My very dearest friend committed suicide after trying to get “fixed” of her lesbian feelings, and I cannot express the pain or loss so many people experienced at her death. Even now, some 19 years later, I know that the world lost such a beautiful, gentle, and joyful soul.

That being said, and at the risk of contradicting myself, I have no choice but to believe that people can “switch teams” from gay to straight. My only real proof is my own life.

Mkingdomlvr, I would never, never, never recommend that you try one of those “fix-it” programs. But I would encourage you with all my heart to constantly unite your heart with God’s love and mercy for you. Seek only His will; and when it feels impossible to reach that level of surrender, then just try wanting to want His will alone… and so on. When I was in the lesbain world, I occasionally prayed: “Lord, I know people say this lifestyle is wrong, but I don’t think it is. If you don’t want me to live this way, you’ll have to do something about it, because I don’t see any way out, and don’t even want out.” Then I would strive to want only what Christ wants for me – or I’d just want to want His will, or want to want to want His will…

I have friends who are gay/lesbian (Christian and not), and I have straight friends who are not Christians, and I never tell any of them to change their lifestyle or their beliefs. I just love them and include them in family get-togethers, or meet for coffee, or go on hikes together, or just call to say hello – you know, all those normal activities that add up to love and friendship.

Don’t worry about what people here say. The Kingdom of God will not be attained through a battle of reason. You will not convince me that I am wrong, that I didn’t switch from gay to straight, etc. Likewise, I will not try to convince you to seek “help” in changing.

But I will encourage you with all my heart to you unite your heart, soul, mind, and strength with Christ alone. This is the call of every human soul – to seek God. Regardless of our sins, our strengths, our needs, our circumstances… we are called to seek and unite ourselves to Christ.

Do that, and you will be on the path to your eternal Home

God bless you, my sister in Christ.

Gertie

 

[mkingdomlvr]

God and I are just fine, but thanks for the concern. I know in my heart that God loves me unconditionally exactly as He created me.

 

[ladybri77]

God and I are just fine, but thanks for the concern. I know in my heart that God loves me unconditionally exactly as He created me.

Ah yes, He does love us “as we are”, but He loves us “too” much to keep us there! He has His best in store for us, but a homosexual lifestyle (or acting out homosexually) is not His best for us.

 

[Florida_mom]

And it doesn’t strike you as odd that the only people claiming to have changed their sexual orientation are the ones providing the service…for a not so small fee? That none of their “patients” reported a change in sexual orientation? Really, the percentile might as well be 0 since there is a clear conflict of interest here. Additionally, this was self-reporting. There was no scientific testing. It’s trusting a businesses to tell you if their product doesn’t work as advertised.

No more odd than when Weight Watchers uses Sarah Ferguson, Dutchess of York, Nutrisystem uses the sports personality lady, and Jenny Craig uses skinny pics of Valerie Bertanelli all with a little asterisk and the disclaimer “Results Not Typical”.

I do not personally know any of these organizations and their statistics–but just like weight loss, not all treatments work the same for all folks and to discredit the possibilty discredits your cause.

I have seen anectdotal testimony before (not related to any specific organization) and who am I to question that person and say–nope–you were born with it, just wait, it will come back.

How crude and belittling can one get.

I have my own demons–and I cannot tell you how hurtful it is when a family member writes it off as an exaggeration or my own mother claims that the treatment that I am using is quackery. Regardless of any stated research–it is just disregarded as not being true b/c their paradigms are different.

I find what folks are saying here–to be of the same variety to the OP.

He had a struggle, wishes to change and who are you to claim–nope–impossible!

I have yet to see one scientific study to out and out confirm that homosexuality is genetic and NOT a mutation of a gene.

Just b/c heavy handed activitists got the psychiatric industry to bow down to them, doesn’t change the notion.

What happens if something confirms that it is simply the brain misfiring and could be healed…what then?

There are countless diseases for which there is presently no cure. Should science throw their hands up in the air and state the disease is normal and to carry on? No–that would be irresponsible.

So to is not properly investigating homosexuality scienifically regardless of the outcome of the findings. Being afraid that the scientific community may find that homosexuality is an “error” of humanity and being blind to that possility is cowardly.

I’m not afraid of it to be proven “true”–why are homosexuals afraid of it being proven “false” that homosexuality is not an error.

 

[mkingdomlvr]

There is no third party objective data that these therapies are beneficial at all, not to mention that they do what they claim to do.

I would never recommend someone spend $$ and put themselves at the mercy of such a program without objective, third party confirmation that it worked.

 

[Florida_mom]

The only reason I’m concerned is because I have seen the results of people trying to be something they’re not-including in my own life.

If a person is truly oriented towards their own gender, there’s no way to “fix” that without causing psychological damage-just as it would be if a person oriented towards the opposite gender would be damaged if someone tried to “turn them gay”.

I have tried all my life to be someone I am not–someone who is kind, caring, loving and above all–not angry.

As it turns out, after decades of struggle and not wanting to be this mean person that I was–I sought treatment. I ended up being diagnosed with PSTD. The therapy that they are using on me is actually highly effective for those who suffer a trauma including war veterans.

In any case–I remember clearly the day that we had a break through and the angry facade that I had for years just melted away.

It is very difficult to explain.

But it is important to understand that sometimes people have things in their history that inhibit what they are trying to be and not necessarily DNA they are hiding.

Can we say that all gays can be cured–noone knows for certain.

But it is dishonest to not recognized that some folks have been able to heal.

It seems to point to a bit of nature and nurture.

My anger was “nurtured”–I wasn’t born hostile.

My mother still thinks my counselors are quacks despite the VA of which she is a patient fully using and endorsing that treatment. She too suffers from PSTD but chooses to medicate it despite the same treatment being available to her. She is in denial and doesn’t believe that she can deal with her issues congnitively.

Now please–do not think that I am saying homosexuality is tantamount to PSTD and some trauma of the past. Not by a long shot am I doing that.

I am simply saying that folks wrote me off in the past b/c they either thought I was fake or incapable of changing for the better. It was painful and hurtful to be discounted that my personality was etched in stone and could not be modified.

But lo and behold–I was able to change.

I cannot speak to the personal circumstances of those around you who try to pretend–as I don’t know what they do around you that is fake.

But what I am speaking to is the generality that change is IMPOSSIBLE and that you cannot be what you are not. Billions of connections in the brain–the possibilities are endless!