Gay "wedding" approaching

[camlsu]

Looking for advice on how/what to say…
The same-sex “wedding” of my husband’s cousin is coming up. We will decline the invitation and are not trying to make a huge deal about it, but the problem is that the rest of the family has every intention of attending and celebrating the couple though they all profess to be practicing Catholics. This includes my husband’s niece (also his godchild), who will be brought by her parents. My husband feels some responsibility to suggest that his brother not bring his godchild to the event (and hopefully help him understand his opposition). Sometimes he thinks he should just keep his mouth shut…what should he do?

 

[PhiloMed]

Looking for advice on how/what to say…
The same-sex “wedding” of my husband’s cousin is coming up. We will decline the invitation and are not trying to make a huge deal about it, but the problem is that the rest of the family has every intention of attending and celebrating the couple though they all profess to be practicing Catholics. This includes my husband’s niece (also his godchild), who will be brought by her parents. My husband feels some responsibility to suggest that his brother not bring his godchild to the event (and hopefully help him understand his opposition). Sometimes he thinks he should just keep his mouth shut…what should he do?

What do you hope to accomplish by doing this, and is there a reasonable belief that you might be successful?

If not, all you will be doing is creating a rift and possibly jeoparidzing your relationship with your niece. Frankly, I would be rather miffed if a family member decided to tell me where it was appropriate to take my child.

You have every right to decline the invitation and not attend. Leave it at that.

 

[thirsty_cherUM]

I think a similar question came up on the Ask an Apologist board. IIRC, the answer is that even as a godparent, the role of raising a child is still entrusted to the parent, so your husband needs to remember that it is not his place to tell his brother how to raise the child.

However, what the brother is doing is morally wrong. I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that homosexuality and the homosexual lifestyle do not promote the common good of society or the good of the individuals who perform these practices. Just look at the data. I would imagine that is why God has declared these practices immoral!

Pertaining to your question, how deeply convicted is your husband’s brother on supporting the gay agenda? Is he fully supportive of it and believe “this is who a person is” or is he uneasy about it, but does not want to seem like he is shunning the gay family member/does not want to be called “intolerant”? That is important to know.

Also, how old is the godchild? If she is young enough, your husband could suggest to his brother that the ceremony and reception might be “too big of a day” for her and offer to babysit while he and his family attend. You would probably need to offer the brother a good excuse as to why you are not attending, but this option has a smaller chance of ruffling feathers and the brother might actually be open to it.

 

[camlsu]

The brother seems to think it’s cool and progressive to support gay marriage. These are the situations that I think cause a lot of scandal for other people. I do think it’s important to try to help people (especially your own family), in a loving way, to live their faith. Maybe he would consider a suggestion to speak with his parish priest? Not interested in dictating how they raise their child, but it’s hard not to be concerned.

 

[thirsty_cherUM]

The brother seems to think it’s cool and progressive to support gay marriage. These are the situations that I think cause a lot of scandal for other people. I do think it’s important to try to help people (especially your own family), in a loving way, to live their faith. Maybe he would consider a suggestion to speak with his parish priest? Not interested in dictating how they raise their child, but it’s hard not to be concerned.

Good to know. And you are right. It is VERY hard not to be concerned. But knowing this, your BEST CASE SCENARIO if you bring up anything in regard to any moral implications is that the brother just ignores anything you have to say without becoming irate or writing you off in any way.

Don’t bring up any moral implications. Don’t even try to get him to speak with the parish priest. He will not care about anything the priest has to say about homosexuality, and may end up being put off by the priest. He may even get angry at YOU for even suggesting he talk to the priest!

If you want to help, go with the idea I previously gave of offering to babysit. DO NOT TALK ABOUT MORALS. This will be the least incendiary approach. Remember, if he writes you off, you have no way of influencing him.

In the long term, the best way to influence the brother and the niece is to live the teachings of the Church. They will claim that people like you and I are intolerant bigots. I say, let’s live our lives in a way that will make them look crazy. Read the Gospel reading for today! Get out there and love your neighbor! Feed the hungry, give drink the thirsty, clothe the naked, visit those in prison, and find your joy in the Lord. Hopefully the niece will see this life. When the Dad tries to say that you and your family are mislead and intolerant people, she should be saying, “But they are some of the most loving people I have ever met…”

 

[SilverLight]

Look personally I have a gay cousin and a few friends. I would go to their weddings because I love them as a friend and my cousins a family member who I love greatly. We love the person not the sin. I do not believe a person chooses to be gay after hearing so many talk about their experiences.

I have also seen families that kick out their gay children and are religious. I hate seeing that happen and I think its wrong.

If you do not agree with it that’s fine but do not try and force people to do the same as you. Its a personal choice after all.

I’m not trying to argue by saying any of this and I hope no one gets angry.

 

[Mamanurse]

Look personally I have a gay cousin and a few friends. I would go to their weddings because I love them as a friend and my cousins a family member who I love greatly. We love the person not the sin. I do not believe a person chooses to be gay after hearing so many talk about their experiences.

I have also seen families that kick out their gay children and are religious. I hate seeing that happen and I think its wrong.

If you do not agree with it that’s fine but do not try and force people to do the same as you. Its a personal choice after all.

I’m not trying to argue by saying any of this and I hope no one gets angry.

You aren’t doing your friends any favors by condoning a sinful lifestyle. I got married outside of the church, my family did not attend. Did they not love me? No, they loved me so much they couldn’t celebrate something they knew was harmful to my soul. When I later returned to my faith, I had my marriage blessed in the church, where we all celebrated.

To the OP, there is not much you can do for god child as others have stated. Your job is to pray for her.

 

[Joe_5859]

The brother seems to think it’s cool and progressive to support gay marriage. These are the situations that I think cause a lot of scandal for other people. I do think it’s important to try to help people (especially your own family), in a loving way, to live their faith. Maybe he would consider a suggestion to speak with his parish priest? Not interested in dictating how they raise their child, but it’s hard not to be concerned.

Yeah, you definitely want to avoid coming across as telling him how to raise his child. But there still might be a way to bring up the subject with the brother without bringing the child into the equation directly. That depends a lot of the relationship your husband has with his brother and how receptive his brother might be to some clarifications on the Catholic understanding of marriage.

 

[Used2beSherryG]

The question is really about how close are you to your brother and can you discuss the issue of so called gay “marriage” at all? If you are close, then honesty is important and your relationship will not suffer because you each hold a different opinion. I can discuss things like this with my sister, who is a fallen away Catholic and goes with the modern culture on this issue. We can discuss our faith and speak freely. Many cannot do so.

Godparenting doesn’t have too many practical applications unless something happens to the parents and they are unable to raise their own child. Be good role models, that is really all you can do.

 

[SilverLight]

You aren’t doing your friends any favors by condoning a sinful lifestyle. I got married outside of the church, my family did not attend. Did they not love me? No, they loved me so much they couldn’t celebrate something they knew was harmful to my soul. When I later returned to my faith, I had my marriage blessed in the church, where we all celebrated.

To the OP, there is not much you can do for god child as others have stated. Your job is to pray for her.

You do you and I do me. My cousin got married outside the church and as far as I know we all went. It was at a wonderful historic barn and we all loved it. I do not judge you for what you choose to do its not my place.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Look personally I have a gay cousin and a few friends. I would go to their weddings because I love them as a friend and my cousins a family member who I love greatly. We love the person not the sin. I do not believe a person chooses to be gay after hearing so many talk about their experiences. .

By attending the wedding you are encouraging the sin. To love the person and not the sin is to say ‘I enjoy your company and would love to go for coffee but while you are indulging in sin, such have a wedding, I need to stay away’

I have also seen families that kick out their gay children and are religious. I hate seeing that happen and I think its wrong…

If we die in a state of mortal sin, we will be kicked out of our heavenly home and go to hell. As long as a person is openly sinning, it is good to show tough love and kick them out. As long as the door is open for when they want to repent

 

[edwest2]

Looking for advice on how/what to say…
The same-sex “wedding” of my husband’s cousin is coming up. We will decline the invitation and are not trying to make a huge deal about it, but the problem is that the rest of the family has every intention of attending and celebrating the couple though they all profess to be practicing Catholics. This includes my husband’s niece (also his godchild), who will be brought by her parents. My husband feels some responsibility to suggest that his brother not bring his godchild to the event (and hopefully help him understand his opposition). Sometimes he thinks he should just keep his mouth shut…what should he do?

This is a family matter, which includes in-laws. Relatives, however distant, were always an issue in the past because multi-generational ties mattered as well. Just talk about it. Tell him to give his brother his reasons for not going. Assuming they’ve had an ongoing good relationship, he may or may not hear a response that falls in line with Catholic teaching. His brother should be reminded about such teaching. Either his brother changes his mind or not, and I believe any of us in a similar situation should at least say something once, even if we encounter a surprised or bewildered relative who just doesn’t agree with what he’s hearing.

I’ve always thought that brothers and sisters should say what’s on their mind because it’s a responsibility to be a good example, and guide, in some cases.

Ed

 

[SilverLight]

By attending the wedding you are encouraging the sin. To love the person and not the sin is to say ‘I enjoy your company and would love to go for coffee but while you are indulging in sin, such have a wedding, I need to stay away’

If we die in a state of mortal sin, we will be kicked out of our heavenly home and go to hell. As long as a person is openly sinning, it is good to show tough love and kick them out. As long as the door is open for when they want to repent

I’m sorry but I do not come from a family that is like that. We allow people to stay even if they are different because they are still family.
A person getting married does not do a single thing to me as far as I know.
Its not as if it is a virus that someone has and I will catch it.

I have a question and this can be for anyone. To be clear also I am not gay.

What if you find out you are something and no matter what you do people just hate you for it and decide to kick you out. They say when you change you can come back. The problem here is you are not able to just turn off a switch this is how you are wired and its just nature. Yet you are constantly yelled at and made to feel like a terrible person for how God made you. This eats away at you because you love the family you have but they just can’t accept you for who you are. The people who raised and took care of you just can’t accept you at all and all it took was telling them something. How terrible would that feel?

Now this is not talking about murderers or anything illegal at all. However it could be applied to a few situations.

I’m sorry if this offends anyone its not meant to do so at all.

 

[NeedImprovement]

Any family member is free to do as they please with their lifestyle.

What they are *** not*** free to do, is to impose acceptance and affirmation of their chosen lifestyle on fellow family members.

---

Some years ago ,I was best man at a friend of mine’s Catholic wedding. His wife (also a friend of mine) “divorced” him some years later to marry another friend of mine in a civil wedding. I was invited to attend their wedding. I told them point-blank, face to face, that I couldn’t attend the civil ceremony , but that I might join them later when they had a few friends over to their house.

I stood my ground.

They were hurt . . .but so was I for being asked to attend - and yet both are still my friends.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I’m sorry but I do not come from a family that is like that. We allow people to stay even if they are different because they are still family.
A person getting married does not do a single thing to me as far as I know.
Its not as if it is a virus that someone has and I will catch it.

I have a question and this can be for anyone. To be clear also I am not gay.

**What if you find out you are something and no matter what you do people just hate you for it and decide to kick you out. They say when you change you can come back. The problem here is you are not able to just turn off a switch this is how you are wired and its just nature. Yet you are constantly yelled at and made to feel like a terrible person for how God made you. **This eats away at you because you love the family you have but they just can’t accept you for who you are. The people who raised and took care of you just can’t accept you at all and all it took was telling them something. How terrible would that feel?

Now this is not talking about murderers or anything illegal at all. However it could be applied to a few situations.

I’m sorry if this offends anyone its not meant to do so at all.

It doesn’t sound as if the OP’s family has been verbally abusive or mean to the husband’s cousin. Nor has anyone probably said to him he has to switch off his same-sex attraction which, as you point out, is often not possible. However, he has chosen to act it out in a way which is objectively sinful. A straight person is not free to act out their sexual attraction in ways that contravene God’s laws - fornication, adultery, and so on. The persons who have chosen to follow those laws are being put between a rock and a hard place, and they are also concerned, rightly so, for what innocent children are learning about these issues by example.

 

[edwest2]

Any family member is free to do as they please with their lifestyle.

What they are *** not*** free to do, is to impose acceptance and affirmation of their chosen lifestyle on fellow family members.

---

Some years ago ,I was best man at a friend of mine’s Catholic wedding. His wife (also a friend of mine) “divorced” him some years later to marry another friend of mine in a civil wedding. I was invited to attend their wedding. I told them point-blank, face to face, that I couldn’t attend the civil ceremony , but that I might join them later when they had a few friends over to their house.

I stood my ground.

They were hurt . . .but so was I for being asked to attend - and yet both are still my friends.

Lifestyle needs to have a meaning. For Catholics, lifestyle choices that were proposed and then gradually promoted a little, then a little more and a little more by the media have poisoned two generations going on a third.

I was there in the 1970s when the radicals and anarchists took family life and turned it upside down and promoted their versions. It’s one thing to do something in private, it’s another thing to promote “alternate lifestyles.” To be blunt: it was looked down upon to have sex with anybody, it was looked down upon to move in with your girlfriend as if you were husband and wife, it was not advertised that you were gay, bi or whatever. Whatever happened in private happened in private.

Now - thanks to several decades of propaganda, turn on the TV: living together, sex with anybody, gay and married, etc.

The system I grew up in was not a lifestyle. It was the way things worked. It worked - for the most part. That got tossed out and now it’s “Do your own thing.” straight out of the Hippie playbook. Or the totally wrong: “This is for kids. This is not for kids.” If it was a sin when you were a kid, it’s still a sin when you’re an adult.

The Ten Commandments, for example, are not age dependent. Sure, when you’re a kid and steal something, odds are, you’re not holding a gun, or robbing a bank.

So upending marriage and redefining it as including gay persons is not marriage. It is legal but not functional. Generally, one man and one woman have children and all of society gains. Gay marriage does not end in the place where the couple live but is spread in schools and taught to little kids as normative.

Alternative lifestyles was and is a bad idea.

Ed

 

[SilverLight]

It doesn’t sound as if the OP’s family has been verbally abusive or mean to the husband’s cousin. Nor has anyone probably said to him he has to switch off his same-sex attraction which, as you point out, is often not possible. However, he has chosen to act it out in a way which is objectively sinful. A straight person is not free to act out their sexual attraction in ways that contravene God’s laws - fornication, adultery, and so on. The persons who have chosen to follow those laws are being put between a rock and a hard place, and they are also concerned, rightly so, for what innocent children are learning about these issues by example.

I don’t believe the OP’s family has been abusive either I just put that there as an example is all to help others see another persons point of view at times.

I went over to my friends house when I was a kid and she had two moms I thought nothing of it even later when I learned they are lesbians. My family just honestly seems to have nothing against it. In the way of what a child is learning about this issue now of course its different for everyone.
I know some people who happen to be worried about religious parents telling their kids things also because some are more extreme then others with it. I know someone who had a rather harsh father for example from what they told me.

I just feel bad that gay people are in a way looked down on in this religion sometimes and in society that’s all.

 

[SilverLight]

Lifestyle needs to have a meaning. For Catholics, lifestyle choices that were proposed and then gradually promoted a little, then a little more and a little more by the media have poisoned two generations going on a third.

I was there in the 1970s when the radicals and anarchists took family life and turned it upside down and promoted their versions. It’s one thing to do something in private, it’s another thing to promote “alternate lifestyles.” To be blunt: it was looked down upon to have sex with anybody, it was looked down upon to move in with your girlfriend as if you were husband and wife, it was not advertised that you were gay, bi or whatever. Whatever happened in private happened in private.

Now - thanks to several decades of propaganda, turn on the TV: living together, sex with anybody, gay and married, etc.

The system I grew up in was not a lifestyle. It was the way things worked. It worked - for the most part. That got tossed out and now it’s “Do your own thing.” straight out of the Hippie playbook. Or the totally wrong: “This is for kids. This is not for kids.” If it was a sin when you were a kid, it’s still a sin when you’re an adult.

The Ten Commandments, for example, are not age dependent. Sure, when you’re a kid and steal something, odds are, you’re not holding a gun, or robbing a bank.

So upending marriage and redefining it as including gay persons is not marriage. It is legal but not functional. Generally, one man and one woman have children and all of society gains. Gay marriage does not end in the place where the couple live but is spread in schools and taught to little kids as normative.

Alternative lifestyles was and is a bad idea.

Ed

Well you have every right to believe what you want.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I’m sorry but I do not come from a family that is like that. We allow people to stay even if they are different because they are still family.

I believe family should love you enough to tell you when you are self destructing.

A person getting married does not do a single thing to me as far as I know.
Its not as if it is a virus that someone has and I will catch it.

No, it is worst than a virus. There are no physical symptoms but the spiritual ones will really harm you

What if you find out you are something and no matter what you do people just hate you for it and decide to kick you out. They say when you change you can come back.

It’s like an alcoholic. As long as I make excuse for them, they will drink. When I say ‘sober up and then you can come back’ I am giving them motive to make positive changes. It does not mean I hate them, it means that I love them enough to help

The problem here is you are not able to just turn off a switch this is how you are wired and its just nature.

I am NOT telling them to turn a switch and become heterosexual. I am telling them to learn to not act out on their urges and be celibate

Yet you are constantly yelled at and made to feel like a terrible person for how God made you.

First off, I would not yell at them. I would tell them 'You are a child of God and He created you for happiness which is why I am doing everything I can to help you from sinning

 

[Anglewannabe]

I went over to my friends house when I was a kid and she had two moms I thought nothing of it even later when I learned they are lesbians. .

And that is sad. I feel fortunate to have been a kid in a time when all kids knew it is not normal to have 2 moms.