Gentlemen: Top 10 Qualities When Choosing a Wife

[Gertabelle]

JamalChristophr asked the ladies for our opinions. Now I’m asking the men. :curtsey: (Do men even think in terms of “the list” the way people say women do?)

So men, if you’re single, what’s important to you in your future wife?

And married men, if you were giving advice to an unmarried man, what would you tell him to seek in his future bride?

Quite frankly, I’m curious

Gertie

 

[PolarGuy]

A fine question.

OK, happily married well over a decade to a wonderful lady, “just so’s you know” from whence I come…

1. Someone who is kind AKA has a good heart, and who lives like they do. All the rosaries, knowledge of doctrines, etc., are 100% meaningless if the person leaves their faith at the church door on the way out. In fact, I don’t even think “knowledge of doctrines” is even #476 in my list,
2. Someone with a strong sense of morality, particularly sexual morality and honesty. Someone who knows that lying is not a good thing.
3. Someone who wants to raise themselves up; be great; use their God given gifts, etc. I know sooooooo many women who want essentially a) a life of leisure; or b) status, including of their husbands; or even c) pleasure, i.e., to “get sex,” “get drunk,” etc.(and these are professional, well educated women!) These people are essentially enslaved by their wants. They want status; they want toys; they want an easy life; and they never realize that none of those things are important. I know smart, pretty, educated women who essentially will willingly throw over a good man if he can’t “give them what they demand” (including temporarily, i.e., because of job loss, etc.). I prefer qualities like honor; dignity; and trying to better oneself.
4. Along the same lines, someone who is industrious, AKA, wants to do more than go to the ladies’ book club; read fashion mags, etc. (and I know lots of ladies who want that!)
5. Someone who will be an equal partner, and a good mom.
6. Someone with intelligence and common sense.
7. Someone who handles money responsibly.
8. Someone who can function without a man, i.e., not totally reliant on a man for financial, emotional or physical support. Someone who can take care of themselves.
9. Someone with good judgment, particularly when it comes to men. I know a smart, relatively attractive woman lawyer – who, by her early 40s, is twice divorced because she has absolutely atrocious judgment about men and dates guys who are no good - then wonders why her life is messed up.
10. Someone who’s not a “good time Charlene.”
    The person I described is my wife. I’m blessed. Just don’t her know I wrote all this, OK???

 

[Gertabelle]

A fine question.

OK, happily married well over a decade to a wonderful lady, “just so’s you know” from whence I come…

1. Someone who is kind AKA has a good heart, and who lives like they do. All the rosaries, knowledge of doctrines, etc., are 100% meaningless if the person leaves their faith at the church door on the way out. In fact, I don’t even think “knowledge of doctrines” is even #476 in my list,
2. Someone with a strong sense of morality, particularly sexual morality and honesty. Someone who knows that lying is not a good thing.
3. Someone who wants to raise themselves up; be great; use their God given gifts, etc. I know sooooooo many women who want essentially a) a life of leisure; or b) status, including of their husbands; or even c) pleasure, i.e., to “get sex,” “get drunk,” etc.(and these are professional, well educated women!) These people are essentially enslaved by their wants. They want status; they want toys; they want an easy life; and they never realize that none of those things are important. I know smart, pretty, educated women who essentially will willingly throw over a good man if he can’t “give them what they demand” (including temporarily, i.e., because of job loss, etc.). I prefer qualities like honor; dignity; and trying to better oneself.
4. Along the same lines, someone who is industrious, AKA, wants to do more than go to the ladies’ book club; read fashion mags, etc. (and I know lots of ladies who want that!)
5. Someone who will be an equal partner, and a good mom.
6. Someone with intelligence and common sense.
7. Someone who handles money responsibly.
8. Someone who can function without a man, i.e., not totally reliant on a man for financial, emotional or physical support. Someone who can take care of themselves.
9. Someone with good judgment, particularly when it comes to men. I know a smart, relatively attractive woman lawyer – who, by her early 40s, is twice divorced because she has absolutely atrocious judgment about men and dates guys who are no good - then wonders why her life is messed up.
10. Someone who’s not a “good time Charlene.”
    The person I described is my wife. I’m blessed. Just don’t her know I wrote all this, OK???

Wow, that’s quite the list! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

As a single mom, I’ve only just started to be open to dating (some 8 years after the divorce and annulment). I’ve always assumed that the first thing on a man’s list would be a woman’s appearance (I’m not particularly attractive, though I’ve been told I have a nice smile). I’m surprised it’s not even on your list, I guess.

Was appearance on your list before you married?

God bless you!

Gertie

 

[PolarGuy]

Yes, it was, to adegree – but each of us is attractive to someone (and you are too!).

Plus you did ask for 10 items – so I gave 10

 

[Gertabelle]

Yes, it was, to adegree – but each of us is attractive to someone (and you are too!).

Plus you did ask for 10 items – so I gave 10

Yes you did! – A+ (I’m licensed by the state of Colorado to hand out grades, so it’s official )

And thanks for the kind words. From your mouth to God’s ears, as we say

Gertie

 

[SAVINGRACE]

My husband told me what initially attracted him:

*my smile
*my infectious laugh
*my stubborness
*my sense of humor

I wouldn’t have thought that the third quality would be attractive but there you go.

Why he married me:

• he loved me and wanted to build a life with me
• we shared the same faith and he started healthy discussions about what he wanted out of the relationship and I was not threatened or put off by that.
• my caring and compassionate nature
• I listen without interrupting or judgement
• my independence (I can hold my own without him) if something were to happen to him (God forbid) he knows that I will be okay with taking care of our child.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

The best advice to give is this,
To find someone with a similar temperament as yourself,
If there is a list of expectations, best thing is leave it at the door,lol

 

[tee_eff_em]

JamalChristophr asked the ladies for our opinions. Now I’m asking the men. :curtsey: (Do men even think in terms of “the list” the way people say women do?)

So men, if you’re single, what’s important to you in your future wife?

10 …
9 …
8 …
7 …
6 …
5 …
4 …
3 …
2 …
1 The one who was fast enough to catch me.

And married men, if you were giving advice to an unmarried man, what would you tell him to seek in his future bride?

Quite frankly, I’m curious

On a more serious note, advice to those who are not afraid to admit a (perhaps shallow) criterion based on her looks.
Take a good look at her mother. Because that is who you will be waking up next to in 30 years.

tee
Who thinks his mother-in-law is beautiful.

 

[ArchAngeles]

I had to think about this one. What attracted me to my wife initially were her looks. But what kept me interested then and now is her intelligence. So that’s the quality I’d recommend looking for. Intelligence.

Now, not to scare anyone, but there’s also a fair bit of luck involved. So pray. Pray that you will find who God wants you to find.

 

[Gertabelle]

Thank you, gentlemen, for sharing your thoughts.

And tee wins the prize for best guffaw of the morning! Nearly snorted my tea

 

[oldgraymare2]

10 …
9 …
8 …
7 …
6 …
5 …
4 …
3 …
2 …
1 The one who was fast enough to catch me.


On a more serious note, advice to those who are not afraid to admit a (perhaps shallow) criterion based on her looks.
Take a good look at her mother. Because that is who you will be waking up next to in 30 years.

tee
Who thinks his mother-in-law is beautiful.

You’re post is very funny!

When I was younger, everyone would say I looked just like my Mom, but now, I look exactly like my Dad. When we would be together somewhere and family friends would see the two of us sitting together next to each us, they would comment on it.

 

[WillyAL]

And married men, if you were giving advice to an unmarried man, what would you tell him to seek in his future bride?

Someone who does not make a big deal out of things that don’t have to be a big deal.

 

[PaulinVA]

1. short memory
2. sense of humor
3. thinks marriage is forever
4. willing to grow and learn
5. loyalty

 

[Gertabelle]

477 views, only 13 posts (5 of which are mine!)…

Gentlemen, something tells me there may be a lot of ladies lurking around this thread

Anything else you boys would like to share?

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

477 views, only 13 posts (5 of which are mine!)…

Gentlemen, something tells me there may be a lot of ladies lurking around this thread

Anything else you boys would like to share?

Yes, look at the family environment your potential partner comes from,
Do they drink ? Smoke. ? Gamble. ? Fight among themselves using bad language ?
Do they have family gatherings and outings ? Are they relatively successful ?
Are they a bunch of Bums ? Do they have a tidy house & yard ?
Do they care about there belongings ?
Because whatever there positive and negatives might be,
It’s going to rub off on you , do you want to be like they are ?
Got to look at the bigger picture , not just the one little bit in the middle of the picture,

 

[Latinitas]

Okay, well, I’m not even 20, but hopefully, will be married soon, if it be God’s will. Here’s what I look for:

1. Active Catholic Faith. Firstly, she must know the basic doctrines of Faith. She doesn’t have to be a theologian (although since I’m a theology major, it would be nice), but she does need to know the basic truths of Faith (e.g. if she doesn’t know how to correctly explain the doctrine of the Trinity “one God, thee Persons etc.”, that would be a serious problem). Secondly, she needs to actually put that Faith in practice. Does she go to Mass on the days required? Does she pray daily, or at least very often? Does she love God? Is she kind to others? etc.
2. Respect for Men. This is a big one. Is she coming to me with the idea that I’m there to meet every need of hers? Is she willing to be submissive to me as the Scriptures teach, in the sense that she is humble and does not come with attitude of entitlement? Is she patient with me? Does she think men are stupid? etc.
3. Knowledge of the Duties of Her State. Similar to number 2). But does she know her duties as a wife? Is she willing to perform them? Is she willing to perform the marital act often? To bear children? (I don’t mean in an excessive way, so as not to take into account her own comfort/consideration. But a refusal to do so for trivial reasons is a mortal sin on her part, and I want to marry someone I’ll see in heaven, provided I get there).

The next ones are really in no particular order.

1. Physical Characteristics. Obviously she has to be attractive. But also, is she well-kempt? Is she fit, so that she can take care of children? Is she able to perform her duties?
2. Personality. Again, similar personalities are nice.
3. Family Considerations. Again, obviously, a good family is helpful, but if her family is against her well-being, can she deal with them, in a loving but firm way?
4. Similar Interests. No explanation needed, I think.

I think this sums it up.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[Xantippe]

1. Respect for Men. This is a big one. Is she coming to me with the idea that I’m there to meet every need of hers? Is she willing to be submissive to me as the Scriptures teach, in the sense that she is humble and does not come with attitude of entitlement? Is she patient with me? Does she think men are stupid? etc.

**Just as a heads up, she may be patient with you because she thinks men are stupid. Roll with it. **

 

[Xantippe]

1. short memory

But she needs to remember where your keys, wallet, shoes, coat, briefcase, phone, remote control, and all sundry personal effects are at all time.

Also, she needs to remember your schedule better than you do.

And, ideally, remember when the children’s birthdays are.

 

[Gertabelle]

But she needs to remember where your keys, wallet, shoes, coat, briefcase, phone, remote control, and all sundry personal effects are at all time.

Also, she needs to remember your schedule better than you do.

And, ideally, remember when the children’s birthdays are.

I need someone to remember these things for me!

Seriously, though, regarding a “short memory,” I believe this is an excellent bit of advice for couples when someone says or does something stupid, or when someone is feeling peevish.

Gertie

 

[SuperLuigi]

JamalChristophr asked the ladies for our opinions. Now I’m asking the men. :curtsey: (Do men even think in terms of “the list” the way people say women do?)

So men, if you’re single, what’s important to you in your future wife?

And married men, if you were giving advice to an unmarried man, what would you tell him to seek in his future bride?

Quite frankly, I’m curious

Gertie

I don’t like these kinds of questions, because I don’t they often generate much reflection.

People tend to say the same obvious things—honesty, commitment, ect. But really, even in this day and age, I suspect a large majority of people want those things.