Getting dragged into an unpleasant situation

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I’m going to add another two cents…

Reading the original post, I’m not sure I’d be in a tearing hurry to let your kids spend time with the grandparents who either somehow failed to notice/turned a blind eye to the fact their 22 year old niece was having an affair with their 14 year old son.

I could see them not being aware of a brief encounter, but if the affair’s been going on all this time…I’m failing to get how they didn’t figure it out a long time before their son reached adulthood.

I’d personally be really uncomfortable having my kids around them, because I’d always wonder how safe they’d be in the care of such grandparents. But that’s just me.
 
Xantippe said:
That would be ideal.

The only problem I can see with that is that I’ve heard a number of stories of people attempting to move $5k or $10k mobile homes and having them literally disintegrate in the process.

So, bear that in mind.
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Yes, it cost $2k just to get the old trailer hauled away. I was so happy to see the old one go, I would hate to pay that much just to get another ratty trailer brought back in. 😛

I was actually thinking something more along the lines of a metal cover with an RV to park under it. But I suppose it isn’t really my place to decide where Cletus lives and he wouldn’t appreciate it any if I did.
 
Indigo_Cardinal said:
I’m going to add another two cents…

Reading the original post, I’m not sure I’d be in a tearing hurry to let your kids spend time with the grandparents who either somehow failed to notice/turned a blind eye to the fact their 22 year old niece was having an affair with their 14 year old son.

I could see them not being aware of a brief encounter, but if the affair’s been going on all this time…I’m failing to get how they didn’t figure it out a long time before their son reached adulthood.

I’d personally be really uncomfortable having my kids around them, because I’d always wonder how safe they’d be in the care of such grandparents. But that’s just me.
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It’s something I’m very concerned about for sure. The encounters would stop for several years and then pick back up. She would keep him silent with threats, “my husband will kill you if he finds out” or “I’ll claim it was rape.” Maybe that’s why nobody ever found out. I figured out they were in a relationship but I thought it only started once my BIL was an adult. This woman really has no redeeming qualities that I’ve ever seen.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
This is what I originally thought as well. If he were to come up with the money to divide the property, the property would be his. He had a chance to make enough for the survey and property tax and he chose instead to pass on the work. He couldn’t explain to me why.

I think he’s happy bouncing around from one house to the next. He is good looking and doesn’t have any problem finding a girlfriend to take him in for a while. Or he goes to Prudence’s new place as long as they can stand one another. It’s really his parents who want him in a place because he pops into their house at all hours to take a shower or fix supper.
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Instead of dropping 5k for a new trailer, drop a couple hundred to buy them new locks. then, maybe another hundred or two for a restraining order.

I know this might seem unduly harsh, but from everything you’ve said these people sounds absolutely toxic, and they sound like the type who won’t get a subtle hint.
 
Indigo_Cardinal said:
My two cents…

Give him not thing one–because 1.) He sounds like the type who will keep coming back and hitting you for more, and 2.) If something’s wrong with whatever it is you get him, he may try to make your life a misery insisting that you ‘make it right’.

Personally, unless the land has great sentimental value, or you and your wife are planning to retire and build a home there…I’d sell it. Now. In a red-hot minute before he can park his butt back on it and you have to try and evict him. The more ties you can cut with him, the better. Don’t give him a ‘portion’–the deceased brother didn’t give any of it to him, and your story makes me suspect why.

If he has to stay with your in-laws…well, that’s on them and him. Tell your in-laws they’re welcome to visit, or go visit them (and stay at a hotel), but keep a 100-foot-pole between him and your immediate family at all times.

Him not having a place to live as a result of all this Is. Not. Your. Problem. He is 35 years old, you give no indication of him being mentally or physically disabled, or just in a temporary rough patch. This is a full-grown, able-bodied, of sound man ADULT, who has had people doing for him his whole life. Don’t be one of them.

Do not walk away–run. And do not look back.
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**THIS^^^^. For sure.
Or get ready to be dealing with him fr rthe rest of your life.

If it were your best friend asking for your advice, I’ll wager you’d say this to them.
The fact that he’s (shudder) related? Irrelevant. What you do determines how long you’ll be saddled to this situation.
Good luck. **
 
If you decide to sell the property, sell it NOW while he isn’t living on it. If he’s living on the property it could be very difficult to remove him to sell it to someone else. In our family we’ve been dealing with a freeloader sister who refuses to leave our late father’s house so it can be sold. A bil has the same problem with his sister living in his late mother’s house.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be nice. 😦
 
Bonnie said:
If you decide to sell the property, sell it NOW while he isn’t living on it. If he’s living on the property it could be very difficult to remove him to sell it to someone else. In our family we’ve been dealing with a freeloader sister who refuses to leave our late father’s house so it can be sold. A bil has the same problem with his sister living in his late mother’s house.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be nice. 😦
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This too.
He can claim squatter’s rights and be a thorn in your side for years.
Help him to become independent, not continue to be dependent.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
She would keep him silent with threats, “my husband will kill you if he finds out” or “I’ll claim it was rape.”
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It was rape. A 14 cannot consent to sex with a 22 year old. She could’ve been charged.
 
In case you have not already done this, be sure to get good legal advice, from both an estate lawyer and one who is an expert in real estate issues. You may need the protection.
 
Indigo_Cardinal said:
I’m going to add another two cents…

Reading the original post, I’m not sure I’d be in a tearing hurry to let your kids spend time with the grandparents who either somehow failed to notice/turned a blind eye to the fact their 22 year old niece was having an affair with their 14 year old son.

I could see them not being aware of a brief encounter, but if the affair’s been going on all this time…I’m failing to get how they didn’t figure it out a long time before their son reached adulthood.

I’d personally be really uncomfortable having my kids around them, because I’d always wonder how safe they’d be in the care of such grandparents. But that’s just me.
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Good catch.
 
Marysann said:
In case you have not already done this, be sure to get good legal advice, from both an estate lawyer and one who is an expert in real estate issues. You may need the protection.
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Good point. The BIL was occupying the land for a number of years, and his cousin/girlfriend seems like the type out for an easy buck…she might try to convince him to file a suit claiming the land’s his in some bizarre way. I don’t know if they’d have any legal legs to stand on, but they could make it a big hassle until it gets sorted out.
 
Indigo_Cardinal said:
Good point. The BIL was occupying the land for a number of years, and his cousin/girlfriend seems like the type out for an easy buck…she might try to convince him to file a suit claiming the land’s his in some bizarre way. I don’t know if they’d have any legal legs to stand on, but they could make it a big hassle until it gets sorted out.
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I’d be tempted to wrap it up with a bow and give it to him, but yeah, definitely seek legal advice.
 
Xantippe said:
I’d be tempted to wrap it up with a bow and give it to him, but yeah, definitely seek legal advice.
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He would still have to accept it, which he’s said he is unwilling to do because of the property taxes he would incur.
 
It seems that Billy Bob might have been on to Cletus and did NOT want him to have his property. Perhaps his unspoken wishes should be respected. Find a good lawyer.

I have a close relative who sounds a lot like Cletus. He was drug addicted, had fathered 2 children by 2 different women, lied, cheated, and stole to support his habit. Finally he had alienated every one, including his parents, whom he nearly bankrupted, and his sisters, and every family member and friend refused to give him any more money or a place to stay. He ended up in massive debt and on the streets with only the clothes on his back. THAT is when things began to change and he spent nearly a year in a Christian homeless shelter with a very good rehab program. God was good to him.

He is out now, clean so far, working to help support the children, and wants to start to pay off his debt. He also got “born-again”, goes to Church every Sunday, studies his Bible every day, and seems to be really trying. I cannot predict whether this will last, but because he has changed his environment and hangs around with his Christian friends, I feel he is truly trying. The point being that until he was forced to face himself and the reality of what he had done,
nothing was going to change. The greatest favor his family did for him was refuse to be manipulated any more and support him in his addiction.

Just one person’s experience with family with a similar problem.
 
I agree with those who advise you to sell the property now and be done with it. It doesn’t solve the problem of running into him at his parents’ home but I think you may need to just not go there with the children. You can just have them visit your children at your place, whether they like it or not. Tough to do, but it may be necessary to keep your children from being exposed to their uncle’s shenanigans.
 
Sell the property and be done with it. If you do not you will always have an albatross hanging around your neck. Is that what you want to pass on to YOUR children?
 
If Cletus is irresponsible and if money isn’t the issue, the solution may be to give Cletus his stuff in a trust that Prudence cannot get her fingers on. That is a bit of work and expense, but an attorney could help your wife’s parents to have this arranged so that Cletus is provided for without anyone but “his trust” being liable if he messes up. If your wife’s parents leave anything to Cletus, for instance, they would leave it to the trust, not to him.

An attorney can also advise you on the issue of selling the property (whether with Cletus on it or not) and so on. If you aren’t too strapped to afford one, I’d send your wife in that direction. No good deed goes unpunished, when you are dealing with nasty relatives who have better legal counsel than you do, trust me on that one.

Keep in mind that Billy Bob left everything to your wife and not to his parents or to Cletus for a very good reason. If he did not tell your wife what that reason was, be sure it was because he didn’t want to give anything to Cletus. If he had, he would have either a) explained this to your wife or b) the way he and she have always acted towards Cletus would have made it understood between them. Have your wife keep those reasons in mind as you go forward–would Billy Bob have wanted her to tell Cletus that he’s out of luck now that the trailer burned or would he have wanted her to do what she could to help him without exposing herself to the punishments that fall upon the naively generous? Tell her to make her best guess and go with that.

Prudence sounds as she might have a bona-fide anti-social disorder. Stay off of her radar, whatever it takes. That kind is as dangerous as an angry snake.
 
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