Getting dragged into an unpleasant situation

[EasterJoy]

I wonder why your wife’s brother didn’t split the property in his will in the first place…

He left Cletus nothing because Cletus’ half would have been gone like water down a rat hole, with Cletus that much closer to the grave for having spent it. If the parents got it, they would have poured it on the ground for Cletus like water, too. Pffft…gone! What would the point be? Besides, he had to know that he and his sister had better save what they could. With Cletus always going around to their parents’ back door with hat in hand, it didn’t take a crystal ball to see there was going be no inheritance for the other two, so there is nothing unfair about the brother giving what he had to his sister instead of to Cletus or the parents.

Come to think of it, if she’s going to save any money for anyone, maybe she ought to invest the money from her brother for bailing out their parents or seeing to it that they have proper funerals. There will be nothing left for them by the time they die. They will be left without a dime because of spending their later years enabling Cletus’s addiction with everything they had.

Take the burning of the trailer as providential. Sell it all and invest the remainder in case it is needed for the care of the parents. If it is not, spend it on your children’s college and tell them to thank Uncle Billy Bob, because he helped send them to stay out of student loan debt. Pray for Uncle Billy Bob, but especially for Uncle Cletus, because Cletus needs a rescue that no one else can supply.

If anyone hits you and your wife up for money, OP, the answer is “no.” The long answer is “no, you’ve had quite enough money spent on enabling your addiction. More money that you didn’t earn and will never pay back will only flush you farther down that ditch than you already are.” From a practical standpoint, one of the short answers will be best: either “no” or “H$%L no!” (because it is the power of hell that is keeping this addiction drama going).

 

[Allegra]

He left Cletus nothing because Cletus’ half would have been gone like water down a rat hole, with Cletus that much closer to the grave for having spent it. If the parents got it, they would have poured it on the ground for Cletus like water, too. Pffft…gone! What would the point be? Besides, he had to know that he and his sister had better save what they could. With Cletus always going around to their parents’ back door with hat in hand, it didn’t take a crystal ball to see there was going be no inheritance for the other two, so there is nothing unfair about the brother giving what he had to his sister instead of to Cletus or the parents.

Come to think of it, if she’s going to save any money for anyone, maybe she ought to invest the money from her brother for bailing out their parents or seeing to it that they have proper funerals. There will be nothing left for them by the time they die. They will be left without a dime because of spending their later years enabling Cletus’s addiction with everything they had.

Take the burning of the trailer as providential. Sell it all and invest the remainder in case it is needed for the care of the parents. If it is not, spend it on your children’s college and tell them to thank Uncle Billy Bob, because he helped send them to stay out of student loan debt. Pray for Uncle Billy Bob, but especially for Uncle Cletus, because Cletus needs a rescue that no one else can supply.

If anyone hits you and your wife up for money, OP, the answer is “no.” The long answer is “no, you’ve had quite enough money spent on enabling your addiction. More money that you didn’t earn and will never pay back will only flush you farther down that ditch than you already are.” From a practical standpoint, one of the short answers will be best: either “no” or “H$%L no!” (because it is the power of hell that is keeping this addiction drama going).

I wasn’t trying to imply that the arrangement was unfair. I think a person has a right to do what they wish with their own money. I’m a little confused, however, if Billy Bob’s intention was not to give money to his brother because of his brother would smoke and drink it all, then why does the sister feel any obligation to give him anything at all? I was wondering if Billy Bob actually expected his sister to continue letting Cletus live there for no rent and take care of him as his part of the inheritance. I don’t think THAT’S a reasonable arrangement at all.

 

[Allegra]

Ooooooh, that’s just about the best idea I’ve seen on this thread.

Speaking as someone with multiple family members with substance abuse/dependency issues, it really does take hitting rock-bottom to get them sober, and sometimes that two or three times before it “clicks.” .

It often takes rock bottom to get the insurance company to pay anything toward residential treatment at all, and then it’s only a percentage and they almost always try to throw the patient out before the doctors recommend their release. Rehab isn’t a realistic possibility for many people, even if it would have their life.

 

[pianistclare]

It often takes rock bottom to get the insurance company to pay anything toward residential treatment at all, and then it’s only a percentage and they almost always try to throw the patient out before the doctors recommend their release. Rehab isn’t a realistic possibility for many people, even if it would have their life.

That’s true.
Honestly, sell the land.
It was left to the sister.
I wouldn’t go jumping through hoops.

What this guy needs is prayers. Not money thrown at him.

 

[UbiCaritas]

It often takes rock bottom to get the insurance company to pay anything toward residential treatment at all, and then it’s only a percentage and they almost always try to throw the patient out before the doctors recommend their release. Rehab isn’t a realistic possibility for many people, even if it would have their life.

Yep. Sad, but true. Which is why it would be a great act of mercy to set money aside for the guy to go through rehab if he chooses to someday (or to set up a “scholarship,” if you will, on Cletus’ death to send someone to rehab who really wants to get sober), but it is definitely not required of the OP.

 

[EasterJoy]

I wasn’t trying to imply that the arrangement was unfair. I think a person has a right to do what they wish with their own money. I’m a little confused, however, if Billy Bob’s intention was not to give money to his brother because of his brother would smoke and drink it all, then why does the sister feel any obligation to give him anything at all? I was wondering if Billy Bob actually expected his sister to continue letting Cletus live there for no rent and take care of him as his part of the inheritance. I don’t think THAT’S a reasonable arrangement at all.

She continued the largess of the deceased, which was to let him live rent-free in his trailer. If Billy Bob left no instructions, I’d say it means he trusted his sister and the OP to use their best judgment.

I wouldn’t read too much into it, though. Most of us make these decisions in the hope we’ll live long enough to change our wills and make far younger relatives our heirs! Certainly someone who is not an alcoholic might hope to outlive a brother who has laid seige on his liver.

 

[Allegra]

She continued the largess of the deceased, which was to let him live rent-free in his trailer. If Billy Bob left no instructions, I’d say it means he trusted his sister and the OP to use their best judgment.

I wouldn’t read too much into it, though. Most of us make these decisions in the hope we’ll live long enough to change our wills and make far younger relatives our heirs! Certainly someone who is not an alcoholic might hope to outlive a brother who has laid seige on his liver.

But the OP said that Billy Bob died after a long battle with cancer, so presumably, he knew his death was eminent and had some sort of discussion with his sister. It could be that his wishes were that Cletus not get anything because of the way he was living, but since he had enabled him himself for years, it doesn’t seem that out of the realm of possibilities that he expected his sister to use the money and land to continuing taking care of Cletus as he had. If the situation is the former, I think the sister should do what she likes with the money. If its the later, I think she should sell the land and put the money into an account to be used to pay for Cletus’ inevitable future medical needs. (either in the form of rehab or hospice…or possibly legal.) It would have been unreasonable for Billy Bob to expect his sister to be responsible for enabling her brother the way he had.