A tacit admission of what? If you’re implying an admission of abusing NFP then you are EXTREMELY out of line. How in the world could you make a judgement like that out of only two facts: they married young, and had two children. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here and hoping that is not what you meant.
She didn’t say you couldn’t.
I keep reading your posts about “Catholic girls”, I’m hoping this alludes to your own dating experience and not to a belief that women have more of a “desparation complex” than men?
Right now I’d like you to imagine yourself standing in front of the Blessed Virgin and Jesus, saying this to them. What do you think they would’ve thought of that blanket statement?
You can copy this post to yourself when people again start “misreading” you as you so like to claim.
I said exactly this. I know many committed, lay single people who serve God and give of themselves in a variety of ways.
I’m not denying that this can be a problem, I’m just saying that given the statistics on marriage in the US–and even marriage in the Church in the US–this isn’t really the problem. The problem is that many, many people, Catholics included, are simply waiting much too long to ‘settle down,’ grow up and get married. They are shacking up for long periods of time, gallivanting around with multiple sexual partners, dating with no clear idea of the end of marriage in mind…we don’t need to be advising many of these people to keep on waiting. Instead, we need to catechize them well, help them to mature in their faith, and explain the true dignity of the vocation of marriage in the hopes that they will turn their hearts and lives towards it. Your point about needing to dedicate ourselves to God *in patience *is well-taken; you simply have no evidence to judge whether or not *I personally *have done so.
Um, I don’t usually go to Dr. Laura for advice…but I understand where you are going with this. Like I said, your point is well taken, but you are not really in the position to judge others’ processes of discernment, unless you are the priest counseling a couple preparing for marriage.
My friends are mostly in their early 20s–not really the point of desperation just yet. Those who are marrying realize the challenges ahead of them, and they are certainly not leaping into the adventure of marriage without adequate foresight.
Not true. I have known teenagers who are “desperate”. Desperation is really not an age-specific thing.
Statement #1: Actually, I have never dated.
A tacit admission of what? I gather you are referring to ABC, in which case you would, again, be wrong.
But do most of them consider single life something undesirable to them, and a state they would not want to spend much time in because they think it is a life of loneliness and sorrow?
Again, no problem with any of your actual beliefs, just some of your opinions (and quick, and maybe unfounded, conclusions).
It’s possible, but why have to put the “most of them” on there? Why not just say, “some do think like this”, that way you’re not “read” to be assuming things of others.
This is something I had to do, and my marriage did not come until after. But here, you’re talking about a truth we all know to be true, and not judging “most of” the people out there who succumb to the human weakness of it. Yet you’re still upholding, publicly, the truth. See, it can be done.
Add a “and I might have too at one time”, which I think you said you had, and you would take most of the “bite” out of this. “I did it too, we all do in one way or another, but the good news is it can be overcome.” Include some encouragement along with the criticism, and it will become constructive!
.Her opinions on things are right on the money (I believe).
For someone so completely unversed in dating, you do toss out an inordinate amount of advice on the subject.
Don’t give the Lord a bad rap for making you “a very blunt man;” I think you can take credit for that all by yourself.
WOW! This was a really impressive post by you! I agree with it all, actually.It’s possible, but why have to put the “most of them” on there? Why not just say, “some do think like this”, that way you’re not “read” to be assuming things of others.
This is something I had to do, and my marriage did not come until after. But here, you’re talking about a truth we all know to be true, and not judging “most of” the people out there who succumb to the human weakness of it. Yet you’re still upholding, publicly, the truth. See, it can be done.
Add a “and I might have too at one time”, which I think you said you had, and you would take most of the “bite” out of this. “I did it too, we all do in one way or another, but the good news is it can be overcome.” Include some encouragement along with the criticism, and it will become constructive!
And, at the same time, I give you permission to judge me for being condescending a slight bit patronizing
Statement #1: Actually, I know a lot of priests that have never dated and made great marriage counselors and “toss out an inordinate amount of advice on the subject” as well. Never having “dated” does not make you “unversed” in dating. How else can a teacher who has never been to Europe teach British history? You have to be careful that you do not make a statement just to diss me that will also end up dissing good priests when you sweep with your broad brush.
Some of them, yes. Is she Catholic, by the way?
You think?
I think it’s a combination of both. I tend to agree with her principles, but I think she turns far more people off of the truth with her demeanor than those that she reaches, therefore cancelling herself out, so to speak.
That’s up to you.
Not for him. YOU would get pretty sick of saying “ball” and “hi” ten thousand times though.
Isn’t there a saying along the lines of “we find most fault in the people that display our own shortcomings” or something?WOW! This was a really impressive post by you! I agree with it all, actually.
- Yes, I should use the term “some” rather than the term “most” much more often.
- Pointing out my own failures and keeping in mind my own sinfulness and imperfections is I think a good idea, keeps one’s pride in check, and puts a lot of things in perspective.
- I am a big believer in balancing criticism with praise. Yes, you are correct on this point.
- “Condescending” and “Patronizing” - I would be a hypocrite if I accused you of this.
May I ask - how do you think this applies to me? It is not a rhetorical question, I am actually curious.
No, but she thinks like one, and she’s pretty hard on Catholics who call in saying they don’t accept the Church’s teachings on ABC and thus refuse to live by it.
When you’re a priest or a marriage counselor I will take your pronouncements more seriously, perhaps.
I am well aware of the “Four Temperaments”, though I don’t regard Wikipedia as a reliable source for anything; I learned about them in psychology classes at my Jesuit university.
Michael - a tacit admission to what? Secondary infertility, the use of NFP for good reasons? What? I only have two living children - you know sometimes it is too painful for us moms especially to mention those we lost or the reasons we use NFP to avoid and quite frankly unless you are in one of those situations and need guidance specifically for that there is absolutely, positively no reason you need to know!
I have not heard nor seen that sentiment expressed among my friends who are soon marrying. I just haven’t. If you want to go and say that they probably feel that way and I just don’t know it, then I guess that’s your way of winning the argument.
Of course! A good Catholic young man or woman won’t leap into marriage before seriously considering the ‘alternatives’. Two of my friends were each dead set on entering the priesthood and the religious life…until they met one another and prayerfully discerned their vocation to marriage. They did so under the spiritual direction of holy priests and after much discernment. It’s just where their path has taken them, and it’s not at all your place to judge their discernment process.