Getting Over Husband's Sexual Past

[bluemistangel]

I thank you all for your words of wisdom. I am taking this all in, and yes, praying about it. I will be taking a break from the forum, simply because I am overwhelmed by all the advice and possible problem/solutions posted. I will try to get help, but I must speak with my husband first… I just need him to know that I’m at my wit’s end. And then I’ll ask him to help me find the best venue, direction… May you all be blessed for the time you’ve given me. May this thread also help other women (and men) who are going through the same.

 

[Della]

I thank you all for your words of wisdom. I am taking this all in, and yes, praying about it. I will be taking a break from the forum, simply because I am overwhelmed by all the advice and possible problem/solutions posted. I will try to get help, but I must speak with my husband first… I just need him to know that I’m at my wit’s end. And then I’ll ask him to help me find the best venue, direction… May you all be blessed for the time you’ve given me. May this thread also help other women (and men) who are going through the same.

I think this is a wise decision. God bless you and your family. You have my prayers.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Good luck! I hope that the conversation goes well and that you find a way to make things better.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I am newly wed to a man I love very much. My husband has a child with his ex and is paying child support. She is a horrible person, and I am not being biased. I have been trying to look for the good in her, but she has made it very difficult. She has been very selfish and all she wants is child support. She even wants to deny him his rights as a father (she even almost got away not putting his name in the birth certificate), but still wants child support. Now, I knew about his past and he has asked me for forgiveness about this, admitted that it was a mistake and he stumbled, that I wasn’t in his life then. I thought I could handle it, but I just can’t shake it off.

We see her on a regular basis and she always dresses like a “slut” (pardon my language), always flaunting her huge breasts and all. Her past is checkered with men (around 12 men before my husband, one of whom was his friend!), and I hate that it was my husband that got her pregnant. When I see or think about her, I get troubled by thoughts of how my husband had sex with her. To make matters worse, I find that whenever I see his son, it brings back horrible images of my husband and her having sex and how he made her pregnant! I don’t know what to do, because we have been having trouble conceiving, and I am just consumed by jealousy.

I’ve openly discussed with him about how it hurts me to think of the way he made love to her and now he’s doing the same with me! It pains me to know but the truth is the truth I can’t change the past. Am I being stupid or selfish? I want nothing to do with her or keep thinking that my husband once slept with her, had sex with her, made a baby with her…nothing at all.

I don’t know what to do… I fight with my husband about this a lot, and he has been trying to make it up to me. But how? I hope and pray that I take the advice in your article. God help me.

First off your husbands sexual past such as it was isn’t really your business that between him and GOD. Jealousy seems to play a part here too. You need to let go of your jealousy and resent ment. The poor kid has nothing to do with his parents mistakes and projecting your jealousy on the kid is just selfish to the extreem. The fact that you husband took responsibility for his actions and wants to be part of the kids life is commendable and a testament to what a good man you have. His relationship with the kid isn’t about the mother he married you.

If she dresses slutty so what ignore it. If she’s disrepectful to you then tell her in a nonconfrontational way that you won’t tolerate disrespect but will walk away and come back when she can act more respectful or polite. I would let your husband deal with her. Be kind to the kid. Think of how you would like your kid to be treated by the stepmother. Do you really want to be thought of as the evil stepmother like in the stories. Kids know and pit up on it if you don’t like them and it will only cause you more problems down the road. Spare yourself that trouble. If you really love your husband turn over your worries to GOd and trust him and your husband. Jealousy is a very destructive, selfish and unproductive emotion that never ends well or brings happiness to anyone. Prayers.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

First off your husbands sexual past such as it was isn’t really your business that between him and GOD.

FWIW, I utterly disagree. One’s sexual past is an indicator (one of many) as to the character of a person. Just because someone runs to a confessional is not a reason to hide what many consider essential information in determining whether or not to marry someone.

 

[thewanderer]

FWIW, I utterly disagree. One’s sexual past is an indicator (one of many) as to the character of a person. Just because someone runs to a confessional is not a reason to hide what many consider essential information in determining whether or not to marry someone.

Well… thats not exactly how I would put it, because someone can fall and then change and become a better person. But ones past sins do have lasting temporal effects which can cause problems in the present, even after one has been to confession.